New Beginnings (A Nathan Gardner Story)
by Fictional Downey
Summary: Nathan Gardner (perfectly played by the wonderful Robert Downey Jr.) gets a fresh start at Western Summit High, as well as a new teacher to mentor. (Adult romance, not with a student.) Romance and sexual situations. Nathan Gardner/OC.
1. A New Beginning

_**Author's Note: If you are looking for a story where Nathan Gardner falls for a student, I'm sorry, but this isn't the story for you. For any stragglers that might still be willing to give this fic a chance, thank you and I hope you enjoy! Criticism is fine if it's constructive, flaming just for the sake of doing so isn't nice and makes me a sad panda. Yes, Nathan will have some of Mr. Downey's personality/interests, I know they are there. And sure, call out the word Mary-Sue if you wish, I'm doing this for fun! Also, I wanted to give Susan more time with her father, so I made she and Charlie juniors…**_

Nathan Gardner, former principal of Western Summit High School, sat behind the desk in his study. He took a deep breath as he watched the clock change from eleven fifty-nine P.M. to twelve o'clock A.M. Normally such a change in time didn't matter, but this was a special night. This was…a rebirth of sorts. Right now he was making a promise to both himself and his daughter, Susan, that things would change for the better and remain that way. He had made the promise before, but knew there was no going back to habits of the past. He had been given a second chance at Western Summit, regaining his position as a history teacher only weeks after he was fired.

Changes in the staff at the high school were nothing unusual; with the sort of student body that roamed the halls, keeping one's sanity proved a challenge to most. Though Nathan may have "failed" as their principal, he never felt that way as their teacher. Luckily for him, Kenneth Shumaker did. Mister Shumaker didn't even give notice before the weekend. Instead, he walked into Joe Hawkins', Nathan's replacement, office and threw his room keys onto the principal's desk. It has been rumored that he fled to his sister's place in Oregon. Regardless of where he wound up, this left a vacancy in the history department, thus granting Nathan a second chance at what he truly wanted to do.

Joe called Nathan that very afternoon, explaining the situation. If all went well for the remainder of the school year, his position would be permanent. Nathan thanked his old friend and began to get his life back into order. He forced himself to go back for help with his drinking problem and properly disposed of his firearm…as well as all of his boating memorabilia. He even showed good faith by inviting his daughter's boyfriend, the infamous Charlie Bartlett, and his mother to spend a few evenings with them. Yes, things in the Gardner house were changing for the better.

Nathan rubbed at his temples. "No going back now," he said to himself. He took a deep breath and looked out of the window behind him. Susan was at a party and would not be back until one – still her standard curfew. He watched a light rain fall for a few minutes before turning off the light and making his way to his bedroom. "Strength," he whispered.

That Monday, the history teacher was back on campus. Nathan pulled into the school parking lot and stared at the brick building. He shook his head. "Not one of them is going to take me seriously." He was, of course, referring to his soon to be students. True, they didn't care for him as principal at all, but now Joe Hawkins had inherited that disdain. When Nathan was a teacher, he had respect and was even well liked. In fact, a lot of his students turned on him simply from feeling abandoned. He took a deep breath, opened his car door, and stepped out into the chilled air. He was no more than three steps from his car when he heard the unmistakable sound of wheels on concrete and felt someone push roughly into him, causing him to drop his briefcase.

"Seriously?" he said, assuming it was a student. "I haven't even made it inside yet…"

"Oh, God," a female voice said. "I'm so sorry. Kid, skateboard, chain reaction…" she stammered.

Nathan turned to see a brunette woman with panic in her eyes and freshly spilled coffee dripping down her coat. "Are you alright? I didn't mean to yell, I just assumed…"

"I'm good," she said quickly. "Late though, I think…and now sort of…stained. Sorry again, really!" She jogged ahead of him a little, scanning for any other "wheeled students."

Nathan looked at his travel mug, coffee still contained inside. "Well, that could have been worse for me, I guess." He continued on his way inside the building.

Once inside, Nathan was met with some questioning glances from the student body, but nothing too overall unwelcoming. It _had_ been a couple of weeks since everything occurred and Joe Hawkins proved to be a less lenient principal. Nathan signed in at the office, received a few pleasantries from the staff, then made his way to his classroom. When he opened the door he immediately saw a box on his desk, a bright yellow ribbon wrapped around it. There was also a small envelope, which he opened. He smiled a little as he read the words, "Welcome back, Mr. Gardner. Sincerely, Charlie." He opened the box to find a new nameplate that read: "Mr. Gardner - History" in bold block lettering.

"Welcome back, Dad." Susan stood in the doorway, a smile on her always crimson lips.

"Let's hope everyone feels that way," Nathan replied.

"You'll be fine," she said surely. "See you seventh period." She waved and disappeared into the rough sea of teenagers.

Nathan looked around the room, instantly feeling more like a previous, happier version of himself. "Yeah…I will."

Meanwhile…

As the woman from the parking lot had passed through the front doors of the school, her mind flashed to the cliques and hormones she would be immersed in, the situations she would have to deal with, and the mountains of work that would quickly pile up. She had skillfully avoided being pushed into a door, wall, or locker by the bustling student body and made her way to the main office. She passed some of the popular pretty girls she had always envied, a few jocks who she never thought much of, and a group of the average kids – her group. Her heart rate increased as she opened the door and went inside, so much so that she actually felt a little faint.

"Can I help you?" a plump secretary asked, looking up from her desk, but not yet thinking about getting up.

"I'm here for Mrs. Leving's classes," she said, smiling nervously. "It's my first day. I'm supposed to see Mr. Hawkins."

Deciding that getting up wasn't necessary, the secretary replied, "Go on back, hun. First door on your right."

"Just…go back?" she asked, unsure it was the best idea.

She smiled, very obviously not moving from her place. "Sure, he's in there."

"Thank you," she said, feeling a bit strange about walking into someone's office unannounced. She made her way back to the proper place and found the door to be slightly closed over. She knocked, wincing.

"Yes?" a tired voice answered.

"Mr. Hawkins?" She felt a little embarrassed.

The door opened fully and a tall, tired looking man came into view. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"Hi," she said smiling. It was then obvious that he hadn't a clue as to who she was. "I'm here for Mrs. Leving's classes." He looked at her, waiting for her to say more. "Sydney Turner. We met a couple of weeks ago." The man looked stumped. "Long term English sub…for the remainder of the year."

Alarm was evident in the man's eyes, but he played it off. "Oh, of course," he thought for a moment. "I'm sorry, bit of a hectic morning." He looked at her coat. "You as well it would seem."

"Oh, uh, yeah."

He shuffled through a few papers on his desk. "Right then. I have a mentor for you, he'll help to get you through all of the 'technical' things and he's just across the hall from your room. Nathan Gardner. Go ahead and see him as soon as you leave here. Good friend of mine, excellent teacher. He'll be more than happy to answer any questions you might have and my door is usually open…except for when it closed. Physically I mean, but I do put a sign up then…" He realized how foolish he sounded. He exhaled rather loudly. "Sorry, like I said, rough morning."

"It's alright. So, I just go up to the room then?"

"Yes. Mrs. Stahl will give you your room keys on your way out. Have a good first day."

"Thank you, sir," Sydney replied; she had the feeling that something wasn't right. As soon as she turned the corner, Joe picked up his phone. He frantically dialed Nathan's extension.

"Yes, Boss?" Nathan answered a little sarcastically, seeing Joe's extension come up on the phone base's small screen.

"Nathan, I need a favor," Joe said, urgency in his voice.

"I've been here ten minutes, isn't it a bit soon for that?"

"Nathan, I completely forgot to get things in order for Fran's sub. You're right across the hall from her room and…"

"You can't be serious," Nathan replied, almost laughing. "You forgot?" Had he not known Joe for the better part of his career, his tone would have been drastically different. "What good am I gonna do someone? I'm on probation myself."

"Bullshit, Nathan," Joe said. "You taught here for ten years before becoming principal, and two before that at…"

"Okay, so I know what I'm doing but…"

"Come on, Nathan, I'd have done it for you." Joe was all but begging. "I told her I had things set up for her and that you're a good guy to learn from. Plus, it'll get you some points with the Super – and let's face it, you need them to stay in this district."

Nathan sighed. "Fine, I'll do it…damn, I can't even say that you owe me considering you lobbied for me to be back here."

Joe sounded relieved. "Thank you, Nathan. I already sent her up to your room."

"I can see that," Nathan said, looking up from his desk. The woman he'd glanced at in the parking lot was in the doorway, her face reddened with humiliation. "Talk to you later." Nathan hung up the phone wondering just how much she had heard.

"You weren't supposed to be my mentor, were you?" she asked, knowing the answer.

"Guess you heard all that?"

Sydney nodded. "Mr. Hawkins sent me straight here. I'm sorry." She felt like she was going to cry. She'd already been doused in coffee, which was still quite the sight on her coat, and the principal had completely forgotten about her.

Nathan got up from his desk and made his way to her, extending his hand. "Nathan," he said. "No need to be sorry, it's not your fault, Ms…"

"Miss," she interrupted. "Ms. makes me feel a bit dowdy, but, um, Sydney's fine, really."

Nathan smiled. "You're upfront. That's a good thing here – make sure you're the same way with the kids. Anyway, please don't think I'm being rude, but I can't do much to help you this morning."

"Oh, right," she said, nausea welling up inside her. "You weren't exactly expecting anyone and…"

"I just have to get a few things together for you, that's all. You need access to the school's network to do attendance and grades and um…" He rummaged around the desk. "…ah, here's a bell schedule. Did you meet with Fran before?"

"Yes, a couple of weeks ago. I have lesson plans for this and next week to get me started."

"Good, okay." He stood next to her, schedule in front of them both. "So, these first four periods are forty-two minutes a piece, then lunch. Uh, after that, I'm pretty sure you have a class, a planning period, then…oh."

"Oh?"

Nathan remembered what Fran's seventh period was like, as some of them wound up in his office at one point or another. "Well, I should warn you about seventh period…"

"Crap," Sydney said, bluntly. Any time a teacher ever warned her about a class, there was good reason for it.

"Not all of them, just a couple, but…well, I'm sure you know where I'm headed."

She sighed. "I'll be happy when seventh period ends?"

"Pretty much." Nathan looked at Sydney, her warm, brown eyes worried. "You'll be fine and if anyone gives you a problem, I'll be right across the hall."

Sydney smiled. "You put that offer out there, remember that."

"I will." Nathan could tell that Sydney thought she was a burden. "We have planning periods at the same time, I'll have more of what you need then, okay?"

"Sure. Thank you, Mr…"

"Nathan," he said, cutting her off. "We're equals here."

"Thank you, Nathan."

"You're welcome, Sydney." She left the room and Nathan couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She'd clearly had a rough morning and with some of the students being how they were, things weren't bound to get easier…he hoped he was wrong. She looked old enough to have some experience behind her, but clearly never had a permanent position to call her own. He remembered when someone was assigned to mentor him in what felt like a lifetime ago…and he knew he had to do a better job than that.


	2. It can only get better, right?

**Chapter 2**

"**It can only get better, right?**

Nathan's first four periods went far better than expected. He had always been interested in what he taught and the students picked up on that, making listening to him far more pleasant. He only had to dodge a few spitballs in third period and he had an AP class to look forward to in the afternoon; the class that the more serious students were enrolled in.

When the bell signaling lunchtime rang, he exhaled and waited for the masses to pass his door before poking his head out. He knew he wasn't going anywhere near the teacher's lounge, as he hardly wanted anyone asking how he was, or whether it was "weird" being lower on the faculty ladder. Originally, he was going to stay in his room, but remembering his mentor he changed his mind. He grabbed his lunch out of his messenger bag and walked across the hall.

Knocking on the doorframe, he saw Sydney at her desk looking a little frazzled. "How're you holding up?" he asked.

Sydney looked up at him, relief washing across her face. She stood up to be polite and Nathan took the opportunity to look at her without her stained, wool coat. She was wearing a black pencil skirt and pink cardigan with a string of pearls around her neck. Her brown hair down and slightly curled at the ends. Her makeup was modest and she realized she wasn't as young as he'd originally thought…late twenties, perhaps. "I'm not so sure I can do this," she said honestly. "As a day to day sub, something I have a little too much experience with, you can pretty much take anything, but…I'm actually afraid of not being able to give them what they need.

Nathan smiled. "Give it more than four classes, hm? They come off a lot tougher than they really are. Well, most of them anyway." He saw a lunch bag on her desk. "Teacher's lounge?"

"Uh, no, thank you," she replied, thinking he was asking her to go with him. "Not really all that comfortable there."

"I don't blame you."

"Even though I'm here the rest of the year, I'm 'the sub', you know? So the other teachers always talk just a little too low and… What?" She saw that Nathan was smiling again, a bit wider than before.

"Well, I may as well tell you before someone else does." She looked at him, puzzled. "I was the principal here until," he cleared his throat, "rather recently. I hated it, my family hated it, and the kids hated it. A few unforeseen incidents and I was fired, which is now actually okay with me. Another problem popped up and I'm back into my old position. Huh." He paused for a moment, cocking his head. "I just made myself sound like the best guy to help you out didn't I?"

Sydney had no idea what to say. "Um…well, I guess I don't have much to complain about now, do I?"

"Well, teachers are worse gossips than the kids most of the time. Today's my first day back." He saw her grow more concerned. He rested against the edge of one of the front row desks. "Look, I taught here for a good while before I stupidly moved into something I never wanted, I'll be able to help you out."

She sat back down, her stomach the slightest bit uneasy. "I didn't mean to somehow imply that you weren't…" She stopped before she said something that she knew could sound worse than she meant. A small, awkward silence and she followed up with, "Am I part of your…probation?"

Nathan laughed. "Yeah, I guess you are." He had expected some sort of offense from her, but instead she smiled. "Oh?" he asked, wanting to know what made her mood a little lighter.

"I'm not as alone here as I thought I'd be."

"Mind if I stay? We could go over a few things."

"Sure." She watched as Nathan pulled a spare chair to her desk and sat down. "Thank you for your help."

Nathan nodded. "Let's save the technical stuff for later, shall we? Passwords and 'rules' can wait a bit."

Confused, Sydney answered, "Okay. So, what do you want to go over?"

"Your nerves," Nathan said bluntly. "Some of these kids are literally like animals and can smell your fear. How bad was it, really?"

Her eyes brightened just a little. "Ninth and tenth grade this morning…and they didn't seem all that sad to see that Mrs. Levings was gone – although they weren't all that glad to see me either when I got right down to the work we had to start."

"And?"

"I just felt a little…under prepared." She hardly wanted to sound whiny and she quickly worked to reverse that. "I'm certified in secondary English. I student taught in these grades and poked in for a day here and there in the beginning of my far too long subbing career, but…I found my comfort zone, you know? I guess I sort of forgot where I wanted to be and now…" She looked Nathan in the eye. "I didn't realize things could change so much in..." She stopped, embarrassed.

"Hard to get in somewhere now?" Nathan asked, understanding.

"Yeah. If someone would have told me what I was getting myself into way back in college…" She laughed at herself. "Wow, I talk a _lot_ and nothing remotely good has come out of me. Sorry."

"I like the fact that you aren't sugar coating anything." Nathan took a bite of his sandwich. "As for the 'changes' you think you're seeing, it's more the district than the world, I promise you that. You've never really done much in a school with the, uh, charms of this one, have you?"

"That obvious?"

"We'll get you through the trenches here and you'll be better for it." He hesitated a moment, then added, "It'll be fine here after a few days. You'll love the kids in your AP class after lunch. They want to be here, they want to learn, and they want the good grades for college. After a little while, the tough ones won't seem so tough, and if they are, you'll learn to point to the door and they know where to go. On the bright side, it's only a three day week."

They ate in silence for a minute or so before he spoke again, mentally kicking himself as he did so. "I don't mean any offense, you look just fine, but I think you may be a little, uh, overdressed."

"The pearls don't make any sense at all here, do they?" she asked, laughing.

"Guessing I didn't offend you, then?"

She laughed a little harder. "Not at all." She sighed, rolling her eyes. "Remember the nineties and the lovely little sitcom 'Will and Grace?'" Nathan nodded, confused. "Okay, well in my life, I'm Grace and my best friend in the world is…very much, 'Jack.' I love him to death and have known him since we were toddlers, but he's almost stereotypical in his flamboyance at times and insisted on picking out my first day outfit. I knew it was overkill for this dis…" She cringed.

"You're not offending me, either, believe me."

"I think I might have offended a student or two though. I don't want them to think _I_ think I'm better than any of them or…"

"We have both extremes here. I've found it best to try and meet this place in the middle."

Sydney took a sip of her water. "I'll make that note for tomorrow."

"Ah, so you'll be coming back then?"

Sydney only smiled in response and the bell rang. Lunch had ended and the rest of the day was ahead of them both.

Nathan was right on one count, Sydney instantly fell in love with her AP class. They were bright, polite, and ready to work with her. While taking role she noticed one student's last name matching up with her mentor's, but decided not to ask if there was a relation. She wouldn't have to either. As she made her way to the restroom, she saw the girl, Susan, call Nathan "Dad."

When she got back to her room Nathan was there, several papers in hand. He gave her all of the login information she needed, as well as the school rules and guidelines, phone tree information for the staff, and a few other odds and ends he'd requested for her. He stayed for a while asking her about the last class and was happy to see Sydney more at ease and hear some brighter comments than before. She continually apologized for her downbeat attitude at lunch and swore that she'd make a better impression the following day. He assured her that she had nothing to worry about.

He stood outside her door, just out of sight, as classes changed for seventh period. He pulled several students aside before they went in, making it very clear that they were not to give their new teacher any trouble and that he'd be keeping his door open to keep them in check. They were rather loud in class, but no real trouble erupted.

By the time Nathan got home late that afternoon, Susan was already there. Rather than being holed up in her bedroom, she was sitting at the kitchen table, her trigonometry book in front of her. "You made it," she said happily. She then got up, went to her father, and hugged him. Nathan hugged her back, thankful. There had been times when she couldn't even look at him, let alone hug him.

"I did," he said, feeling strangely proud of himself. "And your day was?"

"School, Dad. Got a new teacher though, two actually." She winked at him.

"Well, I know you just _loved_ history class, but how about English?"

"It was pretty cool, actually. That might wear off after a few days, but today was good. Miss Turner said she really wants to see what Mrs. Levings put into us so far, so we have to come up with an essay or short story for next week. It's almost like artistic freedom for a change – we get to pick what we write about, no prompts."

"But she was alright?"

"Uh, yeah. Why?"

"Principal Hawkins decided that I was going to be her keeper," he said, grabbing a glass from the cupboard.

"Ah, I get the probing now. You're on probation like Mrs. Anderson was after she had her little breakdown on the football field…" She shook her head, trying not to laugh at the memory. "What do _you_ think of her?"

Nathan's mind quickly went to her eyes, scared but warm, and how they conveyed far more than the nerves an uneasy first day had manifested in her. Realizing that he hadn't answered yet, he quickly said, "I think she'll do a good job with what she has to work with – your class excluded."

Susan rolled her eyes in jest. "Of course." She then smiled widely. "So, Chinese to celebrate your first day back?"

"Read my mind, Susie Q."

When Sydney walked through her front door she was greeted by Arlen, the best friend she had told Nathan about earlier. "A little something came for you today," he said, almost singing it.

Sydney's eyes began to water when she saw a vase filled with two-dozen roses, half red, half pink. She rushed over and plucked out the card. In unmistakable handwriting, it read:

To what I am sure was a wonderful first day. I love you. ~John

Sydney had only been dating John since the start of the summer, but she was sure she had found the elusive "one" she had been looking for. After a few complicated romances, things just seemed to fall into place with him; things were easy for a change. The flip side of that coin was that John traveled for work. He too was in education, but he went city to city doing presentations on maritime figures…or as Arlen would say, "He plays pirates with the kids." After a wonderful few months he left for Chicago, not able to stay a few days longer and wish her well on her first day in person.

Arlen smiled, giddy. "I told you not to worry about him, honey. In a few weeks you'll be meeting him at that romantic little place you two picked out and you'll be frisky little love monkeys again."

Sydney sighed. "A few weeks is a long time in lonely woman days, Arlen."

"You can't be lonely when you have me…"

"And me!" Another voice came from the hallway. "You like the flowers?" A young man stepped into the living room.

"That depends," Sydney answered. "Did John really pick them out or did your uncle?"

"John, one hundred percent." He neglected to mention and he and Arlen were there to help, as John picked the arrangement a week in advance.

Adding to the slight complexities in Sydney's life was the fact that Arlen's nephew was currently living with them. It wasn't that anything bad had come of it; there were just added bits of drama and tension from time to time as there is with any young man. Jess was attending a local college and was dating a young woman, a neighbor that Sydney had known for years. From time to time the house got a little…hectic.

"So," Jess began, plopping down on the couch, "how was your first day of school?" He asked in the most obnoxiously sweet voice he could muster.

Sydney sat as well and gave them the highlights of her day: spilled coffee, a principal that forgot about her, and a history teacher assigned to her as probation. Both men were slightly slack jawed.

"Um…" Arlen searched for any encouraging words he could think of. "…it can only get better, right?"

Sydney sighed and leaned her head against the back of the couch, her eyes closed. "I'm not making any bets."


	3. A Bad Night and a Brawl

_Author's Note: I guess this is it for now until I know if anyone is interested…Any takers out there? Anyone?_

**Chapter 3**

"**A Bad Night and a Brawl"**

By the end of the short, three-day week Sydney was beginning to feel a little more relaxed in her classroom. She even decided to make her desk feel a little more personal. She placed a couple of framed pictures and a few little trinkets that made her smile around her desk blotter. Nathan had spent his last two lunch periods with her and this day was no different. He entered her room, his eyes a little more tired than they had been, his clothes a little more wrinkled, and his expression…nearing exasperation.

"Nathan, are you okay?" Sydney asked, concerned.

"Very long night followed by a very long day," he answered, his voice matching his appearance. He cleared his throat and did his best to perk up. "You, I see, are making yourself at home." He saw the changes on her desk.

Sydney smiled. "Well, they haven't scared me off yet, so I figured it might be safe…and it'll show them I'm not going anywhere."

"Excellent thinking." He couldn't help but to take a peek at the pictures. "Family?"

"Yes and no." Nathan raised an eyebrow. "This one is Arlen," she said, pointing to a picture of her best friend hugging her, both of their smiles bright. "Not blood, but may as well be and I'm pretty sure I'd be a little lost without him." Nathan smiled now, his face a little brighter. "This one," she said referring to the other photo and blushing, "is my boyfriend, John." _I should not be saying boyfriend like that at my age._

"Ah." Nathan pulled up his usual chair and took out his lunch. "Been together long?" He quickly added, "Oh, you don't have to answer that, just, ah, making conversation that's not school related."

"It's fine," Sydney said, her smile growing. "Only a few months. I met him right around the end of May while on a field trip with fifth graders." She told Nathan about the sort of work he did, how he had just left for Chicago a few days ago…and then realized how long she'd been talking. "Wow, that's a whole lot of 'me time.' I am so sorry." She cleared her throat. "How about you? I know your daughter is in my class," she tried to steal a glance at his ring finger, but he noticed.

"Divorced…baggage. Not exactly a story that lights up the room the way yours did."

Embarrassed, Sydney threw her various wrappers in the trash. "I'm so sorry."

Nathan shook his head. "You already said that _and_ you shouldn't be. It's nice to know that love isn't dead." He got up and threw his trash away as well. "That sounded bitter…like I said, bad night, bad day."

"I've had my share of those, I promise."

"Maybe," he mumbled.

Feeling guilty for…well, she wasn't sure quite what exactly, she spoke before she thought. "My ex-fiancé left me for my best friend." She wished she could take the words back. _Why on earth would I say that to someone I've known for two and a half days?_

Nathan paused and turned very slowly on one heel. "You said Alren was your best friend."

"Uh huh."

"And Arlen's a guy."

Her face reddened. "Uh huh."

"A guy who…" Nathan's eyes went wide. "Okay, I'm guessing that _was_ a bad night."

"I told you I understood. Maybe I don't know the exact details, but I'm pretty sure I know low points."

"Did you tell me that to make me feel better?"

She sighed. "I have no idea why I told you that. Doesn't exactly paint me in the best light, now does it?"

"Sounds like you've bounced back well enough..." Nathan rubbed at his forehead. "…and that's a good thing." He smiled at her, but it was pained. Whatever happened the night before had certainly taken its toll. The bell rang and Nathan made his way toward the door.

Sydney found herself next to him, a hand on his shoulder. "Did we just get weird? I shouldn't have…"

"Not at all," Nathan interrupted. "Please don't think about it, it's me…I have some things and…better Monday, I promise." He left the room and Sydney didn't see him the rest of the day.

The following Monday Nathan was true to his word. His attitude had changed and he looked well rested. Any traces of "weirdness" between he and Sydney had vanished and the weeks went on. On the last day of school before Thanksgiving break, the bell for lunch rang and Sydney took a moment to stretch a little after the last student left her room. In her brief moment of solace, she heard the beginning of what would soon be fight in the hallway.

"You fucker!"

"Oh, crap," she said under her breath. In the ten seconds it took for her to get to the doorway, two boys were down on the ground pummeling one another. A small crowd soon gathered, egging them on. Sydney did her duty trying to get the other students to clear out while Nathan and Rick Swearingen, the boys' gym teacher, intervened, trying to pull the boys apart. In a blur of fists, Sydney heard Nathan grunt and a bit of red flew through the air. A moment later, the men pulled the boys apart. Rick looked up and laughed.

"Nice, Gardner." He then wrangled the boys to Principal Hawkins' office.

Sydney looked at Nathan, blood trailing from his nose down to his shirt. "Oh…" She covered her mouth with her hand. "You alright?"

Nathan sighed and looked down. "Well, the rest of the day should be…stellar. Nothing like bait for the kids."

"Come on," Sydney said, starting down the hallway.

"Where are we going?"

"Home Ec room."

Nathan followed her, happy that the halls were mostly empty now. They entered the room and Sydney turned on the lights.

"No reason to give them ammo, right?" she asked, smiling. "I owe you, after all."

"You do?"

"Mm hm. I know you've kept post before my seventh period classes since day one. Thank you." She was rooting around in the cabinets.

Nathan blushed slightly, embarrassed that he'd been "found out." "I know too many of them and what they're capable of. I didn't think it'd be fair if they were the ones to scare you off… What exactly are you looking for?"

"A few things to get the blood out of your shirt."

"No Tide stick?"

"Only if you have an hour to wash and dry it afterwards. Blood is…ah, here we go." Nathan watched as she threw a few things into a small cup and mixed them together. "Can I have your shirt, please?"

"Seriously?"

"Uh huh. Quickest way, I promise." Nathan unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off, feeling slightly awkward. He handed it to her while her back was still to him; she seemed to be fine-tuning whatever she'd mixed together. "Arlen taught me this trick. As long as you have the ingredients handy, it's a life saver…or at least a garment saver." She slathered what looked to be paste onto the blood soaked area of the shirt, then turned around…and had a hard time finding a word…any word.

"Everything okay?" Nathan asked.

Very slowly, Sydney answered with a "yes." Nathan stood before her looking slightly different than he did on a daily basis. He had on a white, fitted t-shirt that caught her a little off guard. Unfortunately, Nathan did not possess the same fashion sense that she was used to in men and she now realized that his attire ran a little…loose. He very clearly possessed a rather athletic physique that he kept well hidden. His biceps were especially striking. To try to avoid any more awkwardness, she turned her attention to his face and the blood drying there. "Are you sure you're all right?"

Nathan chuckled a little. "No permanent damage, I promise." He watched her as she ran a paper towel under the faucet, having an inkling of what might have caught her by surprise.

"No mirrors in here," Sydney said. "May I?" Nathan nodded and Sydney gently wiped the dried blood from his face. His nose had stopped bleeding almost immediately and nearly all of it had fallen on the shirt she was tending to. "There. Nobody would ever suspect…" She cleared her throat and her tone changed. "So, you know I have a boyfriend and you and I work together, so please don't take this the wrong way and file some HR suit against me, but why on earth hide…" She waved her hand around a little. "…this?"

Nathan smiled fully, his face aching. "Hide what, exactly?"

"You know what." After Nathan's "bad day" the two had grown close rather quickly, as far as colleagues go. Both of them disliking the teacher's lounge, they continued to lunch together daily in one room or the other, whether Sydney needed more "mentoring" or not. She had told him more about her slightly unconventional life, as well as her actual age, thirty-one. Nathan slowly divulged details about his messy divorce and how he was finally getting the relationship with his daughter that he had always wanted. Sydney had been more than relieved that her "mentor" was also turning out to be a friend.

Toying with her, he responded, sounding all too innocent. "I really have no idea what you're referring to."

Sydney exhaled, frustrated. "You're kinda buff…wow, lame. Sorry, it's just, the clothes don't match the frame."

"Buff, huh? So it's nineteen ninety…"

She laughed. "I caught my faux pas, thank you. Seriously though, why the frumpy get ups?"

"I'm frumpy now?" Sydney smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "I've been taking better care of myself lately, I guess. Martial arts classes. Go ahead and make fun of me."

"I think that's pretty amazing, actually." Her tone was serious.

"Right, a guy my age running around doing…"

Not wanting him to feel uncomfortable, Sydney chimed in with, "I can sword fight…sort of." Nathan looked puzzled. "Seriously…and I think that martial arts are a lot more practical than that."

"Where does one pick up sword fighting?"

"I literally have no idea. I told you about John's line of work…we were goofing around one day and I kind of picked it up." She laughed. "Your age…yes, because at forty-one…?"

Nathan shook his head. "So close," he laughed, winking at her.

"Forty-two!" she shouted, far too excited to know she was right. She'd been wondering for a while. He nodded rolling his eyes. "Uh, anyway…it's awesome and certainly beneficial." It was hard not to flirt just a _little_ at the moment, boyfriend or not. Nathan covered up the flattery he felt. She went back to his shirt and scraped off the now dried paste. "Perfection," she said, handing it back to him.

"I am…impressed," Nathan laughed. You couldn't tell that a thing had happened to him. "Some chemistry in there?"

She giggled – yes, giggled – feeling foolish as she did so. "I have no idea, I just follow the directions. There's a very good reason I teach English and not science." She tried to divert her eyes as he buttoned up. "The best part is that after this afternoon the kids are on break for a few days and will forget all about it."

"Thank you," Nathan said, genuinely meaning the words.

"You're welcome. Now, I could arrange for Arlen to take you to the mall and…"

"Get in line behind Susan," he laughed.


	4. There's nothing else you can do

By the end of the school day, nobody was even talking about the "scuffle" in the hallway anymore and by that night, Nathan was on his way to his martial arts class, which seemed far more than appropriate being that he hadn't blocked a fist from connecting with his face. At the same time, Sydney was primping for her reunion with John, something she had only mentioned to Nathan in passing, but the smile she bit back while telling him let him know just how excited she was.

On his way home from class, the rain was coming down so violently that Nathan could hardly see through his windshield. His wipers on their highest speed, he sighed and tried to will himself home faster. The storm hit just as he got off the highway. This caused him to be stuck in crawling traffic on the local streets.

He made a left onto Spring Street and a flash of red among the torrential rain caught his eye. As he came to a stop at the red light, he tried to focus on the person, a woman, walking down the sidewalk in this odd November monsoon.

"No, can't be," he said as a car behind him beeped impatiently – the light had changed. He went ahead, slowly, only to pull off the road as much as her could all but double-parking along side the row of parked cars. He rolled down his passenger side window. "Sydney?"

The woman didn't turn to look at him, but he wasn't sure if it was because she didn't hear him over the rain or because it simply wasn't her name. Certain that it was his coworker, he threw the car into park, turned on his four ways, reached around to the backseat to grab an umbrella, and got out of the car. He ran up behind her, calling her name again. Still no response. He put a hand on her shoulder and she stopped, but didn't turn around.

For a moment, he worried that he _was_ wrong and that he was stopping someone that he didn't know – someone who might think they were being attacked or… Finally the woman turned her head. He was right; it was, indeed, Sydney.

He raised his voice over the rain and held the umbrella so it covered them both, not that it was doing her much good now. "Syd, what the hell are you doing out here in this?" She didn't respond. "Are you okay? Did you breakdown somewhere or…" He then realized how she was dressed. What must have been a lovely red dress and pumps she'd never wear to school were now soaked and most likely unsalvageable. Then as a set of headlights came in the opposite direction, he saw her eyes…they were nearly as red as her dress. He suddenly remembered where she said she was going that night. He gently took her hand in his; it was freezing. "Let me take you home, okay?" She didn't respond verbally, but she also didn't resist as he guided her to his car and opened the door for her. When she sat down on the front seat, her dress made a slight squishing sound.

Nathan got in on his side and the silence between them was heavy. "Sydney, I…" She cut him off by mumbling her address. He nodded and pulled back into the street. As he drove, he took off his coat, struggling with it a little. He passed it to Sydney and she took it, gratefully, as she was shivering. They rode in silence until they pulled up to her house.

Sydney finally looked at Nathan. "Thank you," she said, her voice shaking.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked, quite unsure of how to handle any of what was happening.

"No." She handed his jacket back to him and opened the car door. Nathan watched as she approached her front door, wanting to make sure she got inside before he left. He saw her dig through the small clutch she was carrying and then fall to her knees. Without hesitation, he killed the engine and ran out into the rain. He could hear her sobs before he was on the porch.

He didn't think, only acted, as he went on his knees and wrapped his arms around her. He wanted to say something, but his mind was blank. He rubbed her back as she cried. He could tell she was trying to pull herself together, but her body simply wasn't having it.

Finally two words forced their way out. "No keys."

Trying to lighten things, Nathan asked, "Want me to break a window?" He felt her relax just a tad.

She shook her head. "Alarm."

"Can I call someone for you?"

"Arlen mustn't have his phone," she answered, her breath catching. "I…I tried to call him before I…" She looked up at Nathan, his eyes hard to see in the dim light. "He left me."

Nathan closed his eyes and continued to hold her, his heart breaking. They'd only known one another for a couple of months, but he knew whatever happened wasn't anything she deserved. He also knew that now wasn't the time to ask her any questions. He had started to lean down to kiss the top of her head when headlights shone on them both. A man got out of the car and jogged up onto the porch.

Arlen, who was only planning a brief stop at home to grab his forgotten cell phone, approached Sydney and Nathan, confusion covering his face. He couldn't think of an appropriate question and cursed himself internally when the first words from his lips were, "What the hell?"

Nathan's only response: "She forgot her keys."

Arlen unlocked, then opened, the door and disarmed the alarm. Sydney rose from her place and went inside. Nathan stood just outside of the doorway. He watched as she made her way toward the steps. She started to go up them but stopped and looked at him.

"Could we not talk about this at school?" she asked.

"Of course," Nathan answered. He turned to leave, but Arlen dashed out onto the porch, closing the door over behind him.

"I'm Arlen. Who are you and what is going on?"

"I'm Nathan Gardner. I…"

"From school?" Arlen interrupted.

"Yeah. Look, I don't know exactly how she ended up where she did, but I picked her up on Spring Street. She was walking in the rain, soaked and…"

Arlen sighed and worry took over his face. "Oh no…John…" He took Nathan's hand, catching the man by surprise. "Thank you, so much, for getting her home."

Nathan nodded. "No problem. I, um…"

"There's nothing else you can do," Arlen said, understanding that Nathan was feeling some sort of obligation due to the situation he was put in. "You already did the important part. You might wanna get home and dry out." He turned to go inside, but remembered his manners. "Happy Thanksgiving," he said, meekly. Arlen turned and made his way inside and Nathan went back to his car, his heart feeling heavy.

Arlen rushed upstairs and found Sydney collapsed on the bathroom floor, gasping for air between sobs. "Oh, God, honey," he cooed as he scooped her up into his arms, "what happened?"

Sydney's response was to point to her clutch. Arlen reached for it, still holding her, and dug inside. He found her phone and turned the screen on. The first thing he saw was a lengthy text:

_Syd – What we had was wonderful, but not meant to last. I got caught up in something that I knew I could never keep… I come and go and I am not meant to be in one place, or with one person. You're a magnificent woman and you'll find your love one day, I'm sure of it. ~John_

Not a single word was spoken as Arlen took a towel from the rack and dried her. Still no words as he helped her into her favorite pajamas, and there was only silence as they crawled into her bed. It wasn't until her head was on Arlen's warm chest that she whispered, "How long until it stops this time?"

Tears he refused to let her see falling from his eyes, he answered, "I don't know, honey, but…I love you so much."


	5. A Nun or a Whore?

Sydney had woken up from a dream that was far from her current reality. In it, she was with John and locked in a fiery kiss on her bed. She clung to the dream as long as she could, but her eyes opened and he was gone, malicious reality falling back into place. Her eyes were red, raw, and swollen. She knew John was nowhere near her and he didn't wish to be. She fumbled around a little to find her glasses, as she knew contacts were not going to be an option for days. She picked up her phone wanting to delete the text. She didn't read it as she altered her plan and e-mailed it to herself. It was meant to remind her that love was cruel…and she was through with it.

She all but stumbled down the stairs, her vision blurry, and Arlen heard her. He rushed to the staircase and steadied her. "Baby, if you want to stay in bed for the next week, I will totally support it." She shook her head. Arlen helped her to the kitchen and put her favorite flavor of coffee, Butter Toffee, into the Keurig machine. In a minute's time, she was sipping its sweetness, still without a word spoken.

Arlen was at a loss. At that moment, he swore that if John ever reared his head around them again, he'd rip it off. Here he was with his lifelong friend, the day before Thanksgiving, and thanks to John he knew she wouldn't to be thankful for much of anything. It was then that the home phone rang, which it rarely did.

Sydney listened to Arlen's end of the conversation without much interest.

"Hello?…Yes, hello." His voice sweetened slightly. "As well as can be expected, I suppose…No…I appreciate it very much. I'll tell her…Thank you…Good bye." He turned toward Sydney and smiled just slightly. "Nathan wanted to check up on you." Sydney didn't respond, apparently the ripples in her coffee were too distracting. "I'm so glad he found you last night, honey."

Finally, Sydney spoke. "Me too…I don't know where I was headed." She sighed. "Do I become a nun or a whore now, Arlen?" Under normal circumstances, the man would have laughed. "Neither need to be loved, but one still gets to feel something once in a while."

"Syd…I'm not going to downplay this and say everything's going to be okay, but I refuse to let you…"

"Please, don't." Her voice was emotionless. "I'm done, Arlen. Finished. David broke me, John destroyed…I'm done. No wedding, no babies, no…anything." She didn't care that she sounded like an overdramatic teenager.

"Honey, you only knew John for…"

"Doesn't matter, he was the one, Arlen. You know that as well as I. We had something that was so…oddly wonderful…he was looking at engagement rings, he…" The look in Arlen's eyes told her she was right. "Love…isn't worth the pain. Not anymore." She finished her coffee and retreated upstairs, bed didn't seem like such a bad idea after all.

Nathan sat in his living room, staring at nothing in particular. The television was on, though he wasn't paying any attention to it. He sipped at his coffee and looked down at his cell phone. He dialed Sydney's home number rather than calling her cell because he knew it was Arlen he would need to talk to; though it wasn't exactly enough. He didn't have many people in his life that he cared to call "friend" and when one was in trouble or hurting, he wanted to help.

"Dad?" Susan's voice sounded distant despite the fact that she had just plopped down next to him. "Hello?" She tapped him on the shoulder.

"Oh, hey…sorry, honey."

"You didn't have another…night, did you?" his daughter asked softly.

"No, Susie Q."

"Oh, good." She changed positions so that her legs were underneath her. "You didn't say anything when you came home last night so I wasn't sure."

"Tired, that's all. I helped out, um, someone who needed it. They were caught out in the storm and by the time I got home…" He trailed off, but he didn't need to say anything else.

Susan smiled and rested her head on her father's shoulder. "Good for you. So…you're still okay with going to Charlie's tomorrow, right? I know it won't be the same as the turkey sandwiches we did last year, but…"

"Looking forward to it, honey."


	6. You Lost Me

Thanksgiving passed in a blur. Nathan and Susan had a very enjoyable time with Charlie, his mother, and some extended members of the Bartlett family. Nathan had even been comfortable enough to sit at the piano and entertain them for a while – something he hadn't done in ages. He didn't know it, but he had made Susan's night by letting more of her "old father" shine through.

Sydney held herself together in front of Arlen and David. She had never had any ill feelings toward David after he broke off their engagement. He was who he was and she was grateful he figured it out before they walked down the aisle. Granted, it was only a week before the wedding, but it was still somehow okay with her. She was actually the one who nudged him toward Arlen; she just somehow knew they'd work. Two years later and all was still very well. They entertained a house full of people and she smiled at each and every one of them…the nights alone in bed were a little different, but she kept it to herself not wanting to bring anyone else down with her.

When Tuesday morning rolled around, Sydney was glad for the distraction of school, while Nathan was a little upset that a wonderful few days with his daughter had ended. The school began to fill when Nathan finally decided to walk across the hall. He softly knocked on the doorframe, as he always did, and walked into Sydney's room. He promised her he wouldn't ask about "that night" and he meant to keep his word.

"Morning," he said, trying to decide whether to smile or not.

Sydney looked up from her desk and a small, friendly smile crossed her lips. "Good morning, Nathan."

He didn't even want to ask how her time off was; it would probably be a sore spot as well. "Busy day today?"

She got up, walking to the shelves on the far side of the room. "Nothing too crazy. I don't think much is retained after six days off, do you?"

"Good point…I…"

Sydney interrupted him. "So, I was wondering if you could help me during our planning periods today."

Understanding that 'that night' wasn't going to be brought up at all, he leaned against her desk. Her back was toward him. "Sure, what's up?"

"I told you what Arlen does…"

"Yeah, he runs that place over on twelfth street."

Sydney turned and smiled fully, the act easing Nathan's mind. "He wants to try out a few different things there and one of them is to try and get the kids to come in. He wants, ugh, this sounds awful, but almost an open mic kind of night. He's very into self expression and everyone being accepted." She shook her head. "It might flop terribly, but I promised I'd help him out. He's tired of hosting the same boring mini recitals and receptions and…"

"How can I help?"

"Flyer duty?" she asked, hopeful.

"See you in a bit."

By Friday, the flyers had done their tricks. Arlen's venue, the very aptly named "Just Be" was standing room only. Arlen and David bustled around the large room tending to the guests, the wait staff made sure all drinks were full, and Sydney was put in charge of the stage. There was a huge list of people – all ages surprisingly – that were anxious to get on stage and "just be" themselves.

Everything was going well and everyone was so happy, even Sydney, but everyone has a breaking point. A young woman in her early twenties walked on stage, a nervous smile on her face. Her boyfriend sat at the piano, winked at her, and began to play. The woman bit her lower lip and her words floated out into the crowd.

"I am done, smoking gun. We've lost it all, the love is gone." Heartache and loss washed over Sydney instantly. "She has won, now it's no fun. We've lost it all, the love is gone." Sydney's eyes began to water. She hadn't told a soul, but she had found out that John hadn't broken up with her out of the blue; he had met up with an ex-girlfriend in Chicago. How did she know this? John accidentally texted her rather than Rachel. She didn't respond to his words, but he quickly wrote again with a simple, "Sorry, Syd." The song continued. "And we had magic, and this is tragic…you couldn't keep your hands to yourself…I feel like the world's been infected, and somehow you left me neglected. We've found our lives been changed…babe, you lost me."

Nathan walked in after the first two verses and spotted Sydney next to the stage right away. He watched her studying the younger singer and could see her fighting to keep her composure. By the time the song ended, Sydney placed her clipboard on the edge of the stage and retreated to the back hallway. Arlen had been watching her too and was going to go after her, until he watched Nathan disappear down the same corridor.

Nathan froze for a moment at the end of the hall. He saw Sydney on the floor, her skirt pooled around her. He took a few cautious steps then went to her. "Syd?" he said, softly.

Sydney looked up, embarrassed. "Nathan…oh, God, I forgot you said you'd…" She put hear head in her hands. "You must think I'm a basket case. I swear, it doesn't affect me at school and…"

He was sitting beside her now, his knees drawn to his chest. "I'm divorced because my wife cheated on me," he said matter-of-factly.

Sydney's eyes questioned his. "I didn't say anything about cheating." She avoided his eyes.

Nathan's head tilted a little. "You didn't' have to." He ran this hand through his hair. When he spoke again, his voice was soft. "I get where you are and I know it hurts like hell. I did as you asked and I didn't bring up what happened that night at all, but…I can imagine it's been terrible."

"It's like someone sliced open my chest and refuses to close the wound," she said sniffling and feeling ridiculous. "When I'm at school with the kids…I can ignore it…"

"Is that why all week long you've been there before I come in and stay long after I'm gone?" Sydney nodded. "I know you've got your friends and all, but sometimes…we don't…" He sighed. "Do you consider me a friend?" She nodded. "You can talk to me."

"I appreciate it, but you don't need my self indulgent issues on your shoulders, Nathan. I need to figure out how to pull myself together and…" It was only then she realized he was holding her hand. It was a gesture of friendship, one she hadn't realized she needed so badly. "Thank you." She wiped at her eyes and Nathan helped her up. He led her out of the hallway and back into the bustling crowd.

At the back of the room, Arlen smiled.

_***Christina Aguilera – You Lost Me***_


	7. Grease is Good For the Soul

"Oh…shit…" Sydney had just placed a red "F" on the last test she checked and it wasn't sitting well with her. It's not that she felt she did a bad job teaching the subject matter; it was just that she knew for a fact that the student who had failed had tried so hard. She had been tutoring him throughout the week and knew that not passing this test was going to hurt him.

Nathan appeared in her doorway, as he so often did. When he realized that she hadn't noticed him there, he asked, "Everything okay?"

"Hm?" She looked up. "Oh, uh…yeah…no?" She exhaled sharply, pushing the papers aside. "Michael failed. We tried all week and I know that he…" A noise akin to a growl escaped from her.

Nathan looked thoughtful. "It happens," his voice was kind. "It sucks," he added, bluntly, "but it happens. You can't say you didn't try, right?"

"Yeah, I guess not. I know how it sounds, but it just makes me feel like _I_ failed _him_."

Walking toward her, Nathan added, "You didn't." He sat on the corner of her desk. "So, listen, I think that you need to get out of here." Sydney raised an eyebrow. His expression changed. "That sounded bad considering what you just said, sorry. What I mean is, I know why you've been here so much and you shouldn't have to hide behind your desk."

Sydney got defensive. "I'm not hiding, I'm working." Nathan's eyes narrowed. "What?"

"Come on, Syd." She looked down at her desk calendar, covered in doodles. "Everyone deals with things differently and I think that doing something other than being here or home might…help." He tapped his finger on her calendar, making her look up. "I know a little place with the best burgers. What beats some comfort food, hm?"

"Are you going to sit there until I say yes?"

He smiled, the act making the skin around his eyes crinkle ever so slightly. "That's the plan."

She stood up, giving in. "Fine. Arlen and I put off grocery shopping any way." Within a few minutes she was in her car, following Nathan.

Once seated in the little, unassuming diner, Nathan got right down to business. "How are you, I mean really? Don't tell me 'fine' or 'okay', I told you on the other night what I'm here for."

She diverted her eyes and decided on the truth. "I dream about _him_ every night, so that sort of makes for shitty mornings and explains why I get into school early. My heart still aches and I'm generally miserable." She looked up at him and frowned "Is that honest and pathetic enough?"

Nathan looked surprised, but that looked soon turned into something similar to pity. "It's certainly a start." The waitress took their orders, then he continued. "It dulls," he said, taking off his glasses and placing them on the table.

"What does?"

"That ache…the hollowness." There was a slight trace of hurt in his voice. "I won't sit here and tell you how long it will take or that it will go away completely, that would just be a blatant lie, but it dulls…that I can promise." He took a sip of his water and Sydney noticed him chew on the straw for a moment.

"It was bad, wasn't it?" Sydney asked, referring to the ending of Nathan's marriage. "Left a lot out of the details before?"

"It's not so much that it ended, I think that was inevitable…I just think it was…" He looked down at the paper placemat in front of him. "I don't want to make you feel any worse. Ask me any other question and…really, anything else, nothing's off limits except for that part of my life – just for now. Like I said, I don't want to add to the existing melancholy we have going here, this was supposed to cheer you up."

"Anything?"

He nodded. "Yup."

Knowing that he had just touched upon a dark place in his mind, Sydney thought for a moment and asked, "Boxers or briefs?"

"You're kidding."

She smiled. "You said anything."

"And _that's_ what you came up with?" he laughed.

"You put me on the spot and, well, you're supposed to be cheering me up, right?" She batted her eyes in a ridiculous fashion.

Nathan shook his head, feeling better. "Uh…boxers. Now what the hell am I supposed to follow that up with?"

Sydney shrugged. "Hey, it was either that or 'cats or dogs' and since I've already seen half of your under things…"

Nathan smiled fully as their food was brought to them. He had been right, sometimes a little grease is good for the soul. They continued to talk about simple subjects like movies, books and music, and how they both chose the profession they were in. They ordered desert and neither of them found it odd when they reached across the table to sample one another's choices. For a couple of hours, Sydney was calm and relaxed. Neither realized how much time had passed until she glanced out the window and saw a clear night sky.

They paid their bills separately, at Sydney's insistence, then walked outside into a biting cold. Sydney had only parked a few spaces away from Nathan's car, but her walked her there nonetheless. Feeling a bit unsure of which kind of friendship they had, he hugged her. He relaxed when she reciprocated.

"Thank you," she said softly. "Sometimes it's good to know that..." she didn't finish.

"I know, believe me." He let her go and opened her car door for her after she unlocked it.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She drove away feeling better than she had in weeks.


	8. Mistletoe

The weeks passed and true to Nathan's word, the aching did dull. Sydney and Nathan had made the diner a weekly ritual and the ground rules were very simple: no talking about work. Their conversations stayed light for the most part, neither pressing about certain issues.

As Christmas approached, Nathan had all but begged Sydney to go to the district's Christmas party. He had to go, Joe had made that very clear. He needed to show his good side after all that had happened at the beginning at the school year. Nathan didn't want to face the masses alone and was grateful when Sydney finally broke down and agreed.

A banquet room was reserved at the Embassy Suites. Inside music was playing and faculty from all the schools in the district were laughing, carrying on, and having a good time. Sydney especially, though she couldn't really place why. She felt light, carefree, and…happy. When she spotted Nathan, who had arrived much later than expected, she ran up to him, her hands going to his shoulders.

"I'm so glad you talked me into coming here!" she giggled. "It's…not evil at all. People are even being nice."

"Why wouldn't they be?" he asked.

"'Cause I'm 'the sub' remember? I'm not really 'one of them.'" Her hands were still on him. "Where the hell have you been, anyway, hm? You ask me to come and support you and…you didn't even answer your phone."

Nathan was instantly apologetic, but thought Sydney was acting a bit strange. "I'm so sorry, there was an issue with Susan and her mother and my phone died. Are you feeling all right?"

"Fantastic!" She looked to her left and saw someone that she knew. "Oh! I totally went to high school with her!" She ran across the room and Nathan shrugged things off as best he could.

An hour passed. Nathan had been sucked into a horrible conversation about his downfall as principal of Western Summit High and he tried valiantly to squirm out of it since it started - Sydney proved to be his savior…sort of. She had strolled over to him, still giggling like one of his students. Nathan excused himself from the conversation.

"Syd, you're a bit flush, are you sure everything's okay?"

Sydney put her mouth to Nathan's ear. "I found mistletoe. I shouldn't be surprised, Christmas decorations and everything." She took Nathan's hand and started to weave him through the crowd. When she stopped, she looked up and Nathan swallowed. "See?"

"Uh…yeah. Very nice. They went with the real deal, not plastic. Thank you for showing me." He started to walk away, but Sydney grabbed his hand again.

"Hey, don't you know what you're supposed to do under these things?" Not wanting to hurt her feelings, he kissed her cheek then once again tried to leave. "Nathan?"

"Sydney, I'm not quite sure you're in the best state of mind right now."

"What, you think I'm crazy?" she asked playfully.

Nathan sighed. "No," he said, his voice gentle. "I think you're drunk."

"Huh? No way, it's a cash bar and they're overcharging for bottom shelf liquor." She moved closer to him. "Don't you wanna kiss me? It's just a tradition."

"Have you had the punch tonight?"

Sydney smiled. "Yeah, a lot of it, actually. I was waiting for you for over…wait, you didn't answer my question!"

Nathan took her hand this time and searched the crowd. He found who he was looking for right away. "Rick, where's the bottle?"

The boy's gym teacher answered, "Gardner, hey, how's the nose?"

"Really, I thought we were over that? Seriously, where's the booze?"

"Not the boss any more, Nate, live a little! Oh, wait. I forgot, you stopped _living_, didn't you?"

Nathan's mouth tightened. "You're inebriating your colleagues without their consent, just like you do every year…not everyone here knows your tricks and you know quite a few people here have their 'problems.'"

Rick laughed. "You'd know…"

Sydney waved. "Hi, Rick!" She was oblivious to their last exchange.

Rick laughed. "Well, she looks like she's having a good time, doesn't she?" He smiled, the act seeming slimy to Nathan, and slid an arm around Sydney's waist. "You're having a good time, aren't you little Miss English Teacher?"

"I am," Sydney answered, her ever present giggle still there.

"Could you, you know, not touch her like that? She's not exactly…"

"She's a grown woman, Nate, back off."

"He doesn't like mistletoe," Sydney said matter-of-factly.

"No? Well, that's a shame. I like mistletoe a lot."

"You know what, I changed my mind," Nathan said quickly. He took Sydney's hand, trying to gently pull her away. "I'd like to see it again."

"Ooh!" Sydney slipped out of Rick's hold and went with Nathan, though they didn't go toward the mistletoe, a fact she noticed right away. "Hey!"

"This is for your own good, Syd." He led her through the main doors to the parking lot. Snow was falling at a quick pace.

"Nathan, what are you doing?" Sydney whined.

"Saving you from possible humiliation."

The cold had started to clear Sydney's head, but not all the way. "Why wouldn't you kiss me?"

Nathan's eyes were thoughtful and kind. "Because when you wake up tomorrow morning, I don't want you to have any regrets." Sydney was silent. "Also, there's one vital piece of information that I haven't made you privy to, Syd." He walked her to his car and helped her get in. Once he was in the driver's seat, he looked over at her and saw that her eyes were most definitely sobering up a little.

"Am I going to be _privy_ now?"

Nathan was hesitant. "At the risk of my completely changing your opinion of me…yes." He started the car, but didn't put his hands on the steering wheel or gearshift. He took a deep breath and looked over at Sydney. "I'm an alcoholic," he confessed, shame in his voice. "Not actively, but…once one, always one."

Sydney cocked her head to the side. "Oh…" She didn't say anything for a minute or two and Nathan worried that he was about to lose a friend. "Your 'bad night' when…" She was stumbling over her words. "…when you were…" She took a shaky breath. "…God, I'm such an asshole…"

Nathan shifted in his seat. "Furthest thing from it, Syd. I should have been here, you couldn't have known and nobody ever tastes it."

"I'm a lightweight."

He smiled at her. "That night you were talking about, I didn't drink, but Christ I wanted to. It's been harder than I…" He took a deep breath. "…but Susan's what makes me stop every time I have the…" He looked away from her, ashamed.

Sydney reached over and took his hand, the act much different that it had been the rest of the night. "You thought that was going to change my opinion of you?"

"It doesn't? It doesn't make me seem…"

"Nathan, I've dealt with a lot worse than someone who likes to drink too much, believe me." She ran her thumb over his, comforting him. "Besides, you said yourself you're recovering, not active. That just means I won't be asking you out for a drink, which is a good thing since I don't seem to know when I've been drinking." Her face reddened, she was so angry with herself.

The man smiled, relieved. "Let's get you home, hm?"

"Good plan."

They didn't say much on the short ride home. Sydney continued to mentally kick herself for not realizing what was happening to her at the party. Then kicking herself even more due to Nathan's confession…and making a fool of herself with the whole mistletoe bit. In short, sobering up was not fun.

When they reached her house, Nathan insisted on walking her to the door. The snow was falling harder and he didn't want to risk her slipping in her high-heeled boots. They reached the front door and Sydney hugged him, thankful for his actions.

"Get some sleep, all right?" he said, still holding on to her.

"I'm sorry for…tonight."

Nathan brushed Sydney's hair behind her ear. "Don't be, I've done far worse in my time." _Nope, don't do it. Don't even think about it. It's just a weird night._

"Good to know," she said, smiling. "Thank you, Nathan. Good night."

"Night." He waited until she was safely behind the closed door before he turned to leave. "Damn it…"


	9. Christmas Eve

The next couple of days proved to be a little trying for Sydney. She had to explain to Arlen why she came home without her car, as well as who had gotten here there. When she mentioned Nathan's name, her best friend grinned ear to her and tried, unsuccessfully, to convince her that Nathan was very much "White Knight" material. Sydney laughed it off, letting him know that she and Nathan were simply friends who were looking out for one another. Arlen accepted her words and eventually dropped the subject.

Sydney didn't have to answer any more questions about Nathan due to Arlen – and everyone else she was close to – preparing for Christmas Eve. Arlen had decided against throwing a big Christmas Eve party at home like every other year; instead he had the brilliant idea to make Christmas Eve a special night at "Just Be" for those who didn't have anywhere else to go or family to be with. A gourmet buffet was prepared and a band was booked, but anyone who wanted to was more than welcome to perform as well – as long as their act was Christmas themed. The wait staff was not required to work, but almost everyone volunteered for the cause.

When the evening arrived, the line outside nearly wrapped around the building. "Arlen, you should be so proud," Sydney said sweetly. "You've given them all a place to," she rolled her eyes, knowing how corny she was going to sound, "…be."

The line was comprised of the mixture that always seemed to be inside the gracious doors of "Just Be." Young and old, all races…and tonight, all without a place where they felt they belonged - but they _did_ belong there. Tears fell from Arlen's eyes as he realized that he had accomplished something good and selfless this holiday. Sydney hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. She whispered a soft "Merry Christmas" into his ear and they went inside, opening the venue for all those who were waiting in the cold.

From the moment everyone was inside, the atmosphere was warm and inviting. The food was delicious, the eggnog creamy, and the band, as well as those who got onstage, were received with the utmost enthusiasm.

Jess and his girlfriend, Brynn, had kicked off the performances with a cute version of "Baby It's Cold Outside." (It had taken Arlen quite a bit of convincing to get his nephew to do so.) After a set from the band, a little boy and his mother, whose husband was overseas, took the stage. She played piano and he did his very best on his trumpet. Their rendition of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" was far from perfect, but received almost thunderous applause. There were many performers like that, simply anxious to share what they could.

A half an hour later, Sydney and a few of the wait staff got onstage; Sydney feeling slightly ridiculous that she let Arlen talk her into wearing a rather skimpy, very cliché Mrs. Claus getup. However, after she finished up "Santa Baby" in her best "Betty Boopish" voice, the laughter around her forced her to cast away her embarrassment and simply bask in all that Arlen had done that night.

Upon stepping off the stage, she saw David and Arlen, their fingers entwined down at their sides. She watched them for a moment, her heart only full of warmth for them. It had taken her a while to fully get over her former fiancé's choice in life, but seeing how happy they were together made her forget almost all of her past pain. It took a minute before Sydney realized that they were under a sprig of mistletoe – the blasted plant that caused her some embarrassment a few short days ago. She watched as Arlen smiled at David and blushed as she realized what was coming. As their faces drew closer for a chaste kiss, Sydney heard the soft, measured notes of the piano on stage filling the room. She didn't think much of it, at first, other than it being a beautiful, almost sad sound. …then a voice filled the room.

"It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees…They're putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace…Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on…"

Forcing her eyes from the most innocent kiss she'd ever seen David give, she turned around, more than curious to see just whose voice was coming from the speakers in the near silent room. Her eyes widened when she saw Nathan alone at the piano. For some reason, she was convinced she was hearing, as well as seeing things. Firstly, she couldn't understand why Nathan was there and secondly, she couldn't believe he was on stage. His voice was heartbreaking and she found herself unable to move as she listened to his words.

"She tried hard to help me, you know, she put me at ease…and she loved me so naughty, made me weak in the knees…Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on…" He looked up for a moment and saw Sydney staring at him. "I'm so hard to handle, I'm selfish and I'm sad. Now I've gone and lost the best baby that I ever had…I wish I had a river I could skate away on…"

She had no idea if he was simply singing a song or if there was more to it than that, but at the moment, it didn't matter. She was seeing a side of a friend that she had no clue was there…as were a few of his students sprinkled throughout the room…as was Arlen.

When he finished, he forced a smile at the applause and exited through the back of the stage, rather than using the stairs off the front of it. Snapping herself out of her bewilderment, Sydney made her way to the hallway he had to go through – still very much in the Mrs. Claus outfit Arlen had chosen for her.

Her heels clicking on the tile, she made her way toward Nathan whose back was facing her. She saw that his hands were near his face, but couldn't tell exactly what they were doing. "Nathan, that was beautiful."

The man turned, his red eyes a telltale sign of what his hands had been wiping away. As a fresh tear fell, he did his best to try and cover it up. "Uh, thank you."

Sydney frowned. "What's wrong?" She took his hand, which was nothing too unusual over the last week, but the act more meaningful than she could have known.

"It's a pathetic story," he replied, the tone in his voice breaking Sydney's heart. "Not warm Christmas cheer sort of stuff."

"We're on a two-way street, you know? You told me I could come to you and the same thing goes for…"

Nathan broke away from Sydney. "I shouldn't be here, I…"

Sydney took his hand back and began to walk; Nathan forced to follow her. "Come on." She led him into the back of the venue, to Arlen's office where they could speak privately. They sat on a plush couch and Nathan was a little uncomfortable with the entire situation.

"Look, I appreciate the concern and everything, really, but I'm fine, I promise."

Her eyes knowing, Sydney disagreed. "What brought you here tonight?" The question was simple enough, but strangely threatening to the man before her.

"Susan's at Charlie's and I was alone," Nathan answered, avoiding her eyes. "You had mentioned that Arlen was keeping the place open tonight, so I came."

"That's a wonderful version to tell your daughter, but how about the grownup truth, hm?"

Nathan sighed, too tired to argue with her. "My daughter _is_ at Charlie's tonight…she's spending Christmas Eve at a mansion where there's a huge party and not... It's fine, you know? They've been dating for a little while and he's a good enough kid when he wants to be, but I found myself alone and kind of fucking miserable." He exhaled in a sort of labored chuckle. "It was just me…so I started to feel slightly pathetic and drove to the liquor store, which was closed, then to the bar, which was not…" He saw the worried look on Sydney's face. "I ordered a scotch and stared at it for twenty minutes. I'm not even sure I blinked." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I brought the glass up to my lips, then I thought about you."

"You did?" Sydney's voice was just above a whisper.

"Yeah, about how you said 'Just Be' would be open tonight, yadda yadda, Christmas party, and before I knew it I was up at the piano."

"Oh…well, I'm glad you chose that over a drink and, really, the song was beautiful. I didn't know you played…or sang and…"

"I really did think about you," he interrupted. "You aren't the best at hiding things either." Sydney blushed, understanding that he picked up on her disappointment. "If circumstances were different, I wouldn't have had a second thought about…" He swallowed.

"About what?"

Nathan smiled, but there was sadness in the expression. "Making good on the mistletoe the other night. Thing is, I can't do it because you still have so much pain in your eyes." Nathan shifted his body so that he was completely facing Sydney. "I'd feel like I was either taking advantage of you or being the runner up and I'm honestly not sure which would be worse." Sydney looked away, but he placed the back of his hand on her cheek and made her turn back. "I couldn't have asked for a better person to share the hallway with and I think that there's a reason you wound up there. Maybe we're supposed to help each other through some things." He smiled. "You helped me from making a huge mistake tonight…"

"…and you helped the drunk sub leave a party full of coworkers." Sydney stood up and left the room, Nathan quickly following.

"Hey." She didn't turn. "Hey!" He grabbed her shoulder. She stopped, but didn't look anywhere other than the floor. "Why are you getting so weird on me?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I don't deal with rejection very well."

"What rejection?" He was genuinely confused.

"You're lonely, Nathan, I'm lonely…but I get the feeling that if I stripped in front of you right now and splayed my legs, nothing would happen here."

Without hesitation, he answered, "You're absolutely right. My pants wouldn't be very comfortable, but I certainly wouldn't just…What did he do to you?" He asked, referring to John. He wanted to touch her, to comfort her, but feared temptation. "I don't think that you're the sort of woman who just jumps into bed…" Nathan then really thought for a moment. "Do you even _like_ me that way?"

Sydney went crimson…no, a shade darker. She hadn't even thought of that. She was so concerned with being alone she hadn't realized just how she was acting and who she was acting that way towards. She was suddenly over aware of how she was dressed and she looked for something to cover up with. John certainly had broken something inside of her, as she was now fully conscious to the fact that she hadn't been acting right for a while.

"Oh, God…Nathan…I'm so sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me. I'm acting like a…"

Nathan put his hands on her bare arms and stopped her from fluttering about the hallway. "Shh…Syd, you're heartbroken and lonely and it doesn't help that it's Christmas." He brought her body closer to his and held her, breathing in her shampoo and understanding her far better than she could have known. "You didn't answer my question."

Sydney's mind raced. Nathan had watched out for her well being since she started at the high school and had lunched with her every day. He helped her home on her most vulnerable night and had never been anything more than a gentleman. He protected her at the Christmas party and… _He looked amazing in that t-shirt…his eyes crinkle in the sweetest way when he smiles…when his hair's out of place it's adorable and his voice just…Uh oh…no…no…no…_ "You're right, it's just all a bit much right now," she lied. "I'm really sorry and I need to get back…"

"Not letting you go that easily."

"You're not?"

"Hm mm." He smiled at her. "You avoided answering again."

"Uh…" There was no use in denying that something was certainly happening to her. "Maybe a little."

"Good enough for me." When his hands left her skin, her heart felt lighter. "Out of curiosity, is that outfit a rental?"

"No, Arlen made it."

"Very nice to know." He winked at her and that was that. Nathan left to rejoin the party and Sydney soon followed him, her mind a mess of confusion.

***Joni Mitchell – River (As performed by Robert Downey Jr.)***


	10. Glitchy

The rest of the break from school passed and Nathan found him back in the halls of Western Summit High just a little too soon. He hadn't seen Sydney before class started, and she got stuck filling in on someone else's lunch duty in the cafeteria, but he smiled when his phone rang at the beginning their planning period.

"Hey," he answered, "I was starting to think you weren't here today."

Sydney's voice was bright. "I'm very much here and _very_ much in need of help. Gotta sec?"

"Be right there." Nathan got up from his desk and went across the hall. When he reached her doorway, he heard her mumble a curse at her computer screen. "Uh…bad day?"

She sighed, defeated. "I'm either crazy or stupid – I much prefer crazy – but look at this. All I want to do is enter grades, but I swear the software is mocking me."

Nathan walked up behind her and looked down at her screen…and accidentally, down her sweater. His eyes couldn't help themselves. From a straight forward perspective, it was an innocent, caramel colored v-neck sweater with no intentions other then to be warm and fashionable, but from where he was standing, it was all but begging someone to look down and catch a glimpse of ample cleavage. He quickly looked back at the screen, ashamed of himself. He caught onto the problem right away.

"Well, I can promise you're not stupid," he said. "We didn't exactly get the best of the best when we got licenses for this program." Without thinking, he placed his hand on top of Sydney's and moved it, along with her mouse. He pressed down gently on her finger, causing the mouse to click and realign the box that contained the grades. "Glitchy." His voice was suddenly a bit hoarse. He cleared his throat and casually backed away.

"Then I guess between glitchy and crazy, glitchy can win." She smiled, happy that her problem was solved. "How was the rest of your time off?"

Nathan sat on the edge of her desk and looked at her over top of his glasses. He sucked air harshly between his teeth. "I am so sorry about Christmas Eve. I can't imagine what you…"

"Nathan, no," Sydney interrupted. "I'm happy that you showed up there rather than, well, you know, and I'm the one who should be apologizing. I went into some weird drama queen mode and…" She laughed nervously. "That whole 'splaying' comment couldn't have been more…" Her cheeks were flush. "I…" Tension was sucking the air out of the room.

Nathan diverted his eyes, trying to find anything that could make things feel normal. He spotted a piece of paper on her desk. "So, they conned you into chaperoning, huh?"

Sydney let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. "Yes!" She composed herself. "Ah, well, not really. I volunteered. A few of the girls in my sixth period class asked if I help and…I'm not used to mid January dances…"

"A few years ago the students voted on when they wanted the semi formal and they decided on January to be neutral…no overdone Christmas themes and no extra drama around Valentine's Day."

"Makes sense." Sydney toyed with a pen. "I'm helping out with some things after school this week and I want to be there for it next Friday, you know?"

"Much to Susan's disappointment, I _have_ to be there next Friday." Sydney shot him a questioning look and Nathan shrugged. "Gotta keep making good impressions."

"Oh, right…" She stood up and began to erase the chalkboard. Anything to alleviate some of the nervous energy she had coursing through her.

"Sydney?"

"Hm?" She didn't turn to look at him.

"Are we good? I mean, we're both being a little…"

All too quickly she turned. "We're fine, why wouldn't we be? We're two people that said some stuff and were feeling a little low for different reasons and we're friends and we're good…" She sighed. "The English teacher's grammar isn't the best right now, but we're good." As punctuation to her thoughts, the bell rang and her next class began to filter in. She smiled at him.

"Lunch tomorrow?"

"Of course."

After a few days, the tension between Nathan and Sydney had dissipated and they were back to "normal." The following week and it was like nothing was ever said. It was Thursday evening when Sydney didn't hear the doorbell at home…nothing unusual with music blaring in the kitchen – this was how she motivated herself to plow through the dishes in the sink. Arlen left the comfort of the couch and answered the door, surprised to see Nathan on the other side.

"Nathan?" Arlen asked, a polite smile on his face. They had gotten to know one another a little bit on Christmas Eve after the "conversation" had happened. "She's here, so she can't be in any new sort of trouble, right?" He winked. "Unless she did something bad at school today and…"

Nathan laughed, interrupting Arlen's musings, and held up her cell phone. "It was ringing on her desk."

"Aren't you a sweetheart? Come on in." Arlen stepped aside.

"Um, it's no biggie, I can just drop it off."

"Nonsense, you can give it to her yourself." Yes, Arlen was trying to, or at least hoping to, help his friend to _think_ about moving on with this man. "She's in the kitchen, go on back."

A little confused, Nathan walked inside and headed toward the back of the house. When he got to the threshold of the kitchen, he couldn't help but feel a tad invasive. Sydney had her back toward him and was loading the dishwasher. She was wearing black yoga pants and a gray shirt with neckline large enough to hang off of one shoulder exposing a bright pink bra strap. It wasn't her attire that made him feel as he did, as she _was_ fully dressed…no, it was what she was doing while she was loading the dishwasher. With the iPod dock blaring in the kitchen, she was singing and dancing as she did her chore.

"Say you're just a friend, I'm a little liar…when we play pretend body is on fire…" Aside from the Britney Spears song choice – Arlen had reloaded her iPod recently – it was the dancing that really got to Nathan. He wished he could have unseen what he saw, as he knew he would end up pulling it into a conversation somehow or using it as a mental pick me up. To try to cut down on any embarrassment to her, he backed out of the room without saying a word.

"Going already?" Arlen asked, covering his disappointment.

"Uh…you know, I really didn't want to interrupt her."

Arlen laughed. "Bad white girl dancing or slutty dancing?"

Nathan toyed with Sydney's phone. "Um…white girl." He smiled just a little too widely, trying his very best not to laugh. "I don't want her to know that I saw."

"Oh, it's no secret. She knows she doesn't have any rhythm unless she's dancing like she's in heat." Arlen blushed. "That wasn't exactly appropriate, huh?" Nathan sort of shrugged at his question. "Anyway, no worries, she's aware that she's dance challenged." He made a gesture with his hand that said, "Go on."

Nathan turned and made his way back to the kitchen. He paused for a moment when he heard the beginning chords of a different song. It was slower…sexy. He peeked in and saw that things had switched up a little in that room. Sydney's body moved in an almost feline manner as she was wiping down the counter. Her voice was low and as close to seductive as it could be in her current setting.

"After school, walking home…fresh dirt under my fingernails…and I can smell hot asphalt, cars screech to a halt to let me pass…and I cannot remember what life was like through photographs…trying to recreate images life gives us from our past…"

He felt almost guilty watching her and not saying anything, but he couldn't help himself. She was only cleaning the kitchen and this was…wrongly exhilarating. She seemed free from things that had been weighing on her for the last couple of months. _Cleaning the kitchen never does anything for me._

She had finished the counter and was washing her hands. "…but I cannot forget, refuse to regret, so glad I met you…" She grabbed a towel and dried them. "Take my breath away, make everyday worth all of the pain that I've gone through…" She put the towel down and spun around. Nathan began to panic, but saw that her eyes were closed. He continued to gaze at her, his face growing warm as she turned away from him again, her hips swaying in perfect time with the music.

The beat changed slightly, becoming more seductive. She began to move backwards, her hands going through her hair. "The rhythm of her conversation, the perfection of her creation…" She was getting closer to Nathan and he found himself frozen. "The sex she slipped into my coffee…" She was against him now, but assuming it was Arlen, she ground her backside against him. "The way she felt when she first saw me…" Her hands went behind her, presumably to her friend. "Hate to love and love to hate her…" It then registered that the height and body type weren't right and she stopped moving as Adam Levine continued to sing from the corner of the room. She turned and her mouth fell open.

"Uh…hey." It was all Nathan could muster. Sydney stood silent, her face turning crimson. He held up her phone. "You left this on your desk…" Still nothing. "If it makes you feel any better, this kicks your white girl dance in the ass."

"Oh, God…" They were the only words she could muster. _I'm gonna kill him!_ She saw Arlen standing just beyond the threshold, a guilty smile on his face. "Nathan, if we could never _ever_ speak of this again…"

Nathan forcefully sucked air between his teeth to emphasize himself. "Gee, I dunno," he teased, "it's kind of too good to forget about, isn't it?"

_You really are adorable when you smile like that, aren't you? Fuck! Life was so much easier a couple of weeks ago…. Wasn't it? _"I'm sorry for nearly molesting you in my kitchen," she finally blurted.

"No harm done," he replied, his laughter waning. "I promise, not a word about it." He held out her phone again and Sydney took it, her cheeks still flush. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah…" She walked him to the door. "Thank you for bringing this, you didn't have to."

"No? What if I had to call you due to a snow delay or something?" He winked at her.

"Oh, you're absolutely right then." She smiled fully. "Tomorrow morning then – and I'll be expecting snow." She watched him leave and found herself wishing that she had been put across the hall from an old woman smelling of mothballs and not him - it would have made life less…complicated.

She went upstairs to find the guilty party that let Nathan in the house to begin with and she heard his voice coming from Jess' room. "…and she just danced right up, um, on him, well sort of anyway."

"She's still too focused on John's leaving." Brynn's voice came now, her voice sad. "There's what seems to be a great guy right in front of her and…"

Sydney started to walk into the room, but her words made it there before she did. "And even if she does think she might be starting to like him, it doesn't mean the sentiment will be returned." Brynn's head was resting on Jess' shoulder, both sitting on the bed, and Arlen was leaning against the dresser.

"I don't have that worry at all," Arlen said firmly. "He's definitely interested, but I get the feeling he's a little out of practice in that area."

Sydney shook her head. "It doesn't matter, guys. My track record is poor and I'm pretty sure it's public information by now. Even _if_ – and I use that word loosely – he did for some reason," she shook her head, knowing she was talking as though she was still in junior high, "'like' me, we work together and we're both on our own kind of probation…it would never be a good idea in a hundred years."

Arlen smiled and looked as innocent as he could. "Good thing I'm not worried about a millennia passing."

Sydney groaned and went to her room, closing the door behind her. She found her thoughts becoming consumed by the history teacher…and wished more than anything in the world that she could think of something, or _anyone_ else. A couple of hours passed as she sat on her plush window seat watching the snowfall increase dramatically. The glow of her television reflected off of the glass, but she hardly noticed it.

It took her a moment to register that her phone was ringing, but she picked it up and couldn't help but smile despite herself when she saw Nathan's phone number.

"Hello?"

"Good thing I brought you your phone today," he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice.

"Oh yeah?"

"Just got the call, two hour delay already."

"Well, Mister Gardner, it _is_ a good thing that you stopped by then, isn't it."

"See you in the morning," he said, sweetly. "Just a little later."

Sydney hung up and ran her hands through her hair. "Stupid, stupid, stupid…"

***Seal it With A Kiss – Britney Spears; Seven Miles From the Sun – Maroon 5**


	11. Do you know anything about women?

The next morning, and _later_ in the morning due to the snow, Sydney was sitting on the corner of Nathan's desk, one cup of coffee in her hand, another sitting next to her waiting for someone to drink it. After a few minutes, Nathan walked into the room and smiled.

"Oh yeah?" he said, simply.

"Well, I think you may have had something to do with the couple of extra hours of sleep I got this morning, so I wanted to thank you."

"I have superpowers, I suppose. Call me…Weather Man." Sydney laughed. "On second thought, don't," he said quickly.

"Oh, no, it's out there now." Sydney got up and walked a few steps, then turned to face him again. "In fact, I just might have to let it slip to a student or two and…"

Nathan nearly backed Sydney into the chalkboard. "You do that and I figure out a way to make you do your 'white girl' dance where video equipment is available."

Sydney quickly reconsidered. "Weather Man is no more." She went back to his desk and picked up the paper cup. "Regardless, here you go. I couldn't bear the thought of drinking the stuff they have here today."

"Thank you." Nathan took the cup and looked at Sydney, his eyes bright. "Here's to a shortened day." They toasted their coffee together; unaware anyone was watching the current exchange.

"I'm off," Sydney said, putting the back of her free hand to her forehead. "Shakespeare waits for no one. Lunch?"

"Of course."

"Oh, hi, Susan!" Sydney smiled at the young woman as she passed.

"Hey, teach." Susan smiled back, then entered her father's classroom.

"Hi, honey," Nathan said sweetly. "Everything okay?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, just wanted to know if you were going home before the dance tonight, but…" Her smile grew. "Dad?" Her voice took on the tone that alerted fathers that their daughters wanted something.

"Uh oh, what's this going to cost me?"

"Nothing at all. I just…I'm kind of wondering why you haven't…you know?" She looked in the direction of Sydney's room.

"What?"

"You guys hang out like, every day, and…"

"Susan…"

"Dad, you haven't even bothered to try dating since _she_…"

"Let's leave your mother out of this."

"But, Dad," Susan whined.

"Susan, I'm really sort of, um, honored that you care about my personal life, being a teenaged girl and all, but things are more complicated than they are for, say, you and Charlie, and…"

Susan plopped down at one of the desks. "That's crap, Dad! I know you like her."

Nathan sighed and sat down at the desk next to her. "Do you also know that she's just not ready for anything?"

"Do you know _anything_ about women?" Susan laughed. "She was totally flirting with you and…" The bell rang and the conversation ended abruptly. "We'll continue later, Dad."

_Flirting? Just then? Never mind Christmas Eve, right? When she all but threw herself…but that was loneliness and…wasn't it? We've written off that whole thing and… Well, last night was certainly…unwilling. Shit…shit, shit, shit…_

The day ended, Nathan acting as normally as he could during lunch, and Sydney turned off the lights in her classroom. She stood, looking around for a moment, her mind at ease; it always seemed so peaceful once the lights were out and only natural light filled the room.

"Not too late to back out." Nathan's voice came from the doorway.

Sydney turned and smiled. "Are you referring to me or you?"

"I'll go with both of us." He was leaning against the door jam, his messenger bag slung across his chest.

"We went over this already, didn't we? I _want_ to go and you _have_ to. Isn't that right?"

"Eh, something like that." He watched as Sydney approached him, a shade of happiness on her face. "It says a lot about you that you helped them out as much as you did. Teacher participation here is lacking."

She was next to him now. "I enjoyed it. It kept me occupied and," she giggled a little, "it can only look good for me too."

"Ah, ulterior motives, I knew it!"

She brushed a bit of chalk dust off of her coat. "Well, shame on me for trying to tug on job security."

"I don't think you have anything to worry about." He tilted his head and studied her for a moment. "This is where you belong. You love what you're doing, you're great with the kids, you…" He stopped mid thought and ran his hand through her hair, catching her by surprise. It wasn't as if he hadn't been thinking about her before Susan said anything, quite the contrary, it was just that over the last couple of weeks he was trying to talk himself out of any possibilities with her. Now he simply didn't see the point in wondering about it anymore. He leaned in and kissed her. He didn't try to part her lips and he kept it as chaste as he could. "See you tonight." He then simply turned and left.

Sydney stood there for a while half thinking she'd imagined what had just happened; then wondering if it _did_ happen if it meant anything…or if they were crossing into the kind of relationship she already had with two other men. A kiss from Arlen or now, even David, meant nothing more than "we care about each other and are beyond hugging, but nothing will ever happen here." Sure she had found herself thinking about Nathan often. Yes, there had been the occasional "naughty" dream, but wasn't all of that because she was lonely and a little self-pitying since John's rejection?

Finally accepting what she had so desperately been trying to ignore, her brain and her heart made the connection. She truly _had_ wanted to be more than friends for a while. Her voice echoed Nathan's thoughts from earlier in the day. "Shit."


	12. Adults at a High School Dance

"Oh boy I just can wait for history class. It's my favorite hour of the day. Up on the chalkboard I just love your ass. When you write notes, it shake, shake, shakes…" Sydney was singing in the bathroom, damning Arlen internally for playing that Kesha song a few days ago to taunt her. She was getting ready for the dance, feeling every bit a high school student. "So when you get back my pop quiz, what will you think when you read this?" She smiled, unable to help herself and changed the name of the teacher in question. "Mr. Garnder I want to get with you. I won't tell a soul what we're gonna do. Want to get my hands in your khaki pants…"

"Honey, are you almost done in there?" Arlen's voice came from the other side of the door and Sydney was grateful that she was singing softly to herself.

Sydney opened the door. "We can share, Arlen."

Arlen raised an eyebrow. "Look at you getting all dolled up for a high school dance." There was a tell in his voice.

"Arlen, high school students are cruel. I don't need to give them any ammunition by looking bedraggled."

"_Bedraggled_, huh? Oh you little English teacher, you… You looked just fine when you got home today." He turned on the shower. "Jess has got a date, you've got a date…"

"I'm chaperoning, Arlen. What's wrong with your shower?"

"Uh huh. Is Nathan? Water pressure's better in here."

"Ooh, is Nathan what?" Jess was in the bathroom now.

"Hey, privacy please?"

"What? Arlen's in here," Jess whined.

Sydney sighed. "Arlen doesn't count."

Arlen protested, "Hey!"

"Oh, you know what I mean." She looked at Jess. "You, out…" Then Arlen. "…you, please get that last bit of hair I couldn't reach with the curling iron."

Arlen smiled, thinking he had to be right. "Sure thing, hun."

An hour later, Sydney walked in the gym feeling a little nervous, but not for the same reasons she had in the past. A few more decorations had been put up since school ended and the students managed to pull off something almost magical with their small budget. Since they wanted it to be a winter theme, they opted for hues of blue with white and silver accents; simple and pretty.

The students were just beginning to arrive and a few other teachers and parent volunteers were scattered about the gym and hallway. She began to feel foolish when she thought about the time she put into getting ready – she may as well have been one of the sixteen year olds she taught. Arlen finished her hair, the soft curls cascading down her back. Even while the bathroom was invaded, she took fifteen minutes with her makeup to try and achieve the "I hardly put any time into this" look. She then slipped into a very casual black dress with an a-line hem that fell just below her knees and topped it off with a gold knit cardigan – mixing just enough "teacher" with…well, she didn't know what, exactly. She had actually begun to laugh at herself when one of her students approached her.

"Do you like how it turned out?"

"It's really amazing, Andrea," she responded, smiling. "I told you you'd pull it together."

The girl smiled back at her. "Thanks. Maybe I can head up the prom committee in a couple months."

"Well, if you do you know I'd be more than happy to help. Have a good time tonight."

"You too." Andrea made her way to a group of girls on the far side of the gym, seeming more than happy with all she'd done.

"Well, someone got prettied up, hm?" Sydney turned and saw Madelyn, the algebra teacher, looking at her rather questionably.

"Just…took a shower and changed my clothes," she replied blushing a little.

"Uh huh. Did you call your best friend and gush about that boy across the hall that you hope asks you to dance tonight?" She meant the comment in jest, but it wound up being the truth to Sydney.

"Oh, sure, and I cracked my gum the whole time too." She laughed, playing it off, but felt her stomach drop. Surely she was setting herself up just as she had in high school…longing for the cute upperclassman to magically walk away from the popular girl he liked and ask her to dance…only to go home broken hearted. _I really thought you left all of this behind once you got that diploma…Why did he have to do that this afternoon?_ No sooner had she realized her immaturity than Nathan walked into the gym. She heard herself exhale a nervous sigh as she spotted him…Madelyn noticed the sigh, but not the reason.

"Hey, I'm just kidding, you know," she said, thinking her joking had upset her. "We have to keep up good appearances in front of these kids or we don't hear the end of it."

"Yeah…they're tough to please."

"Good evening, ladies," Nathan said, the endearing half smirk on his face that he seemed to wear so often. "Welcome to four hours of our lives that we'll never get back."

"Four hours?" Madelyn asked.

"Seven to eleven, Maddie, let's do some math, hm?"

"Crap…I have to call my babysitter." She ran off, trying to find her cell phone in the depths of her purse.

Nathan looked at Sydney and smiled fully. "Well, that explains a few of the test scores in her room." He was kidding, of course. His eyes softened a little and his smile changed. "You look…like you belong somewhere other than a high school gym."

Sydney blushed. "Thank you, I think."

He nodded. "A flubbed compliment, but a compliment nonetheless. You look lovely."

She looked at Nathan, noticing that he had shaved and changed into a suit that actually fit him the correct way. "You too…well, not lovely, but, good, er nice…" She laughed at herself. "Well, I can't wait to check English tests on Monday."

"You trying to pick up one of the seniors?" he asked, winking. He hadn't made any sort of reference to earlier and Sydney decided that it was just a friendly gesture, albeit a confusing one.

"I sort of value this job, so…no." More students began to file in, the lights dimmed, and the DJ started to fill the gym with music. "Well, here we go, hm?"

"Yup." Nathan excused himself and paced the gym a little.

Sydney stayed where she was, watching the students flock into the middle of the gym and dance. She was glad to see so big of a turn out. She swayed just a little, trying her best not to draw any attention to herself. After ten minutes or so, she felt a hand on her arm.

"Hey!"

Startled, she turned to see Susan Gardner. "Hi, Susan. Everything all right?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to thank you for helping Andrea out. We've had more of a rave type vibe here recently and it's nice to change things up a bit. Mrs. Levings never would have stepped foot in here to help."

"I was happy to do it."

"Well, it was really cool of you." She saw her father approaching. "Hey, Dad."

Nathan answered her, his tone playful. "Hey, honey. Not embarrassing you by being here am I?"

"Nope. You're a history teacher again. I am no longer in danger of being an outcast at any moment." She winked at him in jest, then saw Charlie waiting for her on the dance floor. "See ya."

Sydney watched the young couple embrace as the music slowed. "They're cute."

"Yeah…he's actually a pretty good kid."

"You sound surprised."

"It's a story for later…you know some of it." He wrung his hands together. "So, having fun?"

_Fun? I'm a nervous wreck thanks to this afternoon! _"Well…it's not as bad as when I used to go to these things as, you know, one of _them_." She motioned to the kids.

"That bad?" he asked.

"Well, not that good," she said, forcing a smile.

"High school was designed to torture. Something in the atmosphere makes you think it's the most important part of your life, but we both know that's far from the reality of things." He cleared his throat. "So, at the risk of sounding incredibly similar to one of them, do you wanna, I don't know, dance with me?"

"Uh…are we supposed to do that?"

"Well, Principal Hawkins is dancing with his wife…Maddie and Travis over there…Yeah, it looks safe for the chaperones to dance." He extended his hand.

Her heart raced a little. "Uh, sure." She took his hand and he led her to the edge of the student body. He put one hand lightly on her waist, while the other kept hold on hers, their fingers slowly interlacing. "Are we going to sway in a circle?"

Nathan chuckled. "We could waltz if you'd rather, but I'm a little rusty…though I know from experience that you like to…"

"That was never to be brought up _ever_ again."

He smiled at her. "Can't erase what I saw, sorry." He held her a little too close, and they moved in time with the music. After a few silent moments, he spoke. "I have no intention of doing that thing guys do when they apologize for kissing someone," he said, his voice much lower than it had been all night. "I'm not sorry I did it…I'm just sorry it happened the way it did. Not exactly a shining moment for me, but I'm out of practice." He took a breath. "That being said, I know that you probably have some trust issues kicking right now and…"

"I'm not sorry you did it either," Sydney interrupted, blushing deeply.

"No?"

She shook her head. "I just wouldn't recommend running off afterwards, it's a little confusing."

His arm tightened around her bringing her closer. "I know you've been through…emotional hell and I don't know if you'd even consider actually dating right now, but despite my better judgment and all that I said to you before about…well, you were there, I'm sure you remember…" He cleared this throat. "I'm going to ask you to go to dinner with me tomorrow night in about a minute or so, as an actual 'date.' I'm talking, I don't know, steak and lobster, but less cliché, as opposed to the burger and fries thing we've done as colleagues or friends or…" His nerves were getting the best of him and Sydney found it to be utterly charming. "I don't know if it's the brightest idea I've ever had, and if you're not ready, please tell me, but I'm doing it anyway. That being said…Would you go to dinner with me tomorrow night?" He laughed. "I know that it's kind of sudden…"

Sydney smiled and didn't hesitate. "Yes. I'd love to."

"Wait, really?"

She tilted her head. "After all of that did you think I was going to say no?"

"Honestly, I didn't know. You've said that you…" Nathan stopped. He didn't mean to, but he pressed himself even closer to Sydney and didn't say anything else. Sydney inhaled his cologne, trying not to smile too wide. He wanted to ask her where she wanted to go, or what time, but he found himself too content in the moment to do so.

Sydney longed to rest her head on his shoulder…to be closer to him than she already was. For the first time in months she didn't have that little hollow feeling she'd been carrying around. She soon realized that she was looking at his chest, avoiding his face for some reason; when she directed her eyes back to his, she understood what that reason was. Their faces moved closer together, their noses almost touching…

"We're adults at a high school dance," Nathan said, as though he just remembered that fact. He pulled back and Sydney mirrored his action. They looked around, both nervous, but it appeared that nobody had been paying any attention to them. The song ended and they broke apart. "I'll call you tomorrow?"

Had they been students, the kiss that Sydney had been aching for so badly would have been the furthest thing from taboo, unfortunately with the positions they were in, that action would have had consequences. She nodded her head. "Sure." She hoped he really meant it.

***Mr. Watson – Ke$ha***


	13. All Lines Are Crossed

_**Author's Note: The smut begins here…**_

Sydney was up bright and early the following morning. She made breakfast for her live in friends and wished they'd wake up already. She had a very hard time getting back to sleep after a particularly vivid dream about John rather than Nathan. The circumstances of the dream left her frustrated, hurt and, she couldn't deny it, ready to jump in bed with the first warm body she saw. Neither body in her house was an option though, so she prayed for her cell phone to ring to distract her.

"Mmm…" Arlen's voice floated down the staircase and into the kitchen. "I love when someone can't sleep!" He walked into the kitchen and wrapped Sydney up in his arms. "What's the occasion, honey?" She looked at Arlen and he understood. "Ah, a little hot and bothered, are we?"

She shrugged. "Not like I can help it."

"Do you want me to go to the," he giggled, "adult store for you?"

Sydney went red. "Arlen!"

"What? There's no shame in taking care of yourself and what could make it more fun than a shiny new toy?"

"Who's getting a toy?" Jess asked, wiping sleep from his eyes.

"The baby," Sydney said far too quickly. "Your mom's due soon and the baby will need, uh..."

Jess cocked his head. "Ah, horny, got 'cha."

Sydney grumbled to herself, embarrassed. "Not all of us are in successful relationships."

Jess smiled, thinking of Brynn, but only for a moment – he did feel bad for Sydney. She had been more of a mother to him than his own and he hated seeing her unhappy. He cleared his throat. "Oh, um…yeah. So, omelets, huh?"

They sat around the table, eating a little too much for so early in the morning and discussing their plans for the weekend. Jess had plans with Brynn, and Arlen with David. Sydney played things off by mentioning that she may make plans with her cousin for later that night. She disguised her excitement when her cell phone rang. Apparently someone else didn't feel much like sleeping in either.

Sydney and Nathan decided that meeting at a restaurant was the best and safest course of action. They chose their place and time and wound up meeting in the parking lot of a steak house almost a half an hour away from town, which happened to be a favorite of both of theirs…and somewhere they were less likely to be seen by anyone from school.

When Sydney pulled into the lot, she could feel her stomach twisting with nerves. Since he had kissed her the day before, she hadn't gone a moment without thinking of him in some way. She did, indeed, use her cousin as a rather airtight alibi. Since they really did spend quite a bit of time together, Arlen would never question it. She realized that she needed this, whatever it was, to be hers alone. Nathan came into her view as he was exiting his car. She found a spot two spaces away, parked and tried her hardest not to smile too widely as she made her way to him.

"Hey," she said, her cheeks blushing. It was the only word she could manage.

"Hi," Nathan replied, he too lacking a larger vocabulary. He looked at her for a moment, then shook his head and smirked, not exactly at her, but at the situation. Sydney tilted her head and would have questioned him, but the opportunity vanished as his face moved closer and he claimed her lips. Gone was the innocent kiss he had given her in her classroom and in its place was one that made her heart race. His left arm wrapped around her waist, while his right hand found its way beneath her hair and gently cradled the back of her neck. She kissed him back with the same amount of enthusiasm her hands settling on either side of his face. When they finally pulled apart, they smiled at one another and Sydney giggled.

"So," Sydney began.

"I didn't see the point of waiting until the end of the night," Nathan confessed.

"Yeah, that would have been a hellish wait." She leaned into him kissing him again, her tongue quite the thrill seeker. She pulled away and asked, breathless, "Are you still…hungry?"

Nathan's eyes changed. "Funny how appetites can change so quickly, isn't it?"

Sydney smiled wickedly, her body suddenly quite warm. "It really is." Without hesitation, she added, "My house is very much not an option, I don't exactly have it to myself…"

"Good thing Susan's spending tonight with…uh…can't remember now…" His lips collided with Sydney's again. "Follow me home?" Sydney all but ran to her car.

Within twenty minutes, Nathan was fumbling with his keys to get into the front door, Sydney at his side. They entered, he shut off, then rearmed the alarm, and their coats hit the floor.

"All dressed up for me?" Nathan asked, taking in the rather low-cut gray and black dress Sydney was wearing.

"Not for long, I hope," Sydney answered, not able to believe she had just said those words. Nathan's response was to pull her into his arms and assault her neck, causing her flesh to rise. She reached for his tie, which she removed in a matter of seconds, then began on the buttons of his shirt.

"Are you sure…"

"Less thinking," Sydney whispered, not wanting either of them to think this through, analyze it, then decide it was a terrible idea. She slid his shirt off of his shoulders, happy to see another form fitting t-shirt beneath. "Still kicking some ass, I see."

Nathan chuckled, then reached for the hem of Sydney's dress. "And you?" He lifted the material up and over her head revealing matching pink unmentionables. A sound that was a cross between a gasp and a moan left his lips. Sydney had curves that were more Marilyn Monroe than current Hollywood starlet. She had always been a bit self-conscious that she didn't posses the rail thin frame that women seemed to covet. Nathan's eyes lingered on the curve of her hips, then the swell of her breasts, finally stopping on her lips, red and full with obvious excitement. "Bedroom?"

"Bedroom," Sydney agreed. Sydney did her best to stop from jumping into Nathan's bed when they reached his room. Once on it, she rose on her knees and reached for his belt. When he stood before her in his boxers, she could feel the dampness between her legs increase. She reached for his t-shirt next. Pulling it over his head she made a sound very close to mewing. She hadn't expected a defined abdomen on top of the arms that had been fueling quite a few impure thoughts. Unable to help herself, she kissed just above his navel, her tongue lingering. She felt him shiver and this pleased her immensely.

Nathan hadn't planned on this at all. He'd certainly found himself fantasizing about it on occasion, but never imagined that tonight would be the night it happened. He had always fancied himself a romantic, taking his time, making sure everything was just right – having actual dates first…but that wasn't the situation he found himself in. His current reality hit him as he removed Sydney's bra and his teeth found her right nipple. She let out a small pleasurable gasp and reached for the waistband of his boxers.

"Shit," he muttered.

"That's not very encouraging," Sydney panted

"Condom." He left Sydney and ran down the hall half naked and unable to believe he was going to have to go into his daughter's dresser. He returned a few moments later, clearly embarrassed. _At_ _least I know she's being safe._

He climbed back onto the bed, dropping a couple of the foil packets next to him, and kissed Sydney again. Their tongues slid along each other, caressing erotically. Sydney felt Nathan, hard against her thigh.

"These have just got to go," she whispered, sliding the intruding piece of clothing down his body. She didn't suppress a smile when she saw him. "Your clothing at school hides quite a bit doesn't it?" Nathan's answer was to roll her onto her back and rid her of her own last article of clothing.

"Christ," he breathed. He began kissing her flesh erratically. His breath, warm and wet against her skin, made Sydney's arousal teeter on painful. She reached for his length and was only able to stroke him once before he ripped open the packet beside him and entered his new lover without a moment of hesitation…or romance.

All lines were officially crossed.

Sydney gasped at the contact and pulled his face to hers as he sank deep within her. She couldn't get enough of his lips, his tongue… Unable to control his pace, Nathan drove himself into Sydney grunting a bit like a feral animal. She cried out, wrapping her legs around his waist. For a moment, he felt like he was hovering above his own body and was willing himself to stop, well at least to slow down, but try as he might he couldn't. The look on Sydney's face, her eyes closed and her lips parted, told him that she was certainly enjoying herself, but he couldn't help feeling almost guilty.

For Sydney's part, her hips were meeting Nathan's and her body was as close to on fire as it ever had been. She found herself reveling in the fact that she was completely _there_. She was in this moment only. No hollow feelings, no hurt, just flesh on flesh, ragged breath, and Nathan's warmth inside her.

Being a bit "out of practice" Nathan had a feeling that his stamina wouldn't exactly be up to par. Based on seeing John's picture a few months ago, he imagined that he had occupied Sydney's bed quite lengthily and hoped thinking about the ex-boyfriend might help prolong things, albeit in a twisted fashion. He was incorrect.

Unmistakable sounds left Sydney's lips and her legs tightened around his waist. He found himself breathing a huge sigh of relief when his name came from her mouth, bouncing off of the bedroom walls…of course that also caused him to lose track of his distracting thoughts and spill himself inside his stolen contraband…

Sydney looked up at him, her cheeks red and her forehead glistening, and smiled. "Nathan," her voice was light. "Jesus, that was…" She finished with a soft, satisfied moan.

Nathan kissed her and rolled off to her side, pulling her into his arms. He wanted to say something, _anything_, but the words didn't come to him.

"Or am I mistaken? You were awfully quiet…"

He snapped out of his thoughts. "No! Uh, no, I just. I was sort of worried about…" He cleared his throat, embarrassed. "…my performance and tried to distract from, well that sounds awful, I was just…you were…really really…"

Sydney laughed. "Okay, next time keep your head in the game, mister. Believe me, you have nothing to worry about." She suddenly panicked. What did she do now? Stay? Leave? What about those at school? If word ever got out… She turned and looked at Nathan and she could see the same questions in his eyes.

"I think if you leave now, I might end up feeling like a cheap whore," he said softly, winking at her.

Sydney's breath came a bit easier. "Well, we can't have that, now, can we?"

Sydney woke up around five in the morning, still very much naked and very much in Nathan's bed. She looked over at Nathan, who appeared to be asleep. She studied his face, relaxed and peaceful, and wished more than anything that she felt the way he looked.

The sex was…needed. That thought made her feel cheap and disgusting, but it was the honest truth. She had felt so terribly needy lately and she _was_ attracted to Nathan…but didn't he deserve to be more than her "shiny new toy?" He was a good man. He had helped her through so much, been so supportive…he laughed at her awful jokes and he, in turn, made her laugh. Of course she liked him. Of course she had also intended last night to be a real date.

Confusion was not the right word for this situation.

"Do I look funny when I sleep?" Nathan asked, his eyes still closed.

_Shit…_ "Of course not," Sydney said, feeling foolish for staring. Before her brain could tell her mouth "no" she blurted, "We're keeping this between the two of us, right?"

Nathan opened his eyes and shifted a little. "Yeah, sure. We don't need a scandal echoing through the halls of the school, right?"

"Right," Sydney said smiling nervously. "Kids, faculty, all cruel instruments of torture…"

Nathan found this to be a perfectly acceptable request. After all, he was still on "probation" and sleeping with the teacher he was assigned to mentor was probably not the smartest move. "I would like to take you on an _actual_ date," he said, kissing her shoulder.

Sydney fought against the shivers racing down her spine. "Oh, yeah…right, sure…"

"Am I better as your gigolo?" Nathan meant this as a joke, but Sydney felt her stomach drop.

The strange, nervous laugh that left Sydney's throat concerned Nathan. "Yeah, because you're just my little secret sexual plaything…"

Nathan propped himself up on his elbow. "Are you okay?"

_Honesty, it has to be honesty. I don't ever want to be like John. _Sydney took a deep breath. "Nathan…I was freakishly horny, I have been for a little while, and you're so damned cute and a _really_ good kisser and…" She exhaled sharply. "I kinda wanted to fuck the shit out of you." _I just said that…I can't believe I just said that. _

Nathan's eyes went wide and his face was rather blank. "I…think I might be flattered, but I'm not sure."

"Nathan, I'm a terrible relationship person, you know this. They get away from me and…ugh…I've spilled my guts to you about everything and I…"

Nathan put a finger to her lips. "Shhh…it's just you and me here, right?" Sydney nodded, her tongue flicking against his finger. "…and relationships are based on two people, not one…" She nodded again, now taking his finger into her mouth and sucking. "You think you're going to get out of this conversation, don't you?" She nodded again, her hand going to his evident arousal. Nathan pulled away from her and rolled onto his back. "Well, then…you'd sure as hell better fuck the shit out of me." Now he was the one who couldn't believe his words.

The double-edged sword, indeed. Sydney gladly complied, first grinding against him, then crying out as she impaled herself on the history teacher, words she'd never use in any classroom leaving both sets of lips. She rode him, her body needing the pleasure to try and quiet her mind. It was just sex, it had to be. Anything more and things would get messy. Nathan pulled her body down, flush against his, kissing her and running his fingers along her spine. _We've fucked everything up already…_

A few hours later, Sydney was sneaking into her own house, relieved to find it empty. She knew she had to reek of sex and look like quite the confused mess. What did Nathan want? Was it only sex for him too, or did he only act like that to try and give her what she wanted? The questions were endless and the feeling – despite the immense sexual gratification – terrible. She went straight to the shower and tried to think of anything but the night before…she failed miserably. As she toweled off and grabbed her robe, she heard someone run in through the front door downstairs.

Footsteps came into the bathroom, followed by David's voice. "She's in labor, the baby's in trouble!"

"David, what the hell?" Sydney yelled, not really hearing his words.

"Arlen needs you, Syd, we've got to go."

Suddenly things clicked. "Baby's not due for…"

"Exactly!"

Sydney rinsed and dried and quickly as she could. She didn't flinch when David walked back into the bathroom, while she was stark naked, and handed her what she needed to get dressed. Her hair sopping, she threw on her clothes and followed him out the door. They sped off to the hospital. On the way, David filled her in.

"She started using again," he spat, the words sharp. "How many times have we all tried…and pregnant! She's lucky she didn't kill…" Tears fell from David's eyes. "She can't keep her, you know. Travis left her after he found out the baby belonged to, well, who knows and…"

"David, slow down…and I mean the car, not the talking." He did as she asked, not realizing how fast he was going. She didn't need this, not today. She had her own drama to deal with, adding Arlen's sister into the mix was the worst idea possible. David continued to talk, but she could only half listen. She didn't mean for her thoughts to keep drifting to Nathan's eyes…chest…and…

"I think we should take the baby and…Syd, are you listening?" They pulled into the parking lot of the hospital.

"Uh…yeah…that's a big, messy legal step and…"_ Why today?_


	14. Life's Mistakes

_**Author's note: So, I have NO idea if there is still any interest in this. Anyone still curious?**_

Four hours had gone by. David was sitting by Sydney's side in the waiting room, unable to help himself from asking a simple question. "Your phone's been vibrating almost nonstop since we got here. Are you planning on answering it?"

Sydney hadn't even noticed. She was too busy worrying about what terrible things were bound to transpire and had put her life on hold. "I…it can't be as important as what's going on."

The phone shook again and David reached into Sydney's coat, it was slung across the chair, and checked it. "Is there an issue with school tomorrow?"

"Hm?"

"You've missed a half a dozen calls from Nathan Gardner."

"Oh…um…school can wait. In fact, depending on how things go today, I may not even go in tomorrow." She rested her head on David's shoulder.

"Something else is wrong," he said, lightly rubbing her arm. "Are you all right?"

"I don't know," she whispered, using every bit of strength she had to keep herself from crying. She snuggled into him, breathing in his familiar scent and finding comfort in his lingering accent.

"You know you can tell me anything…"

"What happened to us?" she blurted, unable to stop the words. "I mean, what did I do that flipped the switch in you?"

"Love, we've had this conversation a hundred times."

She shifted, but stayed close to him. "I know, but first we were going to get married, then John thought he wanted to mar…"

"Stop right there," David interrupted.

"I'm not some twenty-something who needs her own space, David, and I need to know what I'm doing wrong." She was all but whining and hated herself for it.

"It's not you, Syd, I swear it. You know I was 'on the fence' for most of my life. I loved you – still do – more than I could ever love any other woman, but…"

"I know…"

"As for John…I wish I had the answers for you. Either he was an excellent actor, which he would have to be being that neither Arlen nor I saw through him, or…" He ran his fingers through her hair. "He's a bastard and you deserve better."

"She almost killed her!" Jess came storming into the waiting room, Arlen on his heels. "She was blue and…and so small!" Arlen pulled his sobbing nephew into his arms, but he pushed away.

Sydney once again left her own feelings and got up from her seat. "What happened?" she asked Arlen, her voice soft. Before she got her answer, Jess had somehow wound up in her arms, crying on her shoulder. She rubbed his back, soothing him as best she could.

"She fucked up again," Arlen said with no emotion to his voice. That's when you knew Arlen was angry. "Who in their right mind shoots up when they're seven months pregnant?"

"My mother," Jess spat. "Fucking crack whore."

"Jessie," Sydney whispered.

"What? You've been more of a mother to me than she ever was." He wasn't wrong.

"How bad is it all?" David asked.

Arlen sat down, exhausted, and put his head in his hands. "I'm not sure yet."

"All nighter?" Sydney asked.

"Sweetie, I don't expect you to st…"

She shook her head. "Family first, always. I need to make a phone call."

The next morning an unknowing Nathan, feeling strangely awful about his behavior with Sydney (especially since she hadn't retuned any of her phone calls), was in her classroom leaving her both a cup of mint hot chocolate as well as another small gesture. Using the spare key to her bottom drawer, he unlocked it and placed a single pink rose and a small envelope inside of it. The first thing Sydney did each morning was unlock that drawer and place her purse within its cheap, student proof fortress.

He smiled slightly as he locked it back up, but was caught off guard when he heard footsteps come into the room. He was sure he'd been early enough to have a few spare minutes before she got there.

"I'm sorry, do I have the wrong room?"

Nathan turned and saw an older woman in the doorway. "That…depends on who or what you might be looking for."

"Oh, well, I was only told English…and this general direction. The principal was rather…"

"Distracted," Nathan finished, his heart sinking. _She called off…of course she did…_ His thoughts flew to the drawer. _Shit…_ "Umm…Syd, er Sydney, uh, Miss Turner…" He scratched at his neck. "She's good with her lesson plans…ah, here." He picked up her book and handed it to the woman. "I'm Nathan Gardner, I'm across the hall. Everything should be in order, tests today, I think and, uh…that drawer's locked, so you might just wanna keep an eye on your personals."

The woman smiled. "Thank you very much."

Nathan nodded, smiled, and all but ran from the room. He entered his own and shut the door behind him, fighting the sick feeling in his stomach. "Had to sleep with her…had to make everything a fucking mess." His lower lip shook ever so slightly and his hand trembled. He knew what that meant in the past, but he refused to think of his demons. "Nathan Gardner fucks up his life again."


	15. Get To Know Me Better

It's so very easy to lose track of time in a hospital. Her cell phone dead and her watch at home, Sydney had no idea what time it was when Arlen took her hand and led her into his sister's room.

"Arlen, your sister hates me. I'm here for you and Jess." Sydney was less than thrilled at the situation she was being put in.

"Honey, I know you two have a past," Arlen began.

"Again, she hates me. She thinks I…"

Arlen sighed. "Jess refuses to go in again, David got called into surgery…"

"Like someone's burst appendix couldn't have waited," she grumbled.

"I can't deal with her alone anymore, Syd." He wasn't too proud to beg right now. "Please?"

She sighed, she could never tell him no when he needed her. "Okay."

They were three steps into the room before a hoarse voice croaked, "What the fuck is she doing here?"

"Just stop, Rachel," Arlen commanded, all of his usual niceties absent from his voice.

Rachel was five years older than Arlen. She was pregnant with Jess while she was in high school, having him just before graduation. Arlen's parents passed away a year later and Rachel was to be Arlen's guardian, but Sydney wouldn't hear of it. She bounced from boyfriend to boyfriend with Jess and Sydney's parents took Arlen in almost immediately. They lived together throughout high school and that's when Rachel's resentment started. It didn't get any better once Jess hit elementary school. He always had so much fun with Uncle Arlen and "Aunt" Sydney. They shared an apartment throughout college that became a more stable home for Jess than his own. Sydney was a natural with children, making her career choice a perfect match, and had formed a strong bond with Jess through the years…that's what made Rachel hate her most.

"Coming to take this one straight from the womb?" Sydney closed her eyes and tried to let the comment pass without retaliation.

"Rachel, you need to get the fuck over yourself," Arlen growled. "All she has ever done is put others before herself, helping _you_ in the process!"

Rachel laughed, the sound cold and cruel. "That's because she doesn't have anyone of her own! She took you away from me, then my son, and now I can guarantee she's after…after…"

Sydney rolled her eyes, unable to contain herself any longer. "You haven't even named her, you psychopath!" She covered her mouth.

"Least I can get someone to knock me up."

Arlen looked at Sydney. "It's the detox talking."

"The fuck it is, Arlen," Rachel laughed. "I'm fucking clearheaded and your bestie over there takes from me because she keeps failing at her own life."

Angry tears spilled from Arlen's eyes. "Jesus Christ, Rachel you almost killed your daughter with heroine!"

"She almost married a fag, scared a guy off after a few months, and hasn't been able to land a 'real job' in what ten years of trying?"

"Fag?" Sydney and Arlen's voices were in unison.

"Oh don't take the offense, you make them that way, after all. You have to be a shitty ass lay – first my brother, then his doctor boyfriend…"

Sydney's eyes began to water despite herself. She hated letting Rachel get to her…but there was a painful truth to her cruel words. "Stop," she whispered.

"And your latest guy ran away from you."

"Rachel, enough!" Arlen screamed. "I don't know if it's the presence of or the lack of drugs making you insane right now, but you need to stop. We are here to help you…"

"She wants my fucking baby!"

"No she doesn't, I do!"

"You'll raise it with her! You'll…" Sydney couldn't take anymore berating. She loved Arlen to death, but her breaking point had been reached. David was only one floor up and would be back soon…and there was Jess. Arlen wouldn't be alone. She knew it was stupid to let the pathetic excuse of a human being before her make her feel so low, but given the very true points she had made, her instinct was to flee.

Having no car and a dead cell phone, she left the hospital and began to walk in the freezing cold. It was dusk and she had no idea where she was going, but she found that she didn't care. It wasn't until she wound up in a bar a few blocks away that she completely broke down.

"Tell me not to drink." A voice came desperately through Nathan's cell phone. There was a number on the screen he didn't recognize.

"Excuse me?" Nathan felt…well, a little spooked actually. He had been fighting against the urge to drive to the liquor store since school ended that day.

"Tell me that drinking is stupid and solves nothing and makes things worse in the morning no matter how much better it may make things in the now." He recognized the voice as Sydney's.

"Syd?" At first, he thought she was somehow trying to get him to realize that his daylong thoughts were wrong, but he knew that couldn't be the case. He then registered the tears in her voice and his concerns from earlier in the day vanished. "Where are you?"

"Hemmingway's." She sniffled. "I…I've …" She sobbed openly, not caring that people were staring at her as she used the bar's phone.

"I'll come get you."

"Nathan, I'm sorry that I didn't pick up the phone and I…"

"Doesn't matter, sweetheart." The word just came out. "Give me ten minutes."

True to his word, Nathan pulled up in front of Hemingway's…in a bit less than ten minutes. He walked inside and found Sydney at the corner of the bar, still shivering from her walk there. He put his hand on her shoulder and she turned. Her eyes were red and slightly swollen, her cheeks damp. He took her into his arms.

"God, Nathan, I'm so sorry. I just…I didn't know who else to call and…"

"It's okay." He walked her out of the bar, his arm around her protectively. "Susan's staying with her mother tonight, they're trying to work some things out, so you have my ear for as long as you need it." He opened up his passenger side door and helped her in.

On the ride back to his place, Sydney told him everything about the last two days. When she finally finished, she added, "I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls and please don't think that I didn't go to school today because of the other night."

"If I'd had the last thirty-six hours that you did, I wouldn't feel much like talking to me or going to work either."

"Nathan, I didn't not want to talk to you…I just…we were so…" They pulled into his driveway. "I couldn't deal with everything all at once. I sound like a broken record, but I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say right now." Fresh tears fell from her exhausted eyes and Nathan's heart ached for her.

"You don't have to say anything else, Syd." They exited the car and his arm slid around her again as they made their way to his front door. Once inside, Sydney immediately headed for the couch, Nathan soon joining her. It only took a moment for her to shift her body, placing her head was in his lap. He ran his fingers through his hair, soothing her more than he could have possibly known. Having not slept in almost two days, she fell asleep instantly.

An hour passed and Nathan didn't move. He spent the time playing with Sydney's hair and rubbing her back, wishing he could make things better for her and longing to know what, exactly, they were to one another. Sydney began to stir and before she could even open her eyes, registered the warmth beneath her head. She was so happy that she wasn't alone…but her heart simply couldn't fathom anymore hurt, which led her down a selfish path…

She sat up and looked at Nathan, his face concerned. Without a word, she kissed him; the act deliberate, hungry. Nathan wanted to push her away, but couldn't – not at first. After another moment, his brain made firm contact with his body and he pulled himself away.

"Syd, this isn't what you need right now," he said.

"I really think it is," she replied, trying to capture his lips again. He resisted. "Nathan, I think…no, I _know_ that we can make one another feel…" She lowered her eyelids and bit her lip. "…better."

"I get that you're going through quite a bit right now and…"

"You know, I'm really tired of 'going through things.' I want to experience good, Nathan, not constantly live in or worry about the bad." She moved her body closer to his. "We are two grown adults who haven't been dealt the greatest proverbial cards in life. We're undoubtedly attracted to one another, we worked well together in your bedroom…" Her hand traveled his leg. She had a horrible need to prove Rachel wrong and prove to herself that she could keep a man…satisfied.

"Sydney, I really don't think this is you."

Sydney raised an eyebrow. "Who am I, exactly, Nathan? I'm tired of being the one who waits for everything to fall perfectly into place – it never works out how I think it's supposed to… I wanna be messy. I want something for myself for once and I am certain we could both benefit greatly." She looked at his face, studied it as though she'd never see it again. "You gave me butterflies from day one..." Her hand went further up his thigh. "…and I was with someone then. You have this quality about you…" Sydney could hear herself and couldn't help but feel she sounded scripted…but she didn't care. She wanted Nathan so badly that her body ached. "…like a screen star from the forties…you're gorgeous and you don't even see it, do you?" She succeeded in kissing him, very lightly, making him want the contact just as badly. "Thing is…you're so much more than that."

Nathan blushed, getting sucked into the game Sydney was playing. "Seeing his picture on your desk pissed me off a little," Nathan confessed, referring to John…to when they had just started to know one another. "I wanted…" He snapped out of it. "No. No, this isn't right. What we did on Saturday, it wasn't right. That wasn't me, I don't just…"

"Nathan, how well has 'being you' worked out, huh? I know that 'being me' has sucked immensely!" She threw away her thoughts and let basic animal instincts take over. She claimed his lips as hers and found no fight from the man before her. His tongue caressed her own and she felt him moan into her. She pulled away from him. "What man on earth doesn't want something without strings?" Nathan didn't answer. "Still unsure?" she asked, her tone almost playful. "Let me persuade you."

Within seconds, Nathan's pants were undone, the arousal he was fighting against set free. He watched Sydney lick her lips and, at first, wasn't quite sure what she was going to do – it had been well over a decade since anyone had…

"Oh, God!" His voice echoed through the living room when Sydney's lips wrapped skillfully around his length. Sydney smiled around him, pleased with his response. The rest of the sounds that left Nathan's mouth were completely incoherent. She tortured him and enjoyed doing so. Her ministrations were slow at first as she let her tongue glide across every inch of him. Lips closed, she moaned around him, the vibrations making Nathan's vision blur. When she finally began a steady rhythm, the warmth of her mouth moving along him at the perfect pace, he tangled his fingers in Sydney's hair. His hips twitched and his brain began to lose the fight with his libido. His euphoria didn't last nearly as long as either of them had hoped for…but to be fair, it had been quite a while since he'd experienced this sort of attention. He came with a growl.

Nathan leaned back, panting – a thin sheen of perspiration across his brow. He looked at Sydney, who was blushing deeply. "You…what were we…I…"

Sydney rose from her knees and took back her place on the couch. "Two adults, Nathan, that can be _very_ happy."

He began to come back to his senses, putting himself back together…and back into his pants. He closed his eyes for a moment, hanging on to those last few blissful feelings. With his head cleared, he focused on Sydney again and his brain was back in control. "So what is this then, friends with benefits? That never works."

Sydney shook her head. "No." She chose her words slowly and carefully. "I think we both know that we're more than friends." The comment made Nathan smile slightly. "I just don't think that anything needs to be labeled, does it?"

"I'm a little confused here, Syd."

"I want to date you, Nathan, I do…I…" She had already decided that the "l word" wasn't to be used in any context whatsoever. "…enjoy spending time with you, talking to you..." She found herself getting distracted by his eyes. Depending on the light, the coloring seemed to change slightly. "…'being' with you, but without labeling it, you know?"

"So…you want a relationship with me that isn't a relationship?" He sounded hurt.

Suddenly it clicked. "No, I just want us to have a relationship that isn't pressured." She took Nathan's hand in hers. "Think about it. When people date, there's always some sort of pressure, isn't there? How does he feel about me? Will we sleep together? Well, we've taken care of the sexual end of things and we know that we like one another…" She sighed.

Luckily for her, Nathan had begun to understand. He ran the back of his hand along her cheek. "You're not looking for 'no strings', you're looking for no hurt. I get it. No 'I love yous' required before getting into bed."

"Is that so bad?" Sydney asked, sheepishly.

He shook his head. "No. I haven't dated in," he feigned a cough, "we'll just say a long time, so pressure free dating actually sounds…good."

Sydney smiled, though she was slightly ashamed of her earlier actions…and her coming words. "I need to keep us to myself." She quickly added. "Nathan, if we don't work, I can't bear anymore pity from my friends. It wasn't just Rachel's cruelty that got under my skin…it's…" She couldn't find the right way to express herself, so she gave up trying. "I need this to be mine, at least for a little while." She was convinced that this was going to be a sore point.

"So we have to sneak around school and…everyone else?" Sydney looked down at her lap. "I get you to myself?" She looked up, relieved to see a smirk on his face.

"Yeah."

"You're not going to keep yourself from me, are you?"

Sydney was confused. "What do you mean?"

"I'm fine with keeping _this_ to ourselves, but I can't do it if you keep yourself from me. I don't want to just stop getting to know you, or you me regardless of what sort of relationship this is."

Sydney smiled, refusing to let her eyes water. He was going to be good for her; she knew it and she feared it. She reached for her purse and pulled her iPod from inside. She handed it to him and kissed his cheek. "So…start to get to know me better."

He smiled at the gesture and as he took it from her hand, he kissed her. "Staying for a while?"

"If you'll have me."

A playful glint in his eye, he responded. "Mm, that sounds like a good time."


	16. Slower this time

_**Author's Note: Anyone interested in this at all?**_

Sydney sighed as Nathan's lips tickled her neck. They had been on the couch for the last hour or so, making out like teenagers. Both found it rather invigorating. "Nathan?"

"Hm?" He loved hearing her say his name. It wasn't "Nate" like the guys around town called him, or "_Nathan_" in the condescending tone his ex-wife used…it was, well, at the moment, it was breathy and that was quite enough.

"It's not that I'm _not_ enjoying myself immensely…but the rumbling noises from our stomachs is getting a wee bit distracting."

Nathan laughed, then looked over at the clock on the end table. "We've been occupied for a while. Do you wanna go out and grab something? Or we could…" He cocked his head as he watched Sydney get up from the couch and leave the room. "…order in?"

"Do you keep anything in this fridge?" Sydney asked, now in the kitchen.

"I have a fine selection of leftover takeout." Nathan joined her in front of the harsh refrigerator lighting.

Sydney rifled through the few items that were there, then through the freezer before moving on to the cabinets. "So, here's a fun fact about Sydney for your handy dandy notebook. I like to cook. I'm not, you know, 'Master Chef' amazing at it, but I get by pretty well." She turned to Nathan. "You, on the other hand…"

Nathan blushed. "Susan's always home later in the evening. Between Charlie and drama club…" Sydney raised an eyebrow. "Never said I was perfect."

Sydney kissed him. "An under stocked kitchen doesn't mean anything and what fun is perfection, huh?" She kissed him again, this time letting her tongue slide along his. "A little milk and I could whip up something better than three day old…what _is_ that in there anyway?"

"Good question," he laughed. "Mini mart down the street."

"Why don't you run down there and I'll start here, hm?"

His ridiculously charming smile weakening Sydney's knees again, he asked, "Cooking for me already?"

Sydney swallowed, naughty thoughts running wild through her brain. "Well, you know, necessity and all."

"Uh huh." He got his car keys from their place on the wall. "Be right back." He kissed her on the cheek and, for a moment, Sydney's mind drifted into the place she was trying to keep it from most. A kiss goodbye from a loving husband, off to run an errand for her as she cooks their dinner. Not that that was her exact fantasy or that she had put Nathan into that role already…but the part of her that wanted that simple, happy part of life had reared its head and she knew she had to squash it back down.

She busied herself while Nathan was gone readying an unopened bag of macaroni on the stovetop. Between that and the brick of Velveeta she'd found, she could whip up some "mac and cheese" that wouldn't win any awards, but would serve the need for comfort food well enough.

When Nathan returned, he placed the milk on the counter and leaned against it, looking at Sydney. "So, is it weird that the thought of a beautiful woman cooking dinner in my kitchen kinda turns me on?"

Sydney giggled. "Fun fact number two: I've known David and Arlen for a _very_ long time, nothing that can turn you on will ever be construed as 'weird.'" She left things at that.

He laughed. "Good to know." He looked at what Sydney was doing. "Guess my rations here were…slightly okay?"

"I made due." She went to him and ran her fingers through his already tousled hair. "The grocery store isn't a scary place, I promise." Fifteen minutes later, they were back on the couch, bowls of cheesy heaven in their hands, watching the Discovery Channel…and enjoying every moment of it.

The evening passed and the couple found themselves back in Nathan's bedroom. Sydney was on top of him, both fully dressed and their mouths rather occupied. Sydney found herself realizing that she had never been kissed by anyone in the way that Nathan kissed her. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around what made it so different and, as his hands found her backside, she realized it didn't much matter – not now.

"Slower this time," he whispered, rolling so they were both on their sides. His hand traveled her leg and she instantly thought about how she had to look. David had given her sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a hoodie to put on and she had been in them for quite a while. She wasn't wearing a stitch of makeup and she was sure her hair was a mess. He felt a change in her body and caught her looking down at herself. He understood. His lips found her neck and he bit gently. "…beautiful…"

Warmth spread throughout Sydney's body despite the chills he was sending down her back. "I'm a wreck…"

He pulled her t-shirt up over her head. "Never." Unhooking her bra, he smiled at her. "I wish we would have taken our time before."

Sydney looked into his eyes, certain they would break her heart if she let him in fully. She swallowed hard, wishing she hadn't started to fall for him. "Me too."

"Let's make up for it then." He undressed her leisurely, his lips and tongue welcoming her flesh as it came into view. He was gentle with her, something she wasn't quite used to, but found she was enjoying it immensely. She returned the favor. She kissed nearly every inch of his chest, then moved to his stomach, her tongue dipping into his navel. She slid her tongue along his thigh and grinned when she saw him tremble.

She reached for his boxers, but he gently took her hand. "Not yet?" she asked.

He shook his head and moved so he was above her, his knees on either side of her hips. "So, screen star, huh?" Nathan asked, finally sliding Sydney's panties down her thighs. "Or were you just trying to have your way with me?" He kissed her stomach.

"Have you ever _really_ looked in the mirror, Nathan?" Sydney asked, reaching down to touch his face. He slid up her body and their noses touched. "You don't give yourself enough credit." She traced her finger along his jaw line. "I wasn't feeding you any lines, I swear it. You are an incredibly handsome man…and I bet in the right suit and, hm," she giggled, "maybe even a fedora, you really would give a few screen legends a run for their money." Nathan blushed and Sydney felt her body warm again. "You really _did_ give me butterflies when I saw you." She smiled. "And the day you were caught up in the fight in the hallway…" She succeeded at removing his boxers.

"Ah, I knew there was another reason you took my shirt," he said, chuckling.

Sydney was the one blushing now. "It was just an added bonus when I saw what was underneath. Never thought I'd see beyond the amazing t-shirt… What?" She realized that Nathan was gazing at her.

"What's your perfect Sunday?" he asked, his voice soft and his hands gently caressing her waist. He had moved so his chest was to her back.

"Now?" Sydney asked, puzzled. They were together, naked, in his bed and he was initiating small talk?

"Why not now? Now's kind of perfect, isn't it?" He kissed the place between her neck and shoulder and felt her get goose bumps.

"Depends on the time of year, I suppose." He was right, now _was_ kind of perfect.

"Oh?" He continued to kiss and nibble the spot, understanding that this was very much a zone to remember in the future.

"Uh huh. For example, fall is my favorite season and leads into my favorite Sundays." She whimpered as his fingers found her sex, caressing her folds.

"Do tell," he whispered in her ear, his finger sliding inside of her, stroking her.

Sydney smiled, enjoying this game of "getting to know you." "Football," she said plainly. "There's nothing better about a…oh…Sunday than throwing on my favorite sweats, grabbing my favorite junk food, and watching my team…unh…win or lose, no fair weather fan here…"

Nathan ceased his ministrations for a moment, causing a whimper to fall from Sydney's lips. "Football on Sundays?" he asked, astounded. "Not going to the mall or working around the house?"

"Hm mm, football," she giggled. "I'm guessing you're surprised?"

"Among other things. Your perfect fall Sunday just happens to be the same as mine." He turned her head and kissed her fully, the action lingering and affectionate. His fingers continued their earlier work. "Now, where was I?"

"I thought you were out of practice," Sydney cooed.

He inserted a second finger, increasing his pace and Sydney's hips bucked. "Can't be out of practice with something you've never done before."

"I'm…ah…supposed to…oooh…believe you've never…God, Nathan…done this before?"

"Definitely not like this." She moved, needing to face him, and after a moment he was stroking her again, making her all but purr into his chest. She licked and nipped at his flesh and the history teacher found himself in an oddly euphoric state. He loved that he was making someone feel good – it had been years since he'd done so successfully. He was oddly certain that he was getting as much pleasure as Sydney and his length was untouched at the moment. After a few minutes of skilled movements, Sydney bit her lip and groaned in a very telltale fashion.

"If you haven't done that to a woman before, you must be naturally gifted."

Nathan smiled in response, but changed the conversation slightly. "I couldn't control my body Saturday night…I'm sorry. And as for the following morning, I don't want you to think I'm some crude, horny…"

"I said it first, Nathan," she said, referring to her use of the word 'fuck.' "…but while we're somewhat on the subject…I don't want you to think that you always have to be gentle and romantic when we find ourselves…here." She quickly added, "This, right now, is…perfect, beyond, really, but we're human and we have certain desires sometimes. No pressures, remember? If you find yourself wanting to take me against the wall one day…" She stroked his length. "…go with that impulse. I'll let you know if we get to the point where a safety word is needed."

He grunted slightly at the rhythm she was using on him. "You're not a 'normal' woman, and I mean that in the best possible way."

"Normal isn't fun either." Sydney reached over to Nathan's nightstand – he'd picked up something else besides milk while he was gone – and sheathed him. She straddled him and took him slowly into her body, almost teasing him as she did so. He watched as she gently raised her body up and down, taking the time to truly feel him move inside of her. She tightened around him, taking her first fall over the edge with a soft moan. "What's your favorite holiday?" she asked, breathlessly.

"Now?" Nathan panted. Sydney nodded, smiling and pleasuring them both with a quicker pace. He smiled back. "New Year's Eve – and no, not for the booze…oh Christ that's…unh…you get to at least think, for a night, that you can have a fresh start…" He wrapped his arms around her and rolled their bodies so he was on top. "Although today's good too…in fact…" He pushed himself inside as deeply as he could and held them both there. They kissed, the action lasting longer than other people in their position would have let it. "…I'd say it's worthy of banks and post offices being closed."

That was the end of the conversation. The rest of the evening was spent indulging in one another's bodies and wishing for a blizzard to cancel school the next morning.


	17. More of a gentleman

_**Author's Note: So, I'm 100% convinced that nobody is reading and/or gives a damn about this fic…not sure how much more I'm going to bother posting…**_

With no blizzard in sight, Sydney left Nathan's arms somewhere around one in the morning – quite reluctantly. While she was still firm with herself about wanting to be more casual with him, that didn't mean she wanted to leave him in the middle of the night. He kissed her goodbye, the act lingering and neither of them wanting it to end.

Sydney drove home wondering where she would say she'd been all day. She wasn't sure if Jess and Arlen would be home, but if they were she was sure that Arlen would hear her the moment she opened the door and bombard her with questions. She parked in the driveway, rather than opening the garage, and made her way to the front door, feeling like the teenagers she was teaching…sneaking home past curfew after being a "bad girl" with that cute boy she liked. _Well, I didn't do it then, so why not now?_

After successfully making it through the front door without any noticeable noise, Sydney found herself holding her breath as she approached the stairs; however, the glow from the living room caught her attention. As stealthily as she could, she peeked into the room. The television was on with the Sony logo floating across the screen, a telltale sign that those watching it had fallen asleep. On the sectional couch were three people – Jess was partially sitting up on the short end, his head flopped to the side, David on the longer end, he too sitting up and asleep, and Arlen (the only one horizontal) with his head in David's lap. She felt a small ball of guilt in her stomach, leaving them the way she did wasn't usually her style, but Arlen's sister had pressed one too many buttons.

Sydney went to her room and closed the door. She was relieved that there was nobody interrogating her. Upon plugging her phone in and restarting it, the missed calls and text notifications poured in. She ignored them all since all three of the callers were downstairs. When she finally crawled into bed, she inhaled deeply. She could smell Nathan on her skin and the comfort that brought her lulled her to sleep almost immediately.

The next morning Sydney went downstairs, ready for work. She was disappointed that Nathan's scent had disappeared down the shower drain, but knew it was necessary. Arlen approached her immediately. "Sydney, I'm so so sorry for…"

"Stop right there," she interrupted, gently. "Arlen, please don't ever apologize for her. I'm sorry for leaving. I just…"

Arlen caressed her face, his eyes exhausted. "I would have left too. Are you okay? We were all worried when we couldn't reach you."

Sydney forced the corners of her mouth straight to keep from smiling too much. "I'm fine, I promise. I just had to…clear my head for a while." She hugged her friend, knowing there was so much he wasn't planning on telling her right now. "How's the baby?"

"Stable…but weak," he whispered. She could see the heartbreak in his eyes. "I'm going back today, but Jess," he sighed. "Syd, he has every right to be angry, but it got so bad after you left." The exhausted eyes watered.

"Is he gone already?" Arlen nodded. "You take care of yourself tonight, I'll talk to Jess."

"Thank you, honey." He looked at the clock. "You better get moving. I'm sure you don't want to miss another day." He kissed her on the cheek and sent her on her way.

Sydney's heart fluttered as she made her way down the hall to her classroom. How she'd be able to cover up any excessive smiling or blushing around Nathan was beyond her; she knew she'd have to think of something, as they would certainly be seen together at some point in time. For now, she was just focused on the previous night. They had somehow mixed conversation and pleasure into an unforgettable time for both of them.

She went about her normal routine, which included unlocking her desk drawer…and finding the pink rose and the envelope. The rose had a small, plastic vile full of water attached to the end of it, so it was still full of life despite its dark hiding place. _I know his car wasn't in the lot yet…_ She smiled as she opened the envelope, Nathan's handwriting coming into view:

_I promise to be more of a gentleman…Nathan_

The words were short and simple and left Sydney slightly confused. It was then that a frazzled Nathan appeared in her doorway.

"Damn, too late," he panted. Sydney looked at him, but couldn't speak fast enough. "I wanted to intercept the note. I put it there yesterday and…"

Sydney stood, forcing herself to remember that she couldn't act on what she wanted. She lowered her voice so no one in the hallway could hear her. "You are incredibly sweet and I'm glad that you weren't able to 'intercept' anything." Nathan watched as Sydney slipped the note into her purse. "I'm wishing I would have come to work yesterday, that would have made my day…although something else was much better." She winked at him. "Just for the record, I promise to be more of a gentlewoman myself."

Nathan smiled. "Until lunch, then." He left to go to his own room and Sydney made a makeshift vase out of a plastic cup. Nathan couldn't have known how much the gesture he assumed was small meant to her.

It felt like days, not hours, had passed when the bell finally rang for lunch. Sydney found herself more than anxious to grab her sandwich and converse with the history teacher from across the hall. _Right, he's not just the history teacher anymore he's "my lover." Oh, yeah, I just thought that. Lover…amazing, skilled, comforting lo… _She registered Nathan's body in front of her desk. _Please let all of that have been contained in my head._ "Hey?"

"Lost in thought today?" Nathan asked, smirking.

"Uh…yeah, let's go with that."

As he pulled up his usual chair, he asked. "Out of curiosity, what is a 'comforting lo' exactly?"

Sydney blushed. _Shit, stupid brain! _"Shit, stupid brain," she laughed, why keep _that_ a secret? "I was thinking about this guy I know and I guess one of those thoughts tried to slip out verbally."

"Do I know him?" Nathan asked, forcing an innocent tone.

"Pretty sure you've met." She brushed her hair away from her face. "Oh, before you get comfy over there, can you take a look at something for me?"

Nathan circled around to her side of the desk. "Sure."

"You fixed my last problem here, but…"

He knew it was stupid and possibly risky, but he lightly kissed the side of her neck. "There was just no way I couldn't do that," he confessed.

"Oddly enough, I think I may have been offended if you wouldn't have." Sydney found herself growing a bit flush and forgot all about what she needed help with. She lowered her voice, even though no one else was around to hear her. "I have the worst urge to rip your clothes off and use this desk as a…" She stopped herself, heat welling in her cheeks, partially from embarrassment and partially from the thought.

"I can't say that I'm not flattered, but are we on booty call standby or…" Nathan had to stop as Sydney began to laugh so hard and so quickly that tears were falling from her eyes. "I missed something?"

"No," she said, trying to catch her breath. "You…said…" She lowered her voice to a whisper. "…booty call. Who says that?"

"People who have them I'm guessing," Nathan replied, now also beginning to laugh at his word choice.

Sydney continued to whisper. "Well, no, we're not doing that. I told you, I want to date you…I want to…" She smiled. "You know what I really want to do?"

"I'm pretty sure you just told me something about the desk…"

She rolled her eyes. "Not exactly an option, but I do want to see you Wang…no, er, Wing Chun."

Nathan's entire mood changed in an instant. "You…do?"

"Why so surprised? We want to get to know one another, right?" She suddenly thought that she might be overstepping some sort of bounds. "Unless it's a private thing, then…"

"No, it's…it's not, I just thought…I don't know what I thought." He tilted his head to the side.

"Did you think I wasn't serious last night? I distinctly remember giving you my iPod, a very sacred item, by the way, as well as giving you a few other things…"

"Tomorrow at seven," he said, smiling fully. "Meet me at my session."

"Session? Like one on one? Not a class?"

"One on one."

"Oh, Nathan, I don't want to impose, I thought it was like, you know, when kids take karate and there's a place for people to watch and…"

He wanted to take her hand or touch her face. She was genuinely interested in _his_ interest and that meant the same to him as the note and rose meant to her earlier in the day. "I want you there."

Sydney smiled. "Tomorrow at seven."


	18. Heartache and Kung Fu

Nathan sat behind the desk in his study, his eyes closed and his face serene. He didn't notice that Susan had walked into the room and was unaware that she had been trying to get his attention for the last minute.

"Dad?!" She finally shouted and Nathan jumped a little, startled. He plucked out his ear buds and came back to reality.

"Hey, Susie Q," he said brightly. "Sorry, I was…" He motioned to the iPod in front of him. "…well, I certainly don't have to explain that to you, hm?"

Susan studied her father. "Dad, are you okay?"

He smiled. "Yeah, I'm great."

"That's kind of what I mean." She cocked an eyebrow in jest. "You haven't gone from alcohol to pot, have you?"

Nathan laughed. "Which me do you like better, this one, or the one from last year…and so many before it."

"Don't get me wrong, the 'new you' rocks and all, I'm just trying to figure it out."

He chuckled. "I am an enigma, trying to figure me out would be like trying to…"

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you've been having sex."

Nathan didn't flinch. "My teenaged daughter just thought about my sex life, I'm the one who should be worrying about _you_. I'm sure there's another reason you wanted to talk to me?"

She smiled. "Yeah, can you drop me at Rodine's tonight on your way to class? We have a science thing."

"Uh huh. Do you want to…" He was interrupted by Susan's cell phone.

"Hey, Charlie." She waved at her father and left the room.

"…grab some dinner?" A few months ago, Nathan would have been slightly irritated at how quickly his daughter's attention could be grabbed from him, but things had changed and he was honestly grateful for the alone time. He thumbed through Sydney's music, curious to see what else was there. He had been caught up on a Sting tune as soon as he turned the iPod on.

Aside from a noticeable affinity towards Maroon 5, an admitted guilty pleasure of hers, he found her taste to be surprisingly eclectic. Sprinkled between some other vapid pop tunes, very obviously mood lifters, he found classic rock, jazz, orchestral pieces…but he had noticed another trend altogether. There were countless songs of heartbreak, some that he knew others that he didn't.

He found his heart breaking as lyrics flowed behind his closed eyes. "…Too afraid to go inside, for the pain of one more loveless night. But the loneliness will stay with me and hold me 'til I fall asleep. I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most. I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well…" He hadn't realized that the song had caused a couple of tears to fall from his eyes until it was over. When the first chords of "Coconut" cut into his thoughts, he took out the ear buds and thought about everything Sydney had conveyed to him. She was desperate to avoid being hurt again and it was more than evident that she meant it when she said music would help him to get to know her better.

He shook his head. "She might really never let me all the way in…"

Later that evening Sydney walked into martial arts studio – she wasn't quite sure if dojo was the correct word in this case – and found herself hoping that she wasn't intruding upon Nathan. The building seemed empty despite the smattering of cars in the parking lot and eerily quiet as well. The main part of the building looked like a well-padded gymnasium, though she did notice doors splitting off in various directions. She began to hear a few grunts and footfalls coming from some of them and she realized those must be where private sessions were taking place. She peered into a couple of rooms before finding the one where Nathan was training.

Not wanting to interrupt, she leaned against the doorway and watched, instantly captivated. Nathan was sparring with his instructor, but it wasn't quite what she had expected…to be honest, she had no idea what she was expecting, as she knew nothing of Wing Chun. The look on his face was one not only of concentration, but meditation. She watched him block every move placed by his instructor with a grace that didn't seem the least bit out of place. Her fascination was cut short.

"Your guest, Nathan?" his instructor asked, smiling politely.

Nathan turned and Sydney couldn't help but smile as she saw his eyes light up. "Yes." He made his way to her and took her hand in his, the act fluent and natural. "Syd, this is Sifu Wes."

Sydney returned the man's smile, confessing, "I was going to guess Sifu, but then I worried that using a 'Kung Fu Panda' reference might be disrespectful."

"Not at all," Wes replied. "It was a somewhat accurate cartoon."

"So, um, can I just watch from over there?"

"Sure, for now."

"For now?" Sydney was a little confused.

"You heard the man," Nathan said gently. He took her hand and led her to a chair next to the window. "Don't get mad," he whispered, "but he's the one person I can't keep things from. He's helped me through a lot of my issues here and…"

Sydney understood immediately. For Nathan, this was like therapy and nothing he said left these walls. She caressed his face and kissed him chastely. "I get it." Neither of them saw Wes smile at this tiny exchange.

Nathan went back to the center of the room and his training continued. Sydney couldn't tell if she had been blinking or not as she watched. She was mesmerized by the control both men had, as well as by the movements of Nathan's muscles beneath his skin. He had gotten a tad overheated at some point and was now shirtless, the waistband of his sweats dipping just below his naval. Yes, this was most definitely a turn on for her, but there was also so much more to it than that. She could somehow tell that he was strengthening his physical and mental cores simultaneously. With each strike came a breath that seemed to speak to the room without any real words. She imagined this as Nathan expelling his frustrations, his worries, his…

"Syd?" Nathan was waving his arm.

"Huh?" She had been so lost in everything she didn't fully realize they had stopped.

"Everything all right?" Wes asked.

"Oh, yeah, just…this is all pretty intense, isn't it?"

Nathan answered her. "It can be. Can you come here?" Sydney rose from her seat without hesitation. "So, watching is one thing, but feeling it…that's a little different."

Her eyes grew wide. "Are you guys going to beat me up?" Her tone was far from serious.

Both men laughed, but Nathan answered. "Not quite. May I?" He motioned to position her body and she nodded silently. Nathan put her back to his chest. "Oh, I'm a bit…"

She blushed. "You're good, er, fine, I mean…" Wes turned his head, repressing silent laughter. Sydney sighed. "I'll dry." She reddened even deeper.

"Right," Nathan agreed, his smile crinkling the skin around his eyes and somehow making him even more attractive to her. "So, loosen up for me hm? Just let me guide you through a little something."

Unable to resist, and feeling oddly comfortable, Sydney asked. "Is this going to get kinky?"

"Not so much," Wes laughed. "Nathan, you need to bring her by more often."

"Oh, no," Sydney said quickly. "I don't want to be a pain or anything, I just…"

"You're far from that," Wes said. "I haven't seen this guy so relaxed in…huh, I've never actually seen you this relaxed, Nate."

"So," Nathan said a little too loudly. "I'm just going to take your hands here…" He took Sydney's right hand, then her left, lacing his fingers on top of hers so he could control her arms much like the rods on a Muppet. "…and you're going to…" And just like that, Wes threw a gentle blow that Nathan helped Sydney to block.

Sydney giggled. "No disrespect meant…but that was really cool." Nathan helped her with a couple more blocks, then a few blows of her own before letting her arms go back to her sides.

"I know you have a group class at eight-thirty tonight, so, I'm going to grab a towel and we'll be on our way." He bowed to Wes and jogged toward a locker room.

Wes took this moment to have a word with Sydney. "Sydney, I know this isn't my place and I'm not trying to pry, but whatever it is that you and Nathan have…it's made a difference in him over the past few months."

Sydney furrowed her brow. "Months? We've only been, uh, seeing one another for a week or so."

Wes smiled. "I know." He looked around as though someone else were there to hear. "He'd try to kill me if he knew I said this, but I'm pretty sure I can take him." He winked. "I think he's been kind of crazy about you for a while." Sydney lowered her eyelids. She felt like Wes had violated something, but he soon crushed that fear. "I had to tell you that, Sydney, and please don't think I'm threatening you, far from it." He sighed. "Nathan was in a bad place for a very long time. He stopped coming to me for ages and…I've seen him at his worst. First your friendship with him and now, well, whatever it is you might have with him…" The man nearly grunted in frustration at trying to find the right words, but Sydney understood.

"We've sort of set boundaries already," she replied softly. "We've both been badly hurt in the past and…" She found herself smiling, happy to know that there was someone looking out for Nathan. "I'm pretty sure you'd kick my ass if I hurt him."

"Much better," Nathan said, walking back into the room. "We didn't hold you up, did we?"

"Not at all," Wes said with a genuine smile. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Sydney, I do hope you'll come back."

"I'd like that." She meant the words.

Nathan and Wes bowed to one another and said goodbye. Wes left the room, leaving Sydney and Nathan alone.

"So, what did you think?" Nathan asked.

Sydney smiled fully. "It was pretty amazing. That body of yours is capable of quite a bit, isn't it?" Her hand was on his chest, her heart rate increasing.

Nathan put one hand over hers, holding it steady against him. The other, he used to caress her face. The mood had changed instantly. His thoughts went to the music from earlier and he drew her closer to him without any effort on either of their parts. Without a word, he looked into her eyes and she could tell he was searching for something. He moved his face close to hers, his eyes never veering from her own; he took a moment to study their color, they were darker than his and made him think of rich chocolate. It wasn't until his lips made contact with hers that he closed them, Sydney doing the same. The kiss was unlike any they had shared…or Sydney had ever felt with anyone. Nathan moved so that his hands were now on Sydney's back, holding her in a new, almost protective way – all without breaking their kiss. She wasn't sure why, but the feel of his lips, the warmth of his body, and the way he was holding her had her on the verge of tears…the happy kind.

When they finally broke apart and breathed air that wasn't shared, Nathan looked…peaceful. He was certain he had just conveyed what he needed to. He took her hand and, a charming smile on his face bringing them back to reality, asked, "Sushi?"

Sydney blushed yet again that evening, her body feeling almost liquid. All she could muster was, "K."

_*****Christina Perri – The Lonely*****_


	19. Detours

Nathan watched, rather intently, as Sydney fumbled with her chopsticks for a minute or so…then gave up and used her fingers to grab a piece of sushi. When she looked up and saw his expression, she simply shrugged her shoulders and laughed at herself. "I have never once in my life been able to get the hang of those things."

Nathan deliberately picked a piece up with his chopsticks. "Hm, I just don't see what's so tough about it." He winked at her and she smiled. Nathan didn't realize it, but he was making Sydney feel a bit awkward, but not in a bad way by any means. It was like the "jitters" she would get in high school when she was around someone she liked…only he was reciprocating. With David and John – her only two _serious_ relationships – things were intense from day one. Even when they were in a casual situation, she never felt fully relaxed and always felt her guard was up. With David, that was due simply to his bigger than life nature; with John, it was their eerie sense of familiarity, which wound up being an act as far as she was concerned. She had neither of those "worries" with Nathan and was grateful for it.

"So, um…" She took her time with a piece of Monster Roll, unsure of how to ask Nathan about the very intimate kiss they shared earlier. "You kissed me."

"I did," he laughed. "Quite a bit over the last few…"

"I mean tonight," Sydney interrupted. "You _kissed_ me." Nathan's eyelids lowered as he looked down at his plate and Sydney found herself enamored with his lashes. _Women would kill for those…_

"Was it bad?" he asked, worrying just a little.

She bit her lower lip before responding. "Bad? No, very far from it, it was just…I'm not sure that intimate is the appropriate word…"

"It was too much, wasn't it? Too close to what we're not supposed to be doing?"

Sydney didn't know how to respond. On one hand, that kiss conveyed something she couldn't quite pin down - something safe and beautiful. On the other, that beautiful, safe thing scared her, as she knew she could easily lose herself to this man and the scar tissue on her heart told her that she simply couldn't let that happen, no matter how much she liked him. Aside from that kiss, they did more than just sleep together the other night, which was beyond dangerous territory as far as she was concerned. Feeling guilty, but seeing it as a necessary evil, she changed the course of the conversation.

"You looked amazing tonight. Sexy and dangerous."

"That is a _terrible_ diversion," Nathan responded, pointing at her with his chopsticks. "You brought up the kiss and…"

Since they were sitting at the sushi bar of the restaurant, they were next to, rather than across from one another. This allowed Sydney to distract Nathan without being noticed. Her hand wandered his thigh. "It's a fun diversion, isn't it?" Her fingers lightly stroked between his legs.

A look of frustration spread across his face and he grabbed her hand. "Sydney, you don't have to do this," he said, his voice sad. He brought her hand to the counter, and held it gently. "I know what we agreed on, but…I listened to some things today and all I meant by that kiss was that I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

Sydney's lip trembled. "You can't promise that, Nathan. It's not possible." She tried to discreetly dab at her eye. "You can't see into the future and you can't…"

Not caring where they were, he put his hand on her face, cradling her. "I know I can't, but I need you to trust me. I've been through some seriously fucked up shit too, remember? The sex is amazing, but I know there's already more to whatever it is we have than that." He watched as she let a tear spill freely from her eye. "Isn't there? I mean…I really don't think I'm imagining it."

Sydney breathed deeply, trying so hard not to cry any harder. "No, you're not, but it's only been what, a week…"

"It's been months," he interrupted, his voice hardly more than a whisper. "We've gotten to know one another over the course of months…we've just been physical for a week."

Sydney pulled herself together as best she could. "You're…right." Those words hung in the air as she finished her last bite of sushi. "I'm letting myself freak out a little and I'm sorry. You're wonderful and…"

Nathan slipped his debit card into the billfold and placed it to his left so the waitress would take it without interruption. "I'm not looking for affirmations about myself. I just want you to understand that sticking to our agreement may pose some challenges as we continue to get to know each other on a different level."

As Nathan signed the check that had been taken and returned without a word, Sydney rose from her seat. "Then you're going to need to accept it when I set up sexual detours." She quickly made her way to the front of the restaurant, Nathan all but jogging after her.

"Were you just going to leave?" Nathan called after her as she unlocked her car. They both parked in the back of the nearly deserted lot. Sydney smiled to herself as she slid into the backseat. He took the bait, getting into the side closest to him. He shook his head and laughed gently. "Sexual detours, huh?"

"I told you, Nathan, we get to benefit from the boundaries." She hated herself for handling things this way and she knew it was something she learned from David. When things felt strained between them, he always brought sex into the mix and somehow it always worked. Her backseat was rather roomy and it took no effort at all to straddle Nathan and claim his lips.

When she took his earlobe between her teeth, he swallowed hard. "Syd, I…"

"Shh…" She kissed him again.

"I smell like…"

"It's sexy." She ground against him and felt him harden beneath her. "That's better," she breathed.

His hands went up her back, beneath her shirt, and he chuckled. "I can't believe we're doing this, we're adults." He unhooked her bra and his hands moved to her freed breasts.

"Adulthood is extremely overrated." Her back arched as he gently bit down on her nipple. "I want you, Nathan…"

"One aspect of being an adult is that you stop carrying condoms in your wallet." A grin then spread across his face. "However…" He wrapped his arms around Sydney and kissed her, a definite change in his mood. He positioned her so she was on her back and didn't take his time as he slid her jeans down her legs.

"Nathan…"

He got on his knees on the floor of the car, he was happy for the room in her backseat. "You wanted diversions, Syd." He breathed on her core, her panties still in place. "I'm pretty sure I owe you." Her heart began to race. "Mmm…I can smell you," he whispered. He licked at the fabric, teasing her. If this is the game she wanted to play, he was willing to comply.

"Oh, God," she whimpered.

He pulled her panties aside and didn't give her time to think about what was going to happen next. His tongue slid along her folds and she cried out. This was an act his ex was never fond of. As Sydney's hips rose up from the seat, he realized he hadn't done this in at least twenty years. "Relax," he purred, coming up for air. He coaxed her hips back down and continued his sinful assault. He teased her, circling his tongue around her sensitive bundle of nerves before suckling at it. Her cries turned into a heated scream and he smiled into her. He then lapped at her with long, deliberate strokes before slipping his tongue inside. He had to press down on her hips to keep her still.

"Fucking hell, Nathan…"

His thumb manipulated her clit while his tongue continued to stroke her walls. He felt her begin to tremble and went at her even harder as she came, her fingers tangling in his hair. As she rode out the wave of pleasure, his actions softened, but didn't cease completely. Only when he felt her body relax did he lift his head.

"Enough of a diversion for you?" he asked, licking his lips making the act as erotic as he could.

"There is no way I'm going to be able to look you in the eye at school tomorrow," Sydney panted.

He slid up her body and nuzzled her neck, a soft laugh coming from him. "Maybe not without getting a little…wet."


	20. Freedom

Two weeks went by and February was already a couple of days old. The baby was still in the hospital and Arlen's sister had been sent to rehab. Sydney had spoken with Jess on several occasions, calming him down when he became too spun up about his mother. It had started to take his toll on his relationship with Brynn…so much so that she went on a date with someone else. Arlen and David were at the hospital together daily, visiting the still unnamed baby girl and Sydney picked up the pieces of Arlen's heart each night when he got home.

With so much going on at home, Sydney wasn't left with much time to sneak off with Nathan…no time at all, actually. Their time at school together wasn't enough for either of them and they still hadn't made it out on their first "real" date. Nathan understood and held no ill will towards any of those she was helping.

"…she kissed him right in front of me, Syd!" Jess was sitting on Sydney's bed, his hair a mess and his eyes wide.

"Honey, you sort of told her to go see other people," Sydney said, cringing inside.

"Well, yeah…but, but that was because she was giving me such a hard time about…" He grunted.

"About you being so angry for the past few weeks." Sydney sighed. "I love both of you dearly, but, Jess, you pushed and she did what she felt she had to do. You don't have the right to be mad at her."

"That's kinda harsh…"

Sydney smiled. "You told me not to coddle you, remember?" Jess shrugged. "You two have been together for two years and verge on disgustingly cute – I wouldn't worry too much about one kiss with one guy, okay?" Her phone rang.

Jess smiled back at her, understanding her point and knowing that she hadn't had much time for herself at all lately. "You get that. I'm gonna go check on Arlen."

Sydney groaned, frustrated on Jess' behalf despite what she told him, and answered her phone without looking to see who it was. "Hello?"

"I miss you."

Her thoughts about Jess melted away. "You just saw me a few hours ago."

"I know…doesn't make it any less true." Nathan's voice was soft and relaxed, but Sydney couldn't help but sense something a little "off" with it.

"Everything okay, Nathan?"

"Yeah…sure." He cleared his throat. "Why?"

"I don't know, just…"

"My ex decided to stop by tonight," he interrupted, wishing to every deity he could think of that he hadn't said those words.

"Oh." Sydney wasn't sure how to react. Luckily for her, Nathan's currently uncensored words came too fast for her to need to think of any sort of follow up.

"She showed up out of nowhere screaming about some assignment of Susan's that didn't color her in the greatest light…which somehow made her circle around to my being one of the most horrible men on the planet. I'm pretty sure she compared me to Hitler at some point and there was no…"

"Nathan, was it her English paper?" she asked, interrupting. He sighed deeply, but didn't answer her. "Is Susan home?"

"No…God if she were…she's spending the night at Rodine's and…"

"I'll be over in fifteen minutes – this is all my fault." She gave Nathan no time to argue, hung up, and showed up at his door as promised.

"Break a few speed limits?" Nathan asked, trying to lighten things. He looked terribly disheveled. His eyes were tired, his hair a mess, and his clothes wrinkled. There was something else lingering in the air, but Sydney couldn't put her finger on it.

"Nathan, it was supposed to be a private paper; my eyes and the student's only. I kept wanting to talk to you about it because it worried me…" She pulled at her hair in frustration. "…but then I thought it might just cause some weird feelings and, ugh, it bothered me for a few days, and I swore to the class – that included Susan – and now y…" Her words stopped as she spotted the bottle. She could see into the kitchen from where she was standing and her stomach dropped. "Please tell me you didn't."

That was the "lingering thing." Nathan looked ashamed. "Drove to the liquor store…bought the bottle…poured a glass…and called you."

Sydney went into the kitchen, Nathan following, picked up the glass and poured the amber liquid down the drain. "I'm so sorry, Nathan. I should have given you some sort of 'heads up' about it. It was a harsh paper, but it was never meant to be seen, let alone cause any…"

Nathan placed his hand on her shoulder. "It's not your fault my ex is a nosy bitch."

"It _is_ my fault that my assignment wound up taking you to the liquor store."

He hung his head, unable to make eye contact. "You are absolutely _not_ to blame yourself for that. I broke down…I needed a diversion, I guess. It's too easy to slip when she…" He tried to wipe at his eyes discreetly, but Sydney saw the action and her heart broke.

"Things with her…they were, or are, worse than you told me, aren't they?"

"I _really_ want that drink," Nathan whispered, his voice pained.

"Want is far different than need…"

"If I told you everything, Syd…if you knew all the details…you would never…" His pain quickly turned to anger and the glass that Sydney had emptied wound up in his hand, then against the wall. Sydney stood firm, her panic internal. Nathan's eyes found hers quickly. "I'm sorry. There's no excuse for that."

Sydney stroked his face with the back of her hand, the stubble on his cheek rough, but not unpleasant. "I understand anger and I'm so sorry for…"

Nathan shook his head. "The paper was just an excuse for her to come here. She's pissed off that Susan is still so mad at her. They try to work things out, but Celia never fails to disappoint her. So, she comes here, unannounced, at least once a month and berates the shit out of me…she's been trying to get me to slip up bad enough to take Susan and today, she almost did it."

Sydney had led him into the living room and they were sitting on the couch, distance between them. "You don't _have_ to tell me, but what happened to make you…" Her breath shook. "…almost…" Her head tilted toward the kitchen.

Unabashed, Nathan laughed. "Tonight? Well, tonight turned into why she had to start fucking anything that breathed."

Sydney raised an eyebrow. "I thought it was one guy?"

"I told you, if you knew all the details…" He cleared his throat. "Anyway, I have no idea why she decided that tonight was 'tell Nathan what an awful fuck he was' night, but…"

Sydney bit her lip. "Well, we both know that's not true…"

He laughed again, the sound almost acidic. "Haven't you heard? I'm, let's see, I believe her words were, 'stale, boring, and predictable.'"

Sydney rose from her seat. "Why are you letting that sort of talk bother you? You know it isn't true."

"Do I? I've slept with very few women in my life, while the women I've slept with…" Sydney's eyes suddenly directed themselves to a digital clock on the cable box. He quickly added. "Look, you were honest with me about yourself. I'm not saying it's anything bad, I mean, I've slept with a couple of women besides you and Celia, but you…you've made it clear that your ex-fiancé was some sort of sexual beast before he…" He cleared his throat. "…and the last guy pretended to be a pirate, even in bed!" Sydney swallowed hard. "I just…I don't think I…"

"Save it, Nathan. I get it, okay?"

Nathan stood and grabbed her arm. "You really don't." His breath was ragged. "You don't 'get it' at all. She has this way of spinning things in her head so much that they fuck everything up in _my_ head. She makes me feel like I'm nothing."

She thought she should have been scared, but she wasn't. "She's not your wife anymore, it shouldn't matter."

"It'll matter if you decide the same thing." He shook his head. "It will matter _when_ you decide the same thing." His went to the kitchen, the bottle, again. This didn't go unnoticed. "I'm a fucking mess, Sydney. Look around you. Keeping myself together day after day can get to be a fucking chore."

"Nathan, if you even think about it, I swear I'll call Wess to come and beat your ass." His head slowly turned back in her direction. "I will _not_ let some stupid addiction hurt someone else in my life." She chose the word "stupid" on purpose.

"You should watch how you phrase things, I'm not in the greatest mindset."

"No, stupid was the right word. You're insane if you think otherwise though you can't see it, can you? You're letting your _ex_-wife berate you over something so ridiculous _and_ you're letting it get to you badly enough that you almost fucked up! Oh, but who did you call, hm? That's right, someone who cares about you and…"

Without warning, Nathan grabbed Sydney and spun her so her back was to the wall. His grip was tight and his eyes were dark…and she wasn't scared. "I can't make sense of what the hell _this_ is half the time," he growled.

"Think back just a little, Nathan. Remember when I told you that you didn't have to be gentle and romantic, something a certain someone obviously didn't appreciate. I told you, you could take me against the wall." She was the one who was insane; she had to be. The man she cared about seemed to be spinning out of control and it was turning her on…immensely. "Prove her wrong, Nathan, and she loses the power to make you doubt yourself."

His eyes changed and a smirk of the most devious of nature possessed his lips. "Sexual detours again, hm?"

"Very much merited in this case, don't you think?" Her leg wrapped around his waist as he kissed her with an almost bruising force.

"Right here, against this wall?"

Sydney's voice was raspy, needy. "Stop thinking about it, and do it."

"Why?" Nathan asked, his lips touching hers.

"I want you to…" Her breath shook as he raised her arms above her head, pinning her in place.

"To what?"

Sydney closed her eyes, praying that she wasn't going to open them and find her pillow rather than Nathan. She opened them again and he was still very much there, a strange mix of pain and fire in his eyes. "To free yourself."

"Is that what this is?" he whispered in her ear, his breath hot and his clothed length rubbing against her inner thigh. "Freedom for me?" She strained against him, just to test his grip, found she couldn't move…and her panties grew damp. "Hm mm, answer me."

"I think you were repressed for a very long time…" He bit down on her neck and she gasped. "I think you were with a woman who wanted the wrong things from you…" He pressed harder against her. "…and I think, maybe, you channeled your frustrations the wrong way."

"That so?" He kissed her, desperately seeking solace and calm.

"Well…" she gasped again as he let go of one arm, slid his hand beyond her waistband, and cupped her clothed sex.

"Those are going to have to come off, Syd, you've soaked through them." He chuckled, but the sound oozed sex. "You were saying?"

"Might be completely wrong…Nathan, please…" His tongue was circling her ear. "…just a hunch."

"Let's see how accurate you are…" He pulled her sweater over her head and grinned. "Pretty," he commented, referring to the purple lace-trimmed bra he had just uncovered, "but very unnecessary." He removed it and immediately bent to take her nipple between his teeth. She cried out as he bit down, her hips rolling into him. She pawed at him, desperately reaching for the hem of his shirt. He helped her by removing it himself.

Getting caught up in the heated moment, she purred, "You're so fucking gorgeous."

"Such words leaving the English teacher's lips…if I were still principal I'd paddle you."

"You can do whatever you want to me." She stepped out of the pants Nathan had slipped down her legs.

"You might not want to say that right now," he hissed. Sydney had freed him of his own clothing, his boxers leaving the same time as his jeans. "Not sure I can control…"

"That's the point." She repositioned herself, her feet apart, and grabbed his length, sliding it along her slick folds.

"Oh…Christ…" He spun Sydney to face the wall, pinning her there.

Sydney smiled as she caught her breath. "Why, Mr. Gardner, I do believe we found a different side to you."

His length throbbed against her from behind and he began to enter her. Sydney felt him pull back and she understood why…and didn't care. If they stopped now, it would never be as intense, or as raw. She needed that. It's what she missed every so often about David…about one particular night with John. She hated to admit that rough sex was sometimes a need of hers. She grasped and pumped Nathan's length and guided him inside of her. She took a deep breath and baited him.

"You want to fuck me, Nathan. So do it." She pushed her hips back and that was that. With nothing between them, Nathan groaned, nearly screaming. He kept biting at her shoulders, not enough to hurt her, but enough to stifle his animalistic sounds. His hands roamed her body, with no specific destination. He felt the stiffness of her nipples and the wetness between her legs. He brought her to the brink of climax three times, but wouldn't let her fall…if she clenched around him, it would be over…he wasn't ready for that yet.

He pulled himself from her depths and in a dizzying blur they wound up on the stairs…then the floor… Nathan ravaged Sydney's body, words coming from his lips that he'd never uttered to another woman. Sydney was right…he'd been repressed for years. Each time he wanted to come, he left her body and kissed her, repositioned her.

They were on the living room floor, Sydney on her back, when he knew it was time to give in. He pulled Sydney's body close to him and kissed her, his tongue lingering on her lips. He felt filthy and free as he whispered to her. "I want to…" He stopped himself, wanting to pull out. Sydney shook her head slowly, her legs wrapping around his waist, her way of telling him she wanted all of him. He thrust into her, his pace rapid, the depth deep. "Come for me, Syd…fucking come for me…" She did as he asked, happy to let go…thrilled that he had asked for it that way. When she tensed around him, he buried his head between her head and shoulder, muffling what otherwise would have been an alarming scream.

Both stayed still, sticky and spent, in one another's arms. Neither saying a word…

A half an hour later, Sydney was in Nathan's shower, an ear-to-ear, and very satisfied, grin on her face. Her body ached in the most delicious of ways and she was certain she'd gotten Nathan over a few of his self doubts. On top of that, she had stopped him from pondering what their relationship was yet again – another dodged bullet. When Nathan stepped in behind her, that grin grew. Her hair was pulled up, which let him kiss the back of her neck. His lips were gentle as he moved to caress a fading mark he'd left.

"Stay tonight?" he whispered in her ear, his breath as warm as the water drumming her body. "Susan won't be home and…"

Sydney turned to face him, then wished she hadn't. His face was going to be the death of her as far as she was concerned. She knew she couldn't keep coming up with spur of the moment excuses – not to Nathan, but to those she lived with – and her heart sank. "I…can't."

Nathan raised an eyebrow, the soothing stream cascading between them. "After _that_ you can't stay?" He wrapped his arms around her waist, his eyes almost pleading.

She smiled, trying to divert him. "That was therapy; mental freedom from a very oppressive woman who can no longer hold anything sexual over your head. Hell, you can tell her every dirty little thing we did tonight if you wish." She thought about _just_ how dirty it was…_Wonder if Arlen's still made a habit of tracking my cycle for chocolate purposes…_

"That's all well and good, as well as mind-blowingly appreciated…" He thought about Celia's possible reactions. "…and I just might do that, but why…" He kissed her cheek. "…can't you…" Nibbled her earlobe. "…stay?" Then stroked her cheek in the most loving fashion. "I even have real food in the fridge for breakfast. You made me see the light about going to the grocery store."

_Dear God, alcoholism and 'crazy ex-wife' aside, he's so fucking perfect, isn't he?_ He turned her and began to wash her back, taking his time and nuzzling his face against the side of her neck as he did so._ No, you're not staying and you're not falling this hard and this fast. Hard…right, think dirty - it was just sex. Amazing, mind blowing (yes, I'm stealing his words), 'David and John who?' sex…_ She explained her household situation to him, how everyone was a bit on edge and almost constantly upset and that she felt better when she was there to try and hold some of the pieces together. It wasn't exactly a lie, she just wasn't adding in the part about being terrified of what she was feeling for him…and as she found herself reciprocating the back washing, Nathan seemed satisfied with her answer.

"An excellent teacher with so much more to offer," Nathan said softly. Sydney's eyes questioned his without having to ask what he meant. In turn, his eyes smiled at her. "I'm just going to leave it at that and divert you." He kissed her, not as he had during their carnal tryst, but romantically, as he had that night after she'd gone to his class with Wess. He tenderly pressed her against the warmed tiles of the shower and let his fingers just graze her wet skin. Sydney felt her entire body relax and wanted more than anything to stay exactly where they were.

She heard herself let out a small whine when he broke their contact. When she opened her eyes, she asked, "What did you m…"

"Diversion can go both ways and can mean so many different things. Sucks, doesn't it?" He kissed her again and she fought back tears. When was the last time she'd showered with someone? Well, someone who wasn't Arlen, insisting her water pressure was better. She realized then that she never had. Not even with David, as he was a bit too particular with his shampooing regiment to be interrupted.

Her breath hitched and she looked down…then quickly back up, as down was far too tempting an option. "I don't have to go right away…"

"No?" Nathan asked, turning off the water and biting back a smile. He saw the fear in Sydney's eyes and felt only a little terrible about it. _Gotta be patient…we've both been hurt in our own ways._ She shook her head as Nathan reached out from the shower curtain and grabbed a towel from the rack. He dried her, his touch making her head feel light.

"I hope you never doubt yourself in certain areas again, Nathan," she said, as he wrapped the towel around her. She stepped out of the tub and grabbed a towel for him, but waited a moment before giving it to him. She couldn't help herself as a wicked smile formed on her face. "Wet…works on you." She left the bathroom and began a scavenger hunt for her clothing. Within moments he joined her, plaid bathrobe loosely tied - very much on purpose. She noticed, and her words shook. "You know, sometimes people just aren't sexually…"

"Compatible?" He was twirling her found panties around on his finger, a playful smile on his face.

Sydney smiled back and grabbed them. "Right…"

"Certainly no worries there now, hm?"

She then realized they weren't exactly wearable. "Oh…"

"And I told you we'd have to wash those." Unable to help himself, he wrapped his arm around her waist and brought her close, her back to his chest. It was protective and undeniably sexy all at once.

She stayed there a moment, loving this feeling and dreading its end. She finally pulled herself from him. "Laundry?"

After getting her things into the wash, they went to Nathan's bedroom; he was still in his robe, while the only thing covering her was the sheet of his bed. Nathan was drawing along her back with his fingers and enjoying each time he made her shiver.

"I'm going to make some changes," he confessed. He closed his eyes, his fingers still moving with no destination in particular. "I've been putting some things off…afraid of…" She looked up at him. "…of a lot of things. I just…I want to thank you for the push." She reached up and caressed his face, understanding that she wasn't alone in her fears of what was happening between them. "Syd, is there any hope for what this is…" Always glutton for punishment, he continued. "…changing?"

She moved, sliding her body along his and settling in his arms. She smiled at him, the act soft and genuine. "Nothing's ever impossible, Nathan."


	21. Changes

The following morning, Susan Gardner returned from spending the night with her best friend. When she walked through the front door she was caught off guard by several things. First, there was the irresistible smell of bacon coming from the kitchen. Scents never came from the kitchen, especially not good ones – in fact usually the only odor coming from there was stale takeout or an overfilled garbage can. Then she noticed, right from the entranceway, that things seemed out of place.

"No…things are _in_ place." She looked around, first peeking into her father's study just around the corner. It was immaculate. The clutter she'd been after her father for months to clear out was gone. She moved through the hallway and the living room and the same went for those areas. The house looked like an actual home, rather than just a place where people slept and tossed their things. The air, along with its hint of bacon, smelled fresh. Susan smiled widely…then panicked. "Dad?" She rushed toward the kitchen.

"Morning, Susie Q," Nathan said, a bright smile on his face. "I was hoping you'd get home early enough to join me." Her eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging open. "Everything okay?"

"Uh…I thought…I thought maybe someone broke in and…cleaned up." She walked closer to him. "You're cooking breakfast."

"Always knew my daughter was smart," he said, his tone lighthearted.

She shook her head. "It's just that…well, Dad, you haven't cooked since before…you know." She looked around the kitchen; it too was spotless. "What happened after I left here yesterday afternoon?"

Nathan fixed each of them a plate and motioned for Susan to sit at the table. She couldn't remember the last time they'd done so. He sighed. "Your mother came to see me."

"And forced you to clean the house?"

"No, that was of my own doing, but we'll get to that." He took a bite of his eggs, feeling strangely proud of himself. "I'd love to lie to you, honey, but I'm not going to. She came to 'discuss' your English paper."

Susan almost choked on a piece of bacon. "What? Oh my God! She went through my stuff when I was there? That was totally private except for being graded by…"

Nathan put a loving hand on his daughter's arm. "I know, and you're not in any trouble as far as I'm concerned. She had no right to go through your bag." He slid a folded piece of paper across the table. "I'm proud of the A you got on it."

"Ugh! You read it too?"

Nathan shook his head. "Wasn't mine to read. The ink from the A bled through the paper."

"Sure Mom told you all about it."

"Susan, your mother said a lot of things yesterday and it's only fair to you that I be completely honest…she almost made me mess up." He looked completely ashamed. "I drove to the liquor store, I bought a bottle…but it's gone and I didn't have a drop of it."

Susan's eyes watered and she took her father's hand in hers. "Dad, please stop letting her get to you, she's not worth it. She's nothing but a selfish bitch." She didn't scream or raise her voice, she just stated what she saw as fact.

"She's your mother, Susan, remember that." Nathan hadn't slept at all that night. Once Sydney left, he thought about how he'd acted earlier in the evening. How he'd all but completely lost his grip on himself because of a woman he no longer loved…and wasn't quite sure he ever had. He told Sydney that he wanted to change and as he sat in his study and looked around him, relics of the past in every space, he knew no time was better than the present.

When Celia barged in on him, she didn't just criticize Nathan himself, but everything that surrounded him. She always made snide comments about the house or his clothes or his car – never mind his sexual side – and she always knew it took him one step closer to the edge…the worst part was that he had let her do that to him. He never felt a reason to care about himself, with the exception of getting sober for Susan's sake…until now. He smiled to himself. _Empowering sex?_

"Dad?" Susan waved her free hand in front of her father, as she was still holding his hand with the other. "You didn't trade booze for something else, did you?" The question was meant to be a joke.

He cleared his throat, as well as his sex-fueled memory bank, and turned his attention back to his daughter. "Susan, you've been after me for months to get myself together, haven't you?"

"Try years."

"Right, well…last night was the night. A few pots of coffee and a little self-motivation can do a lot for a person. I tossed out all the crap you've been asking me to toss for ages and cleaned all of the 'old us' out of here."

"Us? I didn't have piles of…oh _please_ tell me you didn't clean _my_ room!"

"Just changed your sheets and left your laundry, folded, on your bed. No drawer searching or privacy invading." _Though I may have replaced something I borrowed…_ His smile returned.

"This all came from one of Mom's fits yesterday?"

"Yes and no. I just know that it's time for me to take back my life."

Susan smiled. "I'm proud of you, Dad. You went back to Wess, you cleaned…you remembered that you can cook." She laughed. "I might just have to stop going to Charlie's for dinner all the time now."

"That," Nathan said, his voice breaking slightly, "would be really nice." They finished eating and Susan cleared the table while Nathan cleaned the pans he'd used for the bacon and eggs. "You have plans today? Charlie or…" He trailed off.

"You know, I kinda think I'd like to hang out with my dad." She smiled. "It's pretty kick ass that he decided to move back in."

Nathan dropped the pan he was scrubbing into the sink and grabbed his daughter up in his arms, sudsy hands and all. "I'm so sorry for everything I ever put you through, sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head and didn't care that tears were falling from his eyes.

Susan didn't completely understand the sudden change in her father, but she certainly wasn't going to question it. She held him tightly and she felt her tears fall as well. They stood there for several minutes, Nathan gently rocking them back and forth, his heart feeling light and so much fuller than it had in years. He sniffled and Susan looked up at him, her heart feeling the same.

Nathan pushed Susan's hair behind her ear. "How about we get changed and head out for the day, hm?"

"What do you want to do?" she asked.

The man smiled, his eyes alight. "You've been wanting to make me over for a while now, right?"

Susan beamed. "Are you serious?" He nodded. "Gimme forty-five mintues!" She ran from the kitchen, as giddy as a five year old.

Nathan closed his eyes, happy. While the previous night held so many things for him, he was focused on "the now" – something he hadn't focused on in years. Not only did he want to change himself to fight for some sort of normalcy with Sydney, but he was beginning to realize that his time with Susan was going to end sooner than he'd ever been willing to accept…and he had to make up for so much.


	22. Gorgeous

It was nearly one o'clock in the afternoon when Arlen knocked on Sydney's bedroom door. It was unlike her to sleep so late unless she wasn't feeling well. He knocked softly, but went into her room without waiting for a response. "Syd, honey?" He walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge. He ran his finger along her shoulder. "Sydney?"

"Hm?" she answered, still half asleep.

"It's almost one, honey, are you feeling okay?" She opened her eyes and did everything she could not to smile. Arlen then saw a bottle of whiskey on her dresser. She had taken the temptation out of Nathan's kitchen and didn't think as she brought it up to her room. "Oh, Syd! What kind of sad, lonely night did you have? I thought you said you had a school emergency…thingy."

She sat up, wiping the remaining sleep from her eyes. "I did. That's what I, um, confiscated."

Arlen smiled widely. "Look at you, super teacher. You went to a student's aide outside of school?"

"In a way," she lied. "It started with an issue over a paper that was written and…escalated and…well, I resolved the issue…" _Over and over again…My God, it really was the hottest sex I've ever had…_

Arlen caught a whiff of soap, one that he didn't recognize. "…and you got in awfully late." He began to piece some things together.

She couldn't help blushing. "Do you still keep that 'chocolate calendar?'" She tried to sound innocent.

Her best friend's eyes went wide. "Please don't tell me you had sex with a student!"

"What? Jesus, Arlen no!" Before she could stop herself she blurted, "It was the student's father!" She bit her lip immediately. She knew why it came out of her; she really _did_ want to tell him…she was just still too scared to be a hundred percent honest. Arlen was speechless, something unheard of. "Everything happened so…it was just…" She felt herself against the wall, remembered the exquisite feeling of nothing between her sex and Nathan's bare length…

"It wasn't just sex," Arlen said, breathless. "It was _good_ sex."

"The best I have ever had in my life," she whispered, unable to stop herself.

"Oh, honey," he cooed. "Please tell me this means you're ready to…"

"It was just sex," she said, lying to herself.

"Well, as far as I'm concerned, it's a step in the right direction," he laughed. "Wait a minute…you asked about…oh, Syd! Really? You didn't use anything _and_…"

She looked down at her hands. "I don't have anything to worry about other than…that."

"How can you be sure? Honey, who is he?"

"I…" She looked at Arlen and he thought he understood. She had been so busy taking care of everyone else and so lonely since John broke her heart. If a one-night stand lit up her eyes, he wasn't going to judge her for it.

"I'm pretty sure you're in the clear…just tell me, is he cute?"

Sydney smiled fully. "Gorgeous."


	23. Lists

Nathan and Susan pulled into the parking lot of the mall. As they circled looking for a space, Susan smiled and asked her father a very simple question. "So, you're seriously not going to fight me this time?"

"What do you mean?" Nathan asked, spying a spot a few yards in from of them.

"I mean…well, you almost let me help you do this before, then you sort of chickened out."

Nathan laughed. "I did, didn't I? Guess I wasn't ready just yet." He pulled into the parking spot and they started their walk into the mall. "Not embarrassed to be out with your dad?"

"You're not the principal anymore, remember?" She took his hand and pulled him toward the glass doors.

"Should have gotten myself fired a lot sooner," he quipped, squeezing her hand. "I did have to jam an eye appointment into today, but I figure you'll be okay on your own for a bit."

Susan's eyes went wide. "Are you kidding me? I am not letting you pick out frames on your own again! You've been wearing those brownish turtle, not sure what shape they want to be, things for ages."

"I thought you liked them?"

"I was twelve, Dad, I didn't know any better."

Nathan looked puzzled. "I've been wearing these for five years?"

"Yup, you didn't want to bother with new...can you even see out of those anymore?"

"Funny, sweetheart…but a good point, it's gotten a little tougher." They walked through the food court and made their way down to LensCrafters.

"I can't believe you're actually going buy things for yourself today. I mean, no offense dad, but if it wasn't booze or…um, boating crap…"

"Right…honey, about that…" He sighed. "We have a few things to talk about over lunch later, okay?"

"Ooookay…" Her happiness took a slight blow, but her father didn't hold a negative tone in his voice, so she wasn't exactly sure what sort of news she was going to get.

His appointment didn't take long and it was only a half hour before they were browsing a new selection of frames. Susan honed in on the perfect pair. "Dad, try these."

"Seriously? You make fun of brown plastic ones, but black?"

She exhaled sharply. "You _did_ say you wanted my help, right? Just try them?"

Nathan took the frames and put them on, humoring his daughter. They were certainly more modern, as they were definite rectangles and not oddly shaped like his current ones were, according to Susan. He looked at himself and tilted his head, questioning his reflection. "I…think I like them?"

Susan smiled. "Yes, Dad, you do. Glasses now are….nerd chic, and those totally work on you."

"Okay, I promised I'd take your advice today…" He looked at his reflection again and found himself smiling too.

Susan elbowed him. "Dad, I'm all for you changing some things about yourself, but is there maybe any reason other than mom's visit that's prompting this?"

Nathan walked the frames up to the counter. "Not sure what you mean, honey." He filled out the paperwork and presented his insurance card.

"Well, are you _maybe_ thinking about, oh, I dunno, asking someone out?"

Nathan's mind raced backwards to the previous night. He certainly hadn't needed new glasses for that. He hated lying to his daughter, but he respected Sydney's want of privacy…and knew that he himself didn't exactly want any pressure of his own from anyone else. "Susan, I know that you've been wanting me to date, but let's take baby steps here, hm? I'm letting you pick out my glasses and help me update…"

"…hopefully burn…"

"…my current wardrobe. We'll get to dating later."

"You know, Dad, Charlene's dad came out wh…"

Nathan shook his head, laughing. "Not gay, Susie Q, just…not quite ready yet." After the promise of his new glasses being ready within the hour, he caught his reflection one more time. "Do I need a haircut?" he asked, trying to change the subject as quickly as he could.

Susan positioned herself in front of him and studied his face. "Huh uh…actually, I'd let it grow. You get these cool waves that you totally did _not_ pass on into my genes."

"Well, my apologies, _dear_ daughter. If I could have picked what I passed along to you, I would have made sure of it." He inhaled, enjoying this time, even if she did dig into him every once in a while. Hell, she _was_ a teenager after all. "I'm not trying on any jeans with holes or any shirts that look like they have…"

"No worries, Dad. I have no intention of making you look like one of those desperate middle-aged guys…"

"Hey, I'm not…am I?…"

She ignored his question, as she didn't mean things to come out the way they did. "You're actually a pretty cool guy, you know, as far as dads go," she laughed. "You're just living in the 'mom' years. You've dropped weight and severe baggage since then. We just need to…update you."

He understood what Susan had meant. We was still wearing things that his ex had bought for him…and that he never much liked to begin with. He didn't have to wear his suits anymore since his "demotion" and really didn't have much else. "Lead the way."

Susan led her father through various stores for a couple of hours. She made him pick out key pieces first and would worry about the other aspects of a wardrobe later. Nathan wouldn't ever deny that he was having a wonderful time. After a trip out to the car to drop off some bags, they decided to break for lunch.

"So," Susan began, taking a bite of her mu shu pork. The food court of the mall was crowded and loud…and she got the feeling that this was why her father wanted to talk here. "You said lunch, it's lunch, spill it, Dad." She bit her lip. "Sorry, but you've had me concerned all morning. Is this something bad?"

Nathan smiled. "Not at all." He looked down at his chopsticks and laughed to himself for a moment, thinking about Sydney's inability to use them. "Actually, it's pretty good news for us."

Susan tilted her head, intrigued and confused all at once. "How good are we talking?"

He took on a casual tone and looked up at the ceiling as he answered. "Oh, I dunno…cell phone upgrades good…"

"What? Dad, did you get a raise or something? I've been asking for help with a…"

Nathan put his hand up, doing his best to chew and swallow his lo mein as quickly as he could. "I don't need a raise, Susan, I make pretty decent money given the district. Although, I know you haven't exactly ever been given a reason to believe that. We're in pretty good shape – not Bartlett shape by any means – but good shape."

"Back story?" Susan prodded.

He thought it best to cut immediately to the chase. "You know that the divorce was messy…"

"…that's being kind…"

"Right, well, due to circumstances…"

"…mom screwing another guy…"

Nathan sighed. "Correct…" He shook his head, clearing it. "She never tried to get alimony from me, but always threatened it. Often, actually."

"Can she do that?"

"Technically, which always concerned me enough to put aside quite a bit of money – too much, I'm sure – for the last…" It then truly hit him; how long it really had been. "…five years. Better to be safe, even if it meant a lot of cutting corners for me, and a little for you." His smile returned. "However, as of last night, I have freed up that cash flow, thus freeing _us_ up quite a bit." Susan's eyes were wide. "We're not going to go crazy or anything, but we're certainly going to live a little more, hm?" He took Susan's hand. "I don't want to be the dad that makes up for the past by buying his daughter's affections…I want to be the dad that gets to start over a little…spoil her just a tad…before she goes off on her own."

Susan's eyes grew glossy. "Dad, this is going to sound rehearsed, but I swear, it's not. All I ever wanted since mom left was to see you take your life back. I hated being the babysitter, I hated seeing you drunk and angry all the time…I'm finally getting what I want, and we have at least another school year to, you know," she smiled, "hang out."

"I am _so_ glad I didn't screw you up…"

"I'm glad you're done screwing yourself up," she laughed. She cocked and eyebrow. "You know I'm totally holding you to the new cell phone thing."

"Wouldn't want it any other way," he laughed.

A couple of hours later, Susan had Nathan's new cell phone in her hands as he tried on the last of the clothing she'd picked out for him. Nathan's phone book was unable to be transferred due to the age of phone he was replacing, but he saw that as yet another way to start over. He'd manually transfer only the numbers he needed later on.

Susan didn't know the number that appeared on the screen with the text that had just buzzed through, but the words concerned her. "Please call when you can. Really need to talk."

"Um, Dad?" she whisper shouted as best she could, as to not disrupt the men's department.

He came out of the dressing room, new, Susan-approved, outfit making him look younger and showcasing his fit physique much more than what he'd been wearing for the past several years. "Everything okay?"

"You tell me." She handed her father his phone and he recognized the number as Sydney's.

He didn't lie about who it was. "I think someone's English teacher is starting to get nervous about mid-terms."

Susan didn't give it a second thought. "Ick…what, two weeks, right?"

"Mm hm, not that you've ever had to worry." He winked at Susan, then looked at himself in the mirror. "Huh…not too shabby." He disappeared back into the dressing room and quickly returned Sydney's text letting her know that he'd be able to call her in a couple of hours.

Later that evening, he kept his word. When Sydney answered, he heard quite a commotion in the background. "Hey, is everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah," she answered, he could hear her shoes clicking on tile and the background noise was fading. "I'm at Just Be…Arlen's having a huge fundraiser here for Valentine's Day and we're at mandatory rehearsals."

"Mandatory? Even with all of the, um…you know baby stuff?"

Sydney sighed. "Both things are a really big deal and…He's a bit particular about a few things." He heard exhaustion in her voice.

"So, you, uh, needed to talk?"

A large sigh hung in the air. "You made me make a list."

"I did what?"

"You made me make a list of pros and cons and the pros won and last night was just a huge, sexual exclamation point on the end of it." She sounded like she was going to cry.

"I'm…sorry?"

"You should be!" She shouted, then quickly lowered her voice. "You are purposely putting me into this position…God, _so many_ positions…I should be running away from you, you know that? It sounds like you have a slightly insane ex-wife, I've saved you from drinking twice…"

Nathan was taking no offense; instead he was smiling broadly. "I recall doing a few things for you as well, you know."

"…and I _work_ with you! That's the biggest 'no-no' of them all, isn't it? Yet there I was in my bedroom today, like a teenager, listing everything and it just doesn't make sense." She was crying now, and not trying to hide it.

"Hey, am I so bad?" he asked, feeling helpless.

She sniffled. "No…not in the least. You had your breakdown last night, I'm…just a little behind...and a lot more girly about it." She could hear Nathan's breathing on the other end and could tell he was trying to think of what to say. "I can't stop thinking about you."

"Wouldn't this be better in person?" he asked, only wanting to help. Wanting to hold her close, to show her he was worthy of whatever list she'd made.

"No," she answered sharply. "I…I need to wait until Monday to see you. Nathan, our 'no hurt' deal isn't going to work out."

Confusion set in and Nathan's heart began to pound. "Wait, are you ending us?"

"What? No, I just…" Her voice was barely a whisper now. "I'm terrified."

He covered the mouthpiece as he sighed in relief. "I know it sounds ridiculous, but I've made a lot of changes since last night…I really want to add another one to my own list."

Sydney smiled through her tears, understanding what he meant. She heard Arlen calling for her. "I have to go…talk tomorrow?"

"Of course." They said their goodbyes and Nathan sat on the edge of his bed, his heart finding its normal pace again. He found himself wiping away his own tears, then, very slowly, felt the pressure begin to weigh down his mind…the relationship pressure that both of them had decided it was better to avoid.

"Dad," Susan's voice floated up to his room. "I'm gonna start the movie, are you coming?"

He looked at himself in the mirror for the hundredth time that day. He laughed at himself before the words even crossed his lips. He spoke to the invisible pressures, taunting them. "Bring it."


	24. I adore your voice

_**Author's Note: To my lone, three reviewers, thank you. When I posted on this site under a different name I used to get a lot more feedback. I was going to quit posting this altogether until another one of you spoke up yesterday – thank you!**_

"…I think we went into thirty different stores."

"Mmm…not sure there are thirty stores at the mall that sell men's clothing," Sydney laughed.

"Well, maybe not thirty, but a lot." Nathan's voice came through Sydney's phone, relaxing every muscle in her body. "It was…" He sighed. "Syd, it sounds stupid, but I had the best time with her."

"That doesn't sound stupid at all, Nathan, and I couldn't be happier for you." She paused for a moment. "I didn't…spoil your evening, did I? It wasn't my intention to just…"

"You only made it better," he interrupted. "Syd, I'm going to prove your list right, I swear."

"Nathan…"

"Please let me finish." He was practically pleading with her. She stayed silent and let him continue. "I spent most of my adult life being unhappy. One day I promise to let you in on all of the gory details, but…you need to understand that Susan is the only thing that has ever kept me going…until now." He breathed deeply. "I don't know what it is about being with you, but you just…" He stopped, not wanting to come off needy by choosing the wrong words.

"It's natural," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm happy," he confessed. "Even if we weren't, you know…"

"Having freakishly amazing sex?" she asked, trying to lighten things.

"Yeah, that…Sydney, when I get up in the morning the first thing I think about is getting to have lunch with you…"

"I meant it when I said I was terrified."

"I know you did, I am too. I don't want either of us getting hurt…"

"…but we're already beyond that point."

"I know."

"What do we do?"

She could hear a smile in his voice when he answered. "We try…we enjoy…"

"Oh, I've enjoyed myself plenty…" She heard him chuckle on the other end of the phone. "Nathan?"

"Yeah?"

"If we're going to do…if we're moving forward, there's something I want to ask, but I don't want to offend you."

"Anything, Syd."

Sydney took a long, deep breath. She felt guilty, but something had been nagging at her. "How long has it been since you had a drink? Please don't think that I think anything's…no, that's not what I…you've just come so close to…shit, I'm sorry, I…"

"Just over four months," he said softly. She heard him swallow. "I know it's a big thing to have looming over us, especially with what you've gone through with Arlen's sister, but I promise, I'm not going to slip."

"You can't make that promise." There were tears in her voice. "What you can promise is that if things get bad like they did the other night…you'll call me."

"That's a terrible burden," he croaked.

"I consider it a privilege." And just like that, the topic was put to rest. "Have I told you I adore your voice…"


	25. Why Not?

On Monday morning, Sydney walked through the front doors of Western Summit High doing her best not to smile too widely. She couldn't help being happy today, despite the fact that she only had a few hours of sleep the night before. She and Nathan talked on the phone until somewhere around three a.m. After an hour of serious dialogue, the mood had lightened. They both kept their voices low and giggled like teenagers at several points in their conversation. Just hearing his voice made her heart feel light…she was letting go of all of the fear she had tried to push onto herself…and Nathan still agreed to keeping the relationship to themselves. The more he'd thought about it, the more sense it made, professionally, for both of them.

Her heart racing at the thought of seeing Nathan, she was caught very much by surprise when Principal Hawkins called her into his office after she had checked her faculty mailbox. She was thrown for an even bigger proverbial loop when Nathan was already seated inside - his coat still on and his new glasses off. She hid her immediate fear as best she could.

"I'm glad I could catch you both together this morning," Joe began, pacing nervously. "There's a little something we need to discuss."

Nathan began to go through the rules in his mind. He was _certain_ there was no way they could be punished for seeing one another. He was more concerned about how the "mentoring" would look if others knew that he was sleeping with the woman he was supposed to be guiding. "Oh? Everything all right?" he asked as casually as he could.

"Uh, well…yes and no, I suppose." Joe cleared his throat. "As you both know, our school has a little image problem. We're not at the bottom of the district's barrel, but we're certainly at the top." Both Sydney and Nathan began to panic internally. "However, I have given some thought to a few things and I've come up with a solution to part of our dilemma." The dread the lovers were feeling quickly jelled into confusion. "You two seem to have this whole 'mentoring' deal under control, wouldn't you say?"

Nathan smiled, relieved. "It's worked out better than anticipated."

Joe returned Nathan's smile. "Exactly! You've come up with a way to create a smooth transition for a new teacher here. So, I was thinking about how no local college students ever want to use Western Summit for their student teaching…ever. In fact, on the rare occasion someone does get assigned to us, they beg and plead for a transfer."

"I remember one of them screaming in terror and running out of the building," Nathan chuckled. He quickly cleared his throat. "Sorry, go on."

"We're working on the student body, slowly, and we have finally gotten a good bid on renovations, but what's really going to help us are the little college kickbacks if we can do a good job with their student teachers. I want to get them here and I think that you two are the perfect pair to come up with a mentoring platform."

"You do?" Sydney asked.

"Yes," Joe answered. "Sydney, this can very much work to your advantage. It's a good experience for you, helping to design a program…"

"Never mind the fact that nobody else in this building would possibly volunteer," Nathan said, snidely.

Joe sighed. "You're not wrong, Nathan, we both know that." He looked at Sydney again. "It sounds like Francine is considering an earlier retirement than expected. You've already upped the grades in her room, doing something like this for the school can only help you with your future here."

Sydney did everything in her power not to smile at the possibility of a real position. "I'm onboard if Nathan is."

"Wonderful! It's going to be some extra work, I mean, I don't see you getting through what you might need to during your planning periods."

Sydney looked at Nathan innocently. "That's fine by me." She looked at her watch and Joe noticed.

"Right, kids will be here in a couple of minutes. We're done for now, we can talk more later. Thank you." Sydney nodded and left the office, though Nathan stayed behind.

"I didn't say yes. You realize that, right?" he asked, sounding rather annoyed.

Joe didn't say anything for a moment. "I'm sorry, I had just assumed…"

Nathan rose from his seat and took off his coat, as he was warming up a little too quickly. "Were you feeding her a line of bullshit to get her to willingly do what you would otherwise have to force someone to do?"

"Excuse me?"

"We both know how things can go around here, and we both know that people are told what they want to hear in order for those things to get done…"

"Do you mean what I said about Francine? That's the God's honest truth! She called me last week to talk about the possibility of not coming back in the fall and…"

"That's all well and good, but you can't make Syd think that she might be able to slide right into this position permanently."

"Syd?" He was confused, but only for a moment. "Oh, Sydney? It's not a line, Nathan, she's made quite an impression. You're right that I can't guarantee her anything, but she _is_ doing a fine job – and part of that is thanks to you. You've really taken her under your wing and…"

Nathan sighed. "I'm not a bird, Joe."

"No, you're not, but you _are_ a good teacher – to both the kids and your colleagues. You're getting back to your roots, Nate, and it's good to see." He rose from his chair now as well. "Will you do it?"

Thinking only of the extra time he would get to spend with Sydney, he answered. "Yeah, I'll do it." _And I'll have to let her know, gently, that there are no guarantees for her…so much bureaucratic bullsh…_

"Good." He walked to Nathan and put his hand on his shoulder. "So, you're professional life is certainly back on track, how's the personal one going?"

Knowing full well that the situation at hand never truly lies in the hands of the principal, Nathan smiled at Joe, now seeing him as his friend and not his boss. "It's…good, actually."

"I thought so. You look…" He really looked at Nathan then. The better fitting clothing, his "healthier than when he was drinking" coloring… "…you look _good_, Nate," the man said thoughtfully. "Happier than I've seen you in a long time, too."

"Taking care of myself again."

"Good for you. Uh…thinking of…" Joe paused a moment, not wanting to overstep any bounds, but decided to continue his question. "…dating at all?"

Nathan's face didn't change as he began to cross the room to the office door. "Sure, I'm thinking about it."

Joe's smile grew. "Care to do me a favor?"

"Another one?" He raised an eyebrow.

"This one's on me, um, monetarily anyway. My wife has begged me to go to a dinner on Valentine's Day and – oh, it's nothing romantic, more of a rubbing elbows sort of ordeal – and she needs a date, well, more of a fourth, you don't even have to call it a date, for her sister…"

"Joe, I…"

"C'mon, Nate, you don't have plans, do you? I mean you said you were ready to think about dating, so I'm assuming you don't have anything lined up…"

"Blind dates are…"

"Not a date," Joe said, his tone desperate. "We've been friends for years, right? The wife and I haven't been getting on the best and…we're trying to work through it and I just know this is something she really wants to do…just need someone to sit next to and make small chat with her sister."

Nathan felt for Joe, he knew what "not getting on" with a spouse could lead to. He sighed. "Let me think about it, okay? End of the day?"

Joe smiled. "Thanks, Nate…really."

Nathan nodded and left the office, all but jogging down the hall. He quickly threw his things down in his room, then tried to make himself look and feel calm and collected. Wanting to know if Susan was right in all of her choices for him, he put on his new glasses and casually walked across the hall. When he walked into Sydney's room, he found her balancing on a chair in the back, hanging a few things at the top of a bulletin board. Her heels weren't helping the situation. "You need help back there?" he asked. "Or I could, you know," he added, making his way back to her, "just look up your skirt."

Sydney laughed without looking behind her. "Mr. Gardner, please, that's not appropriate talk for the workplace." She finished tacking up the last page and said, her voice hushed, "I thought someone in your neighborhood might have heard us on Friday…" She turned around and Nathan came into her view. "…night." She swallowed noticeably and Nathan took her hand to help her down from the chair. She shook her head. "Hm mm, not good choices at all. Really terrible ones, actually."

Nathan's stomach turned. "Oh…uh…"

She smiled at him, her hand going to his chest. "I mean, how am I supposed to focus on anything knowing that all of _this_ is across the hall from me?"

Now Nathan was the one laughing. "So, this works for you, hm?" It was all very simple: a pair of gray slacks and a black v-neck sweater with a gray t-shirt underneath it…but it all fit, highlighting his physique in a PG fashion, and the glasses were sort of Sydney's kryptonite.

She blushed. "I have always found men in glasses to be very sexy." She bit her lower lip.

Nathan cocked his head. "I've worn them before."

"Sure, those turtle-ish things," she said, nearly giggling. "These are more sophisticated and…I'd like to see you in _just_ them…you know, to make sure they _really_ work for you."

"You are a _very_ naughty teacher." He had whispered this in her ear causing chills to run down her neck…and other things to happen elsewhere.

"I've never dated anyone that wore them before. Turns out they affect me somehow…" Sure that nobody was around, Sydney kissed him. Nathan wasn't exactly shocked by the act, or even that they were doing so when their students would be in the halls within a few moments time, but he was surprised by the way she'd done it. It was the first time she'd kissed him with what Nathan could only compare to openness. It was very much like the kiss he'd given her after she watched him with Wess…the fact that she'd just initiated it spoke volumes.

"I want to go on a real date, Nathan." Her voice was soft and she kept her face close to his. "I know a little place…it's a bit of a drive for dinner, but we would never run into anyone from school or…"

"Meet me in the mall parking lot at five, we'll leave from there."

"Tonight?"

"Why not?"

Sydney's face was beginning to ache from all of her smiling. "Yeah, why not?"


	26. Coconut Gelato

That evening, Sydney and Nathan pulled into the parking lot of the Merante Brothers Market and smiled at one another. It was a proper date, their first, and they were both rather giddy about it.

"Cute," Nathan said, looking at the building as he opened the car door for Sydney. "Far enough from home too." He extended his hand and she took it.

"It's not the 'steak and lobster' you mentioned before, but it's gourmet pizza to die for, promise." She laced her fingers with his and they took their time walking inside despite the frigid air. Once inside, Sydney started to walk towards the front of the "cucina", but didn't make it very far. "Everything okay?" Nathan was holding her in place.

"Yeah," he said, his lips still curled into a smile. "It's just, well, there are people here."

"Um…I thought that was part of the…" Her words were lost to Nathan's lips and her heart leapt. When he pulled back, she blushed. "Oh."

"Nice to be able to do that in public, that's all." He took her hand again and they made their way to the front of the room to place their order.

"Would you be interested in any of our wines?" the young woman behind the long, wooden counter asked.

"No, thank you," Sydney answered, her voice casual. She looked at Nathan, raising an eyebrow. "I'm thinking…blueberry."

"You're thinking what, now?" Nathan asked, confused.

Sydney laughed. "Italian soda. I definitely want caramel, but I'm pegging you as blueberry for some reason."

Nathan chuckled as he slid his arm around Sydney's waist. "Sounds just right."

The woman couldn't help but watch the exchange taking place in front of her. She was used to seeing couples that were more indifferent with one another, not ones who seemed to be learning about each other. She thought it was a lovely change. She turned and went to the soda fountain and mixed each flavor, returning to them with a brighter smile. "Here you are. Pizza will be about fifteen minutes."

The couple took their drinks and turned to face the rest of the room. It was a small, cozy establishment that held long, family style tables rather than individual ones. Being a Monday night, it was far from crowded and they chose a seat in front of the large fireplace in the room. They sat next to, rather than across from, each other, making the experience more intimate.

Nathan looked around for a moment, then back at Sydney. "You've got good taste."

Sydney gazed into his eyes, completely drawn to them. "I guess I do, don't I?" She caressed his face, thrilled to do so in a place other than his home. "I'm glad we're here."

"Me too." He was silent for a moment, his eyes losing a little of their earlier spark. "Just because I can't indulge, doesn't mean…"

Sydney's heart ached for a moment. "Don't finish that sentence. I would never do something that ignorant, Nathan…besides, you saw me, uh…tipsy. It gets worse; I get louder, and I say the word 'listen' a _lot_." She made him laugh and it relaxed her again. "I never need to touch another drop."

He took her hand. "Thank you, that's…thank you." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it, giving her butterflies. Yes, they had done so much more than that together, but the little romantic gestures were a weakness of hers. "There's…sort of something else, too." He took a sip of the blueberry soda and his eyes widened. "Excellent choice." He saw worry flaring up in Sydney's eyes. "Nothing _bad_, I swear." He ran his hand along her arm and explained what Joe had asked of him…and that he had avoided giving him an answer as he had promised.

Sydney wasn't upset in the least. "Nathan, it sounds pretty important to his wife…"

"It's Valentine's Day."

Sydney smiled. "I don't get swept up in that holiday, it's only ever been a disappointment. Besides, I have a certain obligation that evening."

"That's right, the fundraiser thing." He thought for a moment. "I'd much rather be there for you than with someone I don't know."

"It's okay, really. It's not like it's a 'date' date or anything…right?" Their pizza arrived at the table.

"Right…" What he didn't tell her was that he wanted to sweep her up into the holiday…very much so, no matter how silly it might have seemed. "What time will you be done that night?"

"Not sure, why?" She bit into her first slice of pizza and made a noise quite comparable to one she had made a few nights ago. She heard herself and blushed.

Nathan tried to be casual. "Oh, I was just thinking that maybe I could change your outlook; outweigh whatever disappointments you might have had in the past." He, too, took a bite…and made a very similar sound. He followed suit in blushing ever so slightly.

Sydney chewed and swallowed, as did Nathan. "They were _very_ disappointing."

"And I can be _very_ persuasive. I bet I can make you change your mind." He leaned over and kissed her, loving that he could do so openly.

_Stop falling, Syd, it's too fast for what you're thinking – baby steps… _"Maybe elevenish…only gives you an hour to change my mind."

"Haven't you heard? I'm the new and improved Nathan Gardner, an hour's cake." They both laughed and continued to talk about anything that came to mind as they ate. They briefly talked about the mentoring project they had been persuaded to take on, then things turned more personal. Sydney poured out her heartache about Arlen and the baby, as well as the relationship issues Jess was dealing with and Nathan grew misty eyed as he told her all about reconnecting with Susan in a way he'd been missing for years. Having someone to listen and, more importantly, care meant the world to both of them.

"I have a confession to make, Nathan," Sydney whispered, once they had finished their meal. "There's another reason we came here."

"Oh?" His interest was piqued.

"Uh huh…" She got up from the table and disappeared into the Italian deli attached to the restaurant. Nathan followed and found her in front of a white case. She was biting her lower lip to keep from smiling too guiltily. "Coconut gelato," she said, giddy. "Sooooo good!"

Nathan rolled his eyes and wrapped her up in his arms. "It's seventeen degrees outside and _this_ is what you want, hm?"

"Well, that and _this_," she replied snuggling against his chest. "I think the gelato is just a bonus…I get colder and, well…here you are to take away the chill." She breathed in his cologne. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked softly, still holding her.

"Tonight." She pulled her body back just enough to look into his eyes, so warm and caring. "It's been a long time since I've had a first date like this."

Nathan traced his finger along her neck. "We sort of avoided the usual pressures of a first date, wouldn't you say? Sort of like we wanted to?"

"Sort of," she answered, smiling at him. "I didn't really think all of that through very well, did I?"

He leaned in and kissed her, the act lingering and hopelessly romantic. He voice was hardly a whisper when he answered, "I think we're doing just fine."


	27. Celia

"Do you get enjoyment out of students berating their parents?"

Sydney had just finished grading her last test and was beyond startled at the cold female voice that had boomed into her classroom. She turned in her seat and looked at the voice's source. A woman with badly dyed reddish hair was all but stomping from the doorway to the front of her desk. "I'm sorry?" she said, confused.

The woman looked at her, obviously sizing her up. Sydney noticed this and stood, happy that each day she came to school she had a special someone whose eye she always wanted to catch. Unlike the woman in front of her, who was in jeans and a slightly oversized coat, Sydney was quite put together. Her hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail, her bangs staying where there were supposed to for a change. She had just touched up her makeup and was wearing properly fitting gray chinos with a dark red sweater. "Not exactly what I was expecting," the woman mumbled. She then returned to her earlier rant. "Like I already asked, do you get enjoyment out of…"

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" Sydney asked, interrupting.

"Celia Gardner, Susan's mother," she answered sharply.

Sydney did her best to keep her eyes from going wide. _This_ was the ex-wife who had the nerve to berate Nathan? Who was trying to push him "off the wagon?" First she wanted to punch her, then she wanted to…well, that wasn't going to help anything at the moment. She really looked at her for a moment; aside from the dye job, she wasn't an _unattractive_ woman by any means, though she could tell right away that Susan took more after her father. She wasn't an overbearing presence and Sydney couldn't help herself from wondering how she could push Nathan's buttons.

"You have some nerve!" Celia spat, her voice venomous.

"Excuse me?" _Ah…okay, makes more sense now, she's a shouter._ Anger welled inside her instantly, but she knew she had to be professional. "What exactly is it that I've done that proves I have 'nerve?'" "You encourage your students to say whatever they want about their parents with no consequence!" _Okay, more of a shouter than I initially thought she'd be._ Sydney did her best to compose herself and thought through the best way to handle this. She took a noticeably deep breath before she started. Then she realized she hardly wanted to address her as "Mrs. Gardner" – it stung her a little. _Huh…how 'bout that?_ "May I call you Celia?" The woman rolled her eyes. "Whatever." _Good enough for me._ "Celia, a lot of the assignments in this class are designed to do two things: strengthen the writing skills that most teenagers are beginning to lack and let them express themselves without any worries about ridicule or…" "You're not even her real teacher," Celia interrupted, seething. Sydney clenched her jaw for a moment before retaliating. "I've been here since November and will continue to be here until the end of the school year. I'm as 'real' a teacher as anyone else here. However, I think the true heart of the matter is that…" "You've _read_ what she's said about me! You gave her an A on a paper that pretty much called me a bitch!" _And had I known what a nut job you seem to be, I would have made up something higher than an A._ Deciding to play with information she already had, she asked, very innocently, "Did Susan show you her paper?" "What?" "Well, I expressly made that assignment one that only the student and I would see. It wasn't to be peer graded or shared in class, so…did Susan show you the paper?" "That is _none_ of your business." Celia began to fume more so than she already had been. "Are you sure? Since you came into my classroom during my workday and have been _attempting_ to berate me for the last five minutes, I'm rather certain that's information I should be privy to." Celia stood silent, finally void of a retort. Sydney could tell that she was aching to have something smart to come back with, but was failing. She couldn't think of a good enough excuse. "Hey, did I tell you that…oh fuck." Nathan had come into Sydney's room, a bright smile on his face…until he saw Celia, hence the "fuck." Celia's face went red. "What the hell are you doing in here, Nathan?" "I work here, what's your reason?" he asked without a moment of hesitation. Sydney bit back a smile at the sight of him; she couldn't help it. The physical hold he had on her was rather intense…and now, with his "new look" it was even stronger. Celia's head cocked to the left. She was studying Nathan the same way she had studied Sydney. The last night she had seen him, he was in a wrinkled shirt and baggy slacks, his hair all over the place…but now, he was well groomed, bright eyed, and wearing a crisp green button down shirt and black pants that hugged his rear assets in a way that had been making Sydney crazy all day. "All dressed up for another demotion?" "Whatever she's in here for, I apologize," Nathan said to Sydney, ignoring his ex-wife's comment. "She read Susan's paper," Sydney said, still pretending it was the first she'd heard of it. Nathan was pissed to say the very least. "What the hell is wrong with you, Celia? Susan made it very clear to me that nobody was to read that _and_ I thought we addressed this the other night. Her teacher has nothing to do with this – Susan even said that the assignment was a 'free write' she chose to write what she did, she wasn't told to!" "Did you grow your balls back since last week or something? How dare you yell at me here…" "But it's okay for you to yell at me?" Sydney asked. "You didn't," Nathan said, embarrassed. "It's all over her journal for this class too!" Celia screamed, trying to make her point. "_I_ don't even read their journals," Sydney said, flabbergasted. "They are _private_ exercises!" "You read my journal too?" Susan was standing in the doorway. She had gone to Nathan's room, looking for him, but heard the commotion across the hall. "I'm so sick of this, Mom!" Susan stormed out of the room and Celia dropped her current argument to go after her daughter. Nathan walked over to Sydney and put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he said, his voice shaking with anger. "I…" Sydney actually smiled. "I stood my ground, made my point, and am slightly happy to know that I don't think I have anything to worry about." Still angry, Nathan managed to return Sydney's smile. "Never," he said. He kissed her cheek. "I'm pretty sure I have a fire to put out." Unable to help herself, Sydney slapped Nathan's rear. "Go to it then." She winked and he went back to her, kissing her fully on the lips, forgetting that the door was wide open. Nobody passed in those few moments and Sydney was flush. "Oh?" It was all she could manage.

"Pretty sure you're the one who let me know it was time to 'grow my balls back.' I'll thank you much more appropriately later." He left the room and Sydney went back to her desk to grab her things.


	28. Save Me From Myself

"Okay, bring up the second spot and…perfect!" Arlen was directing the "tech crew" for his fundraiser and they were catching on much quicker than he anticipated. In order to be able to give as much profit as possible to charity, Sydney had made arrangements with the sponsor of the AV club to get those students to run the lights and sound for Arlen's biggest venture yet. The students were thrilled to get real life experience as well as the extra credit. Arlen was going through a tech rehearsal to work out run time, lighting, and the like. If someone wasn't there to do their number (as there were a lot of acts from around the city), they just ran audio of the performance and guessed as best they could. "David, honey, could you go find Syd? I want to run hers next – oh, and can you fill in on guitar?" David smiled, so very proud of his love. He couldn't believe that he had originally thought Arlen incapable of running an establishment like this one…if he could, he'd go back in time and take it all back. Arlen was proving himself not only a genuine, caring person, but quite the philanthropist. "Of course, baby," he answered sweetly. He kissed Arlen on the cheek and headed into the back. Smiling, Arlen looked down at a chart in front of him. He had a few last minute decisions to make about the food that would be served, but footsteps behind him caused him to turn. His smile widened. "Nathan Gardner, what a nice surprise." "Hi, Arlen," Nathan said, his eyes seeming tired. "Hey…off with the coat for a sec, hm?" "Huh?" "The glasses are improved, the shoes are good, and the coat is delectable, but I want to see if you changed…" Understanding, Nathan removed his coat. "…well, look at that! Someone let himself be made over." He thought for a moment and had to ask. "Anyone special help you? Not that I'm saying you couldn't have done it on your own but…" Nathan chuckled. "My daughter, Susan. She was after me for a while to change things up." "Oh, I need to _meet_ her, Nathan, superb taste!" "Thanks." Nathan found himself blushing. "Hey, you wanna pop up and do a number? I could use as much talent as possible for this and I remember you having quite a bit of your own at Christmastime." Nathan looked thoughtful. "I appreciate the compliment, but I already have plans that night." "Valentine's Day? A date?" Arlen's heart grew heavy. "No, not really. Favor for a friend." He cleared his throat. "Is Syd here?" Arlen liked the way he said her name and hoped that there was still a chance for something to happen between them. "She's getting ready to…ah, there she is." Sydney appeared on stage with David. "Gonna run her number. Everything okay? She didn't forget her phone again, did she?" "No, nothing like that." "You all right? The clothes are fabulous, but you look exhausted." Nathan sighed and couldn't stop the words from coming. "My ex showed up at school today and gave Sydney a bit of a rough time…then ate up the last few hours. I just need to…" The front house lights dimmed and Sydney was doused in a pink spotlight. "Bit too bright, guys," she laughed, unaware of Nathan's presence. The spot dimmed and she nodded at David. "…apologize," Nathan finished. "It can wait a minute or two though." Sydney began to sway to David's slightly imperfect guitar strums. He was only filling in, after all. "It's not so easy loving me. It gets so complicated, all the things you've gotta be. Everything's changin', but you're the truth. I'm amazed by all your patience, everything I put you through. When I'm about to fall, somehow you're always waitin' with your open arms to catch me…You're gonna save me from myself  
from myself…yes…You're gonna save me from myself." Nathan stood captivated, something which Arlen noticed right away. It wasn't that she was singing, it was more the lyrics of the song. To Nathan, she wasn't singing about herself, but about him. The words floating along with the gentle chords of the guitar were exactly what Nathan felt about his relationship with the woman on stage…she truly had helped to save him by moving in across the hall.

"My love is tainted by your touch. Well some guys have shown me aces, but you've got that royal flush.  
I know it's crazy everyday…well tomorrow may be shaky, but you never turn away." _Did she mean to pick this? Was it chosen for her? How the hell does it all fit so…_ He felt Arlen's hand on his shoulder, could vaguely hear him asking, again, if he was okay. "Uh, yeah, I'm good, I…" He stopped, listening again. Her vocals weren't perfect, which only added to the raw honesty he heard in her words. "Don't ask me why I'm cryin', 'cause when I start to crumble you know how to keep me smilin'. You always save me from myself…from myself, myself…You're gonna save me from myself." "I'm just asking why you're keeping everything such a secret, Jess, I didn't!" A young man was running out of the back, behind Jess, very much shouting over the lyrics Nathan was trying to so hard to hear. "Oh hell," Arlen sighed. "Just keep going! You two, knock it off, hm?" Sydney shook her head at them, not missing a beat. "I know it's hard, it's hard, but you've broken all my walls…You've been my strength, so strong…" The young man didn't listen. "Afraid I'll be that much better than you?" Neither did Jess. "I'm afraid there won't be room for anyone's donations, as your ego's going to take up the whole damned room!" They both plodded off into the lobby. Nathan was straining to hear the last of the song, the words burning hope into his chest that maybe this part reflected her feelings toward him and this just wasn't a random selection. "And don't ask me why I love you, it's obvious your tenderness is what I need to make me a better woman to myself….to myself, myself…You're gonna save me from myself." And like that, it was over. "Hey, thanks you two," Sydney said loudly into the mic. "Remind me to interrupt you too, okay?" She could hear Jess reply from the lobby, "Sorry, Syd!" She smiled and exited the stage, passing Brynn in the process. "Can you control them?" she joked. Brynn giggled as she shuffled her sheet music in her hands. "I thought I was making progress, but…I seem to have failed. I don't think it's a real argument, er, at least not an important one…" "Syd, sweetie," Arlen called from the back of the room "You have a handsome visitor!" Brynn raised an eyebrow and Sydney shrugged. "Beats me, I can't see anything but pink flashing before my eyes." "Guys, I'm purple!" Brynn shouted to the boys in the lighting booth. The spotlight changed. Sydney made her way to the back of the room and turned scarlet when she saw Nathan. "Hi," she said, feeling oddly shy. "Uh…did you see…that?" Nathan nodded. "Is there someplace we can talk?" Arlen spoke up right away. "Go use my office." He tried his best not to seem giddy. The way Nathan had watched Sydney gave him a few butterflies. "Okay," Sydney said unsurely. Arlen could hear her ask Nathan if everything was alright as they headed into the back and he found himself crossing his fingers. They reached Arlen's office and Sydney closed the door over behind them, not completely shutting it. Nathan's words came quickly. "I want you to know how sorry I am about this afternoon. I had no idea Celia was going to barge in like that and…" Sydney smiled. "It's okay…" "It really isn't." "I'm not going to say I enjoyed it by any means, but…" "She tried to go to Joe," Nathan blurted. "She didn't have a case to make of course, but she tried." Sydney's face fell. "You didn't do anything wrong, Joe knows that…he also knows that she hasn't exactly been a stellar parent over the last …" Sydney sat in Arlen's chair. "Am I going to get written up or something?" "No, nothing like that, I promise! Susan was there and…everything Celia tried to say just fell apart, but I had to tell you about it – no secrets, remember?" Sydney shook her head. "Right, no secrets…ugh…if she hates me that much just being Susan's teacher what would happen if she found out…" Nathan knelt down to be at her height and cupped her chin. "It wouldn't matter in the slightest." He stroked her hair. "You look exhausted." "I haven't even been home yet, I was trying to…" He stopped himself. It didn't matter that he'd spent the last two hours trying to get Celia and Susan to stop yelling at one another. "I liked the song," he said softly. Sydney smiled. "I…" "Was it about anyone in particular?" "I like to leave interpretation up to the audience," she said, standing back up. She was wrapped up in Nathan's arms within seconds. "I'm so sorry that I won't be here when it's not rehearsal." "Hey, we've been through this already, Nathan…"

"Doesn't mean I still don't feel…" He gave up on words, kissing her, and she very happily reciprocated. Things began to heat up between them as Nathan backed her against the wall of the office, but they pulled apart knowing this wasn't the time or place. Jess realized this too, as he quickly released the door handle and backed away as quietly as he could, content smile on his face.

_***Save Me From Myself – Christina Aguilera***_


	29. Taco Night

A couple of days passed, filled with rehearsals, work, and David moving most of his things into Sydney's house. With how things were progressing with the baby and Rachel, it was looking more and more like Arlen was going to get what he hated himself for wishing…his chance to raise the baby girl. Controlled chaos was the best way to describe everything happening at once. With all that had been going on, Sydney and Nathan hadn't had a moment to even outline the project Principal Hawkins had assigned them. So, Wednesday night, after Sydney had done her part at "Just Be", she had Nathan meet her at her home so they could at least try to get part of their mentoring program on paper.

Nathan was sitting at the kitchen table, legal pad blank in front of him. "Syd, we don't have to do this tonight."

Sydney was standing in front of the stove, frantically cooking enough for a small army. "Nathan, I know we need to show him something soon…things are a little hectic right now, but…"

"I'm fairly certain that's a gross understatement," he laughed. "Look, uh…" He sighed. "I feel like an ass asking this and you don't have to answer, but…David's moving in?"

Sydney stopped stirring the meat in the skillet and turned to face Nathan. He could have sworn he saw shame in her eyes. "Have you ever wondered about this house?" Nathan cocked his head, silently questioning her. "Substitute teacher? Crappy income, nice house?"

"Um…not really."

Sydney shook her head. "To make a long, pathetic story short, David had this house built for us before he, you know…he felt so terrible about everything that, well, here I am while he's been in an apartment." She tuned back to the stove. "The big, fancy doctor is paying rent despite having had this."

Nathan understood the look in her eyes now. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked about it."

"I hope you're not worried about anything in particular," she said, her voice quite a bit lighter than it was a moment ago. "He's with Arlen…"

"Oh, uh, no," Nathan stammered. "I know that, I'm not thinking that you two are…fuck, that's a lie."

She turned to face him again, smiling. "I know." She walked over to him and began to massage his shoulders. "If it makes you feel any better, I think you might have set the bar too high for anyone else in several areas." He relaxed into her touch, but she still felt tension. "And you're still worried?"

"The way you described him…intense and sort of overpowering…"

"It was most likely overcompensation for what he was really feeling."

"Two bodies under one roof that he…shit. Syd, I…"

Sydney leaned down so her head rested on his shoulder. "I can understand your concern, Nathan, really, but I swear to you, there's nothing to worry about." Her voice saddened. "I've been saving what I can for a while. If I could catch a break and get a permanent position, I could move out sooner, but…"

"No, I don't mean…" He groaned. "I shouldn't have said anything."

She moved so she could face him. "Whether or not we happened, this was always temporary. I can't stay in a 'guilt house.' I knew as soon as he and Arlen were ready…and now with Rachel in rehab and the baby due to leave the hospital in a couple of weeks…" Tears came to her eyes, but she blinked them back. Nathan got up and took her into his arms. "Then there's Jess and Brynn and I know he needs someone and…"

"You have so much going on," he said, kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry."

"Things will calm down after the weekend. The fundraiser will be over, David and Arlen will be here together and…honestly, it's cute that you got a little 'concerned.'"

"I wasn't jealous," Nathan said, all too quickly.

Sydney smiled fully, retuning to the stove, but looking over her shoulder. "Funny, that's not the word I used."

"Uh…" He approached Sydney, looking at her over the top of his glasses…she loved it when he did that. "Well, I…" He blushed. "I'm finding it difficult not to worry just a little."

She bit her lip. "Well, that is a matter I'll be sure to dedicate some more time to."

Nathan circled her waist from behind. "Mmm…dedication?"

"Mm hm." She put the wooden spoon down again and turned to place her arms around his shoulders. "We're not getting much work done, Mr. Gardner."

"Work is so very overrated." He leaned in to kiss her, but the front door opened and a commotion that sounded like fifty people (which was, in reality, five) interrupted their moment. Nathan sighed, defeated. "Sneaking around has it perks, but when the time comes I'm going to make such a spectacle of us." He winked and returned to the table. Sydney blushed heavily.

"I just don't see why you have to make this such a secret, it's a song!" The young man who had interrupted rehearsal a few days ago strolled into the kitchen as though it belonged to him, once again trying to anger information out of Jess. Jess followed him in.

"And I don't see why it's bothering you so much. As you said, it's a _song_!" He saw Nathan at the table and smiled. "Hello, Nathan," he said politely.

"Hi, Jess," Nathan replied. He then looked at the young man. "And Eric, I'm guessing?" He based this on what Sydney had told him. "We haven't formally met."

Eric extended his hand. "That would be me, yes," he answered, almost smugly. "You work with Sydney at school, correct?" Nathan nodded. "Do keep an eye on her, I worry that an overzealous senior may fall prey to being 'hot for teacher.'" Sydney rolled her eyes at Eric's idea of flattery. Eric was, somehow, Jess' best friend…and the person Brynn had gone on a date with. He came from money and always sounded the part.

"I'll do my best," Nathan responded, chuckling, dirty thoughts speeding through his mind.

"Oh, Eric, really?" Brynn asked, entering the kitchen next, Arlen and David following closely behind. "_That's_your first impression?" Eric shrugged and sat down at the other end of the table.

"Sweetie, let me help," Arlen said, going over to the counter. "You shouldn't have to do all this yourself."

"She's not," Nathan said quickly, moving the still empty legal pad from the table. "I was just finishing up and I already offered to help." Sydney looked at him inquisitively, then smiled. He took this as an invitation to stay and help.

"You're staying for dinner?" Arlen asked. "Yay!"

"Yay?" Eric asked. "That doesn't bump me off the guest list, does it?"

"Jesus, Eric," Jess sighed.

"I made enough for about fifteen, I swear," Sydney interrupted, trying to put out potential fires between the two. "We're all eating, but the two of you are doing all of the clean-up."

Eric smiled, trying to butter Sydney up a little. "Of course. Thank you for including me."

Sydney half nodded in response, she was a bit too busy seasoning the immense amount of taco meat in the skillet. As the table was being set, Arlen talked about the process of taking the baby home and Rachel's current treatments. Jess was trying to listen, but couldn't tear his eyes away from Sydney and Nathan. They weren't doing anything out of the ordinary. Nathan was cutting tomatoes and grating cheese and Sydney was still stirring the beef…nothing special at all, yet after what Jess had seen, something so menial seemed all the more wonderful. Jess knew from witnessing one kiss that Nathan was fixing everything that had broken inside Sydney and it made the young man want to thank him over and over again…too bad he wasn't supposed to know about it.

Much of the dinner conversation revolved around the fundraiser and Arlen's nerves about pulling it off. He went over a few more details and then suddenly looked at Nathan. "Oh, hon, are you sure you can't break your 'date' and tickle the ivories a little? I'm terrified that we could run short."

Nathan blushed slightly and swallowed his food. "I promise, had you asked a week earlier, I would have been all in."

"Date?" Jess asked, confused.

"More of an obligation…a favor…"

David chimed in now. "Well, you've certainly made some dashing changes, you must be seeing _someone_."

"Hey, I'm gonna need him to come back time to time to work on our happy little program, can we not drill him?" Sydney tried her best to keep her voice from going too high. Everyone listened and the topic changed. Once they had their fill, Jess and Eric tended to the clean-up (rather civilly, as they didn't argue over anything), David and Arlen took another carload of belongings upstairs, and Brynn relaxed on the couch, happy that no arguing was floating out of the kitchen. Sydney and Nathan were out on the porch. "I'm so sorry about the ambush," Sydney said, her voice low. "Can you understand why I'm being a little selfish right now?"

Nathan caressed her face. "Very much so. To be fair though, aside from Eric, they all love you…they all want you to be happy."

"And I am…very much so." She swallowed hard. "It's just that, Nathan, if things fall apart, I get each and every one of those people that love me telling me how sorry they are and how someday things will be better and…"

The history teacher smiled, his eyes bright. "Then isn't it good to know that I have no intentions of letting anything fall apart?" He looked at all nearby windows and made sure they were alone. He kissed her as he'd wanted to earlier…and she didn't doubt a word he said.


	30. Loss and Flowers

Later that evening, Arlen walked into Sydney's room without knocking. By the light streaming in from the hallway he could see her face, peaceful and happy with a slight smile on her lips, and hated that he was going to disrupt whatever lovely dream she was having. He made his way to her bed and sat on its edge. He gently stroked her cheek while saying her name. "Sydney…Sydney, honey, I need you to wake up."

"Mmm…Arlen?" She opened her eyes and saw his tears right away. "Arlen?" She was instantly awake and sat up on her elbows. "What's wrong?"

"Rachel's gone," he said, his voice hollow. Sydney couldn't form a question. "She overdosed in rehab…and before you ask, I have no idea how." He wiped at his eyes. "What's worse is that, Syd, I'm not crying because she's dead. I'm crying because…I'm relieved." He broke down completely and Sydney took him into her arms.

"Oh, sweetheart…" She rubbed his back as sobs rocked his body. Rachel was sent to a first class rehabilitation center out of state. David knew of it and was footing the bill. Somehow Sydney just knew that something was looming over that woman that she wasn't going to be able to fight any longer. She felt guilty for only feeling sad for Arlen and not Rachel. Her daughter was going to have a wonderful life and not wind up bouncing around like Jess did.

"David and I have to leave tonight…there's so much to do…"

"What can I do to help you?"

Arlen looked up, a different sort of worry making itself known. "The fundraiser…"

"Don't give it a second thought."

"It's so much…"

"We'll take care of it – all of it – I promise. I'll even call in some more favors with the AV club and record it for you."

"I could cancel…"

Sydney let go of him and took on a faux stern voice. "And let all of your mandatory perfection fade into nothingness? I don't think so, mister." She forced a smile. "I'll MC and organize everything I can. I can take the day off from school and…Brynn and Jess can…"

"I have it planned to the microsecond…I really need to rethink that sort of thing, huh?"

"Right now you don't need to think about anything, okay?" She kissed his cheek. "Let's go get you packed, hm?"

After getting Arlen packed and sending him off to the airport with David, Sydney went back up to her room and crawled into bed. Tears fell from her eyes and she couldn't stop them. Her heart had broken for her best friend…for his guilt, his relief, and his soon to be joy. She looked at the clock, the blue digits telling her it was three twenty-five…and she couldn't stop her hands from picking up her phone and dialing Nathan.

Nathan's voice was groggy and concerned when he answered. "Syd? Everything okay?"

"I'm so sorry for waking you." He heard the tears in her voice and woke up fully. "I just had to get Arlen off to the airport…his sister overdosed and she's gone."

"Oh, God, Syd…I…what can I do?" He echoed her question to Arlen.

Sydney sniffled. "You answered the phone," she said, the words heavy. "I…I think that's all I needed."

"I can come over, if…if you need me."

Her breath hitched. "I do need you," she whispered. She cleared her throat, trying to pull herself together. "We both need to sleep though. After school, I have to get right over to Just Be and…"

"You shouldn't go to school tomorrow, Syd…"

"I have to. How else am I going to see the person I need?"

That morning, Sydney was in her room for less than five minutes when Nathan came through her doorway. He shut the door behind him, something he had never once done. As soon as she saw him, her tears fell and he wrapped her up in his arms. Her body shook in his grasp and he kissed the top of her head.

"I know, sweetheart," he whispered in her ear. "Shh…take a breath, okay?"

"I don't feel bad," Sydney said, choking on the words. "She was a terrible, selfish person, but she's dead and…I should feel _something_ for her, and I don't. I feel for Arlen, I feel for a daughter that will never know her mother….but," she swallowed hard, "she didn't even have the decency to _name_ her!"

Nathan felt her body start to go limp and he eased them to the floor. "Stop wondering what's wrong with you," he said, gently. "I know exactly what you're thinking and you're not some horrible person for feeling what you do." He wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Arlen…he feels the same way. He said he feels horrible for feeling relief." Unable to stop herself, she cuddled into his chest, the warmth of his body soothing her.

He held her tighter, knowing she needed the comfort. "You should be home today, Syd."

"I've already called off once because of her…"

"Nobody's going to hold it against you, I promise." She shook her head. "Stubborn, aren't you?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Sydney took a shaky breath. "I guess that's something you need to know." She looked into his eyes, so warm and focused. "You should also know that when I'm a wreck like this…I get a little needy, a little clingy. I swear, it doesn't happen often, but…some guys hate…"

He caressed his face and kissed her deeply, Sydney kissing him back. He wished they were anywhere but the floor of her classroom. "Baby, I swear to you, when you need me I'm going to be exactly where I am now." He called her "baby" for the first time and Sydney felt her heart melt. He didn't say it in the way David ever had, which could sound condescending, and John had never used it. No, the way Nathan had just said the word gave it weight. She saw by the look in his eyes that he thought he overstepped a boundary; she smiled at him, showing not only her approval, but her appreciation. She pulled herself together, thankful for having someone who genuinely cared for her, and made it through the rest of the day without breaking down again.

The next two days passed in a blur. Arlen and David were dealing with a mess at the rehab center and Sydney was handling the last minute details of the fundraiser. When Friday, Valentine's Day, rolled around, there was an "in-service" day at school and Joe let her know that due to her circumstances, she didn't need to worry about being there.

At home, Sydney was sipping a cup of coffee, Brynn at the table with her. The younger woman looked at her and asked, as casually as she could, "So, are you ready for tonight?"

"Oh, yeah…sure," Sydney answered. "All I have to do is be delightfully entertaining all night and not screw up what was to be Arlen's big finish…ugh, I understand that it was a big romantic gesture to David and all, but that song…it's _so_ big!"

"I don't think you have anything to worry about…"

"Why Arlen didn't want to go with all outside talent is beyond me." He nerves started to flare. "New topic. It _is_ Valentine's Day and obviously the fundraiser got you out of having to choose which one you would have spent it with…

"I wouldn't have chosen even if that wasn't going on tonight, that's not fair at all." Brynn sighed and looked out at the hues of pink and purple that were coming up over the horizon. "We made it very clear that there were no be no gestures of any kind today. No flowers, no doting…"

"And you think the boys will abide by those rules?"

"If they don't want to piss me off they will." She cleared her throat. "We shouldn't be talking about that anyway."

Sydney tilted her head. "Why not?"

Brynn looked sheepish. "Well…it's _that_ day and I know your history with it is…"

Sydney rolled her eyes. "It's a made up holiday that I will never let mean anything to me." She bit at her lower lip. "You, on the other hand…I don't think it's the boys you're worried about, is it? I think you're afraid that you might be able to choose one of them."

"I…" Luckily, Brynn didn't have to answer as the doorbell rang. "It's barely seven o'clock."

"Why do I have a feeling that this has something to do with tonight…it's too early!" The girls got up from the table and went toward the front door.

"No way." It was Jess who answered the door. "Brynn, we said no Valentine's Day stuff, right?"

Brynn saw the deliveryman in the doorway. She didn't want to, but she felt herself grow a little flush at the thought of Eric defying their rules to impress her. He knew she was spending the night there so everyone was on the same page in the morning, so she had simply assumed… "Those are gorgeous," she said looking at a beautiful arrangement of pink and yellow roses. "Uh, but, yeah, we were firm on that."

"Stupid Er…Oh…oh!" Jess was no longer angry. "No worries, they aren't for you."

"Huh? Oh, good!" Her words came fast and she hated that her heart dropped a little. "Wait, then…"

Jess was smiling widely. "Someone's thinking of you, Syd."

"Me?"

"That would be your name on the card here…" He signed for the delivery. "Thanks." He shut the door and handed the flowers to Sydney. "There's a to, but no from." He paused a moment, as to not let his voice give anything away. "Any ideas?"

"No," she lied, but she couldn't keep from smiling. Her first proper flower delivery on this date…ever. "But…" She looked at Jess and Brynn. "…yay for me, I guess."

"You guess?" Brynn asked, completely forgetting about her fleeting thoughts of Eric. "Syd, you have a secret admirer…or something similar. That's either really romantic or super creepy, but I'm rooting for romantic. Oh! Could it be the stair sex guy?"

Sydney went crimson. She had forgotten that Arlen had slipped about that at dinner one night. "Uh…" _Of course it is…._ "…maybe." She decided that this arrangement was going to her room where she could be giddy in private. "We have a long day ahead of us, you guys should do breakfast. I'll be down in a few minutes." She went upstairs as quickly as she could and grabbed her cell phone only to see that Nathan had beat her to her own question.

The text message was quite simple: _How am I doing so far? Happy Valentine's Day._


	31. The Fundraiser

Sydney was extremely calm upon entering Just Be. True, she was going to have to worry about making sure Arlen's machine of a show was well oiled in front of a couple hundred people…yes, she had to sing and be charming and funny (not to mention keep an eye on a certain trio of people), but she had flowers at home and as ridiculous as it was, somehow it was enough to keep her spirits high.

Hours passed in a dizzying haze as the helping hands Arlen hired covered the tables in red and white linens, arranged flowers, and transformed Just Be from the relaxed, comfy atmosphere it was, to one of grace and elegance. He had so many donations from the community, so many people willing to help him fight for his cause…all of this simply because he accepted everyone for who they were, something the community needed so very much.

Sydney kept her word and not only had extra members of the AV Club there to film the night, but for the set up as well. She wanted to let Arlen take part in all of the hard work he had arranged. She had spoken to him briefly, letting him know that all was on schedule.

She entered Arlen's office before going to "hair and makeup" with Brynn, only to be met by another surprise. Sitting in the center of Arlen's desk was a stuffed red panda. Not a panda bear that was red and white instead of red and black, but the animal known as a red panda. It was situated so it was holding a small box of chocolates. Sydney started to laugh so hard that tears came to her eyes…then the tears of laughter turned into something else entirely. She picked up the card on top of the small box and pulled it from its small envelope.

_You'll be wonderful tonight. I bet I'm changing your opinion of today, hm?_

Flowers, chocolate, and a stuffed animal. "Not just a stuffed bear, but my favorite animal…where on earth…" She wiped at her eyes. "He listens to everything I..."

"Syd!" Brynn burst into the office. "According to Arlen time, we need to get dressed now!"

She composed herself and Brynn didn't even take notice of the gifts in the room. She had wanted to call Nathan, but knew she had to abandon the thought. "Right, off we go then." They hurried off to the employee's lounge and Arlen's ever so faithful stylist friends went to work on the leading ladies of the evening.

_**Meanwhile…**_

"Here?" Nathan asked from the backseat of Joe Hawkins' car. "We're going _here_ tonight?" They were pulling into the parking lot of Just Be, something Nathan was very much _not_ expecting.

"Yes, Nathan," Joe's wife, Sandra, answered. "Is something wrong? I've only heard the most delightful things about it and this fundraiser is one of the biggest events we've ever had locally. Usually the various cancer foundations choose downtown venues."

His thoughts were frantic. He had done everything right so far today, hadn't he? Flowers, the perfect stuffed animal, the right amount of a little something sweet. He had planned the day down to the last detail to get Sydney to come around, to be swept up into the possibility of an actual, full-fledged romance with him. He knew it was a little cheesy, but every romantic comedy on earth was cheesy, wasn't it? And while she didn't openly admit to it, Sydney _did_ enjoy the guilty pleasures of romantic endings and Nathan knew this. He wasn't supposed to see her until later that night. He had made sure that he was going to happen upon this venue before she'd gone home and now he was showing up with another woman. A woman who Nathan wasn't sure knew that this wasn't an _actual_ date.

"Not wrong," he replied, fussing with his cell phone, texting Sydney and hoping she'd get the message before he walked through the door, "just a little unexpected. Joe, you said you had no idea where we were going tonight."

"I didn't," Joe said with a chuckle. "I've never heard of the place. Problem with it, Nate?"

"No…uh, the opposite, actually. I know the owner…"

"You do?" the blonde next to him interrupted. Her name was Abbi; she was Sandra's sister and Nathan's "companion" for the evening. She laughed, the sound rather obnoxious. "Look at you, rubbing elbows with the upper crust."

"What? No, it's not that kind of place."

"It's the biggest fundraiser around the city this month…"

Nathan sighed, it was going to be a long night. "That's because Arlen has a big heart and some personal connections to the cause."

"Sounds like you know him pretty well," Joe said, pulling into a parking space.

"He's a life long friend of Syd's…"

"Syd?" Abbi interrupted.

Joe smiled, happy he could answer this one since he finally caught on that Nathan didn't call her Sydney all the time. "Substitute teacher he's been mentoring."

"Oh, Fran's sub," Sandra said knowingly.

"Yeah," Nathan said getting out of the car and going to Abbi's side out of habit. He opened her door. "She actually had to take charge of the event tonight."

"A woman of many talents, huh?" Abbi asked, not liking the tone Nathan's voice held. She was the complete opposite of his "type." From the moment they met when Joe pulled into Nathan's driveway, she came off as being above everyone else and having the desperate need for attention. Nathan had listened to her prattle on for ten minutes about how she should have gotten a promotion that week, but that it went to some "far less deserving pig of a woman." He wanted to crawl out of his skin and Joe sensed it, giving him a very apologetic look in the review mirror.

"She's a good person, as is Arlen."

Abbi smiled at him. "Tie's crooked, hon." She reached out her hand and straightened it. "There, better."

Nathan tried to cover up the fact that he squirmed due to her close contact. The suit was another portion of his Valentine's Day master plan. It exuded old Hollywood class, something Sydney had mentioned to him during their first little "getting to know you session." It was all black, slim fitting, and the lapels had a satin sheen to them. He wore a simple white shirt and black tie with his hair just right…and was wishing he could have found a fedora, though he knew it wouldn't have gone with this particular ensemble. _But maybe later on…_ He shook his head, clearing his wicked thoughts.

"Something wrong?" Abbi asked, wondering why Nathan was silent. He looked at her again wondering what on earth Joe was thinking when he asked him to do this. Her blonde locks were piled on top of her head in a way befitting a high school girl at the prom, not a woman in her…late thirties, he'd guessed. Her dress was also a bit age inappropriate, boasting a black, strapless and sequined bodice and a crinoline skirt. Maybe she was trying to go retro and failed. Her makeup was more subdued than her opinion of herself and it's not that she was unattractive, but she _was_ certainly trying too hard.

Nathan wanted to bite his tongue, but couldn't. "Abbi, I just want to make sure we're on the same page here. You know that this isn't a 'date'…right?"

Abbi smiled, the act mischievous. "The night is _very_ young," she purred, trying, Nathan assumed, to sound seductive. She took his arm and they walked toward the building.

"I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I'm rather certain the situation isn't going to change."

"Well see, hon."

_Hon…that's going to get old really…_

"Nathan?" Jess interrupted his thoughts, as they had reached the glass door to Just Be. Seeing the blonde on his arm infuriated him almost immediately. "You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Know him too?" Abbi asked. She didn't wait for an answer before turning back to Jess. "Are you taking coats?"

"Yeah." He didn't look at Abbi as he took her coat, he shot an icy glare at Nathan instead…and Nathan knew immediately.

"Abbi, can you go with Joe and your sister? I need to speak to Jess here for a moment."

Abbi rolled her eyes. "Fine."

"How could you show up here with…_that_?" Jess began, his words coming out faster than his brain could process them. "She's not your type, I don't think she's _anyone's_ type and you're _here_ where _Syd_ is and I know damn well that you two are into each other no matter how Syd might play it off. You were making out in Arlen's office just the other day and…"

Nathan went red and his words came just as quickly, but in a more hushed tone. "I had no idea we were coming here, Syd knows that I'm doing this as a favor to Joe, the principal at school, and I had every intention of this evening going a lot differently." He took a breath. "So, you saw?" Jess nodded. "She just wanted to…with where we work it's…"

"Flowers from you?" Jess asked.

"Yeah." He smiled. "Did she like them?"

Jess smiled back at him. "You made her morning. Stuffed weird thing and chocolates in Arlen's office?"

"Red panda."

"Huh?"

"The stuffed animal is a red panda, Sydney really…what?" Jess was laughing now.

"Nothing, I'm just relieved, that's all. I didn't want you to be an ass, like…well, I'm sure you know."

Nathan's eyes were solemn. "I do. He's why she…"

"I get it, secret's safe. I just think she's gonna be a little, uh, I'm not sure what, exactly."

"I tried to let her know a few minutes ago…"

"Cell's in the office, has been all day." He took Nathan's hand, shaking it firmly. "I'll try to run interference, but…just _please_ be good to her."

Nathan smiled, happy to know that Jess cared for her so much. "I give you my word."

A few minutes later, Jess was doing his best to ignore the looks Eric was currently shooting in Brynn's direction. He couldn't understand just how he got into the mess he was in, but soon didn't have time to focus on that. _Oh no! Oh, shit, shit, shit!_ He saw Sydney…more to the point, he saw Sydney seeing Nathan.

Sydney did her very best to not look completely confused when she arrived at the table that held her boss, two women she didn't know…and her lover. "Mr. Hawkins," she said sweetly, honing in on him rather than Nathan, "how nice to see you. I didn't know you were coming tonight."

Joe smiled brightly. "Well, to be fair, I didn't know you were partaking in such a wonderful cause." He took her hand. "You look lovely."

"Thank you," she replied, trying so very hard not to ask Nathan what was going on.

"This is my wife, Sandra," he said pointing to the woman to his right, "her sister Abbi," he continued, pointing to the blonde on the left, "and, well, Nathan, of course."

"Of course," Sydney smiled. "Very nice to meet you, ladies. Nathan." She nodded her head toward him.

Nathan swallowed hard and his heart was racing. He had seen Sydney in a red dress once before, soaking wet and heaving with sobs…it was heart breaking…but tonight made that November evening a very distant memory. Sydney's dress was a nearly exact replica of Satine's dress in "Moulin Rouge." She had been after Arlen for years to make one – ever since they had first viewed the movie in the theater. After everything with John happened, Arlen had begun work on it simply for her to have something special; it then fit in so well with the evening, he rushed to finish it. He gave it to her the night she helped him pack. Sydney knew it was rather silly, running around in a corseted top, but she loved it just the same. Her hair was curled and pulled up, exposing her neck and Nathan wanted so badly to kiss her there. Her dark eyes were captivating, highlighted in smoky grays with just a hint of green outlining them, drawing him in.

"You're a sub, huh?" Abbi asked, breaking Nathan's study of the woman he found himself needing so badly.

Sydney raised an eyebrow. "Uh, currently, yes."

"Can't get a real job? Little old for the temporary thing, aren't you?" She wasn't going to let someone else take Nathan's attentions from her.

Sydney bit her tongue, but it was Joe that raised his voice. "Abbi, could you please show a little tact toward our host? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a job in our profession?" He looked at Sydney. "I'm so sorry. You and I both know that you are doing amazing things with your students and I'm going to fight for you as hard as I can."

"Thank you," Sydney said softly. "If you'll please excuse me, I have a few things to attend to before we begin."

"Of course."

Nathan watched as Sydney hurried into the back, most likely to Arlen's office. He waited an inconspicuous amount of time before he excused himself from the table to "use the restroom." He found her immediately and he saw that her phone was in her hands.

"Oh, Syd, I'm so sor…"

She turned and smiled. "You tried to warn me, so…you're off the hook." Her smile widened as she took him in. "I'm just going to say it, Nathan, you look delicious."

Nathan didn't respond verbally. Unable to control his motions, he took Sydney into his arms and held her. He didn't kiss her lips, as to not leave any telltale signs, but he did trail a few light kisses along the neck that had grabbed his attention, as well as a lingering one that made her tingle down to her toes. When he released her, he whispered, "Anything I could have said would have sounded hopelessly corny."

She looked into his eyes. "I really like corny." She caressed his face. "Thank you for everything today. I thought we agreed on no gifts."

"You like corny, I like to break rules."

"She's horrible by the way."

Nathan sighed. "Yeah…wish me luck?"

"Makeup's come a long way, Nathan, I'll do better than luck." She kissed him fully, making sure she slid her tongue along his in a rather promising manner.

It took a moment for Nathan to open his eyes, but when he did a boyish smirk lit up his face. "That is _infinitely_ better than luck."

Sydney had made it through her introductory speech without a hiccup. She touched on why Arlen was absent from the event without revealing too many private details, remembered the rules for the silent auction, and thanked all the correct people. She felt that she could breathe once that was over, even though the rest of the night was ahead of everyone.

Dinner was a huge success. Brynn and Jess made sure to keep their eyes on the wait staff so that everyone was attended to and they heard countless words of praise over the food Arlen had chosen. They couldn't keep track of how many people asked for the catering information.

Eric was busy drumming up interest in the silent auction, silver-tongued as he was. He either spoke business or flirted, whichever the situation called for, but it worked as those in attendance were buzzing about the donated items.

Everything was fluid and very much on track. A few members of the city's symphony had volunteered their time to play during dinner (as well as a few of the evening numbers) and the music was pulling everything together perfectly. Arlen would have been proud – and certainly _would_ be, as soon as he saw the video footage.

Guinea pig that she always seemed to be when it came to Arlen's plans, Sydney had the first number of the evening. Though Nathan had seen her sing it in rehearsal, he was just as captivated this time around. Unfortunately his enjoyment was muddled by Abbi and the fact that she had whined until he caved and took her onto the dance floor. He kept turning them so his face was to the stage, something Sydney noticed and appreciated. After her number came Eric's…and he had everyone there eating out of his hands. He even took the mic and traversed the room, a collection basket in his hand. Even though it was for a good cause, it made Jess seethe just a little.

The numbers were spaced out so that there were songs, comedy, a few guest speakers, and a DJ taking requests. Arlen didn't want this event to be anything that was stuffy or boring. He wanted people to truly enjoy themselves as well as give to a worthy cause. Sydney watched Jess and Brynn on the dance floor as the DJ was currently in charge. They were talking as they danced and Jess said something to Brynn that made her burst out in a fit of laughter. He then decided to add to it by doing an impromptu jig, causing everyone around him to begin to applaud, egging him on. He hammed it up as best he could, happy that for once it wasn't Eric taking up the spotlight.

"Glad to see he stopped sulking for a while," Eric commented, appearing at Sydney's side.

"Well, you two do give one another quite a bit to brood about," Sydney answered. She turned to face him. "None of this is my business, but…" She stopped herself.

Eric smiled. "Why stop yourself from asking what you want to know?"

"Because I think I'm just better off being in the dark."

"Oh, come on, I know that isn't true."

Sydney cocked her head, still looking at Jess and Brynn and the undeniable, although possibly muddled, love between them. "No, the less I know the…" Her attention was stolen by Abbi…and the fact that she was trying to grind against Nathan.

"Looks like your friend is going to have a good time with her tonight," Eric laughed.

Sydney didn't have the chance to retaliate, as Jess, while doing his silly little dance, had noticed this situation as well. Instead of grabbing Abbi's hand to join him, he took Nathan's…and Nathan took the cue, causing those around them to roar with laughter and more applause.

"Oh, killjoy," Eric muttered. "Why on earth break up someone's good time?"

"This isn't the kind of night for that sort of behavior," Sydney said dryly, thinking Jess was solely doing his duty as being a part of the event.

"Hmm…fair enough. Maybe later tonight then."

Sydney actually laughed since she knew it would never come to pass. "Maybe."


	32. Bound to You

"Things are going rather seamlessly tonight, hm?" Nathan had somehow appeared at Sydney's side and almost caused her to jump.

"It would seem so, though I can't say the same for what happens afterwards." She was looking at Jess and Brynn, once again on the dance floor together with Eric all but staring holes into them.

"Could be worse…"

She turned and looked into Nathan's eyes. "Could be so much better." Her tone was…helpless, which Nathan wasn't expecting.

"Hey…" He put a hand on her arm. "What's wrong?"

Sydney shook her head and looked away from him. "It's nothing…stupid, really."

"Hey, history man!" Abbi's irritating voice cut into their conversation. "Dance with me."

"Abbi, I'm talking to someone."

She shrugged. "Doesn't look like a very interesting conversation. Come on, I wanna dance."

Nathan closed his eyes, trying his very best not to let out the string of insults currently coming to mind. "Please give me a minute here and we will, okay?"

"Ugh, fine." She looked at Sydney. "Don't you have something you should be doing?"

"Oh, I have plenty of things I'd like to," Sydney replied, a forced smile on her face. Abbi stormed away.

"Syd, I am still so sorry about this…"

Sydney took a deep breath, refusing to cry. "It's fine. This just isn't, and never will be, my holiday." She forced a strained laugh, hating how she sounded.

"It isn't over yet," Nathan said, trying to get her gaze back, but she wouldn't look at him.

"It doesn't matter…God, Nathan, I'm sorry. I'm acting like a child. I'm the one who told you that today didn't matter, so none of this should be bothering me."

"I'm glad it's bothering you." She looked at him again, questioning his words. "It lets me know that you really _did_ want to be with me tonight." Sydney's skin turned pink immediately. "Just remember, the night isn't over." He winked at her and made his obligatory way to Abbi.

"Sydney?" Sydney turned to the voice that had called her name. It was Jason, the acting stage manager for the evening.

"That tone doesn't sound very good."

The man cringed a little. "We're gonna run short."

"What?"

"The cellists…their flight was cancelled – weather."

"What? There isn't a flake outside!"

"Yeah…not here yet, but they were flying in from their stop in Cleveland and…"

"Great, so there goes twenty minutes. Figures, things were going so smoothly and…" She had an idea. It was a bit of a long shot and she'd have to deal with Abbi again, but… "Don't worry, I might have a at least a few minutes of filler." She left Jason behind and went to the dance floor. Abbi was trying to nuzzle against Nathan's cheek, but he wasn't having any of it. She tapped the woman on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, but I really need to cut in."

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Abbi snapped. "Absolutely not, he's my date!"

Nathan groaned and rolled his eyes. "For the hundredth time this isn't a date, and you certainly can't speak for me."

Abbi sweetened her voice. "Nathan, hon, I'm a guaranteed thing as long as you can keep me happy tonight and her cutting in will _not_ make me happy."

"Well, then, it's a very good thing I have absolutely no intentions of taking you up on that offer. Now, if you'll excuse us, this sounds a little more important than…that." Nathan all but pushed the woman away.

"I'm telling Joe!" She sounded like a five year old.

"That I don't want to sleep with you? Okay, good luck with that." He turned his attentions back to Sydney and took her into his arms. "I meant it when I said I can waltz," he said, completely changing his tone. "Now, what can I do for you, gorgeous?"

Sydney blushed, but remembered that they had to appear as friends only. Her words were fast and frantic as she explained the missing cellists and the shortage in Arlen's very well planned evening. "I can give the comedian another five minutes and the last speaker time for any questions, but…" She bit her lip, hating to put him on the spot. "You seemed so at home at the piano on Christmas Eve and sounded so…Oh, God, Nathan, I'm sorry to even ask…"

"Of course I'll help you." They exited the dance floor and Nathan returned to his table for a moment, interrupting whatever vapid things Abbi was telling Joe about him.

"She said what?" Joe asked. Sandra was sitting in her seat, her face red. Abbi was sitting as well, her face contorted into one of disbelief.

Nathan was rather unhappy that he had to "tattle" on Abbi, but there was no way he was letting her twist the situation around and possibly risk his professional relationship. "Look, Joe, I…"

"You said she'd behave, Sandra." Joe's voice wasn't angry, more like tired.

Sandra glared at her sister. "I had her word."

Abbi rolled his eyes. "What? He's hot and he's single, of course I wanted to sleep with him…bit boring though…and rude."

"_I'm_ rude?" Nathan's eyes went wide. "Have you heard a single word that has come out of your mouth this entire evening?"

Sandra looked up at him. "Nathan, I apologize for her behavior. I truly wasn't expecting this from her."

"Nothing for you to apologize for, really. She's a big girl and nobody else is responsible for her. Besides, I need to excuse myself anyway. There was a bit of a problem and I need to fill in."

"Fill in?" Joe asked. Nathan simply nodded and made his way backstage.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Sydney said, her arms flying around Nathan's neck. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

He smiled. "Of course I do." He kissed her cheek. "You do know that…" He stopped himself.

Sydney tilted her head. "What?" Her voice was soft.

He licked his lips, as they'd gone dry. "I would do anything you asked of me. I can't say that about anyone else, except Susan of course."

Guilt struck Sydney's chest then, leaden and sickening. Why was she choosing to hide this wonderful man from those she loved? It was selfish, wasn't it? "I'm scared," she whispered…and Nathan understood exactly where her mind had gone.

"I know and it's okay. There's no rush." If she needed to protect herself, so be it. It didn't change his feelings for her one bit. "Want a front seat?" he asked, the half smile that drove her crazy now formed on his face. She nodded wordlessly and left him.

Sydney joined Brynn, Jess, and Eric, at their reserved table and quickly explained the changes in the line up. She and Jason had reworked everything down to the second, just as Arlen had.

"So, Nathan's filling in?" Jess asked, his eyes alight.

Sydney nodded. "Yeah, he was happy to get away from…an unfortunate favor this evening."

"I'll bet," Jess laughed. Sydney raised a confused eyebrow. "Met her when I took her coat. Real piece of work, that one."

Sydney had no chance to agree with Jess, as Nathan had seated himself at the piano, alone on the stage. She couldn't help it when she stared at him like a lovesick teenager. Jess was the only one watching her though; her secret was safe.

"Where did I find you? Did I remind you of the boy at the Louvre? Watching you move, behind oil for five hundred years…"

"Wow," Bri whispered. "Pretty, but I've never heard it before."

Sydney's voice came, hushed and dreamy. "He told me he dabbles a little…maybe it's his."

"Out of the furnace, into the forest and the harvest of my youth…Tell me the truth, do you? Does anyone, anymore?" He felt himself smiling for a myriad of reasons, but none more so than her. "I have come to believe if a man does his deeds, while he's missing the wine, he's already died, he's already died a hundred times."

The piano filled the otherwise silent room, even the wait staff had stopped bustling about. Sydney's eyes welled with tears. He was flawed, sure, isn't everyone? But he was so beautiful. She wished more than anything that she could push aside her fears, that she could stand up on the table and proclaim to everyone around her that she loved…

Oh, God…I do…

Nathan's eyes found hers as he continued. "Do you remember seven Septembers of sacred rendezvous…" Sydney blushed for so many reasons. "Spreading…only for you. Will you remember  
tipping the vendor, and how we used to groove? Spreading…" Still looking at only her, he went on. "But my fear and my pride left a shadow inside, with a note on the door and a card on the floor…Like a hundred times before."

"He's pretty good," Eric commented.

"I know we said we'd cool it on the topic, but why is it you aren't you dating him?" Brynn asked. Sydney chose not to answer; she didn't know how to respond to that question anymore.

"First it was nearly, then it was barely…Now it seems pretty far. When you were tipsy, I was a wizard with a silver star…" Sydney thought of Nathan rescuing her from the Christmas party and her first tear fell. She wiped it quickly and nobody noticed, save for Nathan. "I will spare the details of the rocks and the nails…and the times that I've lied…Can't lay down tonight…I've already tried a hundred times…"

Sydney excused herself as the last few notes of the piano graced everyone's ears. It was as simple as saying she had to get ready for things to wrap up. Jason had run to the restroom and Sydney was to be the last on stage, so nobody else was there when Nathan walked away from the piano.

"That was beautiful," she said, her tears falling freely.

Nathan wiped at her tears, his own eyes glossy. "It was for you," he whispered. "I was planning on it being a little more intimate later tonight once everyone else was…but…I think it worked."

"You…wrote it for…"

He smiled. "Been working on it since December."

Sydney's head spun and she found herself needing to sit. "You're amazing."

"Maybe," he chuckled, "but not until recently. How about I stay tonight, help you with the cleanup and…"

"Don't go." They were the only words she could muster. Her chest was tight, her eyes stung, and her heart was racing. She had fallen hard and was scared to death. She heard the office phone ring and reluctantly left him.

When Sydney stepped into the spotlight for the final time that evening, her emotions were evident on her face. "I would like to take a moment to thank all of you for your support tonight. I just spoke with our absentee host and…" Her breath hitched. "…while he has just lost a loved one, he is so very grateful for the support of everyone in this room." The room erupted in applause. "He was supposed to be wrapping up this evening for us with a dedication to his love and the new life they will be starting together. While they can't be here tonight, the sentiment remains the same." She wiped at her eyes. "I certainly can't do it the justice it deserves, so the original recording will need to suffice. I invite everyone here out onto the floor for one last dance, and we all thank you so much for all of your contributions this evening."

Nathan had returned to Joe's table and was watching Sydney intently. Joe noticed this and commented. "She's quite the individual, isn't she? Taking this on with short notice and still not missing a beat the last day we had classes."

"She is," Nathan agreed. "Joe, you and I both know she can only do good in the district, but…please, don't string her along if someone's relative is guaranteed an in."

"Nate, I told you I'd fight for her and I meant it…even more so now. We need someone who actually cares, not someone who just wants a job." The music started and the conversation ceased.

Sydney exited the stage as the track began, her heart finally slowing. She listened to the words Arlen had picked for David and couldn't help but relate them to Nathan. "Sweet love, sweet love, trapped in your love…I've opened up, unsure I can trust…My heart and I were buried in dust…Free me, free us…"

Sydney was leaning against the wall closest to the stage, watching the sea of couples before her. Arlen had done something so wonderful tonight…and couldn't be there to witness it. Her heart broke all over again.

"You're all I need when I'm holding you tight…If you walk away I will suffer tonight. I found a man I can trust and boy, I believe in us…I am terrified to love for the first time." She found Nathan's eyes and smiled at him, sending a very clear message across the room. "Can you see that I'm bound in chains? I've finally found my way…I am bound to you…I am bound to you."

Nathan swallowed hard. He knew she would come out and say those words to him, not yet, but he was okay with that. He knew that her walls were falling down and that was enough.

"There aren't any rules that say you can't ask her out, Nate," Joe whispered to Nathan, catching on to the look they were giving one another.

"So much, so young, I've faced on my own…" Nathan walked across the room, but Sydney had disappeared into the back hallway. "Walls I built up became my home…" He found her in the shadows, away from the crowd and the other members of the staff. "I'm strong and I'm sure there's a fire in us. Sweet love, so pure…" He smiled and wrapped an arm around her waist, then lacing their fingers together, they danced. "I catch my breath with just one beating heart and I embrace myself, please don't tear this apart…"

Nathan kissed her neck once again, so much tenderness in the simple act. "I found a man I can trust and boy, I believe in us. I am terrified to love for the first time…" Tears streamed down her cheeks, for so many reasons and Nathan understood each and every one of them wordlessly. "Can you see that I'm bound in chains? I've finally found my way…I am bound to you…I am bound to…"

As the music swelled and Nathan held her, she let everything go. Her guilt over Rachel, her slight anger at Jess for not going with his uncle, her buried jealousy over what Arlen was soon so have…and her fears that everything she was feeling for Nathan was going to crush her as it always seemed to. "Suddenly the moment's here, I embrace my fears, all that I have been carrying all these years…Do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall? Fall…"

Nathan stilled their bodies and held her as tightly as he could, his own chest tight with emotions of his own. "You just cry, baby," he said, his voice so soothing to her.

"I have entrusted, boy, I believe in us…I am terrified to love for the first time…Can you see that I'm bound in chains? And finally found my way…I am bound to you, I am, oh I am…I'm bound to you…"

The music stopped and applause and the shuffling of chairs and feet could be heard. People were leaving, happy. Sydney, clearly embarrassed, looked up at Nathan with her red eyes. "I cry around you…a lot," she said, wishing for a tissue.

Nathan wiped under her eyes with his thumbs. "I threw a glass at the wall." Sydney laughed, which caused him to smile. "As long as I can make you smile again, you can cry to me whenever you need to."

"You'll regret those words if we ever watch a sappy movie while I have my…oh, God…I almost just said that."

"I live with Susan, I'll have the heating pad and the Midol." He winked at her kissed her cheek. "I'm going to go tell Joe that I'll find my way home."

_***Details – Robert Downey Jr.***_

_***Bound to You – Christina Aguilera***_


	33. Love

"Hey, has anyone seen Sydney?" Brynn asked, the changing weather outside concerning her.

Jess stopped folding the tablecloth in his hands and responded with, "I'm pretty sure Nathan was helping her put away the tables from the silent auction. I'll go check on them." He looked back at Brynn while he was walking. "Gettin' pretty bad out, eh?"

"To say the least."

Sydney and Nathan were, indeed, putting tables away, but when they found themselves alone for a moment after such an emotional evening…things began to transpire. They were breathing shared air, when they came up for it, and their hands were certainly occupied…

"Hey, Syd," Jess called, far louder than necessary, "roads are getting really bad."

The couple broke apart, and Sydney did her best to compose herself, smoothing out the hoodie and jeans she had changed into. She exited the storage room before Nathan. "Oh no, really?" she asked, appearing normal to everyone but Jess. He didn't let on that he knew a thing.

"How bad is bad?" Nathan asked, exiting the room now, pretending that his hands needed to be wiped on a towel.

"Wouldn't be surprised if they started closing roads soon," Jess said, walking back to the main area, Sydney and Nathan following. "Really soon." He was looking out of a window now. "Any chance we can worry about this tomorrow?"

"Sounds like a plan," Sydney started, "there are just a few things in the kitchen that have to be…"

"Okay, _that_ car just did a three sixty," Brynn said, her voice panicked. Being in a car in extreme conditions made her a little nervous.

"Jess and I can finish up," Eric offered. "Nathan, could you get the ladies home?"

"Uh, yeah," Nathan stammered a little. "I just…Syd, I can take you and Brynn home in your car, I didn't drive here."

"He could just stay at the house 'til morning, couldn't he, Syd?" Jess asked. "I can take him home then." He winked at Nathan, but nobody else saw the action.

Sydney's face felt warm. "It's…it's up to Nathan, really. Susan?"

"She's at Charlie's. His mother was having a sort of lock-in for most of his friends tonight, she won't be home until tomorrow."

"Well, it's all set then!" Jess said happily. "You get them home safely and Eric and I will do the last few things here, lock up, and use his expensive all wheel drive whatever it is to meet you at home."

"Where it just so happens I'll be needing to spend the night too," Eric said smugly.

Sydney sighed. "Plenty of room as long as everyone's civil."

So, that's how the night was _supposed_ to go. Nathan helped Sydney and Brynn out to the car without anyone slipping on the way. He got behind the wheel and though it took quite a while, he got them home safely.

"Sorry for the inconvenience," Nathan said as convincingly as he could, walking into the living room.

"Don't be silly," Sydney answered. "Thank you for getting us home." She cleared her throat. "You can take Arlen's room tonight and…"

"Oh, are you kidding?" Brynn's phone had gone off while Sydney and Nathan were talking…and the conversation didn't sound good. "Well, you have anything there you need. The two couches in the employee lounge fold out into beds…No, he's just always planning that way, better safe than sorry. I'm sorry…yeah…see you in the morning." She hung up her phone and looked at Sydney. "They closed the roads fifteen minutes after we left. Jess and Eric are stuck there until morning." Sydney could tell that Brynn was disappointed over losing her sleepover. "Hot chocolate and a movie?"

Nathan smiled. "I'm game." He turned to Sydney. "Do you think there's anything I can change into?"

"Sure, let's go find something for you." A few hours later, Sydney was seated at her window when Nathan knocked softly on her door. "Come in," she said just loud enough for him to hear. She thought it would be Brynn…she was so glad to be wrong.

"Hey," he said, smiling, his eyes catching the dim light of the room.

"Hi." She blushed, unable to help herself. They had all showered and did, indeed, indulge in hot chocolate and a much needed comedy together before they all went to their separate rooms. Brynn drifted off to sleep rather quickly, while Sydney and Nathan remained very much awake for the next hour and a half.

Nathan quietly shut the door behind him and locked it. "Mine's shut, so is Brynn's…think she's asleep?" He was shirtless, his abdomen demanding Sydney's attention. He had on a pair of Arlen's pajama bottoms, which dipped low, accentuating his, as Sydney referred to it, "Man V."

_Thank you, Sifu Wess…_ She cleared her throat. "If she wasn't, I have a feeling she would have visited me already."

Nathan crossed the room, his hands behind his back. "So, this is your room?" he asked innocently, careful to keep his voice hushed. "Lovely change of scenery." He found himself wondering how many conversations they'd had with her sitting at the window as she was. She had a dim lamp in the corner, more mood lighting than functional, and it was the only light in the room. It made her all the more alluring. Her hair was still slightly damp and she was wearing pink and black checkered flannel pants and a black tank top. When he reached her, he ran the back of his index finger along her bare shoulder. Sydney shivered. "Cold?"

"Huh uh…"

He smiled, the creases around his eyes once again making themselves known. Sydney could not for the life of her understand why this drove her as crazy as it did. "Slept at all yet?"

"No."

"Good, it's still Valentine's Day then."

Sydney smiled, finally able to control a few muscles. "I don't think it works that way, Nathan."

"No? Because the way I look at it, it's not the following day until you wake up. Clocks and calendars be damned." He sat beside her and brushed her hair away from her face. "Have I changed your mind at all about today?"

"I think you swayed me into a more positive direction." She pet the head of the stuffed red panda that was lounging in the corner of the window seat.

Nathan nuzzled into her neck, his lips just barely brushing her skin. "How can I completely change your mind?" His left hand finally emerged from behind his back and he produced a long, white box.

Sydney's hand went to her mouth. "We said nothing special, remember? You already went over the line with the flowers and Seymour over here…"

"You named it?" Nathan chuckled.

She blushed. "Uh…no?"

He kissed her chastely. "Just another reason I adore you."

"And the song…Nathan, there's nothing in the world that can ever compare to something like that. It was beyond beautiful…"

"Probably should have held off on the for a while then, hm? I won't ever be able to top myself." He continued to hold the box out until she took it.

She beamed like a child and opened the box. "Oh, Nathan Gardner…" Before she even examined the item, she got up and walked to her dresser, confusing Nathan. She opened the top drawer, pulled out a square black box, and handed it to him. "I didn't listen either," she said, winking. She then looked back into the box she had been given and gazed at the item inside, her bottom lip quivering. Inside was a sterling silver bracelet, Pandora style, with three charms on it: a pink crystal sphere in the middle, a slice of pizza to the left…and a history book to the right. She started to cry again, wishing she hadn't been such an emotional wreck lately. "Favorite color, proper first date…and _you_."

"Too presumptive?"

"Oh, God, no…" She kissed him full on the lips, her tears falling onto his cheeks rather than hers. When she pulled back, she all but whimpered. "It's so perfect…you…you have no idea how much...What I got you…it just doesn't compare."

His forehead resting against hers, he replied, "It's not supposed to. Nothing special remember?" He smiled again. He leaned back just a little and opened the box Sydney had given to him. Inside was…a bracelet, which was why Sydney had shot up from her seat when she had first opened her gift. It was made of titanium and carbon fiber…and was sharp. It completely meshed with the new wardrobe he'd acquired. He raised an eyebrow and smiled widely.

"You…" She sniffled. "You changed yourself up so much and…and you started taking your body more seriously an…" Her breath hitched. "It's, I don't know if I buy into it, but it's s…supposed to help energy flow with magnets in the ends and…it's really big in Asia…"

"It's absolutely perfect." He stood up and took her hands into his, silently asking her to join him. She did. He pulled her close and she reveled in the heat of his skin. "Screw questions, I'm wearing this every day."

Sydney giggled through her tears. "Me too."

The mood then changed slightly. "I'm not quite done with _this_ day."

"Neither am I."

Without warning, Nathan scooped her up into his arms the way Sydney had seen in countless romantic movies…and placed her on her bed. He gracefully positioned himself on top of her and began to lavish her neck and chest with slow, erotic kisses. Sydney mewed, something she didn't expect to do, and Nathan stopped to smile at her…she loved his smile. She loved _him_…

As she blinked back fresh tears Nathan slid her tank top up over her head and ran his hands over her breasts, every touch gentle. He lowered his body, pressing his chest to hers, their hearts both beating rapidly. He stayed that way for a few moments, silent.

When he finally did decide to speak, his voice was soft and the most soothing sound she'd ever heard. "I'm pretty sure a lot of things happened tonight, but…we don't have to verbalize any of it…"

"I love you," Sydney said, the words sounding like a sacred confession. She swallowed hard. "I…we've had one real date…how…"

His own tears fell onto her chest. "How isn't important." He kissed her, joy in the action. "I love you, Sydney…God, I love you." He kissed her again and seemed like he wanted to say more, but didn't.

"Nathan, please…"

He closed his eyes and placed his lips by her ear. "I'm scared too," he confessed. "Please don't feel you're ever alone in your fears. We've both been hurt, we're both scarred…but I think that's the 'how'…I think it's the 'why'…and I think it couldn't be more perfect." His words were honest and heartfelt and somehow Sydney just _knew_ that they were right. After all of her promises to herself after John about never losing herself to someone again, never falling in love…she was convinced that pain was meant to bring her to where she was right now.

"I need you," she breathed. He didn't need to hear anything else. With skilled hands, he slid her pajama bottoms and panties down her legs, then discarded his own clothing. He kissed her everywhere he could, loving that her flesh rose when he did so. His fingers barley brushed body, but set her nerves on fire. He slid his tongue from just above her sex, all the way up to her chin before she begged him in a quivering voice. "Oh, please…just you…I need to feel you…"

"Syd, I have…"

She shook her head. "Nothing between us…don't make me beg."

"No begging tonight, sweetheart." He stroked her cheek. "We'll save that for another time." Sydney laughed. "I want to hear that sound all the time." She smiled at him and he entered her, gentle and loving. Sydney knew the thought was cliché, but she couldn't help herself…she felt complete. He didn't move at first and neither of them minded. "I will never hurt you, I promise. Your heart is safe with me…"

"Nathan, you can't promise…"

"I can," he said, then he kissed her, "and I do. I love you." He moved inside of her, causing her to gasp.

Not able to stop the words, Sydney cried out, "Thank you." She ran her hands along his strong back. "Oh…" She started to giggle again. "Thank you…"

"You said that already," Nathan said with a slight moan.

"Yeah…meant two different…oh, dear God…things…" Nathan moaned, trying to remember there was someone else sleeping across the hall. "And I love that sound," Sydney purred, taking his earlobe between her teeth. He pumped into her just a little harder, causing her sounds to match his.

"Sounds like a lot of loving, hm?" He pulled her body closer to his, his pace picking up. "You're all I ever want, Syd…" That was it…Sydney surrendered herself to him and cried for the last time that night as she released everything. "Oh…" Nathan followed suit, too emotional to keep himself in check.

They kissed and cuddled for the rest of the night. Each blissfully happy, despite the fact that they were both terrified. They had decided it best to keep their relationship as it had been for the time being, mainly for their careers. School would end in a few months and everything would be easier then…besides, they both found something invigorating in their secret rendezvous.

Before succumbing to sleep, Sydney ran her fingers through Nathan's hair and let herself become lost in his eyes. "It goes both ways," she whispered. "I will never hurt you."


	34. Advice

"Italy," Sydney said, her voice sure of itself.

"Yeah?" Nathan was behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist and his head resting on her shoulder. "Me too." He kissed her cheek. "Rome especially."

"So we have the same dream destination?" Sydney laughed.

Nathan squeezed her. "See? Just another reason..." _So this is what real happiness feel like? I don't know what I did right, but I hope I can keep doing it._

They were in the kitchen and Sydney was mixing up pancake batter. She was in love, it was returned, and she felt truly safe this time around. Nathan was, for the most part, stable (she would never hold his past issues against him and would only ever offer her help if he needed it) and wonderful to her. She was grateful that they were able to get to know one another before they dated…well, pursued other avenues and _then_ dated, it was the first time she'd ever done this and she had a feeling it was making all the difference in the world. The batter was to be for after they all returned from Just Be, she was simply trying to get a head start, but the universe had other plans.

Sydney and Nathan heard Brynn coming down the stairs and broke apart. She walked into the kitchen, her face confused. Sydney thought she was pondering the two of them in the same room in pajamas, Nathan now wearing a shirt, but she was glancing at her phone.

"Uh…we need to go," she said, all but scratching her head.

"Everything okay?" Sydney asked.

"I…have no idea. Jess just called. He said that Eric left him at Just Be."

Sydney furrowed her brow, but kept her comments to herself. "Gimme five minutes." She looked at Nathan. "We'll find something. I'm sure you don't want to wear your suit."

Ten minutes later they were on the road, Brynn wondering aloud what could have happened. "God, I bet they fought! Ugh, why can't men just…" She poked her head between the front seats and tapped Nathan on the shoulder. "Why are you all so difficult?"

Nathan was caught by surprise. "Whoa, wrong male here, Brynn. I can safely say I've never been in a situation remotely like yours." He cleared his throat. "If they did fight though, you seem to be a better thing to fight over than something inanimate. Uh, does that help?"

Brynn smiled and shook her head. "Not really, but I appreciate it." Nathan winked at her. "Thing is, I don't know who would win, not that I've ever thought about something like that."

"Oh, of _course_ not," Sydney laughed.

They pulled into the parking lot and were barely at a stop when Brynn jumped out of the car. She ran to the door and knocked rapidly. Jess came to the door and his slightly swollen and scraped cheek came into view. He unlocked and opened the door.

"Oh, Jess! What happened?" Brynn was in a slight panic.

Jess smiled as best he could. "You should see the other guy," he chuckled. "Seriously, Eric looks worse and, for the record, he started it."

Sydney went into "mom mode" when she saw Jess. "Oh, sweetie, really?"

"For those late to the show, Eric looks worse and started it." He shrugged at Sydney. "I'm okay, promise. We had to work out a few issues."

"And how'd that turn out for you?" Nathan asked, concerned.

Jess sighed. "Well, he skipped out on helping us finish here, so…I really don't know."

Understanding that Jess needed to get away form the concerned female eyes, Nathan put an arm around his shoulders and started to walk him away. "Come on then, slugger," he laughed, the words holding just the right amount of sarcasm, "let's go stack the rest of those tables."

"Guess that leaves us to the kitchen," Sydney commented and she and Brynn made their way back. "It was definitely a fight over you."

"Yeah…is it wrong that part of me wishes I could have seen it?"

Sydney giggled. "We're women…I think it's a natural reaction to sort of enjoy that sort of thing." They started on the slight mess that was waiting for them.

Nathan and Jess were far enough away that Jess knew any potential conversation couldn't be heard. He was eerily quiet for a while, but Nathan didn't push. It wasn't as though he was close to the young man, but he was used to his students coming to him for advice on a regular basis. Finally, Jess broke his silence.

"Uh, Nathan?"

Nathan looked up from the chairs he had begun stacking. "Yeah, Jess?"

"I…" He changed his mind. "So, you spent the night across the hall from Syd?"

He didn't mean for it to happen, but he smiled. "Sure." He left it like that.

Now Jess smiled as well. "You didn't stay across the hall, did you?"

Nathan sighed. "Not a word?" Nathan understood that Jess was looking for someone to trust and if that meant having to give up a little about himself, he would. Despite his anger at her, he had just lost his mother, never knew his father…and it wasn't fair that Jess was slightly alone. Jess motioned "cross my heart" over his chest. "No, I didn't stay across the hall, but that's all you get."

"So, you're super straight, right?" He turned crimson. "I didn't mean I was implying that you wouldn't be, but based on the other males that pop into Sydney's house…"

Nathan cleared his throat roughly. "Uh, I'm…yeah, I'm straight."

Jess sat down. "I just…I don't want to burden you or anything, but I don't exactly have anyone to…"

Nathan sat down next to him. "It's okay, I know you don't."

"Arlen, I mean, he's my uncle, my blood, but…and David, well, you know all about that…" He put his head in his hand. "My fucking mother never let me know who my dad is and I don't know what I'm supposed to do sometimes when things happens and…" His face went red.

"Jess, part of my job is to be there for my students. I don't make any judgments, I just listen…and I don't think there's much that can floor me." His voice was calm and reassuring.

"You deserve one another, you know that? You're both really good people." Nathan nodded in appreciation. He certainly didn't want to just come out with, "We're in love with each other!" when he knew that something was seriously bothering Jess. "Have you ever done anything questionable? I mean…and I'm sorry, but without alcohol involved?" He cringed.

"You don't have to tiptoe around that…my past is certainly spotty, but yes, I've done plenty of questionable things while sober. I was a teenage boy once."

Floodgates opened within Jess and he told Nathan all about his evening. He told him that Eric kept making comments about himself and Brynn and that he saw red. He told him how he couldn't remember throwing the first punch at the person who was supposed to be his best friend…and how they wound up pummeling one another for the better part of fifteen minutes. Nathan listened intently, letting him vent as much as he needed.

Jess broke eye contact and his tone changed when he reached his true concern. "I don't know what happened, but I…ugh…I suddenly…you sure you did some questionable stuff?"

"Maybe not as questionable as where this is going, but it doesn't matter. Go ahead."

"Ifuckingkissedhim!" The words were strung together and his cheeks went red, but there it was.

Nathan put a caring hand on Jess' shoulder. "You okay?" Jess shrugged. "First time, I'd assume?" He nodded again. "Never thought about it before?"

"Not once."

"You were, and have been, fighting over Brynn, either passively or, well, aggressively based on the bruises…was it a power play?"

"It's what I was going for, I think. I…I thought he'd just back off, but he didn't." He looked like he was going to cry. "And I didn't hate it." He lifted his head and thought Nathan would run off laughing.

"That pretty much sucks," Nathan said honestly. "Not that you did it, but that you don't know where you stand with yourself right now." Jess' eyes went wide. How could a man he barely knew understand where his mind was? "I can't give you any sort of solid advice here, but I can tell you this: you're young and ever changing – we're all ever changing – and you scared Eric. I think that's why he slunk off, yes?"

Jess was shocked. "You…you think?"

Nathan nodded. "From seeing you around one another a few times, he thinks he's the big shot in charge of everything. Sounds like you were showing him…" He changed his word choice. "Like you were trying to knock him down a few pegs. That aside, I'm afraid everything else is going to be up to you. Like I said, you're young and ever-changing…" He smiled. "And you fell in line with a group of people who would never judge you for any decision."

"You have a daughter, right?"

"Yeah."

"She's…lucky. Thank you." He got up from his seat. "Is stuff gonna be weird? I mean, I just…I would've burst if…"

Nathan smiled. "I'm pretty sure I'm part of that group I was telling you about."


	35. Handy Man

"Did you have a good time last night, Susie Q?" Nathan was in the kitchen cooking dinner for himself and his daughter.

"Yeah, it was cool. Charlie got a hold of a copy of that new Mark Wahlburg movie and screened it for everyone…it kinda sucked, but in a 'so bad it's good' kind of way." She looked up from her trigonometry book. "And your night?"

Nathan told her about the horrid woman known as Abbi and his impromptu performance, though not exactly what he performed. He was even honest about spending the night at Sydney's – a few details left out, of course. "Pancakes this morning after clean up and here we are."

"Abbi aside, and please don't ever see her again she sounds awful, it sounds like your night was pretty good."

"It was," he replied, his voice almost distant.

"And you…spent the night at my English teacher's house. The same person I've been begging you to ask out for…"

Nathan's back was to his daughter, which was a good thing considering he couldn't keep the smile off of his face. "I just might," he said innocently. "No promises when, but…I will take it into consideration, okay?"

Susan's eyes brightened, but she cocked her head in confusion. "If I were going to guess that Valentine's Day had something to do with this would I be right?"

Nathan's answer was simple. "You wouldn't be wrong."

Sydney was at home, lounging on the couch despite what should have been getting done. She had spent the afternoon cleaning after she dropped Nathan off at home, but put off a few of the more daunting tasks that awaited upstairs. She was watching HGTV (it was a slight obsession), but not paying it much attention. Her thoughts were completely dedicated to Nathan. She nearly jumped out of her skin when Brynn and Jess entered the room.

"So, pancakes were good this morning," Brynn said, smiling. She was currently unbothered by Eric's disappearing act due to a "pleasant afternoon" with Jess. "Did Naaaaaathan help you make the batter this morning?"

Sydney rolled her eyes and forced away a smile. "As a matter of fact, he did, but last time I checked he didn't have so many vowels in his name."

She shrugged, then plopped down beside Sydney. "We've all been really well behaved for a while, like you asked, but getting to just hang out with him last night, after his amazing little on stage ditty, I think he's…"

"He's pretty great," Jess said, sitting on the other side of Sydney. "Had a bit of a chat with him today, he's a good listener."

Sydney blushed, but not enough to be very noticeable. "Yeah, he is." She cleared her throat. "I've seen him with a few of the kids at school and he's just a natural at it." She looked at Jess. "Everything okay?"

"No," he answered honestly, "but it's a little better. It was nice having a…" He didn't finish and Sydney completely understood why. Jess never held Arlen's preferences against him, but he never had a true father figure either. While she didn't press the issue to find out what they spoke about, Sydney's heart leapt knowing that Nathan had helped to ease Jess' mind about something.

The following morning, Sydney's house was…silent. Jess had finally decided that he should be with Arlen to finalize his mother's things, as well as spread her ashes. Sydney walked into the house's fourth bedroom and leaned against the doorframe. This was to be the nursery. She felt a pang of joy as well as pain, but would never show the latter once the baby girl arrived. The room was completely empty, save for the paint cans in the corner. It was early, eight-thirty at the latest, but as she stared at her cell phone, she dialed him.

"Morning, sunshine," he answered, and she heard the smile in his voice.

"I didn't wake you?" she asked.

"Who can sleep? Everything okay?"

She tried to sound as innocent and helpless as she could. "Uh…how are you at painting?" An hour later, Sydney was kissing him just inside her front door. "Thank you," she whispered.

He caressed her face, his touch tender. "You could have just told me you had an empty house today."

Sydney smiled widely. "Paint wasn't a euphemism." She took his hand and led him upstairs to the empty room.

"There really _are_ paint cans."

She laughed. "And a crib to put together."

A couple of hours later, the walls were the perfect shade of a pale, girly pink…Sydney was a little better at taping and accidentally stepping on the paint tray – three times – but Nathan didn't mind doing a bulk of the work. They spent the time talking about the new step in their relationship, as well as the mentoring program they had yet to work on.

They found themselves in the middle of the floor, on their backs, their fingers laced together when Nathan made a small confession. "I told Susan I was thinking about asking you out."

"Oh?" Sydney rolled onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow.

Nathan remained on his back, smiling widely. "She's been sort of adamant about it for a little while."

Now Sydney was smiling. "Really?"

"Why would that be hard to believe?"

"Well, I'm her teacher…"

"Hate to break it to you, Syd, but so am I." He rolled to face her now. "I love you," he said, the words making his body warm.

"Not exactly what we were…I love you too." She took a deep breath, wanting so much at that moment. "Crib…"

"Yes, ma'am." They went into Arlen's room and grabbed the boxes containing the unassembled crib. The picture showed it to be rather elaborate – very much styled for a princess. Upon bringing the boxes into the nursery, Nathan immediately found the instructions, gave them a quick once over and put them aside.

"That's…it?" Sydney asked, wondering if he had given up already.

He smiled. "You don't know everything about me yet now do you? What fun would that be?" And like that, Nathan turned into a "crib-putting-together machine." Sydney helped as best she could, handing him appropriate parts or holding things together. She never thought of him as being such a, well, handyman – though to be fair, she never would have pegged him for a martial artist either – it was a trait that had always turned her on…which led her onto her next question…

"We're more than sex, right?" Sydney blurted, unable to stop herself.

"What?" he asked, tightening a screw.

"If we didn't have such an amazing, um, physical connection…we'd still be…" She didn't finish because she realized how silly she sounded.

Nathan's voice was lighthearted. "You think I just go around spouting 'I love yous' to every woman who works across the hall from me?" He continued putting the rail together.

Sydney giggled. "Of course not."

"If you want to stop sleeping together for your own peace of mind…I need the flathead, please."

"I didn't say that," Sydney quickly retorted, handing him the alternate screwdriver. "I think I'm just being…" She rolled her eyes at herself. "…overly cautious? More then likely overdramatic, actually."

"I'm not either of them, remember? I love you and we compliment each other well in a myriad of ways…"

"Ooh, good word, mister history teacher…"

"Why thank you." He stopped the conversation, and the work at hand, by kissing her. It wasn't a kiss that could be easily classified, however. It was comforting and sexy at the same time and, Sydney couldn't help but notice, made her feel truly secure.

"Nathan…" Sydney whispered, her voice dreamy against her will.

He smiled, happy. "So, now that we know we're just fine, what happened that led me here today?" Sydney went back to holding the two pieces of crib together and told him about Jess finally deciding to go and meet Arlen; that he pushed his anger aside a little for him. "You're worried about him." It was a statement of fact.

Sydney nodded. "He's had such a screwed up life…Arlen's fantastic, but it's not the same as having a father and I've sort of filled in as motherish…" She cocked her head. "What?"

Nathan stood and wrung his hands. "Jess sort of, I can't tell you exactly what we talked about, but…"

"I know, the other morning," Sydney interrupted, her eyes bright.

He nodded, trying not to grin too much. "Yeah, when we were cleaning up, he initiated things." The crib was completed – it had only taken an hour, Sydney thought it had to be a record.

"He _went_ to you? Talked to you about…guy stuff? He…" And then she put the pieces together. "He _knows_."

"He knows," Nathan agreed. "He saw us together in Arlen's office." He cleared his throat. "He hasn't said a word…"

"He wouldn't," Sydney said, her voice motherly.

"…and, Syd, he's happy about it. Protective too." Sydney nodded, pleased. "He made sure I was straight, which was funny until I realized why he needed to ask – Arlen and David are…" Sydney put up her hand, understanding. "Right, well I let him know that I'd be there for him if he needed someone and that I can listen and…" He couldn't finish. Why? Sydney had wrapped her arms around him, and began to kiss him.

"You are amazing," she breathed, moving to his neck. "You are such a good man…and, just so you know, guys that can 'do stuff' around the house…huge turn on." She ran her hands along his backside.

"You're turned on right now?"

"Oh God, yes…"

"From me…listening to Jess and building something?"

She tugged at his earlobe. "Building something…being there for him. You have no idea how much both of those things mean to me – in very different ways, of course."

"Oh, I'm getting an ide…a." She was gently stroking at his length through his pants. "I thought you were worried about us being too sex orientated."

"Worries gone, I was being a stupid girl, I'm over it…there's a Jacuzzi tub up here. You used the other bathroom on Friday, mine's the good one."

"Isn't there any more work to be done?"

Sydney backed away from him and began to strip. "Mmmm…yes, there is." She swayed in front of him for a moment. "Well, we've gotta keep you straight, right?"

"Oh, baby, there's no worries there." He stood as well and took off his t-shirt and Sydney blushed. Nathan then laughed as he chased Sydney down the hall. By the time they made it to the bathroom they were both fully undressed.

Sydney turned the water on, letting the large tub fill, then grinned at her love in the most sinful of ways. She kissed him, then sank to her knees. She took Nathan into her mouth in one continuous, but torturously slow motion. She had the knowledge that this particular act was something he hadn't experienced very much in his adult life…and it simply _had_ to be remedied. She varied technique and pacing now and then, causing Nathan to grip at the towels hanging on the wall. "Fuck!" he yelled, instantly self-conscious as he did so. She didn't stop pleasuring him until he began to shake and gently pushed her away. His chest heaved as he helped Sydney up off of the floor. "Part of me really wants to know where you picked up that skill, the other…"

Sydney smiled, putting her finger to his lips. "I'm sure if you ever _really_ think about it, you'll figure it out, but let's not spoil the mood, hm?" She eyed his impressive length. "I'm sure there's something better we could be doing, no?"

Nathan didn't, _couldn't_ think before he grabbed her and muttered, "May as well be dirty before we bathe…and I know someone is quite fond of being taken against the wall." He picked her up, her legs wrapping around his waist as soon as he slid inside of her, and put her back to the wall. His pace was rapid, he couldn't help it, but Sydney didn't mind, in fact, she was encouraging him. This man made her absolutely burn for contact with him. She yelled out, her nails trailing down his back as she came and he followed her, biting at her shoulder while he released. He held her in place for a moment, kissing her, his tongue quite literally caressing hers. When he pulled away and let her feet hit the floor, he smiled. "Tub's full."


	36. Bathtub Confessions

In a full tub of soothing warm water, Sydney's back was pressed to Nathan's chest. Their hearts were still racing as the jets massaged their post workout muscles. Nathan fought against the words he wanted to ask, but Sydney could sense something was off.

"Something wrong?" she asked, turning to face him.

_No lies…no secrets._ "Not _wrong_, exactly." He sighed, the sound heavy. "I made a pretty big deal out of 'safety' once I found out Susan was…" He swallowed hard. "…active." He ran a loofah along Sydney's shoulders. "We're being…"

"Irresponsible," Sydney said, her voice almost sad.

"I'd say impulsive." He kissed the side of her neck. "I love being so close to you, you have to know that. I just think we need to be a little more careful when we get swept up in one another."

"You're absolutely right," Sydney agreed. "I have a hard time controlling myself around you if you hadn't noticed." She forced a laugh. "However, since we're on the subject…" She shook her head. "Never mind…"

Nathan rinsed her back and pulled her close to him, resting his head on her shoulder. "I love you, Syd."

"I love you, too."

"So, then what's on your mind, hm?"

Her fingers lightly stroked his leg under the water, the act gentle rather than sexual. "This is completely selfish and it's just one of the things I need to put out there, but…you've already been married and raised a child, Nathan. You've had your problems, but you're okay now…and you love me…" She took a deep breath. "David broke off our engagement, John ran off, and I tried to tell myself that I wasn't going to have certain things in life, but then you…I'm not giving any sort of ultimatum or anything, but I kind of need to know where you stand on certain things." _For more reasons than you may know…_

Understanding, Nathan shifted so he and Sydney could be face to face. He pulled her into his lap, the water sloshing in the tub, and looked into her eyes. "I married my ex because we were careless," he confessed. "We were in some kind of love, but…not the strong kind, I think it was more along the lines of 'puppy' and it wore off. We were never meant to work out in the long term, but we made Susan and I wouldn't trade her for the world."

Unable to stop it, a tear fell into the water. "I want to be a wife and mother someday, Nathan, and I'm not putting you on the spot in any way, but I just need to know if you still have a want for those things. I don't want to end up…" His lips stopped her, soothed her.

"Sweetheart, calm down. I don't want to repeat what I know you've heard in the past, you know we have something here - something real and good. Just because I was married before and it didn't work doesn't mean I've given up on it and as for children I always wanted more than one, but it wasn't my choice." He saw a complete change in her face, but continued. "We're so new, Syd, but I promise you, I want the same things you do. I wouldn't string you along. If we…work out the way I hope we will, it'll be…" His voice trailed, scared of saying something that could break their hearts in the future, but he continued quickly. "…but if it doesn't, it won't be for one of us wanting something the other doesn't."

"It's not just that I can't control myself around you, I could if I really wanted to…well, maybe, but, Nathan, I'm…mildly…broken."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to be a mother, Nathan, and hearing you say that you want to be a father again eases and terrifies my mind all at once." She didn't want to cry in front of him, not again. "I, um…when David and I were together I started to…there was pain…a constant, dully agonizing thing that…" Tears fell, but she wasn't crying as she had done before. She took Nathan's hand and placed it on her stomach, then guided his index finger over scar tissue that resided just below her belly button. He had recalled wondering what had caused it on one of their nights together. "I needed to know what you wanted so I could know whether or not telling you was…"

This was certainly something that had a strong hold over her and Nathan understood that right away. He saw the hurt in her eyes and how hard she was fighting against it. "Do you still get pain?"

She nodded. "They found out during my first surgery that it's inoperable and…it's not that I absolutely can't get pregnant…" She lost the battle and hated herself for it. "I'm either sleeping with you or crying in front of you," she sobbed.

Nathan held her close and shifted so their bodies slid further under the comforting water. "It doesn't change my mind about a thing," he said gently. "When we come to that point, we'll have options." He said "when" and not "if" and he didn't correct himself. He kissed her forehead and felt her body relax. "You didn't think you were getting rid of me that easily, did you?" She shook her head. Nathan licked his lower lip, then words came without hesitation. "Sometimes it just takes the right sort of chemistry between two people. The actual physical chemistry as well as everything else…and I have the feeling that we're extremely compatible."

Sydney smiled and the tears were gone. Nathan was so completely different from what she was used to…it wasn't that David had lacked compassion, he just simply didn't have as much of it, and John…faked it. She snuggled against his wet chest again and swirled her finger around his belly button, causing him to laugh. "Maybe you should have gone the route of guidance counselor instead of principal. You are extremely effective at talking away worries."

"That's a story for another time, Syd."

"Awww," she whined. "There's a story?"

"Can't give everything away in one day, can I? You've already learned that I'm handy around the house…"

"I learned something else too," she whispered.

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Mm hm," she giggled. "I learned that you're going to start to carry condoms in your wallet again – for a sound mind - like high school." She kissed his neck. "Only I promise they won't ever have enough time in there to leave the impression of a ring in the leather."

He shook his head, smiling. "We're in a sudsy tub, all nice and clean, and yet you manage to be such a dirty girl."

"Well, I guess that's my not so secret secret for today." She kissed him. "I promise I'm done being such a mess around you."

"Don't promise that, baby. I would rather you be a mess with me than alone."

She splashed him. "Stop making me fall more in love with you." She shook her head, knowing she once again sounded like a bad line in a romance novel.

"No."


	37. Assault

"And there she is." Rick Swearingen, the boys' gym teacher, had spotted Sydney as soon as she turned the corner. Sydney had gone to school extra early and she was just trying to get to the office to make some copies of the day's test.

Her stomach dropped and she did her best not to roll her eyes. She didn't care for Rick, never had. He had been hitting on her ever since the Christmas party when he caused her to get a little tipsy. "Morning, Rick," she said as politely as she could.

"How was your weekend?"

"Fine, yours?"

He smiled and it made Sydney cringe inside. She knew what was coming next. "It could have been so much better for both of us." He winked at her. "One day, you're going to get curious and say yes when I ask you out."

"Rick, I think I've been pretty clear that you aren't my type."

He ignored her statement. "Saw Gardner go in your room and close the door last week. He harassing you? I could put a stop…"

"No, he isn't." _But you are!_ She had to cover herself. "I got some bad news that morning, he was an ear; helped me gather myself together." It was mostly true.

"Sydney, you can always come to me." He walked closer to her and she found herself wishing that someone would appear in the hallway. He made her painfully uncomfortable.

"You don't talk to me except to ask me out…"

"Say yes and I'll stop asking."

"No." She couldn't place why, but her heart began to race. "Look, I have to go."

"No classes to get to yet, no students…" He was in her personal space. "…why don't you just tell me why the idea's so bad, hm?"

Sydney unconsciously backed up and found herself against the wall. "Rick, I don't know how much more clear I can be. I'm not interested, period. I've never gone for jocks, not even when I was _in_ high school""

"You seemed interested at the Christmas party."

Her eyes went wide. "Seriously? You had a hand in getting me drunk – that's interested to you?"

His voice was calm, which made it all the more unnerving. "Stop being such a prissy little bitch and just go out with me. I'm a good time."

Her eyes went wide and she made to move away from him. "I'm…a what?" Rick's hand was on her arm. "You absolutely do _not_ touch me!" She pulled, but he didn't let go, he only tightened his grip.

"I have an inkling that you like it rough and that you're a hell of a tease…"

"You're disgusting, let go of me!" Sydney's voiced echoed down the hallway.

Nathan dropped his messenger bag and his coffee and ran. He was around the corner, five classrooms away. When he rounded the corner and saw Rick, now with both of his hands on Sydney, and tried his very best not to see red. "Back the fuck away," he said keeping his tone somewhat cool.

"This is none of your business, Gardner."

"Get your hands off of her, Rick."

"We're fine, she was just telling me that she's looking forward to our date," he squeezed harder, threatening her, "isn't that right?" She cried out at the pain in her arm and that was it. Nathan, shorter than the man accosting the woman he loved, raised his hands and Rick laughed. "You really think…" Nathan hit him in the side, just below his ribs. "The fuck…" he coughed, letting go of Sydney. She took several steps away and shook her head.

"Syd, you okay?" Nathan asked. She nodded.

"You little fuck, Gardner, I'm gonna mess you…"

"Jesus, Rick, what's wrong with you?" Sydney asked.

Nathan smiled. "Rick here likes to juice from time to time, don't you?" Rick didn't answer. "Was a bit of a problem when I was principal, but my concerns were always overruled by Sedgwick."

"I'm gonna beat the living…" Rick threw a punch, which Nathan blocked with almost no effort at all. He threw another and Nathan blocked again, anger welling up inside him.

"Nathan…" Sydney's voice sounded like it was miles away.

"You _never_ touch a woman that doesn't want to be touched," he said through gritted teeth. "Especially not her."

"Aw, you have a little crush, Gardner?" Rick laughed. "If the little bitch won't touch me…" He wasn't able to say another word, as Nathan's fist connected with his jaw, making the man stumble backwards. He tried to retaliate, but thanks to Nathan's training, he was too quick for the bigger man. Nathan landed several more blows before he backed off, shaking.

"You never even _look_ in her direction again, you shit." He turned on his heel, taking Sydney's hand. Rick didn't see the action. They hurried down to Nathan's room, picking up his bag on the way, and Nathan shut the door behind him. "Baby, are you okay?" Sydney nodded, but didn't speak. "Fucking asshole…God, Syd, I'm so sorry."

"Nathan it wasn't your fault." She rubbed at her arm.

Nathan frowned. "Let me see." He rolled up the arm of her sweater and saw red marks. "If he ever touches you again, I'll kill him." Sydney suddenly looked…shy. "Oh, fuck…did I just…am I as bad as…"

A smile slowly crept onto her face. "I know how this is going to sound, but, Nathan…I've never had someone defend me before." She went to him and caressed his cheek. "Thank you." She kissed him, very softly, then whispered in his ear. "I must be an old fashioned girl because I just went from being terrified to…well, I've never been more turned on."

Nathan smiled despite the situation. "I'm…a bit protective."

"I like that."

"Joe's not back until tomorrow. He's at a conference today, but we're going to his office first thing in the morning, okay?"

"I don't want you getting into trouble because of me."

Nathan's eyes softened. "Baby, there is no way I'm getting in trouble for that. He had his hands on you and I heard you yell. It's not the first time he's been…" He sighed. "I tried so hard to get him fired before. Syd, I am _so_ sorry."

"I'm okay, really. I've had to deal with creepers before…just not ones with that sort of grip." She hugged him resting her head on his shoulder. "Remind me to send a thank you card to Sifu Wess. I have two things to be grateful for now."

"Two?"

"Mm hm." She smiled as they stood together, his arms so safe, now always there to protect. "More importantly, are you okay? Your hands?"

"I never thought I'd have to use it outside of the studio," Nathan confessed. "I'm fine. Little sore, but most guys break their knuckles because they don't know what their doing."

"Well, let me know if you need me to tend to anything later." She kissed his cheek and reluctantly pulled away. "Kids'll be here in ten."

"I love you," Nathan said, the words almost desperate.

Sydney let her smile widen. "I love you too, Nathan…please don't worry, you didn't scare me." She saw the relief in his eyes. "See you at lunch."

It was near the end of seventh period when Nathan's phone rang. His students were taking a test and his stomach dropped when he saw he last name on the small LCD screen: "Sedgwick." _Fuck…_ "Yes?" he answered quietly, as to not disturb the class.

"My office, now," the superintendent barked.

"I'm in class."

"Get someone to watch them, I want you down here in five minutes." He hung up.

Nathan's first thought was to ask Sydney to keep an ear on the class, but having an idea of what was going on, he decided against it. He went next door to Madelyn's room – seventh period was her planning time. He was vague and told her he had a meeting and it couldn't wait. She gladly went to his room and Nathan made his way to the other side of the building.

When he arrived in Sedgwick's office, Rick was seated in front of the man's desk, just as Nathan had assumed. His face had started to bruise and Nathan couldn't help but feel satisfied at the sight. He didn't let any emotions show. "Well, I'm glad you ran straight here, Rick," he said, his tone flat.

"Nathan, I'm not sure what probation means to you," Sedgwick began, "but I thought you were smart enough to know that beating up a co-worker…"

"Whoa, I wouldn't say he beat me up," Rick interrupted. "Cheap shots, that's more accurate."

Sedgwick rolled his eyes. "Whichever it may have been, the act is inexcusable. What on earth would possess you to…"

"I'm assuming he told you half the story, and not the part with the truth, right?" Nathan asked. He heard the bell ring, ending the last period of the day. "He had his hands on Sydney Turner, I could hear her yell from down the hall…"

"Hey, Maddie," Sydney said, confused, walking into Nathan's room. She made up a lie on the spot. "Nathan and I were supposed to work on a project for Mr. Hawkins after school, is he not here?"

Maddie smiled and shrugged. "I was covering last period, he had a meeting he had to get to. I have a feeling he'll be a while, it seemed important."

Knowing Joe wasn't in today, Sydney didn't think it could have had anything to do with that morning's incident. She had never even considered the superintendent getting involved. "Okay, guess I'll just head home then." She went back to her room, sent a text to Nathan for him to call her, and left the building.

"Nathan, that isn't exactly what Rick described," Sedgwick said.

"I'm sorry, since when has his word meant anything?"

"Nathan, it's not a secret that the two of you have never gotten along…you did try to get him fired on more than one occasion."

"Because of his little steroid problem, sure…"

"This coming from a drunk," Rick snapped, a sickening smile on his face.

"You failed the drug test! I saw the results that magically got swept under the rug thanks to a winning football season…"

"Nathan," Sedgwick interrupted. "Miss Turner hasn't reported anything…"

"I told her to talk to Joe in the morning. I didn't think…"

"You never do," Sedgwick commented. "That's obvious buy the fact that your daughter is still seeing the student that got you fired."

Nathan's blood began to boil. "Leave my daughter out of this."

"The fact of the matter is that you have poor judgment, Nathan. I was against you coming back here at all, but Joe fought for you, insisting…"

"This asshole is more important to you than I am, I get it," Nathan seethed. "He can put plastic trophies in the cases in the hallway, I just get the students with more then brawn into college. That doesn't mean he wasn't accosting a female teacher in the hallway. Just call her in here, it's as easy as that."

Sedgwick shook his head. "Miss Turner didn't punch Rick, you did."

"You have to be fucking kidding me!" Nathan shouted, his temper getting the best of him. "He hurt her and all that matters is that I gave him exactly what he had coming to him?"

"You can see my concern here, Nathan," Sedgwick replied, ignoring the man's temper. "I didn't want to have to bring this up, but Rick said he could smell your breath this morning."

Nathan stood, pushing his chair backwards and toppling it over. "You lying sack of shit! I haven't touched a drop of anything in almost five months! I've gotten myself together and this is what I get? Adam, what is your problem with me?"

"As I've already said, I don't trust your judgment, Nathan!" The superintendent was letting his true colors show. "Look at how you're acting!"

"I don't have the right to be angry? I did what was right…" He was beginning to understand that nothing he could say would matter.

"He's been trying to get her to go out with him for months," Rick said, trying to make the situation as bad as he could. "Being assigned as her mentor, that's probably not the best thing, right?"

"Joe has _you_ acting as a mentor?" Sedgwick asked. "This just keeps getting better."

Nathan's face was red. "The grades in my classes are excellent, Joe has Miss Turner and I working on a mentoring program to get student teachers back here, and I haven't had a drink since the day after you fired me. If you are going to take his word over mine…if you aren't even going to _attempt_ to talk to the person who he assaulted, I'm going to the board."

"This is a waste of time," Rick said. "Can't this just be his third strike?"

"You go to the board, Nathan, and they'll eat you alive. They will bring up every ugly bit of your past."

Nathan felt sick to his stomach. _Everything…shit…_ He thought of Susan, of so many things he never told her…then he thought of Sydney. He could loose her over this for so many different reasons…but he promised to protect her. "Let them." He left the office, trying to see his way back to his room through his rage. The halls were empty – the lack of real conversation in Sedgwick's office had taken over an hour. He locked himself in his room, forcing himself to stay away from the one temptation he wanted so badly.


	38. Trying to Help You

Sydney had tried to reach Nathan for hours with no success. She was beginning to worry…a lot. Finally unable to ignore the anxiety overpowering her thoughts, she took a drive by the school and saw that Nathan's car was still there. Frowning, she jogged up the front steps of the building and caught the janitor locking up the building.

"Pretty late, Sydney," he said with a smile. Pete was a sweet, older gentleman who didn't mind cleaning up after the teenaged masses. Sydney always spoke to him when he came to her room at the end of the day.

"I know, Pete, sorry. I left some paperwork in my room. I can't believe I didn't remember until now."

"Happens more often than you'd think. Building's almost empty, door'll be locked behind you, okay?"

"Thank you, I'll just be a few."

"I'm all finished up…do you want me to wait and walk you out?"

Sydney smiled. "Oh, I don't want to hold you up. Thank you, Pete. Have a good night."

"You too." Pete walked out the door and that was that.

She now knew that she and Nathan were the only two in the building…and she couldn't help but dread what state she might find him in. She ran down the hall to his room, finding the door closed. The only light she saw was from the desk lamp he had. She tried to open the door, but found it locked. She knocked. "Nathan?" Nothing. "Nathan? Please open up." She heard a slight groan and she panicked. "Baby, please," she begged.

Heavy footsteps approached the door. It unlocked, then opened slowly. Nathan looked at his lover through red-rimmed eyes. He looked terrible and he wanted to tell her to leave, but couldn't. "I'm a fucking wreck," he confessed. He opened the door wider to let her in.

Sydney looked around the room and felt sick. It was completely trashed. "What…did you do?"

"I had a really bad day." He leaned against his desk and put his head in his hands. "He wouldn't listen to me at all…wouldn't call you in…believed every word that fucker told him because he's the school's golden boy and I'm the fuck up." He looked up at Sydney. "You're going to leave me when I go to the board, and Susan…" He got up and paced.

Sydney walked toward him, but he put his hands up, wanting her to stop. She ignored this. "Nathan, whatever happened today, I'll fix it tomorrow."

"You can't! Sedgewick's had it in for me since day one and he knows…" He stopped and Sydney didn't press about what he'd just omitted. She got close enough to take him into her arms and held him.

"He was scaring me, Nathan, and physically hurting me. If you wouldn't have gotten to me when you did anything could have happened." She ran her fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him. "That's my story, as well as the truth…and they won't be able to argue the bruises."

Nathan stiffened. "What?"

Sydney pulled back and rolled up her sleeve. In place of the red marks that were there earlier that day were angry purple welts. "As far as I'm concerned, he shouldn't be in this school."

Nathan gazed at the injury, his head clearing. "Syd…"

"Please tell me nothing else happened here."

He understood. "I swear…that's why I stayed here." He swallowed. "I was too scared to leave…too tempted."

"I told you to call me…"

"I couldn't there's…" He began to pick up the room, Sydney joining him. "I told you there were things, other than my drinking, that I'm not proud of. Going to the board will…"

"I know you're not ready to tell me and…it's okay. Let me try tomorrow, please. I don't even want you to go with me."

Nathan nodded, mentally exhausted. "I want to be drunk," he confessed. "I want to…not be able to focus or think or…" He kicked a desk. "Fuck!" He turned and looked at Sydney. "I'm sorry, Sydney, I'm trying…"

She wasn't scared. She wasn't sure it was possible for him to frighten her even though anyone else acting like this would. He had had a vice for so long and she understood that, as she had been keeping her own secret from someone else for a very long time. She knew recovering addicts had issues with stress; the same went for recovering alcoholics. She went to him again, placing her hand on his chest. "Never be sorry. I promise you, I understand."

"You can't…"

She frowned. "You have to believe me when I tell you I do." She licked her lower lip. "Use me."

"What?"

"You want to be drunk so you can forget, so you don't have to think about what's going on, fuck that. I love you, I never want you to fall. Use me instead." She kissed him, wantonly.

"Syd…"

"I'm better for you than scotch."

"This doesn't make for a healthy relationship…"

"Doesn't it?" She took his hand and led him out of his room down the dark, deserted hallways of the school. "The way I see it is much different." Her pace picked up and Nathan was confused. "The night you called me, you had a bottle. Do you remember how we resolved that?"

Nathan felt himself harden instantly at the memory. "Syd, I used you."

She laughed. "Oh, baby, no…I gave myself to you. I offered you an outlet and I told you that I am always going to be there when you feel that need." She smiled as they reached Sedgewick's office, happy that this school had yet to install any cameras inside the building.

"Syd, what are we doing here?"

She smiled, sinful. "You're pissed at him, he doesn't want to hear my side of the story, and he's made you want to drink. I think it's only fair that that we both vent our frustrations." She turned the knob, elated to find the door unlocked.

Nathan felt himself begin to warm to her idea. He couldn't help but smirk. "Syd…" He watched as she walked into the room, closing the blinds behind the desk. Nathan shut and locked the door behind him.

"I've been wet for you all day, Nathan," Sydney purred, telling the truth. "I told you, you turned me on." She was in the same clothes she had on earlier in the day; a gray skirt, knee-high boots, and a red button down blouse. She bent over Sedgewick's desk and looked over her shoulder. "He's fucked you enough, so it's only fair you fuck me…on his desk."

His erection strained against his pants and he shook his head, fully convinced he had passed out drunk at his desk. He closed his eyes and opened them again, only to see that Sydney had turned around and unbuttoned her shirt. Her breasts were pushed together by black satin, the sight a fantasy of any boy who'd seen a certain Van Halen video in the eighties…or on YouTube. "I don't know where you came from," he said, approaching her with hunger in his eyes, "but…" He didn't finish his thought as he claimed her lips.

Sydney pulled back. "You said you'd do anything I asked of you, Nathan, know I'll do the same." Her eyes had changed, briefly, from lust-filled to loving. "I will never think less of you." That being said, and Nathan fully understanding just what he had with her, she took his hand and guided it up her skirt. She spread her legs and he felt the wet heat there. "I've been aching to touch myself all day," she whispered. "My sweet, strong man protected me this morning and all I've wanted to do was thank him…so I saved myself."

Nathan pushed the damp cotton aside and roughly pushed his finger inside of her needy body. "I love that I do this to you," he confessed, enjoying the feeling of his restrained length, the anticipation clouding his brain. "Take these off." Sydney obeyed, sliding her panties down over her boots. "Be a good girl and don't scream, not here." He lifted her skirt and caressed her backside. "No paddle," he whispered, "but…"

"Do it," Sydney begged. "It's okay, baby, I want it."

Nathan grinned darkly, so thankful that Sydney was in tune with needs he didn't even know he had. He pulled back his hand and spanked her once. She suppressed an excited yelp. "You bad girl," Nathan growled. "You _do_ want that."

"I want everything you can give me, Nathan…you've freed me too." The honesty they could convey in any situation was a gift and both knew it.

"I need you," Nathan said, his tongue in her cleavage.

"So take me."

Nathan spun her around and put her hands on Sedgewick's desk. He pulled the back of her skirt up and looked at the handprint he'd left. He knew that mark was different than the ones on her arm, but he bent down and pressed a light kiss to it. Sydney heard him unzip his pants and fuss with is wallet. He's listened. After a moment, he entered her from behind, groaning, but keeping his lips tight to try to remain quiet. He held onto her hips as he pushed into her, his pace slow. She was everything he needed. She knew when to be comforting and loving and she knew when he needed more. He felt he didn't deserve her and Sydney felt his concentration changing.

"I know you love me, Nathan, stop thinking and let go. You need it." She pushed her hips back and Nathan gasped.

"Fuck, Syd," he hissed and his hips pistoned. His mind was completely clouded now and his only goal was to make them both feel good. He bent her over further, her breasts pressed to the oak desk.

"Make me come, Nathan," she breathed. She felt his hips slam into her and he reached around her. He barely grazed her clit and she clenched around him, forcing him over the edge with her, his hips bucking wildly. "Oh…you dirty…" He pressed against her one more time, not wanting to leave her body. "…boy."

He panted against her clothed back, then slowly slid from her body. They straightened up both themselves and the desk and went back to Nathan's room, Nathan diverting to the restroom to dispose of the condom. When he rejoined Sydney who was continuing to clean up his room, he pulled her into his arms. "I don't know what you do to me."

"I'm just trying to help you," she said with a smile.

"You do so much more." His eyes began to water.

"Baby, no," Sydney said softly. She caressed his tired face, his stubble rough. "That was supposed to make you feel better."

"It did," he said quickly. "You do." He kissed her. "You have no idea what you do for me."


	39. You Care For Him

Sydney was still the only one in the house that night as she iced her arm. She was glad there was nobody there to fuss over the bruises. She had made sure to keep them hidden from Nathan during their tryst, knowing that he would have been worse off seeing them while she tried to ease his mind. She ran her hand over her rear, wondering just how the strange line between pleasure and agony worked; her arm screamed, yet her backside felt just fine…there was no way she was writing on the chalkboard tomorrow.

She spent most of the night awake in bed, worried sick over Nathan going to the school board. She wasn't quite sure what could be worse for him than his drinking and the thought terrified her. If his lost his job over something she was a part of she wouldn't be able to live with herself. She gave up trying to sleep around four am and showered.

Sydney was sitting in Joe Hawkins' office by seven…by seven fifteen she was pacing frantically. When Joe arrived at seven thirty, he was startled to find her there.

"Sydney?" he asked, his eyes questioning.

"Please don't let Nathan go to the board!" she blurted, her eyes exhausted.

Joe took a step back. "I think I'm missing something."

Sydney took a shaky breath and began to unbutton the cream sweater she was wearing. Joe was terribly confused for a moment, then oddly relieved to see a pale blue t-shirt appear…until her arm came into his view. The bruises had worsened overnight. They were purple and the edges were yellowing and, without a doubt, were finger shaped.

"What the hell?" He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I…Sydney, what's going on?"

Tears came to Sydney's eyes, but she didn't let them fall. She told him about the previous morning and what Rick had done to her; how Nathan had come to her aide, and how the superintendent handled the situation. By the time she was done, Joe was leaning against his desk with his mouth hanging open.

"First, Sydney, please let me apologize. This never should have happened. I don't know if you're aware, but Rick has had some…"

Sydney cast her eyes to the floor. "Nathan told me," she interrupted. "Joe…"

Joe's eyes softened. "You never call me by my first name," he said, his voice changing. "You're worried about him."

"He has a daughter, I only have myself. Nathan needs this job, especially after everything he's already gone through." She wrung her hands together, wincing at the pain in her muscles; she hated how much worse bruises hurt the next day. "I don't want to be the reason for him having to go through, well, I'm not sure what, exactly. He won't tell me, but it sounds like some unpleasant things might be brought up and…"

Joe placed a gentle hand on Sydney's shoulder. "It's okay, I'm not going to let that happen to him." He walked around his desk and was going to pick up the phone, but paused. "You _care_ about him."

"He's been an excellent mentor," she said quickly. "All he did was help me out of a bad situation and…I want him to be okay."

Joe nodded, not pressing the issue any further. "I promise you, he's going to be just fine."

"Thank you."

Joe took a few photos of the bruises and phone calls began. By lunchtime, Rick had been escorted off the school grounds and Nathan was applauded for his actions. Sydney was getting more attention than she wanted, but it was worth it to clear Nathan of Rick's lies.

Nathan stood in the hallway before seventh period as he always did. As the students filtered into his classroom and Sydney's, one student stopped. "Mister Bivens?" Nathan said, with a cocked eyebrow.

"You beat up coach?" Murphy asked.

Nathan sighed, knowing the rumor mill was inevitable. "I had a hand in getting him to stop accosting a fellow teacher."

Murphy smiled. "Bad ass." He walked into Sydney's room and Nathan couldn't help but bite back a smile.

After seventh period ended, Nathan walked to Sydney's room. He hadn't been able to speak to her at all that day, as they were both questioned separately during their lunch and planning periods. He found her sitting on the counter along the windows. He could tell she was lost in thought and didn't hear him enter. The look on her face made him feel a deep aching in his chest.

"Sydney?" he called, his voice gentle.

"It shouldn't have happened," she said, tired. "I was stupid, let him corner me and…"

"Hey…" He walked over to her, taking his own place on the counter. "You couldn't have known, Syd."

"The kids all know."

"Yeah."

"It's embarrassing. How stupid does that sound?"

"It's not stupid at all. I heard some of them today – they were just glad you were all right." Nathan looked at her, smiling. "You saved my ass today."

Sydney smiled back at him, though the act was weak. "I don't know what, exactly, would have been brought up to the board, but I couldn't let it happen." She took his hand. "You protected me, Nathan, of course I was going to do the same for you."

"I love you," he whispered. Sydney's smile widened. "Honey, you look exhausted."

"I couldn't sleep last night, I was worried sick."

Nathan's eyes fell a little. "I sort of slept like a baby, given the situation."

"That was the plan."

"Honey…you…what we…" He rubbed at his forehead. "I thought what we…"

"Not now," Sydney said shaking her head. "You needed me, can't we leave it at that?" She swallowed, her past beginning to concern her.

Nathan saw the worry in her eyes and dropped his own. "Let me see." Sydney slipped her sweater off and Nathan took her arm gingerly. He stared at the bruise, hating that someone put his hands on her.

"They'll fade and…it sounds like the drug test this morning didn't go so well for Rick."

"He was fired after lunch, officially." Nathan let go of her arm. "What do you want right now?"

Sydney thought for a moment, then closed her eyes. "My sweats, a six cheese pizza, and a 2 liter of Cherry Coke."

Nathan chuckled. "Then let's make that happen, hm?"

She opened her eyes. "Arlen's coming home tonight. Jess, David, and the baby in tow."

Nathan tried to hide his disappointment. "I hardly think you're up for all of that."

"Probably not, but…maybe distractions are good right now." She got up and kissed his cheek. "I should go. I'll see you in the morning." She gathered her things and left Nathan in the room alone. He was slightly stung and more than a little worried. He heard heels on the tile floor and looked up. Sydney ran to him, pulling him into a hug. "I love you too."


	40. Babysitting

Two weeks passed; fourteen days of a crying baby, a couple newly living together, and college-aged angst…all occurring under Sydney's roof. Nathan barely saw her outside of school, which made he and Sydney extend the hours they kept in the building. Around five o' clock on a Friday, the couple found themselves in Nathan's classroom unable to control their need for one another.

"This is so very wrong," Sydney said, all but panting. Nathan pressed her against the chalkboard, her backside resting on the chalk ledge. He was kissing her desperately.

"I'll be sure to write up detention slips for both of us," he breathed in her ear. His hands roamed her body, reveling in her clothed curves. He hadn't seen her undressed since the night in Sedgwick's office and, even then, she was almost fully clothed. The telltale squeaks of the janitor's cart in the hallway made them pull apart. Nathan cleared his throat and walked to his desk, Sydney smoothed out her sweater and skirt. "Dinner?" he asked."

Sydney smiled. "When?"

"Tonight? Baby, I miss you."

"I can't," she frowned. "Arlen begged me to watch Kayla tonight. It'll be the first time he and David leave her and…" She watched as Nathan's face fell. "If they don't get out of the house for a night, I might kill them." She brushed his arm. "I miss you too."

Nathan cocked his head. "Just you there tonight?"

"Yeah, Jess is…" She sighed. "Honestly, I can't remember. I know it's some trip for one of his classes…"

"Then we'll eat in."

"You really want to baby-sit with me?" she laughed.

"Honey, if we don't get some time together, I think I might crack." The janitor's cart was far enough down the hall that he deemed things safe and slid his arms around her waist. "I happen to be very good with infants. It'll be a date…with a bonus tiny person."

Sydney smiled. "They're leaving at seven thirty."

"Then I'll see you at eight."

Nathan was barley inside the door a few hours later before Sydney claimed his lips as hers. He could smell something wonderful cooking in the kitchen as her hands reached around to slide into his back pockets. "Okay, better now," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Something smells good." He ran his fingers through her hair and gazed into her eyes. "Do you ever think…" He stopped.

Sydney smiled knowingly and pulled back from him, going to the kitchen. "More often than I should." Nathan followed her and felt his stomach rumble. The kitchen table was already set and within a few minutes she was serving them both. "I didn't have time for anything fancy, just some pesto chicken."

"It's perfect," Nathan said, taking his first bite.

They actually worked on their mentoring program as they ate, taking notes and setting up a rather solid strategy. They had been working on the project nearly every night for the last two weeks, the perfect cover to stay at school late. They also talked about the spring break trip coming up. Nathan had convinced Sydney to chaperone. He knew she needed a break from her household, even if it meant babysitting in a different sense…the time couldn't arrive fast enough. Nathan was helping her with the dishes when the cries came over the monitor.

"Oh, I get to meet someone," Nathan said, smiling a little too widely.

Sydney laughed, drying her hands. "Hm, not sure you want to do that right now. Sounds like the 'I'm stinky' cry." She left to go upstairs, Nathan following closely behind. They entered Kayla's room and Nathan found himself pleased to know he had a hand in making it so perfect for the baby girl. "Oh, my, definitely the stinky cry," Sydney said, approaching the crib. "What do your daddies feed you, baby girl," she cooed. As she lifted Kayla from the crib, Nathan's chest tightened. He simply watched as Sydney tended to her, silent. Once finished, Kayla was still fussy and Sydney looked at Nathan with apologetic eyes. "It'll be a minute," she said, her voice taking on a sing-song tone.

She walked across the room to the glider in the corner and sat down. She began to hum, rocking the baby and stroking her cheek with her finger. Nathan recognized the tune as "Baby Mine" from Dumbo and smiled. Within a few minutes, Kayla was asleep and Sydney put her back in her crib. "Arlen uses pop, but Disney tunes work better for me."

"You're a natural," Nathan whispered, closing the door over behind them.

Sydney shrugged. "I made most of my money in junior high and high school babysitting." They went back downstairs and got comfortable on the couch. "Sorry it's not a more exciting night." She snuggled against him, wishing she could hide how tired she was.

He kissed the top of her head, loving that they could be close and relaxed. "I wouldn't mind more nights like this," he confessed. He ran his fingers along her arm, his mind racing. "You can sleep…"

"Some date this would be if I did that," she laughed. She turned on the television and tried valiantly to watch a movie with him, but lost the battle with her eyelids. When she woke a couple of hours later, she was alone on the couch. Disappointment quickly clouded her mind…until she heard something over the baby monitor.

"Good night, my angel time to close your eyes…and save these questions for another day…"

Sydney's hand went to her mouth and her heart melted. She crept up the stairs and down the hallway, her heart melting as she did so. When she reached Kayla's room, she felt tears in her eyes.

"…and like a boat out on the ocean, I'm rocking you to sleep…" Nathan was standing near the window, Kayla in his arms, rocking her…singing her back to sleep. "…the water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart, you'll always be a part of me…" He looked down at the baby, now fast asleep and smiled. He placed her back in the crib and only then saw Sydney. "You were out cold," he said, going to her. He took her into his arms and kissed her forehead. "It was the 'I'm hungry' cry and…"

"Oh, Nathan…"

"I always got up with Susan, it was just instinct and…you're not upset are you? Did I cross a line?"

She shook her head, the words not coming to her fast enough. "I can't believe…that might be one of the sexiest things I've ever seen you do."

Nathan smiled and took her hand, leading her down the hall to her bedroom. He pulled back the covers and waited for her to crawl into bed, then slid in beside her, taking her into his arms. He stroked her hair as he whispered to her. "Sydney…when we get there, and I know we will, we're going to have all of this." His words were certain.

Sydney smiled into him and fell asleep. She wasn't upset when she woke up alone the next morning. Nathan had slid a note under her pillow letting her know he snuck out before Arlen and David got home. She stayed in bed where she could smell him…and fantasized about the life she knew she wanted.

_**Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)– Billy Joel**_


	41. Discovered

Ice pelted against the windows in Nathan's study, but neither he nor Sydney really heard it. Sydney was straddling Nathan's lap, her mouth on his, hungry. His hands ran along her thighs and his heart raced. How they got into the position they were in, he could hardly remember now and he honestly didn't care. They had finally been working on the finishing touches of the mentoring program, but became distracted somewhere along the way. It had been a couple of weeks since they had been alone at Sydney's, and a month since they'd been active in Sedgwick's office. When Sydney's teeth tugged at his earlobe, he felt his body respond.

"Oh yeah?" Sydney asked, readjusting her hips.

Nathan blushed, but smiled. "Can't do much about that under the circumstances."

Sydney went back to kissing him, her hands unbuttoning his shirt. Nathan did the same, breaking from her lips to kiss her neck. He soon found his hands lifting her shirt over her head, bringing a black lace bra into view.

"I've missed you," Nathan began, causing Sydney to smile, "and you know, I once again get the raging hormone thing." He laughed at himself. "Funny how I can now relate to ninety percent of the male population at school."

Sydney loved that she excited Nathan. The attraction they had for one another hadn't waned at all despite the impossible schedule their relationship faced over the last month. While they hadn't been physical together, they had entertained one another over the phone on a few occasions and had grown closer on a more intimate level day by day. They were never without something to talk about and they both treasured that. "Well, it's always good to be in touch with the student body's way of thinking."

"Not the body I'm interested in right now," Nathan said. "That was terrible."

"Nathan?" Sydney giggled.

"Hm?"

"Less talk?" Nathan raised an eyebrow. "Maybe I'm in touch with my inner cheerleader." She kissed him again, not able to help herself. The freezing rain fell more steadily outside, tapping harder against the windows, and her hips began to move rhythmically. Nathan began to moan, wanting so badly to move things into his bedroom right then and there, but being far too curious about what might transpire in his study.

Sydney continued to grind herself against his hardened length until she realized she couldn't stand the clothing between them any longer. She smiled wickedly, eyeing Nathan's jacket, hanging on the back of the chair they were both currently occupying. She reached into the inside jacket pocket and grabbed his wallet…then dangled a foil packet in front of him.

"Right here, huh?" he asked, his voice low.

Sydney responded by leaving his lap and reaching up under her skirt. When her hands reemerged, panties that matched her bra were twirling around one finger. "Mister Gardner?" she said, making her voice breathy, almost Marilyn-esque. "I won't be allowed to cheer on Friday night if I don't get my history grade," she bit her lower lip and stared between his legs, "up."

Not missing a beat, Nathan folded his hands across his chest and did his best to look stern. "Well, young lady, since you neglected to study for any of the tests you knew about well in advance and refused to do any of the extra credit available to you…"

"I'm doing _very_ well in my sex-ed class, Mister Gardner…in fact, I think I might be able to teach you a thing or two." Sydney was doing her best not to giggle at how ridiculous she sounded. She toyed with her bra a little, but could tell that Nathan liked the way she looked right now…half dressed, skin blushing with want…she left it, as well as her skirt, on as she sunk to her knees. She had unzipped his pants and freed his aching length when she felt his finger on her chin, making her look up at him. "Something wrong, teach?"

"Not the…right assignment," he said with a wink. "How about you…" He broke character for a second. "Are we, uh, being dirty or cute?"

Sydney laughed, then quickly answered. "What's gonna get me onto the sidelines at the game?"

Nathan's eyes went dark. Role-playing had been unheard of during his marriage. He grabbed the small foil package and tore it open. After sheathing himself, he very simply said, "Fucking me." Sydney's stomach flipped and she instantly went back to his lap, impaling herself on him, all but screaming at the contact. The brief game was over now…the time their bodies had been apart had been too long for both of them. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, wanting more access to his skin and she kissed him wherever she could. She varied her pace from rough and erratic to slow and steady, a bit too aware of the chair at times and hoping it didn't break. Nathan's hands caressed her backside under her skirt, occasionally spanking a cheek…something Nathan never would have expected, but learned she enjoyed during their last tryst.

"God, I've missed you too," Sydney cried, a long overdue orgasm sweeping through her body, her sex clenching around Nathan's.

"Syd," he moaned, holding her close to his chest. He quickly added, "I love you." He refused to come…he wanted more for both of them.

Sydney kissed him, unable to stop smiling as she did so. "I love you too."

Unbeknownst to either of them, Susan returned home. Charlie wanted to get her there safely before the roads became too treacherous. With no visiting car in the driveway, as Sydney parked on the street, she didn't know there was anyone else in the house. She almost made it to her room when she heard her father's voice coming from his study. She didn't hear any words, only low groans. Her mind immediately went to the worst scenario, thinking that for some reason her father relapsed once again.

She jogged down the hall, fully prepared to lay into him and burst through his study's door. "Dad, I swear to God!"

"Susan?" Nathan's voice was high pitched, his eyes wide.

"Oh God…oh, _God_…" She had expected to see her father drunk and slumped over his desk, but instead found his face smeared with lipstick, his shirt hanging open, and her bra clad English teacher on his lap. "I'm…_really_ sorry." She backed out of the room trying her best not to laugh…not because she thought it was funny, but because her hunch about her father's interest in her teacher had been correct.

Sydney got up quickly, trying to pull her shirt back over her head and find where her underwear had landed. Had she not felt like a teenager earlier, she certainly did now…only it seemed that getting caught by a teenager was worse than getting caught by a parent.

A few minutes later, Nathan stood in his daughter's bedroom doorway, his shirt back together, but unaware of the lipstick on his face. "Uh, I have no idea what I'm supposed to…ah…"

Susan smiled, but didn't look directly at her father. "Sorry, Dad. Usually you making noises in the study is a _bad_ thing."

"Ugh, are you gonna need therapy now? I mean the real kind not Ch…"

"Usually a kid walking in on…_that_…Dad, if anything, this is going to keep me out…I was _really_ starting to wonder about you."

"I made you, you know," Nathan replied, sarcastically.

Susan rolled her eyes. "How long, Dad?"

"How long…what?" He asked, knowing her question.

"You know what."

"Few months…ish"

Her smile widened. "I'm impressed. Not a whisper around school _and_ you snuck around me somehow."

"I thought Charlie was taking you to Rodine's after your date," he said, changing the subject.

"It's getting really bad out, it was closer for him to take me home." Her tone changed. "Oh, God, I'm sorry, Dad. You thought I wasn't going to be home and…_oh…oh my GOD_! I didn't think that…you've been getting laid…you _were_ getting laid!"

Nathan's face went crimson. "I thought you knew that you just walked in on that?"

Susan blushed as well. "I thought you were just…you were both mostly dressed and…you didn't get to _finish_! I'll put my headphones on for the rest of the night, I swear."

Nathan went crimson and ran his hands roughly through his hair, having trouble believing the conversation currently taking place. "Really won't be necessary, honey." He looked like he wanted to add something to that statement but didn't. He disappeared from Susan's view and went to find Sydney. He found her in the bathroom.

"Nathan, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," he said softly, putting an arm around her waist. He saw himself in the mirror and laughed. "Your color really doesn't work on me."

"I should go," she said.

"No," Nathan replied all too quickly. "The roads are awful…and Susan, well it wasn't the ideal way for her to find out, but you know she's been on me to ask you out for quite some time."

Sydney bit back a smile. "She's still talking about that, huh?"

"Mm hm."

"Did she ask me to have sex with you in front of her too?" she asked, sounding helpless.

"Actually, it took her a little while to put all of those pieces into place." He pulled her into his arms completely. "This sort of makes things a little easier, doesn't it?"

"And more complicated?"

Nathan shook his head, laughing. "Maybe if we would've been completely naked it would be a little different, but, no I really don't think so." He looked at the clock. "It's early. How about we both clean up and…see if Susan is up to being social?"

"We're just gonna try to play this off as normal, huh?"

"Yup."

"Sounds good."


	42. So, you're sleeping with my dad?

Susan sat on the couch, studying Sydney. Nathan waited as long as he could, but a trip to the restroom was inevitable. Sydney didn't know why she had been so nervous…until Susan spoke.

"So, you're sleeping with my dad…" It was somewhere between a question and a statement. Sydney's stomach turned and her face went crimson.

"I…we…yes?"

The teenager smiled. "I didn't mean to just blurt it out like that, but," she laughed, "it was just kinda there in front of…"

"Susan, I'm so sorry that you found out that way," Sydney said, not able to look the young woman in the eye. Her next words flew out of her mouth. "Nobody knows, well, almost nobody and it's not like we actually told him, but with school and the mentoring we just thought it was best to keep it quiet and my best friend in the entire world, and I mean _ever_, I've known him since I was a toddler, I haven't even told him and…"

"Hey, teach, run on sentence." She was still laughing. "I get it and it's fine. Smart, really." Her voice calmed, though it was obvious she was still fighting against some laughter. "I've been after him to ask you out for a while."

Sydney's blush deepened, but she did look at Nathan's daughter. "He told me. Um, I guess that means…you're okay with this?"

Susan's voice turned serious. "I haven't seen him happy or take care of himself in a long time…" She wanted to say more, but Nathan returned and she stopped.

"So, ladies, what would we like to do?" he asked, unsurely.

"You've dated, right?" Susan asked, unable to quash her curiosity. "I mean, it's not just you two sneaking around having sex like teenagers?"

Nathan sighed. "Why can't you be one of those kids who is completely grossed out by all of this and wants to pretend it's not happening?"

"I've never been a conventional child, have I?"

He laughed. "Not at all."

"So, is this a 'don't tell Charlie' secret?"

Nathan looked at Sydney and she shrugged. "I trust him, Syd…we sort of had a thing happen and we bonded."

"Okay," Sydney said, wondering what the "thing" was.

Susan smiled. "So that's one thing out of the way, but now I have to ask about Swearingen. All the girls at school knew he was an ass, but…"

"Susan, language?"

She rolled her eyes. "Sorry. Anyway, he was pretty horrible at school, always checking out our as…butts and looking all pervy." She looked at Sydney, then at her father. "Are you guys…okay?"

"I don't know what might have happened if your father wouldn't have been shown up." She looked at Nathan and smiled. "Happily nobody there needs to worry about it anymore." She moved closer to Nathan and he put his arm around her.

They were quiet for a moment and Susan watched the way Nathan was looking at Sydney. "You aren't just having sex," she said, a slight trace of wonder in her voice. "You've said it." Her tone was sure.

Nathan looked at Sydney and simply beamed. "Yeah, we have." Sydney's face mirrored his, her smile wide.

Susan's heart warmed. "Do I keep calling you Miss Turner?"

"No, well…at school I guess? For now." Sydney was snuggling into Nathan as she answered; feeling more relaxed than she could remember. It was an odd conversation taking place for sure, but not having to sneak around in Nathan's home anymore felt so freeing.

"Good enough for me." Susan got up from the couch. "Junk food?" Sydney got up and followed her. The hours that followed were perfect. They snacked, talked, and watched a bad movie together before Susan went to bed. She reiterated that she would be wearing headphones all night.

Nathan and Sydney went to his bedroom, Nathan smiling at her as he shut the door. "She's happy."

"I'm happy," she replied, her voice flooded with relief. "And I want Arlen and David to know too."

Nathan walked to Sydney, taking her into his arms and kissing her. "You're sure?" he asked, not wanting her to feel pressured to do so.

She nodded. "Sneaking around has been fun, but…you're too wonderful to hide any longer." She kissed him, tugging at his bottom lip with her teeth. "You didn't get to enjoy yourself the way I did earlier," she whispered.

"Syd…"

"I believe she really _is_ wearing headphones."

"I don't doubt it," he laughed, "but I have a little something different in mind." He began to slowly undress her, kissing her skin as he unveiled it. She shivered at his touch and understood that the mood was completely different than it was earlier. She made a mental note that she owed him something special. He led her to the bed and she watched as he shed his own clothing. He joined her beneath the covers and let his hands roam her body, gentle but seductive. "I love you," he breathed and it sounded like a sacred confession. He was holding her body close against his and reveled in the heat they shared.

"I love you too, Nathan." She caressed his face. "Are you okay?"

"Baby, I've never been happier in my life." He stroked her hair, kissing her again with more passion. "Tell me you want me."

Sydney's answer came quickly. "Always. Want…and selfishly need."

"Oh, Syd," his tongue glided along her neck. "That's not selfish at all." He reached over to the nightstand, wishing he didn't have to break their contact. A moment later, he entered her. They remained on their sides, facing one another as his hips pumped slowly. "I need you too…ooh…you've saved me, Syd." He rolled them so he was on top of her, his movements still tender. "Sounds so overdramatic, but you let me have a new beginning to my life."

Sydney shook her head, trying so hard not to cry. "You made those changes, Nathan…"

He changed her position just a little, but it was enough to slide deeper within her. "You made me want them more." He held them there, his eyes watering. "Tonight made everything that much more real…" He began to move again and Sydney's toes curled. "We're so right, aren't we?"

Sydney couldn't breathe as he somehow moved without leaving the depth he was at. She clung to him, desperate to keep the euphoria sweeping through her body. She was only able to respond after coming down from her high. "Yes." She kissed him deeply, her hips meeting his as he let his pace increase. She felt a tear fall on her chest. "Nathan, that's my shtick," she said, her hands running along his back.

"You think less of me?" he asked, smiling through his tears.

Never once had Sydney ever experienced something like this. The last time a man cried in bed with her was in high school after she and Arlen had experimented and he had thought he disappointed her. "I've never been with anyone so open. Please don't ever be ashamed of it."

Nathan felt the unmistakable heat rising in him and he claimed his lover's lips once more. She came with him and he no longer cared that his tears still fell. He had his daughter's approval and support, he was with a woman he loved who let him be himself…he felt whole, happy, and sure of himself for the first time in what felt like decades.

Sydney found herself in Nathan's usual position, gently wiping away his tears then cradling him in her arms, his head resting on her chest. "Nathan, I know there are still so many things we haven't told one another, but I need you to know that no matter what your past may hold, I swear to you, it will never make me look at you differently." She ran her fingers through his hair. "I never want you to think you can't bare your soul if you feel the need…" She groaned at herself. "That sounded so 'movie of the week', but it's the truth."

"I was nothing more than the guy with the paycheck. If I expressed anything, I was scoffed at…laughed off. I couldn't vent, I couldn't…be for so long…" His words were uncensored and unstoppable as Sydney rubbed his back. She didn't ask questions, she didn't press for anything more than he was giving her. "I have no idea why it lasted, why I let it…I think…I thought I'd lose Susan and I just couldn't. I let myself get lost in a fog and it was never the job that drove me to drink, not at first anyway…" His finger traced shapes on Sydney's stomach. "I still don't know how I let it all happen, but if it hadn't…" He yawned, physically and emotionally exhausted. "…we wouldn't be here."

Sydney swallowed hard, her heart both elated and breaking. Nathan had been completely broken and she couldn't understand how Celia could have done that to him. She knew there was so much more than what he was telling her, but she didn't have any nagging feeling that he'd actually caused any of it. He was asleep in her arms now and she was content. She had the feeling that she would get little bits of this story from time and that was fine. All that mattered now was that they brought one another the happiness and comfort they needed to free themselves from their pasts and open up their futures.


	43. Sydney's Secret

The next morning, Sydney stood in Nathan's kitchen, dressed in a pair of his pajamas, bacon sizzling on the stovetop. She was making for breakfast for the man she loved, as well as his daughter, and it felt right. She looked out the kitchen window as she stirred the scrambled eggs in the other skillet. Everything outside was gleaming, coated in ice. The storm had hit hard and she was grateful that it had kept her there overnight. She was working on a bit of seasoning when Susan walked into the room.

"I could get used to something like this," she said, her voice light. "Dad's humming in the shower and you're cooking breakfast…good Saturday morning."

Sydney smiled as she looked back at the stovetop. She didn't want to seem overly happy, as she was afraid it would make everything too good to be true. "I'm just glad you're okay with everything."

"Okay? Are you kidding me? This is the best thing that's happened since I met Charlie." Her face suddenly fell and Sydney took notice. She was going to ask what was wrong, but Susan spoke first. "Sydney, I really need to know something."

Sydney swallowed. "Oh?"

"In the time you've known him…do you know if he's slipped? I don't want to take advantage of this new relationship, but I…I know he's had a few bad days and he's sworn to me that he hasn't but, well, has he?"

"He hasn't," Sydney answered honestly, transferring the eggs from the skillet to a bowl. She sighed, the sound heavy. "He came close a couple of times, but…" She looked at Susan and wanted to tell her more, but it wasn't her place. "You should probably talk to your dad."

"Talk to dad about what?" Nathan asked smiling. He walked into the kitchen, his eyes bright and his hair still slightly damp. He looked comfortable dressed in a pair of gray sweats and an aged concert t-shirt. He kissed the top of Susan's head.

"Later," Susan said, not wanting to spoil the morning. "Sleep well?"

"Ah, see that? Wonderful grammar," Nathan laughed as he approached Sydney. He slid an arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. "She must have a superb teacher."

They all sat and had breakfast together and Nathan assessed the state of the roads outside. According to him, they were in no condition to be traveled on. Sydney called Arlen to let him know she was going to spend the day at Nathan's – she hadn't lied about being there; after all they _were_ working on their project and Susan _was_ there now. After breakfast, Sydney decided on a shower and Susan had questions for her father.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Susie Q?"

"I'm happy for you."

Nathan's face fell. "But?"

She didn't hesitate. "I asked Sydney if you came close to drinking and she said yes, but she wouldn't tell me anything other than the fact that you didn't. I need to know when."

Her father's voice was soft and slightly embarrassed. "Honey, I never did so why does it matter?"

Susan frowned. "Because I watched you drown for so long, Dad. I need to know what almost pushed you down again."

He understood and put his humiliation aside. He told her about Christmas Eve, the night with her mother, and the day he saved Sydney at school. As he recounted his near falls he began to realize just how they were taken care of. Of course, he didn't tell Susan about any of the rough sex that had transpired, Christmas aside. He did tell her that Sydney had been there for him each time and helped him to battle past his demons. She seemed happy with the answers and retreated to her room for a while. Nathan went to the bathroom, his mood completely changed from earlier.

"Syd?" he called, walking in on her. She was wrapped in a towel, her hair dripping wet.

Her eyes went wide. Susan _was_ awake, after all. "Nathan, everything all right?"

"You deny it, you talk around it and make me forget in the moment, but you're making me use you. You can spin it all you want, you can say that it's freed both of us, but…Syd, it isn't right. My using you as a substitute for alcohol is just…it's insane."

Sydney looked away from him, wishing that she had more than a towel covering her. "It's not insane," she said sadly. "It worked, didn't it? You didn't drink and we both had a good time…"

"You tried on Christmas Eve…we weren't even together then and you were trying to throw yourself at me to…to divert me?"

"To keep you from making a mistake…"

"And what if I would have taken you up on that? What if we would've had sex right then and there and I never would have…" He ran his hand through his hair and leaned against the counter. "Syd, I could have used you and never looked at you again…"

"You didn't, so it doesn't matter."

"No, baby, it does." He moved toward her and she flinched. "Hey…"

"I can't tell if your pissed off at me or not," she said, warily.

He frowned, his eyes darkening. "No, I'm sorry. I'm not approaching this in the best way, I know that. I'm just trying to understand why you would throw yourself out there like that. I could have hurt you."

Sydney sighed, finally deciding it was time to take down a wall she'd been holding up for years. "I know there are things you haven't told me, Nathan, and the same goes for me." He saw her shiver and grabbed his robe from the hook on the back of the door. He slipped it around her shoulders from behind and she dropped the towel to the floor. "Have time for a story?"

"Depends on the ending."

Sydney took Nathan's hand and they left the bathroom, retreating back to his bed. "The ending's getting better." She was already cold and knew that recounting her past wasn't going to bring about any warm fuzzy feelings. "Crawl under with me?" Nathan slid beneath the covers wordlessly…and worried. She took his hand, squeezing it. "I understand addiction. I hate it and I fear it and I've lived through it…"

"Arlen's sister," Nathan said, hopeful. She shook her head and Nathan cocked his own. "Not…you?"

"Would you think less of me?" she answered quickly. She barely finished the sentence before Nathan shot a "no" into the air. She let herself smile. "Good. No, not me…David." Nathan looked confused and relived all at once. Sydney sighed. "To make a painfully long story short, David had an affair with morphine while we were together." Nathan's mouth opened, but he didn't speak. "Intravenous drug use during his residency and nobody else knows about it. Not his family, not Arlen, not the hospital…just me." She looked at Nathan, shame in her eyes. "He's clean, has been for a long while now, but…if I tell you this, you're going to look at him differently, look at me differently…"

"No," Nathan said, his voice gentle. "You didn't bat an eye when I told you about my situation, I promise the same."

"We'll see." She kissed him chastely, taking him by surprise. Over the course of twenty minutes or so, she told him about finding David in the bathroom, needle in hand, tourniquet around his arm…then about the countless times he promised to stop…and the other times where he said he needed it to alleviate the pressure he was under. She kept his rehab stints quiet, always able to cover for him, he kept her financially sound due to the money he came from. She loved him desperately, but his eye had wandered from day one. She knew he was curious about the other sex, but thought it was some sort of phase…he said the morphine helped to stem that too. "Eventually, I learned that sex helped to beat the cravings…" Her face reddened. "I'm not exactly proud of it, but…it really did work…for a while. He got clean, then he proposed…then he found himself bored."

"Of you?" Sydney nodded. "I don't see how that's possible, but I'm certainly in no position to complain about it."

"I just…Nathan, with you, I went back into the same mode. I didn't want you to 'relapse' – I know in your case it's not really the correct word – and I thought it would work…it has." She closed her eyes. "You like it rough when you need a drink…" She writhed a little, unable to help it at the recollection of their night in the superintendent's office. "…and it's doubly beneficial."

Nathan smiled, but pulled it back quickly. "Sydney, I can't have you be my vice."

"Why not?"

"Because you mean too much to me." He kissed her. "I don't want you to feel that you have to rescue me with your body."

"I like rescuing you," she confessed, kissing him back.

"Baby…"

"Is it such a bad alternative, really? I really did mean it when I said it was freeing…"

His lips found her neck and his length hardened. He tried to remember that Susan was awake in her room. "I know, and it is…and…" His memories were getting the better of him. "…you make me feel so good, so alive…"

"So let me. Nathan, I never want you to fall." She found her way on top of him.

"I won't…"

"You can't be sure." She slid the robe off of her shoulders, her nipples hard and in his line of sight. Unable to help himself, he took one in his mouth, sucking gently. She moaned, keeping her voice low. "I love you and will always be here when you need me…whatever you need me for. Can't that be okay?" Her back arched and he moved to the other breast. "It's not using when I'm offering you…" He bit, gently, and she looked down at him.

"I'm never going to be into guys," he chuckled, his tongue now circling her flesh.

Sydney smiled. "I know…and I owe you for last night."

"Not now, baby."

"Can't stay quiet?" she giggled.

"We are having a serious conversation…"

"Think it ended with a mutual understanding a few minutes ago. There is no guilt allowed if you want my body in place of booze, understood? It will never be using, it will never be a vice…it will just be me loving you too much to let you hurt yourself." She slid his pants and boxers down, purposefully brushing his length as she did so. "Understood?" He nodded, reaching for her, but she shook her head. "Hm mm…conversation's over, my secret's out, and now…" Her head sank and she took him into her mouth. Nathan reached for the pillow, biting it to suppress what would have been a loud moan. Sydney's body felt light. She'd had the conversation she'd been dreading and she knew Nathan would never again feel he was using her. She meant all she'd said, she just wanted him to know she'd support him in any way he would ever need.

She loved his taste and let him know so by humming her approval around his flesh. She slid her tongue from base to tip, then circled it before teasing the slit there. His hips rose and he cried into the pillow, his hands tangling in her hair. She looked up at him, her eyes lust filled, and she sucked the tip, hard. It was muffled, but she heard him say "fuck" into his makeshift gag. She hummed again and felt him shiver. Her hands wandered up his shirt, her nails scratching him slightly, making his body tense. She loved making his body react to her touch…she loved being in his bed…she loved making him come for her.

Nathan moved the pillow. "Baby, please," he begged. "I want you."

She released his length from her mouth. "Not today, lover," she taunted. "Today I take care of you…" She smiled, sinful. "Now, let me blow your mind, hm?" She rolled her eyes at her words.

"Fucking Christ," he groaned as she took every bit of him back into her warm, eager mouth. He couldn't stop his hips from rolling up, forcing himself further… "Oooh…you…" He was in her throat and he felt just the slightest bit guilty at how much he was enjoying her particular skill set. "I want to be so fucking filthy right now," he whispered.

She released him again. "Good." She squeezed him. "What do you want?"

He grabbed her, roughly, but with no intentions of hurting her. "This pillow will never keep me quiet enough if your mouth keeps fucking me." He rotated her body and smiled. "You smell so good."

"Nathan, I said I…"

"You said you owed me," he interrupted, her core hovering over his mouth. "So pay your debt and enjoy it." His tongue invaded her body and she engulfed his length once again, stifling her moans and pleasuring him with them. She'd have to deal with how much he enjoyed this particular act; tasting what he could make her body do. He licked her relentlessly, his pace fast. He groaned into her as she kept a steady rhythm, her mouth greedy. He stopped licking at her only to nibble instead and she gave him what she wanted. He tensed and she smiled around him, accepting every drop of what he'd spilled. They both remained where they were, mewing into one another, still flicking their tongues against one another's sex. When their bodies finally relaxed, Sydney moved off of him gazing at him with rosy cheeks. "I think that might be the hottest thing I've ever done in my life," Nathan said, still panting.

Sydney felt almost drunk, her body tingling. "Was supposed to be just for you."

"I took what I wanted," he said with a wink. "Thought that's what _you_ wanted."

She smiled. "It is."


	44. Bedtime

With icy rain still falling, there was no leaving Nathan's and Sydney found herself thanking Mother Nature. She was on the couch leaning against his chest, his arms around her, loving and protective. They had lazed around most of the day, chatting and watching a variety of bad weekend T.V. Nathan and Susan made dinner, not letting Sydney do a thing since she had made breakfast. Susan had deduced that her father and his girlfriend had done more than talk earlier in the day, but she didn't say a word…their body language spoke volumes.

Susan was in her room, talking to Charlie, which left the couple alone. The television was off now and they weren't saying a word to one another. Nathan had never been more comfortable in his life. When Sydney broke the silence, he pulled her even closer.

"Arlen's birthday is next week."

"Oh?"

"Mm hm." She shifted so she could face him. "I want to tell him at his party."

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that a little…selfish of us?"

Sydney laughed louder than she meant to. "Are you kidding me? He sent you into the kitchen that day on purpose! He's been trying to get us together for months!" She kissed him. "Why can't I get enough of you?" Nathan only smiled in response. "Any way, his party is," she inhaled sharply, "a little unconventional."

"I was sort of expecting that," Nathan chuckled. "Does he throw his own party at Just Be?"

"Oh, no. I'm in charge of his birthday. Every. Year." She sighed dramatically, then laughed. "There's a club downtown, a friend of ours owns it and it's very 'open' so if you're uncomfortable with anything, I sort of need to know now because…"

"Can I be open with you there or is it just…"

"It's _open_ 'open' and there's not much you won't see there. Anyway, I get there early before they," she laughed, "open and they help me decorate – they usually don't cater to individual parties like this, but Arlen's always so generous and so they…"

They'd be interrupting one another constantly and Nathan did so again, his lips pressed to hers. "You want me there with you?" She nodded. "Then I'll be there." He thought a moment. "I get the feeling you focus more on the slutty girl dancing there, don't you?" Sydney blushed. "Bonus."

She playfully hit his shoulder. "Well, now that we know we're doing that then, what do you want to do now?"

"Anything you want."

"Can we go to bed?"

"Syd," he said, disbelieving.

"No, not for _that_. Come on." She took his hand and they went upstairs. She slipped out of the borrowed, oversized sweats she was in and back into his pajamas. Nathan followed suit, stripping down to his boxers, then putting on a pair of pajama bottoms. She saw a book on the nightstand and picked it up. "Have you started that yet?"

Nathan shook his head. "No, I was planning on it last night, but things changed a little. Why?"

She looked at him, feeling shy. "Read to me?"

"What?"

"I know it sounds like a ridiculous, but I find your voice to be…"

"Sexy?" he asked, pursing his lips

She giggled. "Very much so, but also…soothing." She ran her finger down his chest, stopping just before his navel. "Would you?"

Nathan reached over and grabbed the book and his glasses. He saw the pleased look on Sydney's face and had yet another reason to feel lucky. He had never had intimacy in his bed that didn't involve sex; this was new and, in its own way, better. He couldn't believe this is what Sydney wanted to do with their evening and he was so thankful for it. She snuggled into his chest and he began to read to her. It was a Stephen King book, a ghost story thriller mixed with just a hint of a love story. Sydney would have been happy with the phonebook.

After a couple of hours, both had fallen asleep, happy and peaceful. Susan got up from where she sat when her father's voice had stopped. She was on her way back from the bathroom when she'd heard him reading. She sat on the floor, her ear to the door, listening. He sounded happy as he read, and the sound was, as Sydney had said soothing. She went back to her room, smiling, and went to sleep.

Nathan woke, a crick in his neck. He took off his glasses and placed them, along with the novel back on the nightstand. He tried to move Sydney gently enough not to wake her, but failed. "Sorry, sweetheart," he whispered.

"Mm…don't be," she said, her voice heavy with sleep. He reached over and turned off the light, then slid down in the bed and spooned her. "This has been the best weekend…"

He smiled and kissed her clothed shoulder. "It has. Syd, I want more of this." He rubbed her back. "Having you here is…baby, it's perfect. You said your house was getting crowded and that you were saving, but what if…I know we can't now, but after the school year's over. Too fast? Sydney?" She was sound asleep and Nathan found himself thankful for that. He replayed his words in his head and was realized that if she had heard them, he could have scared her off for wanting to move so fast. "I love you, baby. Sweet dreams." He pressed his body to hers and fell asleep as well, more relaxed than he'd been in years.


	45. Keep Him

_**Author's note: Thank you, guys, for the reviews that you've been giving! Makes me so much happier to post more! Now, I know Sydney and Nathan are a little too perfect…and probably have way too much time in the bedroom, but that's the beauty of fiction, right? It kicks real life in the ass! **_

When Sydney walked through the doors of the club she was greeted immediately, as well as affectionately, by a platinum blonde man. "Sydney!" he shouted, all but running to her. "Honey, I simply don't see enough of you, you know that!"

She smiled brightly. "Hey, sexy," she said, mocking seduction. She hugged the man as Nathan trailed behind her.

"Look at you." He eyed her in a way that would have suggested so many dirty things if he wasn't so obviously flamboyant. Sydney had done her best to "pull out all the stops" so to speak. She wanted to fit into the glamour of the club as well as look enticing for her…date. She went for the best friend of so many women: the little black dress. Her curves were hugged in a rather precise manner, enticing to anyone interested in woman's body and her ample cleavage, which had been a source of self-consciousness and embarrassment until her late twenties, was very much on display. She had gone full glam with her makeup, her lips deep red and her eyes dark and smoky. Her hair was curled and pulled into an intricately messy up-do, leaving her neck exposed and, she hoped, vulnerable to a particular set of lips. The last piece of the puzzle? Silver heels which would no doubt wind up under a table somewhere when her feet could no longer stand them. "Stunning, sweetheart."

"Thank you," she blushed, knowing she had just gotten one hell of a seal of approval.

"And who might this be?" the man asked, approaching Nathan.

"He might be the man who has been gracing my sheets…as well as other areas," Sydney purred. She looked at Nathan and winked. "Jared, this is Nathan Gardner. Nathan, Jared."

Jared extended his hand and Nathan took it. "Pleasure."

"Very nice to meet you," Nathan said, a bit unsure of Sydney's introduction.

He looked at Sydney, then back at Nathan. While his look was simple, it was certainly alluring. Wearing perfectly tailored black trousers and a red button down shirt, with the first 2 buttons undone, he looked fantastic. He had tried to shave, but Sydney convinced him that the stubble he was sporting was sexy…he listened to her. He was letting his hair grow out just a little, something he usually never did, and the ends had taken on a slight wave. "Honey, he's a dreamboat, isn't he?"

"He is," she replied, beaming.

Jared's lips curled into a wide smile. "He's the birthday present?" Sydney shrugged. "Oh, no, no, no…Arlen's been after you for months to, well, you know we gossip like school girls all the time, but…you've been a selfish little thing with this one, haven't you?" Sydney was quiet, waiting to see just how much Jared knew. "I don't blame you a bit, Syd. I know how he can be with you, he's going to be thrilled!" The man went over a few details with her before heading to the back of the club.

"So…welcome to Pegasus, Nathan." She took his hands in hers. "I warned you that it was going to be a little different and…"

"Have I told you yet that you look gorgeous?" Nathan asked, interrupting her.

She bit back her smile. "A couple times." She laughed, unable to help herself. "Funny thing is…_I'm_ going to have to be the one making sure none of the men here hit on _you_, not the other way around." She playfully slapped his rear. "I mean, _look_ at that thing!"

He began to sway his hips, saying, "I have no…idea…what you're…talking about." He laughed and Sydney knew she wasn't going to have to worry about him being uncomfortable at all.

A couple of hours later, the club was decorated and the lights were dimmed. By no means was the establishment closed to the public tonight, on the contrary, for Arlen the more the merrier, but it was certainly tailored for a party. One portion in the back was roped off for Arlen's guests. Here a large cake was displayed and the catered food was set up. Everything was perfect when the guests began to arrive.

"Nathan," Sydney said quietly, after greeting the fifteenth or so person, "I want to play it off a little, have some fun with it?"

Nathan smiled. "Honey, if it's all right with you, I have a little something in mind, hm?" He teased her neck with his lips, not giving her what she wanted. "Remember when I said I wanted to make a spectacle of us?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I may vaguely recall something."

"Seems like the perfect setting for something like that, wouldn't you say?"

"Nathan, maybe it's just me, but I feel you've been getting a bit bolder over the last month or so."

He made full contact with her neck and her back arched. "You know that 'freeing' thing you mentioned in the bedroom?"

"Uh huh."

"I think…" He widened his eyes and backed away from her, then turned on his heel and headed to the restroom. Sydney smiled to herself, so thankful that man was in her life.

"Oh, Honey!" Arlen had all but squealed from behind her. She turned and he gasped. "Oh, _Honey_! Happy birthday to me. Look at you!"

Sydney blushed, happy with Arlen's approval. "Well, only the best for you tonight, right?"

"But I didn't dress you…or do your make up…or…"

"Hey! I am capable of taking care of myself time to time, aren't I?"

He smiled at her. "Well, sure…but it's just so fun to play Barbie with you."

She rolled her eyes. "Arlen, I am now, nor have I ever been Barbie-like." She felt a small tinge of discomfort. She felt that so many other women there were far more attractive than she…and it was then she realized just how much Nathan had changed her. He made her feel desirable and beautiful no matter what the circumstance. She instantly felt better.

He hugged her. "This is…oh, Syd. This is simply too much this year!"

"Well, you didn't want any presents, so your party needed to have a little something extra, hm?"

He was still holding on to her. "Thank you, Sydney." It had been a difficult time for Arlen. Losing his sister, taking full responsibility for Jess, adopting Kayla…and having David move in. It's not that it was a bad change, just a slightly stressful one. Sydney wanted to make sure that his night was special.

"You're welcome, Arlen. I love you, enjoy yourself tonight."

"I love you too…Nathan?" He was still hugging Sydney, but terribly confused.

"Happy Birthday, Arlen," Nathan said, nonchalantly.

Slowly, he let go of Sydney. "Uh, thank you. Syd didn't tell me you were coming."

He played things off perfectly. "Well, she needed some help getting a few of the things here and asked if I wanted to tag along. I hope that's okay."

"It's…fantastic." He eyed the man up and down. "Don't be surprised if someone here tries to snatch you up…and it won't necessarily be a woman."

Nathan threw his hands up. "Do I give off some sort of vibe or something?"

Arlen laughed, the sound pure joy. "No, honey, you just look so good that people won't be asking before they try and take you home."

"I'll make sure and protect him," Sydney said, playing along. "Now you go be the birthday boy." Arlen went off and Sydney turned her attentions to Nathan. "Not gonna lie, I might let a guy hit on you just to see what happens…"

"Syd!"

She smiled and walked a little closer to him. "Now, I do have to remind you that Arlen and David are…who they are and our relationship is what it is…"

"And I'm worrying…"

"No, no, I'm trying to ask if you can be…" She took a breath. "You know the two ways I dance and I already told you only one is seen here…and Arlen and David don't just dance with each other."

"Wait, you think I'm going to get jealous?" he asked, chuckling.

"I'm just warning you that it sometimes looks worse than it is."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure I can handle it."

"Okay, just a fair warning."

"My God, you look beautiful, darling." David had just sauntered up to Sydney's side, a sly smile on his face. David kissed her cheek, his arm sliding smoothly around her waist. "Everything looks wonderful and Arlen's ecstatic…and Nathan's here?"

"Yes, he is. He helped me get some of this together since you were working today."

"He looks delicious, doesn't he?"

"Eyes off…"

"Then dance with me." Sydney didn't have a moment to object before David had pulled her into the growing sea of people. He pulled her body close and nuzzled closely to her neck. "Thank you for all of this," he whispered. "I wish I could have done more myself, but…between the baby and the hospital…" He spun them, his body all but grinding into hers and Sydney caught sight of Nathan, his mouth already hanging open. She tried to hard not to laugh.

"He deserves it."

"And you?" His lips were next to her ear, his hands on her hips.

"What?"

"Love, dressed like that…looking so very tempting. What is it _you_ deserve? We could give Arlen quite the birthday treat."

She laughed and pushed David away. "You gave this up a long time ago, loverboy."

"I know." His voice changed, but Sydney didn't notice. "Can't I admit to missing it from time to time."

She enjoyed walking away from him. "Wouldn't want it any other way."

Nathan lasted five minutes before finding a way to get Sydney into a dark corner. "He was all over you. His hands, his face was at your neck, his groin was all…grindy!"

"Damn, I wish we would have bet money!" She kissed him chastely. "I tried to warn you…and I don't care what any woman says, jealousy is hot." She ran her finger along his chin. "I'm thirsty."

Nathan smiled. "Cherry Coke?"

"Yes, please."

Nathan made his way up to the bar and waited his turn. Before he could get the bartender's attention, he bumped into the person next to him. He turned to his left and was greeted by bright blue eyes. "Sorry," he said, his voice kind.

The man next to him smiled. "Well, hello."

"Hi, uh…"

The man's smile grew. "I don't know what you're ordering, but I'm more than willing to buy."

"Oh, no, that's not…I'm getting my friend a…" He pointed at Sydney, who was across the room and witnessing the scene. Suppressing immense laughter.

"Oh, you know Syd, huh?" The man waved to her, Sydney waived back. "Here for Arlen's party?"

"Yeah." He got the bartender's attention. "Cherry Coke."

"Well, that's a tame drink. Sydney's usually a cocktail girl here."

"Oh, um…just getting what she asked for."

"I'm Jack."

"Nathan." He picked the drink up from the counter and Jack slid a bill to the bartender. "Oh, you really don't have to do…"

"And what are _you_ having?" Jack asked, leaning closer. "You look…like whiskey."

"Wow, that obvious, huh?" For a moment Nathan thought that Sydney may have set him up, but he didn't think she'd give away a detail quite like that. "Uh, no. I don't drink."

"Do you dance?"

"Not the way you think I do," he answered, his voice still pleasant.

"And how do you know what I think, Nathan? I, for example, dance in two very different styles."

"My partners wear heels. Thanks for her drink." Nathan began to walk away and heard Jack laughing.

"I do heels!"

Nathan found his way back to Sydney and took a sip of her drink before handing it to her. "Friend of yours?"

"I knew you were going to get hit on tonight! I'm just a little disappointed that it was Jack. He's the furthest thing from subtle here."

"I noticed."

The evening went on for a little while before Sydney gathered everyone around Arlen's cake. He beamed as his friends, along with a few family members, surrounded him and happy tears fell from his eyes. He cut his cake and as those around him began to indulge in the red velvet delight, a beat began to pulse through the club…one that Arlen knew Sydney was particularly fond of.

"Hey you, don't wanna love you on the telephone. You're hanging up and now I'm all alone. Baby you got me doin' dirt, doin' dirt, doin' dirt." Maroon 5, Sydney's guilty pleasure. Arlen was going to take her onto the dance floor when he noticed that someone else already had. "And now I wanna find you but you're on the run. My heart's exploding like a burning sun. I know you like it when it hurts, when it hurts, when it hurts."

Nathan and Sydney were moving a bit shyly together; Sydney, it appeared, trying to do her very best to stay out of her "white girl dance" territory. Arlen watched closely, seeing something in Nathan's eyes. There was something dark, but safe. Something…

Arlen's eyes widened. "Oh…okay…"

"Hold me we're dancing in the dark of the night. You're shining like a neon light…" Nathan's hands were on Sydney's hips; she was over being shy and she wasn't dancing in an embarrassing manner. "I light you up, when I get inside. So won't you touch me? 'Cause everybody's watching us now…" Nathan twirled her so her back was to his chest and he fully ground against her backside, his hands wandering her stomach unabashed. "We're putting on a show for the crowd…So turn it up baby make it loud." There was no doubt to anyone watching, Nathan had rhythm and was using it to his full advantage.

"Someone listened to my iPod well when he had it," Sydney said over the music. "You put thought into this."

He turned her again so they were face to face. "Just a little." He pulled her closer. "God, you're incredible." He put his lips to her ear. "And you're here with me…"

Sydney's stomach twisted, excited. "Say it, baby, I know you want to, especially after seeing me with David."

"You're mine." Nathan actually growled the words as his hands shamelessly wandered her body.

"That's right." She pressed herself to him and he felt the heat radiating from her.

"Oh, fuck it." He kissed her, open mouthed, erotic, his tongue sliding along hers…

The music continued. "So right now, I wanna leave with you right now, I wanna be with you all night, get in the car let's go…Yeah let's take it home, let's take it home, let's take it home…"

Arlen started to jump up and down…clapping like a five year old. "Happy birthday to me!"

The couple on the dance floor continued to indulge in one another; their mouths hungry and their bodies hot. "So right now, I wanna leave with you right now, I wanna be with you all night, in the car let's go. Yeah let's take it home, let's take it home, let's take it home…" When the song ended, they tried to find their way to a dark corner, but were intercepted.

"How long? You tell me right now, young lady!" Arlen was trying to sound stern, but he couldn't stop laughing. Sydney didn't answer, only nuzzled into Nathan's shoulder. "Okay, fine then, how about you, Mister…hot dancing man? Hm?"

"Hot dancing man?" Nathan asked, laughing back.

Arlen looked at Sydney. "If you could have seen the two of you out there…he banishes the bad dancing and makes the slut look…good."

Sydney laughed now, curious as to what they must have looked like. She really hadn't expected Nathan to move the way he did and she was incredibly turned on. "I love him," she blurted.

Arlen hugged them both. "It's about freakin' time! Come on, how long?"

"January," Nathan confessed, thinking that Arlen's mood would change.

"We could have had a fantastic night together." Jack was standing behind the couple. "But you two are both adorable _and_ hot, so I'm far less upset than I could have been." He slapped Nathan on the rear and kissed Sydney's cheek. "Keep this one."

"Yeah, honey," Arlen said, his smile still wide. "Keep him."

_***"Doin' Dirt" – Maroon 5***_


	46. First a dark corner, then the bedroom

Nathan was so happy to have another weight lifted from his relationship. Sneaking around had its perks, but knowing that he and Sydney could now come and go from either of their homes had a certain appeal to it. He was watching her right now, dancing with her best friend in all the world. He envied what they had. The only friends he had were from work, there was nobody from his high school days, let alone the ones where he toddled. He watched her laugh and smile, her eyes so alive…and the envy faded as quickly as it appeared. She was his, he was hers, and he still couldn't figure out the math. He was still lost in his thoughts when she approached him, giggling, and took a seat on his lap.

"You okay?" she asked sweetly.

"I'm perfect," he answered, caressing her face. "Tonight is wonderful." He kissed her, thrilled to do so openly and in front of her friends. "Sydney, I love you."

"I love you too," she said, slightly concerned.

He pulled her closer, the two of them reclining deeper into the plush sofa in the sectioned off portion of the club. "I can't wait until this school year's over." He nuzzled her neck with his nose.

"Me either." She ran her fingers through his hair, tousling it more. "I am _so_ lucky," she whispered in his ear. "Sometimes I have no idea why you're with me."

Nathan shook his head and smiled. "Baby, I was just thinking the same thing." He kissed her again, deep and heated. His hands roamed her back and she moaned into his mouth. He could feel her skin growing warmer and wanted to find a corner somewhere where they could…

"I am _never_ going to get tired of seeing this." Arlen had plopped down on the other end of the sofa, a bottle of water in his hands. Sydney looked over at him and blushed. "Oh, don't stop because of me, honey, I'm just hydrating a bit."

"Having a good time, Arlen?" Nathan asked, Sydney sliding off his lap to sit beside him.

"Best birthday I can remember," he said, his voice thoughtful, "and not just because of you two, although…oh, it's just so precious and naughty at the same time…"

"And stunning to look at." David had walked over to join the conversation, two drinks in his hand. He handed one of the glasses to Sydney and she politely placed it on the table in front of her, thanking him. "And you're not going to drink it because?"

"Uh, not exactly in the mood, that's all." She shot him a look that told him to drop the subject, but he either missed it or ignored it.

"It's your favorite. Always has been. You hardly change things up when we come here because you say their amaretto sours are the best in the city and…come to think of it, I haven't seen you drink in months."

"I didn't realize that was a crime." Sydney started to lose her patience.

"Syd…" Nathan understood what was happening.

"Not a crime, but certainly less fun. You're brilliant when you've had a few…"

"I'm an alcoholic," Nathan said bluntly. "She's trying to be polite and not bring it up, but it's not a secret." He looked at her and smiled. "She's very supportive," he turned to her, "but honey, you don't have to not enjoy yourself because of me."

"I really hope you're kidding, Nathan, that would just be…" She shook her head. "Absolutely not."

His smile widened with relief. He didn't want her to feel she was giving anything up for him and she obviously didn't. "I want to dance with you again." He stood and extended his hand. She took it and they returned to the dance floor…and the chatter began.

"An alcoholic?" David asked. "Is she insane? She knows better than to…"

"David, what the fuck?" Arlen asked, his usual kind demeanor gone. "Can't you see how happy she is? How happy _they_ are? You don't even know when the man took his last drink."

"I know enough about…the situation." He cleared his throat. "I've seen plenty and…"

Arlen slapped his arm. "Stop it. They've been together for months and this is part of the reason we didn't know about it." The man frowned. "She hates when we fuss over her about relationships. My best friend didn't tell me she was in love." He looked out at the dance floor, the two bodies moving in time with one another, the chemistry unmistakable.

David felt shame instantly. He knew that his addiction was far worse than someone drinking too much. "I'm sorry, darling. Just a bit protective I suppose." He looked up at them as well. "They _are_ happy, aren't they?" There was a hint of jealousy in his voice.

Arlen's smile returned, he didn't pick up on his tone. "There isn't a doubt in my mind."

Nathan's lips had found Sydney's again, continuing what they had started on the sofa. When he pulled away from her, his voice was almost desperate. "I want to go home with you tonight."

"Well, we can do that now, can't we?" she answered, her hands fondling his rear as they danced.

"I want to make love in your bed..." He licked her neck. "I want to _not_ sneak out in the middle of the night…" Nibbled the spot that made her body shudder. "I want to lie next to you, naked, all night and sleep until three in the afternoon."

Sydney's knees were weak. She looked at him and he was biting at his lower lip, the act oozing a sensual sexuality that caused her to drag him from the dance floor. She led him to the furthest corner, bathed in shadows. She pressed her body against his, kissing him wantonly. Her hips rolled without thought and she felt him harden against her leg…it wasn't the first time that evening.

"I didn't do this twenty years ago," he breathed, his hands running over her restrained breasts.

"Good, because I have no idea what I'm doing, and you have nothing to compare it to," Sydney confessed, taking his earlobe between her teeth. "I just know that you make me want…" Her breath hitched as Nathan's hand traveled up her dress and along her inner thigh. "…y-you."

He licked his lips, deliberately extending the act. "What am I going to find here?" She looked down, embarrassed, but he used his free hand to lift her chin. "Sydney, I've never in my life been so needy…you make me want things I never dreamed of. I love that I do this to you, don't be embarrassed." He stroked her through the soaked satin between her legs. "I wish my tongue was there, but…" he pushed her panties aside, stroking her folds briefly before sliding two fingers inside her. She yelped, but the music drowned out the sound. "…this will do for now." Sydney was trying so hard to control her body. Nathan moved them so she was completely in the corner, her body supported by two walls. He kissed her, lips and tongue messy, mind fogged. When he finally broke away from her, his own body aching, he realized how much she was restraining herself. "Oh, baby, enjoy it," he twisted his fingers and she whimpered. He put his mouth to her ear, his hot breath making her body shiver. "Fuck yourself…" She thrust against his fingers, her hands pulling at his shirt, wishing she could strip him right there.

"Christ, Nathan," she panted, writhing against him raggedly; her body couldn't focus on a rhythm. Tears were in her eyes, blurring her vision, but she had never been further from sad in her life. "I want you," she begged. "Please, baby…"

"Later honey, you know what I want now." She watched as his free hand dipped below the waistband of his pants. "You make me so hard…" He adjusted himself and his length was again untouched. She reached for him, but he gently pushed her hand away. "Later." Understanding, she thrust her hips twice more and Nathan felt her release. She fell forward into his chest and he slid his fingers from her body, bringing them to his mouth to tease her. "Mmm…" he purred. He held her as her pulse slowed, then casually led her back to the dance floor.

A couple of hours later, the party ended and Nathan went home with Sydney. She wanted a shower and Nathan wanted to relax. He had only wanted a glass of water when he stopped halfway down the stairs. He could hear Arlen and David in the kitchen.

"He's nice enough and all…"

"Nice enough?" Arlen asked, his eyes wide. "David, he's _perfect_ for her! I couldn't have asked for a better birthday gift than this!"

David cocked an eyebrow. "So…my gift wasn't…"

"Oh, you know what I mean."

David smiled. "I do. Thing is…well, isn't he a bit…boring?"

"What?"

"Well, he's a history teacher, doesn't that imply boredom right away?" Arlen sat down at the kitchen table and glared at his love with disapproval. "What?"

Arlen sighed. "They have their jobs in common, they both adore music…did you see the way he was dancing with her? He was like sex on legs!"

Nathan smiled to himself, oddly pleased with Arlen's comment. _At least Arlen's on my side…_

"Lover, look at her past relationships, hm? Obviously you two didn't work out, though there was never any hope of that…but, well, _I_ certainly made her happy in the bedroom – you heard one or two of those trysts…"

"Try dozens." Arlen rolled his eyes.

"Then John…oh, those two shook the house a bit, didn't they?"

Nathan hated that he was listening to this conversation, hated that he didn't just retreat to Sydney's room right away…and hated that he was now bound and determined to show the man downstairs just how capable he was of being absolutely everything Sydney needed.

He made his way back up the stairs without making a sound and paced Sydney's room for a moment. He heard her shower turn off and smiled, the act carnal. It was greedy, but would benefit them both…and he would talk to her…afterwards.

Sydney walked into her bedroom, her hair piled on top of her head and a towel wrapped around her body. She had assumed Nathan was downstairs, so she was pleasantly surprised to see him standing in front of her bed. "Hey, you," she said sweetly.

"Did I make you wet tonight?" he asked her, his eyes dark.

Sydney choked on nothing but the air. "What?"

"Not when we strayed into the corner, I know _that_ answer, but when we were dancing…" He walked toward her, enjoying the unknowing look in her eyes. "…you were grinding up against me…" His eyes closed and his hips rolled. Truth be told he'd been aching for her for hours. "…I know you felt me against you." Sydney blushed, she had indeed felt him, hard against her. "Were you wet for me?"

Arlen's head turned, his eyes wide. "Oh my God, Kayla's monitor is in there…"

"Shhh!" David waved his hand. "Don't you dare think about turning that off."

"David, no, you…" Arlen stopped speaking as David's hand wandered his thigh.

"Audible foreplay, baby."

"God, yes," Sydney breathed. She ran her tongue along her teeth. "To be fair though, you also do that to me when I'm thinking about you in sixth period." She walked toward him, dropping her towel. "Hard for me now?" she asked, her voice innocent.

Nathan's response was to grab her roughly, his hands cupping her rear and squeezing. He rubbed his clothed length against her. "What do you think?"

Sydney smiled, her stomach flipping and her sex soaking. She moaned into his chest. "Baby, I don't know what's gotten into you, but…" Nathan trailed a finger up her spine, making her back arch. "…go with it."

"Might get rough," he whispered, licking her ear.

Her chest heaved, the sight inviting. "I hope so." She pawed at him, removing his shirt. "That fucking body of yours, Nathan…" She stooped, her tongue tracing the outline of his abdominal muscles.

"Like it, do you?" She slid up his body, nodding. "Anything else you like?" Her hand reached for his waistband, but he pushed it away. "Get on the bed," he ordered. He winked at her, letting her know everything was safe and he was needy. She loved that he had more than one side to himself in the bedroom, it was something she'd never before experienced. She did as he asked and sat down on the bed. "Spread your legs."

She wanted to push him, she loved when he let go and took control at the same time. She knew he'd never hurt her, even better she knew how much he wanted her and loved her. She pressed her knees together. "Mm…I'm not so sure, baby."

His hands went to her knees and he spread them apart for her. "Defiant girl, huh?" His head lowered and he breathed on her core, not touching her. "Maybe I shouldn't be down here..." Sydney whined, wishing she hadn't. A low laugh passed Nathan's lips. "I do this to you," a hint of wonder in his voice. "I'm the one that gets you this worked up?" His mouth was still inches away from where she wanted him. "Too hot to answer for me?" He breathed on her again, her hips squirming.

"Fuck, Nathan," she whimpered.

"Oh, that's my plan." He grazed her with his finger and she jerked. "Maybe just a little taste." He peeked up at her, sliding his finger into his mouth.

"Ahh…" She licked at her lips. "I don't care how you do it…Christ, I don't care what you do it with, but I need you…"

"You need me to…?"

Sydney swallowed, her body in pain from the want inside her. "Fuck me, Nathan."

He knew it was wrong, but he hoped the monitor in the room was picking up every last word. It wasn't that he doubted himself in the least…more of an alpha male response to put the rest of the "pack" in its place. Without hesitation, he dipped his tongue inside her, her taste making him buck against the edge of the bed. Sydney screamed out, another bonus of revealing their relationship. "So sweet…" He licked along her folds, his fingers further teasing her until he bit down gently on her clit. "Don't you fucking come yet," he snarled.

She didn't care what this classified her as. Nathan's dark side was a turn on Sydney had never expected and never wanted to live without. There was nothing more amazing than when they made love, but this…this was base human nature and something they had both lived without for too long. She wanted to thank Celia for depriving him for so many years, for creating the tiger that was crawling up her body, kissing and nipping at her as he did do…maybe one day she would.

"You make me so fucking hard, Syd," he growled, kicking the second leg of his pants off. "I think about you at night and I can't sleep…"

"Call me next time," she panted, "I'll take care of you." She reached down and grabbed him, her thumb circling the tip of his arousal.

"Do you think of me?" Had Sydney's skin not already have turned bright pink with arousal, she would have blushed. "Do you, baby?" He teased her, running his length along her folds.

"Yes." It was more a heated sigh than a word.

"Do I make you touch yourself?"

Her answer was instant. "God, yes…uhn…" His finger was inside her again, stroking the answers from her. "I think…my body's obsessed with yours sometimes…"

"Just me?" he asked, a little too loudly.

"Only you…Nathan, I want you…" She heard him tear open a packet.

"How deep, baby?" Her body shuddered and she couldn't answer. Nathan sheathed himself and looked down at his lover. Her rose tinted skin becoming slick, her lips full…he did this to her. Not the former lover in the kitchen, not the faux pirate that abandoned her, it was all him. "All the way then." He lifted her hips, placing her legs on his shoulders and buried himself in her, a guttural moan escaping his lips and a high-pitched yelp leaving hers. His hips began to roll into her, slow, tortuous, and wonderful.

"Fuck…so fucking good, Nathan…harder," she begged. "Fucking harder!"

David's hand was over his mouth and Arlen was grinning ear to ear. "I'm pretty sure he's going to take excellent care of her in the bedroom, honey." David reached for the monitor. "Don't you _dare!_ You started this…I'm curious about the finish."

"Jesus, Syd…" He couldn't control his hips and he felt her clench around him. "That's right, baby…tighter…" She was screaming his name and he was relentless with her. He slowed only for a moment to keep himself from coming. He put her legs down and smiled. "Hands and knees," he said, but to Sydney, it sounded close to begging. She did as he said and he entered her from behind. She only stayed on her hands for a few moments before he brought her back up against his chest; one hand on her breast, the other below her waist, his fingers roughly working her clit.

She felt his body tense and she reached down to gently squeeze him. Loving the dirty talk they'd been using, she begged him, "Come for me." With a final groan, he did just that. They collapsed onto the bed, their mouths now hungry despite their exhaustion. Sydney had never once liked the idea of tasting herself, but somehow Nathan made it seem sexy.

When they broke apart for air, Nathan moved so Sydney's head could rest on his chest. "That was a little selfish," he whispered.

Sydney looked at the monitor obviously now, having an idea of what made the night go in this direction. "No, it wasn't," she whispered back. "I'm certain you made your point."

"Are you…"

"Absolutely not," she interrupted. "I like the dominant you."


	47. I don't have to leave

_** Author's note: Yay! Some more feedback! Yes, I am writing this more for myself than anything, but I do like reviews :-). I am so glad that some of you are finding and enjoying this story. Writing it is very therapeutic for me, as it serves as a form of stress relief, and sharing it is a fun bonus! Hope you all keep enjoying it!**_

"Mmm…" Nathan was holding Sydney, enjoying the feeling of her body next to his without having to worry about what time it was. "Thirsty, baby?" he asked. He only now remembered that he was trying to go downstairs for water earlier.

Sydney stretched a little, rustling the sheets. "Bit, yeah." She kissed his chest. "Want me to go?"

He smiled. "You stay right where you are." He caressed her cheek and found his boxers. He slid them on and made his way downstairs. When he reached the kitchen, he found David with Kayla in his arms, feeding her. "Oh, hey," he said, wishing for a shirt. "Didn't think anyone was up."

"Yes, well her schedule's a little thrown off today." David's voice was low, as to not disturb the baby.

Nathan went to the cabinet and grabbed a large glass, then made his way to the fridge. "Did Arlen have a good time tonight?"

"Oh, very much so. Party aside you and Sydney have made him rather giddy." He couldn't help himself as his eyes drifted over Nathan's body. "Sydney as well, I believe, hm?"

The glass was under the dispenser in the refrigerator door. Nathan smiled as he pressed it against the lever, filling it. "I like to think so," he said, trying to be humble, knowing David had heard every filthy thing he'd done to her.

"Right, well…have a good night."

"Yeah, you too." Nathan went upstairs, satisfied. He could tell that David was trying to size him up for some reason, but wasn't exactly keen on how he'd looked him over. His eyes were just a bit too focused. "Shirts from now on," he said to himself. He took a sip from the glass as soon as he'd shut Sydney's door behind him. "So, David's up with the baby."

"Oh," she said, a worried look on her face. "Should've put on my robe. He's harmless, but he likes to check out…" She groaned, embarrassed. "Sorry."

He slid back into bed, placing the glass on the nightstand. "Don't be." He pulled her to him, gently, and kissed her. "I want to make love to you."

Sydney blushed. "Nathan…"

"I was greedy earlier, Syd, and I need you to know that…"

"Oh, honey, I do…" He captured her lips again, not letting her continue. His hands glided along her skin and the kiss deepened. She could feel him harden against her again and she smiled, breaking their contact. "I turned off the monitor."

"Good." He slid his boxers off once again and, as gently as he could, got on top of her. His lips wandered her neck and his tongue tickled her collarbones. "Sydney…" She thought he was going to ask her something, or at least _tell_ her something, but he just said her name, letting it linger in the air.

Sydney reached between them, tenderly stroking him. He closed his eyes and she watched as he ran his tongue along his lower lip; she noticed that he tended to do this a lot when they were alone. She had already had a rather euphoric evening with him, but she wanted something more intimate, as did he. Despite their agreement on safety, she was guiding him closer to her. It wasn't until the tip of his length entered her that he realized just how close they were.

"Baby…"

"Shh. I told you the likelihood already and…" She didn't finish her sentence before he eased himself the rest of the way inside her. He didn't move, but his lips did return to hers. His kisses were saying everything he wanted from her. Everything that was making him feel wonderful and terrified all over again. The people closest to them knew, were happy for them…but he wanted more and it was getting harder to push those wants aside.

When he finally began to move within her, he locked his eyes with hers. He concentrated on the feeling of his body joined with hers and he finally spoke. "You've changed my life, Syd. I never thought…I never thought I could have this…"

She ran her fingers through his hair, then along his neck and back. "I never thought I'd want it." Her hips rose to meet his, pushing him deeper. "I love…" She looked away, shy. "…when there isn't anything between us." His pace quickened, just a little.

He put his mouth next to her ear. "Nothing on earth feels better than being this close to you…I know how I sound, but you have this way of…oh…you can make me feel either like a twenty something sex god or a giant pile of sappy goo…"

"I really like…oh…uhn…" She whimpered, coming so close to release. "…goo."

"I love you." His hips were steady now, the movements fluid, and Sydney was moving in perfect time with him.

"I love you…" Their bodies fell in sync and Sydney trembled as she felt Nathan spill inside her. "…too."

Nathan left their bodies connected and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "I don't have to leave," he said smiling.

"Don't ever," Sydney whispered. Nathan shook his head and rolled, sliding from her, but keeping her in his arms. They drifted into a sound sleep…and didn't move until late in the afternoon.


	48. Secret's Out

_**Author's note: A small nod to any fellow Whovians who might be reading this – I know for a fact there's at least one of you following this story as of last night! This wasn't put there recently, as I've had 60+ chaps of this story written for months…I'm just editing and reposting here, I've been posting it on my tumblr blog for a while. Any way…enjoy!**_

A week later, Sydney found herself alone in the house with Kayla, frazzled and running very much on empty. All week long she had been…indisposed. As soon as she got home from work she was cooking dinner, doing laundry, dealing with the latest Jess drama and helping to care for Kayla. She was everyone's wife and mother without being either of those things to anyone under her roof. She managed to keep her composure and didn't complain much, though she did miss seeing Nathan outside of school. He was the only one she would vent to, and only slightly. It wasn't until she found herself covered in a regurgitation of Kayla's formula that she picked up her cell phone and called him. He was at her door fifteen minutes later.

"Oh…sweetheart." He wasn't sure whether to laugh or pity her. Her shirt was covered in "used" formula, her hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, and her eyes were exhausted. Kayla was in her arms, cooing and certainly much happier than "Auntie Syd."

"I…" She closed her eyes and sighed. "Nathan, I'm so tired and I smell like baby puke. I've been doing this all week. I barely got through grading those," she pointed to a stack of tests, a few of them soggy. "She got them too."

"What can I do for you?" he asked, tucking some loose strands of hair behind her ear.

"I don't know why I called you, I just…I'm sorry."

Nathan shook his head and reached for Kayla. The baby cooed once more as he took her into his arms. "I'm glad you called, I hate only seeing you at school."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, this is _so_ much better."

His eyes were kind. "Of course it is." He kissed her cheek. "Need a shower?" She nodded. "I'll clean this little one up, you go take care of yourself, okay?"

"I love you," she said, a smiled finally crossing her lips. "You know…I _can_ handle all of this…" She was clearly embarrassed and didn't want Nathan to think that she wouldn't be able to handle her own family. "…it's just that…"

Nathan shook his head again, more adamant. "I would never leave all of this to you. Go on, honey." She went upstairs and Nathan followed. He went into Arlen's bathroom and cleaned up Kayla, smiling at the baby girl all the while. He missed this…he wanted this again…and he wanted this with the woman currently in the shower. "This is all a bit soon, isn't it?" he asked the baby, his voice pleasant. "Hasn't even been six months and I want so much." He re-diapered and dressed her, not missing a beat, then took her back downstairs to have a second go at her dinner; he was successful. He was rocking her in front of the window when David came home.

"Nathan?" he said surprised and somewhat smug, his voice off.

"David," Nathan replied with a congenial nod.

"May I ask why you're holding my daughter?"

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "May I ask why your speech is slurred?" David glared in response. "Sydney is in the shower. She was having a rough night and needed some help."

"And she called _you_ to help with the baby?"

"I _am_ pretty well qualified," he quipped, puzzled at David's attitude.

"Playing house then?" His eyes were glazed and unfocused. "Using Kayla as a prop?" He reached for the baby, but Nathan took a step back.

"I don't think that's the best idea right now."

"And you having her is a good one?"

"David, do you have a problem with me?" he asked deciding to be blunt.

David laughed, the sound cold. "You're not good enough for her."

"Kayla?"

"Sydney."

"Excuse me?" Nathan had no idea where this was suddenly coming from. His defenses rose and he was thankful he was still holding Kayla in his arms.

"Fairly certain you heard me just fine…"

"And I'm fairly certain you're a little drunk."

"You would know," he scoffed, his words uncensored. "A divorced, alcoholic history teacher with a teenaged daughter? Do you think that sounds good enough for any woman?"

Nathan swallowed hard and took a deep breath. The man in front of him was drunk and Nathan understood how a drunken brain could function. "My unhappy marriage ended, I'm a _recovering_ alcoholic, and I make a rather comfortable living. More than that I make Syd happy, shouldn't that alone make me 'good enough' for her?"

David stumbled trying to approach Nathan, who once again backed away. "I heard your performance the other night, I know you already knew that, and while you might be capable of being a beast in the bedroom…I was able to make her do things you couldn't fathom, _Nathan_." He said his name slowly, deliberately, but Nathan didn't understand the purpose in it. "She begged me to use her, begged me to make her my whore."

Nathan closed his eyes, hoping this wasn't true and that David was trying to get under his skin. Her sexual past was her own business, but she was better than that…then he began to remember what she'd told him. How she would use sex to divert David when…

"Boys, everything okay here?" Arlen had just returned home, heard David's last few words and didn't care for the tone he was currently using...or what he was saying.

Nathan thankfully handed Kayla to Arlen, who was stone cold sober. "No, it's very much not."

Arlen looked David in the eye. "I thought you were at a business dinner."

"I was, darling," David said, smiling widely. "Got the grant for the department and everything."

"And you decided to celebrate, I'm guessing? Where's your car?"

He thought a moment, tilting his head. "Downtown…don't I get credit for taking a taxi?"

Arlen shook his head, clearly disappointed. Nathan suspected that there was more going on than the tension between himself and David. "I'm taking her upstairs…don't kill one another, I'll be back." Arlen rushed out of the kitchen as quickly as he could without disturbing his little girl.

Nathan lowered his voice and did his best not to grit his teeth. "What is _wrong_ with you? Aside from the stupor, of course."

David ignored him, going back to his last train of thought. "She'd get down on her knees if I just looked at her the right way…I fucked her raw so many…"

"You…what the hell, David? Reminiscing or fantasizing?"

"I _was_ her fantasy."

Nathan ignored his words. "Let's not forget that _you_ left _her_, something I _never_ plan on doing. You're a bit…possessive don't you think? Is this because you and Arlen are having some domestic…"

"I bet she still thinks of me when you fuck her, wishing it was as good as what I could do to her."

"If you don't shut your mouth, we're going to have a really big problem." He felt his body go into a stance meant to protect himself and cause harm if needed, he hadn't even thought about doing it and couldn't tell if it was a reflex or an instinct.

David smiled. "I'm a doctor, not a teacher, who can do things in the bedroom you could only dream of…" He laughed again. "…and I have this accent. I was beyond good enough for her."

"You chose men over her…"

"She worshipped me!" David spat, finding himself using the wall for balance. "I could go upstairs right now, whisper in her ear and she'd spread her legs…"

"She used sex to keep you clean!" The words were out, hanging in the air…heavy.

David cleared his throat. "W-what?"

He knew he shouldn't have said it, but the things that came out of David's mouth were too much. Drunk or not, he crossed a dozen different lines. "I know about your…past habit. You know, that thing even Arlen doesn't know about?" he kept his voice low.

David swallowed, his eyes sobering just a little. "She…she wouldn't tell anyone." He then realized he should have been denying things. "I have no idea what you're…"

Nathan sighed. "Morphine," he whispered. "I got low one night…she told me about you. She told me what she used to do to distract you…she let you…" He stopped.

"And what, you're…threatening me this knowledge of yours?" He remained cocky and rolled his eyes. "I gave her _this_," he said, motioning to the room surrounding them.

"Yes, a house that you've moved into." He thought or a moment. "Did you ever actually ask her if you could move in or did you just assume it was okay?"

"I bought this house…"

"You signed it over to her completely, she can't even relax here…and now I know you're a little obsessed with her – at least when you're plastered!" He ran his hands through his hair, frustrated, but calmed himself as best he could. "If you want your secret kept safe…"

"Can someone tell me why Sydney is passed out on her bed, soaking wet?" Arlen asked, interrupting Nathan.

An instant sadness flooded Nathan's eyes. He turned his gaze to Arlen; the man had never been anything but kind to him and had tried to get them together for months, knowing full well they were good for one another. "Because she's over exhausted." He started to walk out of the kitchen, but turned when he reached the doorway. "She loves you both, you when you're sober I'm guessing, David, so she'll never say it…but you're sort of taking advantage of her." He wanted to express his disgust with David, but didn't have the heart to do so in front of Arlen. He left the room and Arlen stood slack jawed. He went upstairs and saw Sydney, very much passed out. "Oh, baby…" He gently woke her. "Sydney…"

"Oh, shit…" She sat up, forcing herself awake. "I'm sorry, Nathan, I…"

He shook his head. "Arlen's home now, why don't you come stay with me for the weekend?" He wanted to tell her that he wanted her out of David's reach, that he didn't currently trust him, but bit his tongue. "You need time to unwind." She wasn't arguing yet. "How about you pack a bag and…" He squeezed her hair into a towel, happy to take care of her. "…you could bring a few things to maybe leave there – or we could run out and pick up…"

"You want me to have…_things_…in your home?" She was trying not to smile.

"Mm hm." He was running a comb through her damp locks. "That okay?"

"If it's okay with you, then…" She turned around and kissed him, beginning to relax for the first time all week. "Allons-y." Nathan raised an eyebrow. Sydney smiled, blushing with a bit of embarrassment. "Okay, random Sydney fact for the night…my doctor is ten." She cringed a little, waiting for a response. Sure he wouldn't understand what she was talking about.

"Fantastic!" He smiled, briefly forgetting about David. "I'm more of a nine guy myself."

"Marry me!" she laughed, getting up from the bed and already planning on re-watching the series with someone else that appreciated it.

_Okay_.


	49. Shopping

_**Author's Note: Okay, fair warning – this is gushy. That is all!**_

While in the car, Nathan tried to call Susan to let her know he would be bringing Sydney home, but she didn't answer the house phone or her cell. She told him she was staying in, so he assumed her music may have been too loud. They walked in the house, Nathan carrying Sydney's small duffel (she opted for a shopping trip), and within a few minutes he saw why Susan hadn't answered her phone.

"Both my girls are exhausted," he said softly. Susan was asleep on the couch, a box of tissues next to her. He looked over his shoulder at Sydney. "She wasn't feeling the best earlier." Sydney didn't respond, she was too caught up on the way Nathan said "my girls." She was beginning to want things…and she realized it wasn't scaring her. "Everything okay?"

Sydney nodded. "I'm going to sneak upstairs." She turned and let her smile through.

"Susie Q." He gently stroked her hair. "Honey, let's get you to bed."

"Hmmm…" Susan groaned and didn't open her eyes. "Dad?"

"Yeah, honey." He helped her sit up. "How're you feeling?"

"Stiff neck…but a little better." She stretched. "Bed…" She stood up. "Is everything okay at Sydney's?"

"Um…she's going to spend the weekend here."

Susan smiled. "Cool, but is everything okay?" Nathan was silent, unsure of how to answer. Seeing the look in her father's eyes, she continued to press at him. "Dad? What happened?"

He shook his head. "Nothing you need to worry about, I promise."

Susan looked sad. "Don't do it, okay?"

"Don't do what?"

"Not talk about whatever it is. I don't mean not with me, I mean with Sydney. When you start to bottle up…"

"No, no…it's nothing between us…"

Susan started to walk to her bedroom. "Doesn't matter, just…don't. Promise?"

Nathan understood why Susan was concerned. When he and her mother kept things from one another, things began to go downhill. "I'll talk to her tonight."

His daughter smiled. "Night, Dad."

"Night, honey." They went to their respective bedrooms, Nathan ready to let Sydney know what happened with David. He opened the door and immediately forgot everything he was going to say. Sydney was already changed and beneath the covers, her face serene as she slept. "Morning's okay too," he said to himself. He stripped to his boxers, turned off the light, and slid in beside her. He kissed her shoulder and nothing else that happened that night mattered. She was in his home now, warm in his bed and he wanted to do nothing more than keep her safe.

The following morning, Sydney woke feeling completely relaxed for the first time since…truthfully she couldn't recall ever once feeling this relaxed. She turned over and kissed his chest, waking him. "Morning," she whispered, smiling.

"Morning." He shifted, taking her into his arms, her head resting above his heart. "Sleep well?"

She traced circles around his bellybutton, something she was infatuated with. "I am so sorry I crashed before you came to bed."

"No, baby, I'm happy you're comfortable here." He kissed the top of her head, remembering the previous night and his anger with David.

"So, still want to go shopping for some – Nathan, are you really sure about this? I don't want you to think you have to make room for me here."

"Syd, there isn't anything I want more than for you to feel at home here. If you can't relax in your own house…"

"Ridiculous, isn't it?" she interrupted. "I'm thinking about looking for an apartment. I wanted to wait, but…" She sighed and looked up at the man she was so very in love with. "You'll only ever be honest with me, right?"

"I promise."

"Do you think – I don't think it's on purpose – but do you think maybe the boys are taking advantage of me?"

His answer was far too swift. "I do." He quickly added, "You put others before yourself, Sydney, it's not a bad trait at all, just one you have to be careful with.

"I would do anything in the world for Arlen." Her voice was sad. "His life…"

"Arlen isn't the one I'm worried about," Nathan muttered.

"What did David do?" Sydney asked with a sigh, her hand now flat and unmoving against Nathan's abdomen.

"I want to have a nice weekend with you."

"How nice will it be with something eating at you?" She left the warmth of his skin and propped herself up on her elbow. "Whatever it is, I'm not going to let it take away from my time with you. I swear."

Nathan swallowed and turned onto his side to face her. "He came home drunk last night and said some…_things_…about both of us that made me want to…" He closed his eyes. "He's possessive, isn't he? He acts like he could snap his fingers and you'll fall right back into his bed! He…" Nathan took a breath. "Aside from telling me I'm not good enough for you, he said things about you that were so…I didn't mean to, but it just came out and I told him I knew about his little problem."

Sydney's mouth was tight and her breath was shallow. She was seething and Nathan couldn't tell who, exactly, she was mad at. She sat up, her hands gripping the comforter so hard that her knuckles were turning white. He was unsure if she was ready to scream or cry, he honestly didn't want it to be either. He had never seen her upset like this before and found it unnerving. What if David meant more to her than he did? What if everything he had said last night about her was true, what if… "Good," she finally said.

"Good?"

She got up from the bed and walked to the window. There was a gap between her tank top and her pajama bottoms; her top had ridden up. Nathan could see goose bumps there, but was too unsure of her mood to approach her with his robe. "Yeah, good. I'm glad you told him you know. He knows I've never told anyone else, not even when I thought John and I were going to…" She was clenching her fists at her sides. "I'm going to have a little talk with him…after I cool off with you." She turned and looked at Nathan, her eyes soft again. "You are the best thing to ever happen to me, Nathan Gardner." She approached the bed and put her hands out to him. He got up and went to her, pressing his body to hers. "You're right. David has a tendency to get a little possessive when things aren't going smoothly for him. I've heard he and Arlen arguing a few times over the last couple of weeks, even before Alren's party." She ran her fingers through his hair, smiling at his adorable case of bed head. "Before I go home, I want to know exactly what he said. Not now, then. Okay?"

"I don't know that I want to have to tell you that."

"I'm going to need to know, but for now I just want to enjoy being here." She didn't want to waste her weekend being angry. She knew David well enough to push her disappointment in him aside for a couple of days…her wrath would depend on what Nathan told her tomorrow. "Now, how about I get dressed and make breakfast?"

"Absolutely not," Nathan said sharply. "You aren't doing a thing this weekend…and you know what? Neither am I. Let me take a shower and I'm taking you to breakfast." He kissed her cheek and left the room. Sydney refused to think about home at all.

Sydney dressed and went downstairs, finding Susan on the couch. "Hey," she said, still a little timid about the whole situation.

"Hi, Syd…um, ney," Susan said, just as unsure.

Sydney smiled. "Syd's fine." Susan smiled back at her. "Your dad said you weren't feeling well last night. How about now?"

"Better. I guess I just needed sixteen or so hours of sleep," she laughed.

"We've all been there." Sydney sat on the couch next to her.

"Everything…okay?"

"Um…yeah, why do you ask?"

"Dad said things at your place were a little hectic and, well, he looked like he had a lot on his mind. Did you guys talk last night?"

"I sort of passed out before he even made it upstairs." She saw the concern in Susan's eyes. "We talked this morning though and everything's fine, especially between your father and I…if that's what you were wondering." She bit at her bottom lip. "_Is_ that what you were wondering?"

Susan blushed. "He's in a really good place and I know that part of that is because of you."

"I never would have expected a…no matter how I say this it won't come out right, but you care about him so much. It's…" Sydney was a little embarrassed.

"We're not exactly conventional around here," Susan interrupted with a laugh. "I think you already figured that out."

"Yeah." She cleared her throat. "So, what are you up to today?"

Susan shrugged. "Rodine's got stuff to do, Charlie's visiting his grandparents with his mom, so not much. How about you and Dad?"

"Shopping, actually."

"He can't need more stuff already," Susan replied, rolling her eyes.

Sydney took a deep breath. "Not for him, really, uh, more for me." She swallowed hard, deciding she'd use the opportunity to make sure this was all okay with Susan. "Susan, your father…you see, he and I…no, he…" She put her head in her hands for a moment.

"Sydney are you pregnant or something?"

Sydney shot up, her eyes wide. "No! Oh, no no, nothing like that." Her words were rapid. "Things at my house right now are just a little on the insane side and your father thought that maybe just keeping some things here would be helpful if there's a night where I just don't feel like dealing with any of it." She took another deep breath. "Are you okay with that?"

Susan looked confused. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I know that asking you to keep this quiet isn't really fair and…"

The young woman's eyes softened. "I haven't even told Charlie. I love him and everything, but all he would have to do is slip in front of his mom and…I get it, honestly. I can wait until the end of the year. And, um, maybe, you know, you and I could hang out once in a while?"

"Thank you, Susan." She smiled, happy and at ease. "And I'd like that."

"I'll be honest though, I _was_ kind of rooting for pregnant." She winked.

"You know," Sydney continued, doing her best to ignore the comment. "He's taking me to breakfast and we're going to the 'fancy pants' mall…"

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh, forty minutes away, hardly anyone from school, if anyone at all. Wanna join us? Cheesecake Factory for breakfast?"

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. It'll be fun."

"I'll go change," Susan said, her smile bright.

"Fair warning, Susie Q," Nathan's voice filled the room. "We're going to hold hands and be affectionate in line."

Susan went to her room. "I'll give you a PDA pass today."

Nathan joined Sydney on the couch. "How much of that were you listening to?" Sydney asked.

"Most of it." He kissed her. "My daughter likes my girlfriend. I really can't ask for much more than that. Cheesecake Factory, huh?"

Sydney looked guilty. "They have crab hash for breakfast, it's amazing!" Realizing that she had just been far too excited, she added, "I like crab and I like breakfast, combining the two is brilliant."

About an hour later, they all enjoyed breakfast together. A while after that they were strolling through the mall, Nathan's fingers laced with Sydney's and his daughter at his side. They didn't have any real destinations in mind just yet, but Susan did quite a bit of window-shopping, reminding Nathan that her birthday wasn't too far off. It wasn't until they reached Macy's that Sydney actually had a few items on her mind.

"You're one hundred percent sure about this, Nathan?" she asked one final time. "A woman's body wash in your shower is kind of a big step."

Nathan pulled her close and let his lips touch hers as he answered. "Nothing I want more."

Sydney tried not to giggle, but couldn't help how happy she was. "Well, then I introduce you to an indulgence of mine." She led them both through the cosmetics department to a smaller, separate area. There were shower gels and lotions and Nathan didn't quite understand what could make them so special. She picked up a bottle and covered up the label. "Close your eyes," she said to him. "Now, inhale."

"I thought we were in the soaps and stuff," he said, pleasure in his voice. "This smells like cookie dough."

"Welcome to the wonder of Philosophy." She caressed his cheek and, seeing that Susan had already started to explore on her own, put her lips to his ear. "Why don't you have a little look around and let me know if are any scents you'd favor on my skin." She watched him swallow. "What do you want the steam to remind you of when you soap me up after making love to me?" She smiled and winked at him and Susan returned.

"This stuff is incredible, Syd," Susan said, all but gushing. "They smell edible…there's even…how do you make something smell carbonated?"

Sydney chuckled. "Why don't you pick some things out for yourself? My treat."

"Oh, no, you don't have to do…"

She smiled. "I know I don't, that's what makes it more fun. Go on." Susan beamed and went back to the shelves. Sydney looked back at Nathan. "The best part is that I know I'm not even buying her affection."

Nathan smiled back at her. "Today is stupidly perfect." He showed her the bottles he chose. "These okay?"

"Just a little more stupid perfection," she laughed. "And don't worry, I'm going to pick up a little something for you too." She took Susan up to the counter and paid for their things.

A few more stops were made and Sydney went off on her own for a half hour or so, stating she was on a mission; Susan didn't say a word, but knew exactly what Sydney was doing. In that time, Nathan was feeling nostalgic and, after come convincing, got Susan to go into Build-A-Bear…she was glad she did. As the lion she picked out was being stuffed, she hugged her father – in public – and let the act linger.

"Things just keep getting better now, don't they?" she asked.

"Mostly," he answered honestly. "When the school year ends…"

"You don't have to hide anymore, I know."

He nodded, then added, "When it ends, I want…I want to…" The lion was handed to Susan and she started to dress it in a set of striped pajamas she'd picked out. She knew this was going off to college with her in a year, along with the memory. "I know it'll be your senior year and all, but what if Sydney was living with us then?"

"You're going to ask her to move in?"

Her father blushed. "Too soon, right?"

Susan shook her head. "Dad, there's two and a half months of school left, you sure you can wait that long?"

"I'm not even going to tell her I'm thinking about it yet, but I thought having her keep some things…maybe she'd warm to it."

"She's not going to tell you no and I think it's one of the beset ideas you've had in a long time." He saw her face change, but was afraid to press…he didn't have to. "Why didn't we ever have days like this with Mom?"

Nathan sighed. He knew the day was too good to be without its problems. "Honey, all I can tell you is that none of it was because of you. I don't think…I'm pretty sure she never wanted to marry me. I mean, maybe she did at first, but…" He sighed.

Susan put her hand on her father's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Dad, I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay, honey. One day, I promise I'll…"

"Hey you two," Sydney walked into the store, her eyes bright and her heart warm at the sight before her. She then realized she had interrupted something. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, could be better with a pretzel though," Susan answered.

"Then let's go." She linked her arm with Susan's and the weight that had started to press down on Nathan vanished. He just wished the school year ended sooner.


	50. I want this to be home

Later that night, Nathan and Sydney were alone in the house. Rodine called Susan and invited her over; Susan opted to stay the night to give her father and Sydney some privacy. They were on the couch together, relaxing and talking about the day.

"You sort of spoiled her today, you know?" Nathan teased.

"Some pajamas and shower gel?" Sydney asked, stretching.

He laughed. "And the books at Target, the chocolate at…"

"I enjoyed it, Nathan, so did she. Is that so bad?"

"Not in the least…she's not…Sydney, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but I think she, no, we…" He sighed, feeling foolish. "We felt like a family today."

Sydney looked relieved. "Why would that freak me out?"

"Are we moving too fast? Everything's going so well…too well? Things aren't supposed to be so easy."

"Why not?" she asked. "If Susan wouldn't have been okay with things today I might have said yes, things are flying, red alert…but since things went the way they did…" She kissed him. "I love you. I have a little piece of home here now and I couldn't be happier."

"No?" he asked, his lips moving to her neck.

"Well, maybe." She moved to sit in his lap. "What did you have in mind?" Her cell phone rang for the first time all day. Since it seemed she was being given the room that she needed, she answered, thinking it may be important. "Sorry," she said to Nathan before hitting "answer." "Hello?…Will I what?…No!…Jess, I'm sorry if they're fighting, but they need to work it out on their own…Seriously?" She got up and began to pace. "No, cancel your date, I'm not coming home to clean up after them…of course I care about her, but I care about my sanity too, I'm sorry…What? No, do not give him the phone, Jess…David…_excuse_ me? I have to _what_?…" Nathan's temper was beginning to flare. What was he saying to her? "No, and you know what? When I get home tomorrow, you and I are having a little chat and I can guarantee you're not going to like it." She hung up the phone, her face red with fury.

"Syd?"

"One weekend!" she yelled. "I can't have one weekend where I can't be bothered with other people's issues?" She looked at Nathan, her eyes desperate. "I'm _one_ person…I get that they're fighting, but they decided to do this together, not me!" She was fighting against angry tears.

Nathan rose from the couch and went to her. "Use me," he whispered in her ear. "Let me do for you what you've done for me." He kissed her neck. "Take control…"

"Wh-what?" she was suddenly hoarse.

Nathan licked his lips. "They make you feel like you don't control your life…take control of something." He took her hand and led her upstairs. "You deserve to blow off steam just like you've let me…" He stopped, he had to; his lips were now otherwise occupied. Sydney was kissing him with wanton lust.

"I never got to be in control," she said in a heated whisper. She had Nathan's back to the wall of his bedroom, a definite change of pace. "Until you, I never had…" She refused to finish. Talking would bring tears and she didn't want that right now. If Nathan offered himself to her, she was going to take it. She pressed her hips against his. "This might be different than what you were thinking…"

"Whatever you need, baby," he panted.

"Bed," she said, the word almost desperate. Nathan went to the bed and she straddled him instantly. Her lips roamed his neck and her actions slowed. "My needs are different, baby…" She slid his shirt up over his head, leaving his pants in place. "You're okay with…"

He caressed her face. "Anything."

She left his body and got up from the bed, confusing him. "Close your eyes." He did as she asked. He heard her open his closet, but didn't peek. When he felt her lift his hand, he fought against questioning her…then realized she had secured his wrist to the bedpost. "Not kink, exactly," she said, moving to the other wrist. "Open your eyes."

Nathan's confusion was placed with undeniable arousal. She hadn't removed a stitch of clothing, but she had made it so he couldn't touch her…he was beginning to understand her needs. "I need rough satisfaction sometimes and you…you need the complete opposite, don't you?"

She smiled, thankful that he understood her so well. "I want…the _want_ in you. Does that sound as ridiculous to you as it does to me?" He shook his head. "I was never given control, it was always taken…not by you, but…"

"Sydney, you don't have to explain." He looked at his restraints, his own ties, and smiled. "But I can tell you it's working."

"I'll be right back." She left him there and went to his bathroom with a small bag. It felt like an eternity before she returned…wearing lingerie for the first time in front of him. "I told you I got you a little something too."

Nathan tried to move, forgetting that he couldn't. "Oh…Syd…" It was simple, tasteful, and undeniably sexy. There were only two pieces, a black and pink corset and black satin panties, but that was enough. The only other thing she put on was a fresh coat of dark red lipstick. She climbed back onto the bed, crawling toward him.

"I want you to want me until it hurts," she purred. "That's my release." She began to press her lips to his body, each one slow and wet, leaving her lipstick behind…marking him as hers. "I want you to beg to touch me…" She ran her hands up his clothed thighs, avoiding his evident arousal. "…to kiss me…" She watched his biceps flex and she smiled, going to them next. "So strong…so safe and protective." She slid her tongue along his muscles. "Will you always keep me safe, Nathan?"

"Always." His chest rose and fell steadily, she knew he was concentrating and that he could easily slip from the knots she'd made if he wanted to…he was playing her game and she loved him for it. "Please kiss me."

She bent and kissed him, her mouth closed. "Like that?" He shook his head. "Oh…more?" She bent down again, taking his lower lip between hers, sucking gently. His hips bucked. "You are so…" She slid her tongue along his, hungry. They shared the same air for several minutes, neither able to get enough. There was sexy, then there was this. Sydney had only ever fantasized about having this sort of control in the bedroom, while Nathan would be fantasizing about it almost daily from here on. She shifted her body, positioning her clothed sex on his, but letting them only just touch. She slid along him, the fabric of her panties making the task easy. She felt him, hard and twitching beneath her and she closed her eyes, reveling in it. "You are making me so wet, baby."

He smiled. "Good."

"Let's see…" She moved off to his side, making him whine at the loss of contact. She spread her legs, just enough to touch herself through the damp satin. "Mmm…do you like this?" she asked, not a trace of innocence in her voice.

"Fuck, yes," he answered, unable to choose his words more carefully. "More…"

She began to rub circles over her clothed clit. "I dream about you being inside of me…I've never had a lover like you before…oooh…" She bit her lip and let her hand sink below the band of her panties, two fingers stroking her bare sex. "…and I never will." She brought her fingers to Nathan's lips and he gladly took them into his mouth…her taste made him pull against the ties. "Do you want me?"

"Yes…God, yes…"

She slid his pants and boxers off of his body, leaving him exposed and vulnerable. "So hard…to be you right now," she said with a wink. She skimmed her tongue from the base to the tip of his arousal, making his breath hitch and his hips thrust up from the bed. She grabbed a condom from the nightstand and prepared him, then took her time undressing; each and every move deliberate. "Do you ache, baby?" He could hardly breathe, let alone answer her. She lowered herself onto him gradually, making them both want more contact. Once he was deep within her, she began to move. She tried her best to go slow, but she needed the release. Nathan could only watch as her body rose and fell with a quickening pace. She cried out as she came, collapsing onto his chest. Their bodies still connected, and Nathan unmoving, she reached up and untied him.

His arms immediately wrapped around her, comforting her. "Better?" he asked. She nodded, smiling into his skin. He rolled them onto their sides, remaining inside her. "You feel so good, Sydney. Everything you do to me..." His hips began to pump gently. "…is so good." He kissed her, needy; passion, lust, and romance combining.

She draped her leg over his hip. "Deeper," she begged.

He grabbed her hips, driving himself into her as far as he could. He gently bit between her neck and shoulder, the place that always made her gasp. "Tell me what you need."

"I have it," she said honestly, her heart racing. "Make me come for you."

He increased his pace and felt her begin to constrict around him. His lips at her ear he murmured, "I love you, Sydney. No matter what we do or how we do it, know that." She moaned into his skin, nearly crying from the pleasure flooding her body. His words were always perfect. He found her lips, kissing her as he joined in her release, his hips thrusting erratically.

They stayed in that position, unmoving, for nearly ten minutes, neither saying a word. Nathan saw the look in Sydney's eyes and began to get concerned. He brushed her hair away from her face and was about to ask a question when she answered it herself. "I want this to be home."


	51. Her First Sleepover

"Two and a half months," Nathan said, his voice almost sad. "I wasn't even going to ask you about it until…"

"You were already thinking about that?" she asked. Sydney's words were the last spoken the night before, neither one of them quite knowing how to react in the moment. The honest truth had slipped from her lips and they were comforting enough to let them both drift into a rather restful sleep. They were in the shower together and she was washing his back, slowly massaging his muscles as she did so.

"I talked to Susan about it…how _do_ they make this stuff smell carbonated?"

Sydney giggled. "It's not that long of a wait…right? And it gives us time to be sure that it's what we both really want…"

Nathan turned around a little too quickly. "You don't think we…"

Sydney put her finger to his lips, stopping his words. "I didn't say that and I'm not thinking it. It's just," she took a deep breath, "a fact." She lathered his chest, enjoying the scent of black cherry Italian soda that Nathan picked out. When she moved the loofah to his abdomen, she smiled. "I want to spend every night next to you…and I want to be your permanent ab washer."

He bent and kissed her, pulling her close and covering her in suds. He pulled back, laughing. "I think we should get a bed." Sydney raised an eyebrow. "I've been wanting to get rid of that one for a while and it should be something we both agree on and Celia never touched." Sydney giggled. "What?"

"I find it funny that _that_ bothers you more than it does me."

They finished up, dried and dressed, and Sydney asked to be taken home. While Nathan didn't want her to go, he knew that she had a few things to clean up there. During the car ride, she persuaded Nathan to tell her exactly what David said to him on Friday night. He saw anger and hurt in her eyes, but not a single tear fell…which worried him. He kissed her, making sure the act was deep and lingering – his support to her. He took a deep, shaky breath before pulling away. Sydney seemed to share that breath before she opened the front door. Once inside her home, every bit of good she had over the weekend was overshadowed.

Jess, David, Arlen, and the baby were all in the kitchen. Arlen's eyes were ashamed. He instantly recalled Nathan's words to him, but he didn't have the chance to apologize. She looked at all three of the men and wished more than anything that there wasn't a baby in the house.

Sydney looked at Jess, her eyes kind, but serious. "Go to Brynn's or to Eric's, I don't care which. Grab a bag and do not come home until after class tomorrow."

"Syd?" Jess was confused. "I'm sorry I left you my laundry, I didn't mean to make you think…"

"Sweetie, this isn't about you. Please run upstairs, pack your stuff and go." Her tone made him get up and do as she asked. She didn't speak another word until he was walking out the front door five minutes later. Her eyes went to Arlen next. He started to say something, but she shook her head. "I know you have a lot going on too. I've known you my whole life and you have never _not_ been there for me. We need to find a proper babysitter so we can all balance out our work and personal schedules. I need you to please take Kayla upstairs." Arlen didn't hesitate. He knew something was going to happen between her and David when she got home based on the tension he witnessed between David and Nathan.

"And where are you sending me off to?" David asked, smug.

"Get your ass downstairs, now," she ordered, her voice shaking.

David smiled at her. "Only because I'm curious." He got up and opened the door to the basement. It was finished and while it wasn't sound proof, it was dampened, meant for parties to be able to occur without completely bothering anyone upstairs.

"You selfish son of a bitch!" Sydney screamed. "I cannot believe the words that came out of your mouth on Friday night!"

David feigned confusion. "I was a little drunk, darling, you can't hold me responsible for…" His words stopped when Sydney slapped him across the face, her tears finally falling.

"You told him he wasn't good enough for me! You called me your little whore!" She swung at him again, but he caught her arm.

"He isn't and you were." His voice was cold. "Tell me that you would never go back to bed with me."

Her words were immediate. "I wouldn't."

"You loved what I could do to you…"

"You told him that you could whisper in my ear and I'd splay my fucking legs for you! Do you have any idea how ridiculous that is?"

"I…"

"Shut it, David!"

"I want you! Christ, Syd, for weeks all I've wanted to do is bury my cock in that tight little…"

"Show me your arm," she said, tears falling freely.

"What? No."

"Show me your fucking arm, David!"

"So I say some things to your boyfriend, I know I'm better than him and…umph…" Sydney used all her strength and knocked him down. She sat on top of him, fighting with his sleeve. "Oh, so now you're the dominant one I see…" The marks came into view and Sydney shot up, her breath gone from her body.

She put her back to the wall and tried to force herself to breathe. David was quiet now, found out. It felt like hours before she spoke. "How could you do this to him?"

"How could you have told anyone?"

She shook her head. "No, absolutely not. This is not about me." She slid down the wall, her body numb. "This will kill him. You are a horrible, selfish bastard…after everything with his sister. After everything _you_ said about his sister!"

"I…"

"No, you don't get to talk. I covered for you once, David, and I told you that was all you got from me." She continued to shake her head, a constant movement keeping her from shutting down. "You moved in too fast, you can't handle this sort of life just _happening_ to you and you should have _**told**_ him. You've been fighting for weeks and using…for what? Six, seven days?" She stilled her head and put it in her hands. "I should have seen it sooner, I regret that, but I didn't think I had to watch for it."

"So busy with your history teacher…"

"I love him, David, and he loves and respects me more than anyone. He's not weak like you. He knows he has problems and he knows that he can ask for help…you don't and you never will…not until you're caught and it's too late." She wiped at her eyes. "I was thinking of moving out, especially since you now seem to be lording this house over me, but…I want you out tonight."

"You can't do that."

"My name is on the deed and my best friend is at stake. I'm taking Kayla tonight and you and Arlen are going to have a nice, long talk…"

"He'll be pissed that you never told him."

"If you believe that, you don't know him at all." Sydney got up and went upstairs, David trailing behind her. She continued to the second floor while David remained in the family room. She walked into Kayla's room and found Arlen rocking her. "Honey, I love you." She could barely choke out the words. "You trust me, right?"

He looked up at her and saw his eyes, red and watery. "Something's been wrong…not as bad as with her mo…but off." Sydney nodded. "I packed for her…" He swallowed hard. "You're taking her, aren't you?"

"For the night, yes."

"He's acting arrogant, like she did…he's…" He took a deep breath. "He has access to things and I never once thought…it isn't the first time, is it?"

Shame filled Sydney's eyes. "I'm so sorry. I got him clean once, before he was ever a thought to you…" She swallowed. "It's been almost three years and I never told a soul," she couldn't lie, "save for Nathan, and that's only due to his own problems…"

"I'm not angry with you."

Sydney smiled meekly. "You can be. Once an addict..."

Arlen shook his head. "You did what you felt was right at the time and he never once treated me badly until…the fighting in the last week or so, the way he's been looking at you…I should have picked up on it sooner." He sounded defeated.

"I kicked him out, Arlen. At least for now. You need…"

"I know. Thank you."

"If things get too ugly, you call me…or the hospital."

"No, it won't be necessary. She's what matters now, not me."

Sydney kissed his cheek, taking Kayla from his arms. "Fatherhood suits you."

"You'll be at Nathan's?"

"Nothing like showing up with a baby on your boyfriend's doorstep." Arlen helped her to his car, the seat already strapped into the back. Once Kayla was secure, he grabbed Sydney, clinging to her. "I'm so sorry," Sydney said, crying.

"He either wants help…or he doesn't want us." He kissed Sydney innocently. "Her first slumber party."

"She's in good hands."

"Two sets of them." He watched Sydney get in the car and pull away and took a few moments to gather himself before going inside.

Fifteen minutes later, Sydney was ringing Nathan's doorbell. "Syd?" the expression on his face was one of disbelief. "You didn't kill them both and take the baby did you?"

She tried to laugh, but her tears fell too fast. "He's using."

Nathan's heart fell. "Susan, honey, come here."

Susan bounced down the stairs unaware that anything was wrong. "Holy sh…crap. When I said I was rooting for pregnancy, I didn't think you guys would get on it so fast." She regretted the joke as soon as she made it.

A real smile appeared on her father's face and he shook his head. "Honey, this is Kayla. Can you do us a favor and take her into the living room for a few minutes?"

Susan beamed. "Absolutely." She took Kayla into her arms and her voice raised an octave, she loved babies. "Hello, baby girl."

Nathan took Sydney just outside the front door; the air was cool, but not cold enough to drive them back inside. "I was just going to call you. Water main break, no school tomorrow…weird, good thing, huh?"

"I'm sorry I brought her here, but I couldn't leave h…I kicked David out, but he and Arlen need to…this is all so fucked up."

Nathan held her close and rubbed her back. "You did the right thing…uh, anything for her to sleep in?"

"Travel bassinet thingy in the backseat." Nathan went to get Kayla's things and Sydney went inside, joining Susan on the couch. They were in for a rather interesting night…


	52. Takeout

"Oh, sweetheart, I don't think it's anything against you…maybe she just sees you as a safe place for baby vomit." Nathan was laughing in the hallway, Kayla in his arms wearing only a diaper. She had once again found it funny to throw up her food on herself as well as Sydney…although this time Sydney's hair faired worse than her clothes.

"I suppose I'm ever so privileged then," Sydney replied, laughing as well. She was in the new robe she bought to keep at the house, loosely tied, her hair wet from her impromptu shower, making her way to the kitchen for a glass of water when…

"Miss Turner?" Charlie sat at the kitchen table, wide-eyed.

Sydney quickly cinched her robe tighter. "Charlie!"

"Charlie?" Nathan asked, still upstairs.

The day had been going…better. Nathan and Sydney were starting to enjoy what David had referred to as "playing house" together. Susan had volunteered to go out and get Chinese for all of them right before Kayla decided to douse Sydney.

Charlie's eyes seemed permanently widened at the sight of his damp, nearly naked English teacher. When Nathan appeared with a baby in his arms, the poor young man could barely breathe.

"Shit," Nathan muttered. "Not how this was supposed to go."

"I believe I misunderstood Susan's text," Charlie said, his voice raspy.

"I'm thinking that's a safe bet," Nathan replied.

Sydney's face – her entire body – was red with embarrassment. "You got an A on Friday's test," it was the only thing she could think to say.

"Ah…good. That's…good. Um, do you and Mister…" He put his hand up, pointing to the baby. "I've been here before and no…"

"Not mine, not hers, Charlie," Nathan said, his voice calm. He sighed. "Call Susan and tell her to grab some extra food."

"I…okay." He did as Nathan asked while Sydney ran to Nathan's room to get dressed. When she came back downstairs a few minutes later, sweats and a t-shirt in place, she smiled at the her student and he was almost able to look her in the eye. "Please don't be offended if I get a little weird in class, Miss Turner."

"No worries, Charlie, promise." She took Kayla from Nathan's arms. "This is Kayla. To make a long story short-ish, she's my gay best friend's deceased sister's daughter who he's in the process of adopting, but his significant other is having some major issues and she's spending the night here…also, Nathan and I are in a relationship." She took a breath. "Don't ever put a sentence like that together in any paper I grade. I'm terrible with run on sentences when I'm nervous, but I think that pretty much covers everything…right?"

"Uh…"

"I'm gonna let you guys…talk." She disappeared into the living room leaving Charlie and Nathan alone.

"You're…sleeping with Miss Turner?"

"That always seems to get the focus," Nathan said, recalling what Sydney said Susan's first words to her were after walking in on them. He scratched his head. "It's more than that. We've been dating since January and it's serious, Charlie." He took a seat at the table. "We're…" He smiled, unable to help himself. "…in love and keeping it to ourselves until the end of the school year. Susan found out couple of weeks ago and only told us this weekend that she didn't say anything to you."

"I wouldn't say anything to me either, you know my mother."

Nathan chuckled. "Just don't be mad at Susan."

"I'm not. It makes sense, both of you on probation and all." Charlie smiled. "But if it makes you feel any better, if people _did_ know, you'd get even more respect."

"I would?" Nathan asked, curious.

"Yeah, first you kicked coach's ass and now you're dating Miss Turner. You do know some of the guys at school think she's kinda hot right?"

Nathan's mouth hung open for a minute. "I…do now…and sort of wish I didn't." He smiled to himself again. "I mean…_I_ know she is, but…" He cleared his throat.

"Explains your big mood change too, that's been a subject of discussion at more than one lunch table."

"I didn't realize teachers were such big topics," Nathan said sarcastically.

Charlie shrugged. "Depends on the day. In fact, the day that Miss Turner wore that light brownish v-neck sweater…" He blushed and stopped talking.

Nathan chuckled, confessing, "I know the sweater." He put his head in his hands. "You can keep this quiet?"

"Sure thing, Mister Gardner."

"Charlie, I told you when you're here Nathan is fine. Susan calls your mother Marilyn after all."

"My mother isn't her teacher…or her girlfriend's father who, again, kicked the ass of the gym teacher."

Susan came through the front door and into the kitchen. "So…did things get unnecessarily awkward?"

Charlie looked up at her and said, straight faced, "My girlfriend's father, my history teacher, is dating my English teacher, who's caring for a baby that isn't hers and I saw her wet and almost naked. Nope, not awkward at all." The three of them laughed, while Sydney still tried to turn her skin back into a normal shade in the next room.

"And to think there are currently far stranger things going on in the world," Susan mused. "Food?"

"Yes, please," Charlie and Nathan both responded.

Sydney heard the rustling of the takeout bags in the kitchen and her stomach growled. Kayla in her arms she returned the kitchen, most of the redness gone from her cheeks. "So…we're good?" she asked timidly.

Nathan nodded. "Susan reminded us that the world has things far more awkward happening at this very moment." He pulled out the chair next to him and Sydney sat, relieved. He watched as she tried to balance the baby and grab a fork. "Here, honey." He took Kayla and somehow managed to cradle her in one arm while perfectly using chopsticks with his free hand.

"Superman," Sydney laughed, amazed. "I can't use them with two free hands and you're half disabled by a baby."

"Used to do this with you, Susie Q," Nathan said, smiling. "Guess it's one of those things that just stays with you."

"Do you want more kids, Mister Gardner?" Charlie asked, the question innocent.

"Yeah," he answered without any hesitation, looking down at Kayla. He glanced up at Sydney, his eyes certain. "If that's what life has planned for us, I do." Sydney blushed, hoping that was, indeed, what life had in store for them.

"You guys really _are_ serious." There was a sense of wonder in Charlie's voice and he smiled. Nathan continued to look at Sydney, but he didn't say anything else.

Susan decided to break the silence by flinging her arms around Sydney's neck and proclaiming, "Mom!" It could have been an uncomfortable moment, but it passed with laughs and Sydney internally thrilled to be so accepted by her lover's daughter.

A few rounds of Apples to Apples later and Charlie and Susan retreated to the game room downstairs while Sydney and Nathan put Kayla to bed in his room. They were side by side on his bed, intimate kisses passing between them, when the baby started to cry.

"New place and no Daddy to tuck her in," Sydney said, getting up. "She's been through so much in her short little life." She returned to the bed and reclined, Kayla on her chest and beginning to calm.

Nathan stroked Sydney's hair, then Kayla's. "Syd," he said softly.

"Hm?" She kept her voice just as low.

"You think this is…practice?"

Sydney looked over at him, knowing how impossibly perfect the last couple of months had been with him. "I…I really hope so. We seem to be pretty okay at it, huh?" She looked down at the now quiet baby, then back at Nathan. "I'm waiting for something to go wrong…I know it's twisted, but it's what I'm used to. We're still…we're in the 'honeymoon' phase of our relationship, aren't we?"

"Maybe," he said, his tone thoughtful. "It's unrealistic to say we'll never have a fight, but…" He sat up. "Sydney, I'm ready for this. I think we've both waited a long time to find…" He leaned down and kissed her. "I love you. Honeymoon phase be damned, baby, I'll take us any way we are."

"Why?" One small word was so weighted.

He caressed her face. "We light up one another's eyes." It was a simple answer, but it was all she needed. He positioned himself so he could hold her as she held Kayla and couldn't have felt more at peace as they both fell asleep in his bed.


	53. Desk 2

In the week that followed, David agreed to go into rehab, citing a personal leave from the hospital, Jess took on more responsibility for his baby sister, and things began to…settle. After school on Thursday, Sydney ran home and prepared for that night's board meeting. She and Nathan were finally presenting their mentoring program. She showered and redressed a bit more professionally, then returned to campus around six in the evening. Everything went smoothly and the board was not only receptive, but positive. Once the meeting finished, Nathan stayed and spoke to some of the board while Sydney went to her room to collect a few papers she wanted to read that night.

"Miss Turner," a male voice came through Sydney's door, startling her. "We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Adam Sedgwick." He closed the door behind him then approached her desk, extending his hand. He had sat in on the presentation. She took his hand and shook it firmly, feigning confidence. "You and Gardner put quite a bit of preparation into that little show, hm?"

"Uh, show…sir?" she asked, unsure of just what was happening, and not happy about her door being shut.

He laughed, the sound cold. "Of course. You don't think any of that will ever be put into play do you?"

"I'm sorry, but the board seemed to think it would work out well."

He shook his head, laughing louder. "You have no idea how this works, do you?"

Sydney found herself becoming offended. "Nathan and I worked on that for months, it _will_ work. It'll pull money and student teachers into the district and…"

"You know who else has been working for months, Miss Turner?" Sedgwick asked, lowering his voice. She didn't answer him. "The baseball team. Training all through the off season, but they lost their first two games already." He saw confusion wash over her face. "You worked hard on something that won't pay off and now all of those young men are in the same position. You had their coach fired…"

Sydney stood up, suddenly very uncomfortable. "Teams win games, not their coaches; especially not ones that are using things that impair their judgment."

Sedgwick rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure your bruises are healed and had you not led him on…"

Her eyes went wide. "Please tell me you have a cruel sense of humor…"

"Of course that situation has other repercussions for you. Having Gardner get involved…"

She swallowed, her throat tight. "I didn't get him involved. He heard me yell and…have I done something to you?"

His answer was swift. "You got the man that makes college recruiters come to this district fired."

"He got himself fired…"

"I hope Joe hasn't been stringing you along about being hired here, Miss Turner. He doesn't have the power to get you a permanent position here, I do…and I won't be recommending you."

Sydney's face was warm and her breath shallow, she was dizzy with anger. "You…" she choked on the word. "I've raised the average grades across all of my classes, I volunteer my time on a consistent basis, the kids trust me…"

"You got a good man fired over nothing, Miss Turner, that simply doesn't bode well for you."

"A good man? The female students here felt uncomfortable around him! He leered and…you don't hire people, the board does," she said sharply, forcing tears to stay in her eyes. "Several board members apologized profusely for what Rick had done. They also said that he was to have been let go be…"

Sedgwick walked closer to her, causing her to back up. "When I want things to happen, they do, just ask your 'mentor.' He's no longer principal because I fired him."

"Yet he's back in the position he loves."

Sedgwick smiled. "He's a teacher. No power over anything anymore."

Sydney shook her head. "I'm sorry if you think it's all right for one of your faculty members to harass another…"

"Gardner nearly broke Rick's jaw, but because of you he's safe and sound while Rick won't be hired anywhere else." He tilted his head and stared at her. "You're nothing special, Miss Turner." He turned and walked to the door. "I've taken you off of the chaperone list for the senior trip. No need. Oh, and I'll be making a few phone calls both inside and outside of the district." He left and Sydney knew exactly what he meant.

She leaned against the shelving under the windows, seething for close to five minutes, when Nathan arrived. "You ready, baby?" he asked, smiling. He then saw her face. "Syd?"

"Close the door, Nathan," she said her voice low. He did as she requested. "Lock it." Once the door clicked, the look in her eyes changed. Only the back row of lights were on, which left the front of the room dim. She didn't want to talk about what happened, not now. She was hurt and angry and wanted to feel in control of something. She went to him and removed his messenger bag, tossing it to the floor, then kissed him, biting at his lower lip. "You offered, remember?"

Nathan understood immediately, but had no idea just what had gotten into her. "I remember."

She kissed him again, her fingers tangling in his hair. She made him take note of the dominance in her as she sucked his tongue into her mouth. "I…" She doubted herself for a split second.

"Whatever you need," he whispered, his heart beginning to race.

She released him and sat on the edge of her desk. She beckoned for him with one finger and he was in front of her instantly. He bent and kissed her, feeling her need for him. She reached for his hair again and deepened the kiss. After a moment, she knew what she wanted. She broke her mouth away from his and, fingers still knotted in his hair, pushed his head down…low. She spread her legs and he smirked. His hands stroked her calves then slid up the outside of her thighs. Her hips moved and her and fingers massaged his scalp, not letting him go. He lifted her skirt and her legs spread further, damp cotton waiting for him. She pulled his head, bringing him closer to her sex, and his tongue lapped at the soaking fabric.

She stifled a moan, then commanded, "Bite." He found her clit through the cotton with ease and bit down. She loosened her grip on his locks and stroked his hair. "Good boy," she panted. "More." She felt him pull her panties aside and cried out as licked her folds. He held her hips in place, keeping her back from arching as it always did. He found immense pleasure in this act, enjoying her taste and scent, and more so the fact that she loved and craved him going down on her. "Nathan," she whimpered, being much kinder to his hair. He slid his tongue in and out of her while he just barely grazed the little bundle of nerves he had bit a few moments beforehand.

He ceased his actions for a moment and looked up at her blushing face. "Baby, you okay?" he breathed. She nodded, licking her lips. "Something set you off, hm?" He replaced his tongue with his finger, never breaking eye contact. She gasped and nodded again. He rose from his knees, adding a second finger to her, and bent over her body. He put his lips next to her ears and panted. "I love fucking you, baby. Fingers, tongue, cock…all of it. If this is what makes you feel better…" He picked up his pace, and brought her close, but wouldn't let her fall. "Hm mm, I'm not done down there just yet." He caressed her face with his free hand. "I'm going to make you come, then I'm going to fuck you on the desk that you sit at every day."

Sydney couldn't breathe and the room began to spin. When she finally pulled oxygen into her lungs, Nathan's fingers left her body and she felt him spreading her apart. He licked her with long, deliberate strokes, moaning into her skin, the vibrations making her body writhe. He suckled, nipped, and teased before finally doing what he told her he loved to do, his tongue once again darting in and out of her. He stroked her clit in two rough circles and she put her hand over her mouth as her body tensed.

She watched as Nathan stood and undid the belt of his pants. At first she thought he had taken away the control she wanted, but as her head cleared from the euphoric haze, she realized he hadn't. He had honed in on what she wanted and needed. She started to sit up and Nathan looked at her with questionable eyes. "I want to taste you too," she said, her voice firm. Nathan freed himself through the fly of his pants and Sydney left the desk to go to her knees, engulfing him right away. She fought against natural reflexes and took him into her throat.

Sydney's hair was now the coif being assaulted as Nathan's fingers grasped at it. "Fuck, Syd…" She released him and focused on the tip, looking up at him as she did so. She knew he liked when she looked at him while sucking on his length. "S…stop, baby." He gently pushed her back and closed his eyes, calming himself. He exhaled and opened his eyes. When he opened them, Sydney was sitting back on her desk, legs spread wide, but her skirt covering what Nathan wanted. He stroked himself as he walked toward her. "How many places are we going to fuck in this school?" he whispered.

Sydney smiled. "Every one we can get away with." She grabbed his tie and pulled him to her, their lips meeting and tastes mingling. "Make me see stars, baby."

Without thought Nathan lifted her skirt and slammed into her body. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he drove himself deep within her. "Shit, in my jacket…"

Sydney shook her hear. "I'm over worrying about that. Worst thing that could happen is a baby, right?"

Nathan smiled, but only for a second. "Right."

"Now…" Her thought was never finished as Nathan's hips pistoned again. "Oh, God," she groaned, forcing herself to be quiet. "Harder," she begged, "I don't need to walk tomorrow."

Nathan pulled her body closer to the edge of the desk and his hands grasped her backside. His strokes were rough and hitting all the right spots. "Getting so wet," he breathed. "So fucking hot and tight…" He felt her release and he did the same, spilling deep within her. He didn't leave her body as he helped her to sit up. He kissed her, infinite passion in the act. "This can't be normal," he breathed, resting his forehead against her. "Not at my age."

Sydney laughed. "Now you know math and I aren't exactly friends, but I'm pretty sure age is nothing more than a silly number."

"Are you going to tell me what happened that brought that on?"

She nodded. "Later, I promise. I'm still enjoying you right now." She moved her hips just a little and saw him shudder. "You've turned me into a raging nymph."

"You?" he asked, now laughing as well. He held her, breathed her in.

Sydney rested her head against his chest, listening to his heart. "I love you." She looked up at him and felt him slide from her body. Her voice was distant when she added, "I don't care about getting hired. I don't care about being blackballed…you're the best thing that ever could have happened to me here."


	54. When do we pack?

Sydney stayed at Nathan's that night, needing to be close to him and trying to fight off the feelings that Sedgwick had given her. It took him reading a few chapters of their latest book out loud to her before she fell asleep. He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes, then looked down at her. His heart ached for everything that happened from Rick's assault to tonight. He was certain that it was Sedgwick's dislike of him, and not Rick's accosting, that had made her his latest target.

He tucked her in and kissed her forehead before slipping downstairs. He composed an e-mail, pulling himself off of the chaperone list for the spring break trip, then spent the next couple of hours online, putting something else into the works.

"Dad?" Susan's voice floated into his study and she appeared in the doorway.

"Hey, Susie Q," he said, a tired smile on his lips.

"Is Sydney still here?"

"Asleep upstairs."

Susan's face fell. "You didn't fight, did you?"

His mind immediately went to Sydney's desk, the complete opposite of fighting. "No, honey. Why do you ask?"

Susan walked across the room and plopped into the armchair near her father's desk. "Well…it used to be late at night when I'd find you here after you and mom…and usually you were…you know."

He looked ashamed. "Oh…right." He shut the lid on his laptop and rose from his seat, circling his desk. He leaned against the front of it to be closer to his daughter. "No fighting, Susan, I promise. No drinking either." He wrung his hands together before continuing. "It seems that Superintendent Sedgwick's dislike for me has sort of…bled over to Syd. He pretty much tore her heart out after our presentation tonight, blaming her for getting Rick fired and the baseball team losing. He pulled her off the spring break trip and told her he was going to black ball her at every district around here."

"What? He can't do that!" Susan was genuinely outraged. "Dad, Swearingen is an asshole that…" Nathan put his hand up, stopping her.

"I know. He can't do anything to her that will stick, there's too much against Rick. He was just trying to make her feel like shit, which she does." He ran his hand through his hair. "I withdrew from the trip and booked something a little more private." Even though he was exhausted, he couldn't hide a wider smile.

Susan's face lit up. "You're taking her away?"

"I think it could do us both some good. You still okay with staying at Rodine's for a week?"

"Uh huh," she yawned. "Well, since I know you're okay, I'm gonna go back to bed." She got up and hugged him. "I love you, Dad."

Nathan kissed the top of her head. "I love you too, honey." He went back up to his bedroom and found Sydney still asleep. As he slid beneath the covers she stirred. "I didn't mean to wake you, baby."

"Everything okay?" she asked, groggy.

He gently pulled her into his arms. "It will be, I promise. He can't do anything to you other than take the trip away, you know that, right?"

She nodded. "I know, but that doesn't mean he's not an asshole."

Nathan chuckled at her word choice. "No arguments there from anyone in this house." He stroked her hair, trying to relax her again. "I pulled out of the trip too, but I made some other arrangements for us." Sydney moved so she could look at him, but couldn't quite make his face out in the dark. He found himself suddenly nervous. "Sydney, will you go away with me?"

She delayed her answer on purpose, wanting him to wonder. "When do we pack?"


	55. Nathan's Past

_**Author's note: Okay, this is the last of what I already have written. Reviews are what's gonna keep me going! If you've been reading, please feel free to comment and let me know if it's worth continuing on here! Thank you!**_

The "random Sydney fact" for the day was that she wasn't the greatest flyer. She left nail marks in Nathan's hand during take off and landing and her face was red with embarrassment each time. Nathan could see the change in her body once they stepped foot inside the airport.

"Sorry," she said, her tone sheepish. "I'm a weenie."

Nathan smiled, his eyes bright. "Long as you're _my_ weenie," he laughed. He laced his fingers with hers and, after a wait at the baggage claim, a cab took them to their hotel. "More extravagant next time," he said softly. "I went with what I could do last minute and…"

"It's perfect," Sydney interrupted. She kissed him, caressing his stubbled cheek. "You have no idea what this means to me."

"Not just you, baby."

It was a couple of hours before they were settled into their room, but neither of them minded. They had explored the hotel a little as they waited and Nathan received restaurant recommendations from the concierge. Once in their room, Sydney showered and changed. Nathan followed suit after unpacking their suitcases. As he stood in the bathroom shaving, he heard Sydney open the sliding glass door to the balcony, then music floated up into their room. There was a band playing outside by the pool.

"I….just wanna fly. Put your arms around me, baby, put your arms around me baby…" Sydney giggled as she sang along. She called back into the room, "Nathan, I think it's nineties night out here! You almost done?"

Nathan chuckled to himself, so thankful to hear the happiness in her voice. He knew they both needed to get away from everything at home and test their relationship outside of every day life. He wiped the remaining traces of shaving cream from his face and walked out into the main area of the room. He saw Sydney on the balcony, her back to him. There was a light breeze outside and it rustled the gauzy blue skirt she was wearing. He watched as the fabric seemed to tickle her thighs, her hips swaying to a Matchbox Twenty tune. She let herself get caught up in the music, able to be truly carefree for the first time in months. Her hands were above her head and Nathan couldn't help but laugh as he saw a strange combination of "white girl meets slutty Sydney." He decided to help her out.

He quietly made his way to the balcony and slid his hands onto her hips, slowing her. He moved his own hips behind her and they found a rhythm together. Sydney leaned her body against his and let her head fall back onto his shoulder.

"Was it that bad?" she asked, laughing.

"I was very entertained." He kissed her cheek and continued to dance with her, his chest remaining pressed to her back.

"I didn't get out much in college," she confessed. "Never got to dance to any of this and…that's probably for the better."

He nuzzled into her neck. "Mmm…you make up for it now then." He let his hands innocently roam her body as the song came to its end. The band didn't pause as they let things slow down. Only a few notes made it to Sydney's ears before she turned around in Nathan's arms.

"One of the most played and saddest songs of my college career, stupid Nicolas Cage movie…" She shook her head. "Still, it's one that you always wanted to dance to with someone and Arlen wasn't exactly who I wanted to dance with to it."

Nathan smiled at her again. "And me?"

"And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'cause I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now…"

Sydney's eyes lit up and she kissed him.

"And all I can taste is this moment, and all I can breathe is your life. When sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight…"

Internally she rolled her eyes at herself, not wanting to sound as she knew she was going to…but knew no matter how it sounded, she was telling him the truth. "You're who I always wanted to dance with."

Nathan held her close, breathing her in, her body wash and shampoo blending perfectly with their surroundings. He took her words to heart, understanding them perfectly. Every terrible thing he'd gone through or put up with in his life had led him to this moment…to being the one she wanted to dance with.

"And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am…"

He knew the song, had heard it hundreds of times over the years. It was still a staple at high school dances and even Susan went through a phase where she played it on repeat…but it wasn't until right now that he really listened to the words and related to them.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, or the moment of truth in your lies…When everything feels like the movies, yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive…"

Things with Sydney were undeniably perfect…too perfect at that. He had been keeping things from her that could turn her away from him and he knew that he had to break down the fantasy. If she didn't know everything about him, then she didn't truly know just whom it was she danced with…who it was that loved her.

"And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand…when everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am…"

Nathan moved a little, causing Sydney to raise her head from his shoulder. He cupped her chin and she saw sadness in his eyes. "Oh, honey, this song's only supposed to make girls…"

"I need to talk to you." His voice was solemn and made Sydney's stomach drop instantly.

"I thought we…did I…"

He shook his head. "Not you, Sydney."

"And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken…I just want you to know who I am…I just want you to know who I am…" He held her until the song ended. The lyrics repeating, telling him what he had to do. "I just want you to know who I am…  
I just want you to know who I am…" He gently took her hand and led her back into their room, sliding the door closed behind them.

"Dinner needs to wait," he said, his voice still holding the worrisome tone. He motioned to the couch on the far side of the room and she sat, keeping her façade calm, but panicking like a lunatic on the inside. Nathan paced in front of her for a few moments, searching desperately for the right way to start this conversation.

"Baby, whatever it is…" Her lip trembled, but she controlled herself.

He turned to face her. "I've been lying to you," he said, a bit too bluntly. "Not about anything I've ever said to you, but about what I haven't. I started to tell you about things with Celia, but only little tidbits, things that don't make me seem…" He knelt down in front of Sydney, his eyes distressed. He shook his head as he continued. "I can't keep putting off the inevitable and the longer I wait, the worse it'll be."

"Nathan," she took his hand between hers. "Honey, you're sort of…scaring me."

"I know…I'm sorry. It's just that being here…it's too good. It's not fair to you to think that I'm some…God, I hope you don't think I'm perfect, please don't hold me to some stupid…" He got up, angry at himself. Sydney fidgeted, feeling sick. "I told you Celia didn't just sleep with one guy and I told you that I was scared of losing…"

"But now, Nathan? We're here to get away from everything that's…"

"It has to be now!" he yelled, regretting the action right away. "Sydney, I've asked you to move in with me! We've decided it's okay if our constant fucking gets you pregnant! We're living in this bubble where everything's wonderful and amazing and it's not fair to either of us!"

Sydney closed her eyes. This was supposed to be romantic – it _was_ romantic until five minutes ago. It was supposed to be an escape from drama and school and baby vomit… "_This_ isn't fair," she muttered.

"If I don't tell you now…" He frowned, his own lips trembling. "…but if I do and the air is cleared…"

Sydney understood and pushed her disappointment aside. "Okay, baby," she said, making sure her voice was gentle. "Tell me."

He took a breath and as much as he wanted to divert his eyes, he looked directly at Sydney. "Celia pushed me to take the position as principal when it came up for bid." He swallowed. "I was happy where I was. History was something I was good at and I got the kids to appreciate it, at least a little. I enjoyed getting up every day and going to work and I felt…so fortunate to have that. Celia was a nurse…as soon as Susan was born, I did everything I could to help her finish up school." He saw questions in Sydney's eyes. "I'm not deliberately talking in circles, Syd, I swear, I just…"

"However it needs to come out," she said, as calmly as she could.

He took a breath. "Our marriage was rocky from the beginning, I've told you that already. We got married as soon as we found out she was pregnant and I did my best to make it work. I took care of Susan while she studied and when she started at the hospital…I did everything I could, but Syd…nothing I ever did for her was enough. Ever. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just need you to understand. She was the mother of my child and I didn't want Susan to…but we fought over everything, money especially. She wanted the most ridiculous things sometime and when I couldn't…" He pulled at his hair. "This shit doesn't matter…the principal's job, that matters." He sat on the edge of the bed, across the room from Sydney. "She hounded me for weeks about it. She was tired of working at the hospital and wound up at the school, I knew it was the worst idea ever, us working in the same place." His eyes softened and he truly looked at Sydney. "Nothing like what we're doing, baby. I promise." He closed his eyes and continued with his jumbled story. "Anyway, she took it upon herself to go to various people in the district and chat me up…before I knew it, I was being asked to take the job. Then it was insisted upon. Everyone wore me down and I took it. Celia was happy with the pay bump and I was happy that she stopped harping on the subject."

Sydney didn't understand what was so bad about the story so far. Celia sounded controlling and a bit money hungry, but she knew those things already. She was convinced that Nathan had somehow distorted things in his mind, making them worse than they really were.

"The first year was…it was different, but it was okay. I was good at the job, somewhat respected by the kids and Celia and I were doing a little better." He put his head in his hands. "Then…as much as things started to change for the better, they got that much worse. She started to want nothing to do with me in the bedroom. She began telling me I was the worst fuck she'd ever had in her life and she couldn't understand how I was able to get her pregnant." He looked up, his eyes red. "It turned into a weekly fight…and I started going to the bar just so I didn't have to hear it anymore. She wouldn't even let me try to…" He shook his head again. "Syd, I'm so sorry, I know this…"

Sydney rose from the couch and approached him, slightly wary. "No, Nathan, it's okay." She reached out her hand, but he flinched and she backed off.

"Fuck, I'm…" He wrung his hands together and Sydney threw caution away, sitting next to him and rubbing his back. "I don't deserve…"

"Yes, you do." She was soothing him, it was only slight, but it was enough.

"Every evening I went to the same bar and had a drink, just one, so I could go home and deal with things. I should have known that it could escalate, but…" He cleared his throat. "Couple of years passed and nothing changed…I wanted to leave, Syd, so much, but I couldn't. We weren't sleeping in the same bed and sex was nonexistent…" He looked at Sydney. "…for me." His lips trembled. "She was sleeping with students."

Sydney's eyes went wide. "She…what?"

"I don't know when, exactly, it started, but…there were quite a few. All of age, all consenting…she was fucking them, then berating me about…" He refused to look at Sydney now. "Susan can't know…not until she's out of Western Summit…I just…"

"How did you find out?" Sydney asked, not able to stop herself.

He laughed. "She flat out told me." He looked down at the floor. "'Your students are better fucks than you'll ever be' – her exact words. 'And there's nothing you can do about it.'" Tears fell from his eyes. "She was right. With the position I was in…I couldn't do a fucking thing without my life falling further apart than it already had. I would lose all credibility; I was certain her fuckups would make me lose my certifications…I didn't do anything but drink…a lot." He looked at Sydney now, his watery eyes pleading. "I couldn't let anyone know! I couldn't risk Susan being…it was stupid…and I stayed with her…for my daughter. Susan's the only reason I didn't just pack up and leave her years earlier." Sydney continued stroking his back and was going to say something to him, but he got up from the bed. "I should have put a stop to everything. I should have gone right to…I was covering my own fucking ass, Syd! Do you know what that makes me?"

"You were looking out for Susan…"

"Sure, that's part of it, but my first thoughts were of _myself_!" He made to punch the wall, but slowed before making contact with it, lessening the impact. "She would come home with these sickening smiles on her face, so I'd open another bottle of whiskey and be plastered out of my mind! Susan correlated the drinking with the job and I let her think that…still do!" He rested his back against the assaulted wall. "After a few months, I couldn't take it…I confided in Joe and he helped me set Celia up. I overheard her on the phone one night and I picked up the receiver…she was fucking talking to one of them, setting up a…" He looked like he was going to be sick. "I sent Joe to the exact place at the right time and…he made it seem so accidental. With nothing to keep him from going to the board and her own reputation at stake, she resigned, saying that she wanted more time at home…fucking laughable." He started to cry fully.

"Baby…" Sydney went to him, taking him in her arms, despite him trying to push her away.

"I'm an asshole, Sydney. I am not some fucking perfect dream guy who…"

"Stop, Nathan, please. I couldn't imagine being in that position and…"

"You stop!" He pushed away from her. "Those kids should have been first priority, but I…"

"They were eighteen, Nathan, and she wasn't their teacher. The nurses are almost…rented to schools and…"

"Why are you trying to spin this so it's better?"

"Because I love you," she said simply. "Because you're beating yourself up over something that you didn't cause and you didn't…"

"She kept fucking! And you wanna know who? Because this just makes the icing on the fucking cake!" He was angry, frighteningly so. "Fucking Swearingen!" Nausea kicked Sydney in the stomach. "Yeah, the same asshole that put hands on you fucked my wife! He's the one I caught her in bed with! He's the reason I was ready to take my own fucking life that night! He's…"

"You what?" All color drained from Sydney's skin. Nathan was now the one who felt sick. He had never told her about that night. Not that he was serious about it, anyway.

"I wasn't drunk when I found them," he sobbed. "I told Susan I was, that I wasn't thinking straight, but…Syd, I was ready to end it – all of it. I was so fucking broken…" He slid down the wall to the floor, the feelings of the past too strong to fight.

Her heart breaking, she went to him again, pulling him to her and refusing to let go. She kissed the top of his head as he openly sobbed in her arms. "Shh…" She couldn't find any words, not that any of them would help the situation at hand.

"I wanted to die," he said, his voice hoarse. "I was ready to leave my daughter behind because I couldn't fucking cope…everything I had was…"

"But you didn't," she whispered. "Nathan, you're human…"

"Weak…"

"Maybe then, not anymore." Any questions, any clarifications could wait. This was enough for now, any more and he could shatter.

"I had to tell you…I had to let you know everything." He couldn't meet her eyes. "I'm embarrassed," he whispered. "I'm not everything I should be for you." His chest heaved with a dry sob.

"Nathan, your past, the things that happened to you long before we ever met, they don't matter to me. You've only been good to me, you've…"

"I only stayed for Susan," he said, more to himself than Sydney. "Years of misery, but my daughter…she needed to have her mother and…I had to have a job to support…and when it was over, when she finally left…the drinking…I couldn't stop…and I hated the job…" He rubbed at his eyes.

Sydney could tell he was uncomfortable, not just emotionally, but physically. "Baby, come with me…please." She rose from her place on the floor and extended her hands. He took them, surprising her. She led him to the bed and he didn't fight her. Within moments, his head was resting on her chest. She went back to rubbing his back as he tried to compose himself. "I don't think any less of you, you need to know that. I promise I would tell you."

"Why, Syd?" he asked, desperate. "I just told you the worst parts of everything I've ever been through…I wanted to kill myself, not threaten, actually kill…"

"Not only did you _not_, but you've put your demons to rest…"

"After I almost killed Charlie." He didn't even let Sydney ask before he told her about the day Charlie found him drunk with the same gun he told Susan he'd disposed of. Sydney's only reaction was to hold him tighter. "I don't deserve you," he whispered. "I don't deserve my faults to be forgiven so easily."

"I hid a doctor's drug use from a hospital," Sydney reminded him, her own voice cracking. "I had the possibility of lives at stake, didn't say anything to anyone, and history has only repeated itself." Her tone was solemn, but then brightened just a little. "Honey, you've been carrying all of that around with you for years. It's in the past and…keeping it to yourself for so long, carrying that misplaced guilt, baby, that's enough punishment." She caressed his face and he finally looked into her eyes. "You've purged completely, Nathan. It's time to let go."

"I…Susan…"

"She has her issues with Celia as it is. If you want to tell her when she graduates, that's all well and good…and over a year from now."

"So I still hide it from someone…"

"But not alone." She kissed him, the act meant to be innocent, but Nathan clung to her. He moved up her body, placing his hands on her face and deepening the kiss.

He swallowed hard, his eyes red and raw. "You still…" He couldn't finish his question, but didn't have to.

"Always. Telling me just proves…" She let a tear fall. "I love you. I don't care about anything from then." She kissed him again, unable to help the feelings coursing through her body. "I'll take it away from you, baby…I'll carry it for you if you need me to."

"Help me let it all go," he begged, his lips finding her neck. He pulled back, once again ashamed of his actions.

"Anything you need," she breathed, putting her neck back to his lips. She heard a soft moan escape him and reached for his shirt.

"Syd…"

"Relax, sweetheart…" She gently pushed him back against the pillows after she succeeded at unbuttoning his shirt the rest of the way. She pressed soft, loving kisses to his chest, wanting him to feel her devotion to him. "Let me make it better."

Fresh tears fell from Nathan's eyes and he let his hands trail along Sydney's shoulders, then down her arms. "I love you…you know all of me now…and you still want me."

She pulled her tank top up over her head. "Only more…you've had to go through so much…" He exhaled sharply when she unhooked her bra, her breasts spilling free for him. "You're a good man, Nathan, please don't ever think otherwise." He sat up, tenderly sucking at a nipple, as his hands wandered her back. "Take what you need, love."

"You," he said softly. "I need you."

Sydney was gentle as she removed his pants and boxers, as well as her skirt and panties. She kissed his skin and his fingers trailed along hers. They were nearly worshiping one another's bodies, each so appreciative of the other. Nathan was already hard and almost felt shame, until Sydney's hand pumped him delicately. She heard him gasp and straddled him. She eased herself down his length until their hips met and she held them there.

Bringing Nathan's hand to her chest, she held it over her heart, still unmoving. "Feel me, Nathan." She pressed his hand more firmly against her. "When yours breaks, mine beats for you…as long as you're willing to do the same for me."

"Always," he said, choking on the word. He sat up, wrapping his arms around her, going deeper inside her. "I promise." She began to move, her hips slow. "Oh, Syd…"

"Relax, baby." She gently pushed his chest so he was once again flat against the bed. She leaned down against him, still moving as slowly as she could. "You never have to keep anything from me…I will help you with anything you ask…" She moaned despite herself. "Please come to me, don't ever assume I'll think less of you, ever." She increased her pace and Nathan clung to her, his hips rising from the mattress.

Nathan's hands roamed her body with no destination, soft and tender. He had never felt so needy, so unlike himself…then again, he'd never shared what he thought what he were felt his deepest flaws. "You feel so good…you're always so good to me…" He was trying to keep himself together.

"Let go, sweetheart…let go, it's okay."

He stilled his hips. "No." His voice was low, but adamant. Sydney's eyes questioned him and she ceased all movements. "Keep going, baby…"

"What? Nathan, I…"

"Syd, please…" His head titled back against the pillows and he closed his eyes. "I can't, not yet…I want…" His chest heaved with a ragged breath.

Sydney did as he asked, moving her hips as slowly as she could. As far as she was concerned he was torturing himself by not succumbing to a much-needed release. He kept his eyes closed, his lips parted, and she couldn't tell if he was in pain or feeling intense pleasure. She ran her fingertips along his cheek, thankful that he had finally freed himself of all of the past; that he trusted her with everything he thought could drive her out of his arms. She knew he was hurting over his freshly opened wounds and all she wanted was to wash some of that pain away. He bit at his lip and she knew he was holding himself back again. His hands gripped her hips, pulling them hard against his own.

She placed her lips at his ear, her body moving, her mind focused on the feeling of his length inside of her. "Nathan, baby, listen to me." Her tone was soft and reassuring. "You don't have to hold back…you don't have to deprive yourself." He bucked, crying out, but once again stopping. "You deserve pleasure. You deserve to feel good; I swear it. I know you feel undeserving, but you're not. Nothing's changed, baby, it's only going to get better." She kissed him desperately. "Please, honey…please let me feel you."

Nathan pumped upwards with more force, Sydney sitting up and matching his pace. "So warm…so perfect…don't let me mess us up…"

She went to his lips and whispered against them before kissing him again. "Messing up is human…so is forgiving." She slid her tongue along his and she felt him release at her words, spilling deep inside her, she fell right along with him.

They stayed joined together, still, for quite a while before Nathan rolled to pull Sydney close to him. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered. "That wasn't the ideal start to…"

"Wasn't it?"

_*****I Just Wanna Fly – Sugar Ray*****_

_*****Iris – Goo Goo Dolls*****_


	56. Stop being all perfect

_**Author's Note: Long time no post! Sorry, guys! This is a WEEE bit sappy, but it'll get better soon, I promise!**_

Sydney sat in the surf, the water reaching her hips, then receding over and over again. Nathan had insisted on taking a surfing lesson, much to Sydney's surprise. He said he had done it a few times when he was in high school and wanted to see if he could still balance himself out in the water. She watched him out in the waves, smiling each time he climbed back onto the board he fell off of.

The night before had been rough and terrifying and…somehow beautiful. After taking solace in one another's bodies, Nathan and Sydney stayed in their room, ordered the biggest cheeseburgers from the room service menu, and talked, just a little, about all Nathan had revealed. Sydney didn't press a single issue, despite her desperate want to do so. After their impromptu dinner, they filled the large tub in the bathroom, turned on the jets, and Nathan simply held her. They wound up dozing off and on while the warm water comforted them until they finally retreated to bed, exhausted.

Sydney smiled fully as she watched Nathan successfully ride out a small wave. She clapped and waved at him, then leaned back, resting on her elbows and closing her eyes. She let herself become lost in her thoughts and never saw Nathan approach her. Her eyes only opened when she felt him scoop her up from the sand.

"Nathan!" she yelled, giggling and playfully hitting his chest. He took them both out into the water, his arms still wrapped around her. He kissed her deeply. "I love you," she cried, all the tears she held back the night before spilling freely.

"I know you do, baby." He kissed her again, the ocean splashing over their shoulders. "I love you too. Ask me anything you want, right here…we can wash everything away, can't we?"

"All I want to know," Sydney said, timid, "is why you didn't tell me about Rick sooner. Especially since he was hitting on me for months."

Embarrassment and a trace of shame shadowed his face. "I don't have a good answer for that, Syd. Greed, I think."

"Greed? Nathan, that doesn't make sense."

He looked into her eyes and tilted his head. "I didn't want to think he could take someone else from me."

Sydney sighed. "I understand when it comes to that, but I mean everything else…at least I think I do." Nathan was confusing her. "He hit on me before the Christmas party, afterwards it just got worse and…"

"If I said too much and he found out I told you it…" He looked defeated. "I was afraid he would have figured out how much I liked you…how much I wanted you and that…"

She smiled. "How much you liked and wanted me when?"

"C'mon, you know."

She shook her head. "Apparently, I don't."

He waded to her, pulling her close. "Quite possibly from the moment you spilled coffee down your coat."

Sydney splashed him, laughing. "You are so full of sh…" His lips were on hers before her sentence was finished. "Yeah?" she asked when he released her.

Nathan ran his finger along her cheek. "Never dreamed of acting on it. Never thought we'd even talk to one another."

They stayed out in the water, talking, for an hour. By the end of those sixty minutes, they were laughing, their noses and cheeks pink from the sun reflecting off the water…and both of them felt light. They were back on the beach, relaxing on the lounge chairs there when Nathan asked a question of his own.

"You know you're beautiful, right?" his voice was soft.

Sydney was on her stomach, letting the sun warm the backs of her legs. She didn't look at him. "You tell me so."

"I saw you looking around before and I wish you'd stop comparing yourself."

She cringed. She didn't know he'd caught her looking at all of the bikini-clad bodies. She was wearing a black one-piece swimsuit, very retro and quite similar to one she'd seen in a picture from Marilyn Monroe's Hollywood reign. "I'm not comparing," she lied. "I'm in my early thirties, they're…what college and high school kids and…" She rolled her eyes, feeling foolish.

"I know you packed a bikini." She felt him rubbing sunscreen on her back. "Starting to burn a little," he whispered in her ear. "Anyway, I think you should do yourself a favor tomorrow and…even out your color, hm?"

She turned her head and looked at him. The creases around his eyes were accentuated as he squinted in the sunlight…a couple of gray chest hairs moved with the breeze. He wasn't one of the college studs playing football a few yards away…he was better than that…and she understood what he was saying to her. She had compared herself to others her entire life…never feeling thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough…the same insecurities ninety percent of women have, and it was never more clear to her than it was now that none of that would ever matter.

"You need to stop it," she said, "you're getting a bit too…oooh…" She stopped when his teeth tugged at her earlobe, sending chills through her body. She turned over completely to look at him. "Women need their insecurities, it's sort of our 'thing' sometimes. Stop being all perfect to me today, okay?"

"You really want that?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course, not but…"

"I love it when you're flustered," he laughed.


	57. Telling Dad's Secret

Susan was spread out across Rodine's bed, watching a movie on the television across the room. Rodine had gone to take a shower, leaving her on her own for a bit. Her cell phone rang and she smiled when she saw who the caller was. "Hey, Gram!" she answered happily.

A concerned voice answered her. "Oh, Susan, sweetheart, thank goodness. Is everything all right?"

"Uh, yeah," she answered, a little confused. "Why?"

"I've been trying to get a hold of your father for two days. He isn't answering his cell or the house phone and…where are you, honey?"

"Oh, I'm at my friend's for spring break…"

"He said he wasn't chaperoning that trip anymore," her grandmother interrupted, sounding confused.

"No, he changed things and went away with Syd."

"Syd? Oh, he's not off on…on a bender, uh, oh sorry honey…or something is he?"

Susan laughed. "No, Gram, I told you before he hasn't touched anything in months. He wanted to have some time alone with Sydney so he…"

"A woman?" Her voice suddenly took on a brighter tone. "He's seeing someone? And he took her away?"

_Shit. Shit, she didn't know! Dad's gonna kill me…_ She knew there was no point in trying to lie, her grandmother would hear right through it. "Um…yeah. He…didn't…say anything?"

"No." Her voice was still cheery. "Though that doesn't surprise me, he's always been…" She sighed and Susan felt guilty.

_Well, he's gonna kill me anyway…_ "If it makes you feel any better, hardly anyone knows. I just recently found out about it. They were waiting until this school year ended…she's a teacher and…" She heard her grandmother make a noise and could picture her covering up a smile on her face. Nathan didn't have the greatest relationship with his parents, not because of anything they'd done, but because he felt he always disappointed them. Susan was more than aware of this.

"And they've gone away together? Oh, honey…is it serious? You can tell me, I promise I won't say a word to your father."

The happiness in her voice was too much for Susan to say no to. "Yeah…yeah, I'm pretty sure it is." She wasn't going to let it slip that Sydney would be moving in in a few months. She _was_ going to be sure to say something else though. "I didn't tell you this, but…she's good for him. Really good. Gram, she's kept him from slipping a couple of times and he lights up every time they're together and…" She sighed, regretting saying so much, but not wanting to keep it all to herself. She cleared her throat. "Anyway, he had a 'don't call unless it's an emergency' rule and gave me the hotel number. Everything's okay, right?"

"Yes, sweetheart, I just wanted the four of us to have dinner together, we haven't seen you in a while." She paused for a moment. "Oh! Do you think your father would let it be five?"

"Um…maybe. I wasn't exactly supposed to tell anyone so…"

"Oh, don't worry about that, Susan, Gram-ma will take care of it. You enjoy your break, honey, and Grand-pa and I will see you soon, okay."

"Okay, Gram," Susan said, dreading having to tell her father about this conversation once he got home.

"Love you."

Susan smiled despite the situation. "Love you too, Gram." She hung up the phone and Rodine walked back into the room. "Well, this will be the last time we see each other for a while, Ro," Susan chuckled.

Her friend raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I just told my grand-ma something my dad hadn't told her yet."

Rodine's face looked pained. "Ouch…"

"Yup…extra large extra extra cheese tonight?"

Rodine laughed. "Freedom food, take it while you can get it!"


	58. Jaws, a sailboat and the beach

"Nathan, this is…" Sydney couldn't find the right words. He had arranged for them to go out on the water on a luxury sailboat. They didn't have it to themselves, but it was big enough for them not to remember there were two other couples aboard. They were sitting on the starboard side of the boat, watching the waves.

Nathan kissed her neck, his arm wrapped protectively around her waist. "Good or bad?" he asked.

"It's beautiful…and when I push my irrational fear of Jaws popping up over the side, perfect."

He raised an eyebrow. "Scared of sharks?"

She smiled. "Scared of 'Jaws' not necessarily _all_ sharks."

"Another Sydney fact?" he laughed.

"Yeah, but…every time one of them is on T.V., I can't turn it off, it's sick!" She stared to laugh as well. "When I was little, we had an above ground pool and, at the far end, a tree cast a shadow over 'the deep water' and I was one hundred percent convinced…"

"…that Jaws lived in your chlorinated pool?"

She shrugged. "I was also convinced he could come up out of the drain in the tub. I had an overactive imagination."

"I hope our kids inherit that," he said, smiling widely, not even realizing the words passed his lips. "Only, you know, without being terrified of…" His brain caught up with him and he saw the look on Sydney's face. He cleared his throat. "Um…we've talked about it before…"

She nodded. "I know, it's just….uh, never come up so casually and…" She leaned over and kissed him, her hand lingering on his face when she pulled away. "I love you."

"Syd, I know you're worried that…"

She shook her head, that wasn't what this was about. "No, baby," she said, smiling. He had said it with such ease. They had only been "dating" for just over four months…hadn't known each other for a year…and it still sounded logical…right. "I _love_ you."

His smile returned and he pulled her into a kiss so intimate they didn't feel the shadow over them. In fact, they didn't even hear the shadow when it cleared its throat. It wasn't until it spoke, "Excuse me, Mister Gardner?" that they looked up.

Nathan smiled, blushing slightly. "Captain Elliot, the boat is gorgeous."

The captain smiled back at the couple. "I heard you mention something about sailing, thought you may want to have a go at the sails."

Nathan stood, beaming like a child. "Yeah?" He looked at Sydney. "I've kinda been through a boat phase…"

She laughed. "Susan clued me in a bit. I even saw your little hat."

He cringed in slight embarrassment. "It was an in depth phase…"

"Good, this should be no problem for you at all then," Elliot said, motioning for Nathan to follow him. Sydney trailed behind, curious.

Twenty minutes passed; twenty minutes of Sydney laughing so hard she couldn't see through her tears. Nathan had fallen onto his rear twice - no injuries, so laughing was perfectly acceptable - gotten his fingers tangled in the ropes from the sails – knot tying wasn't his strong suit – and nearly fell overboard while dodging…a seagull. It didn't take long for him to figure out he was only meant to be a passenger on a vessel meant for the water.

"Okay, so…the remote controlled boat in my pool…"

Elliot laughed along with Sydney. "I thought you knew how to sail?"

He shook his head, finally laughing himself. "In my mind…I totally did." He scooped Sydney up and they returned to their little spot on the boat, enjoying the rise and fall of the waves. A couple of hours later, they were back on dry land, Sydney still giggling about Nathan's little adventure.

They had spent nearly all day outside, but weren't ready wrap their time outdoors up just yet. Nathan had suggested a late picnic on the beach and Sydney's heart melted at the romantic suggestion. This whole trip was what they both needed. They were spending time together, truly alone, and without a single troubling thought.

The sun had set hours ago, but the air was still warm, and every worry that had been pulling at Sydney over the past few weeks began to disappear with the surf. As the waves came up over her toes, she smiled, fully relaxed. Nathan gently squeezed her hand and she turned to look at him; she couldn't understand how he still gave her butterflies. They found a suitable spot next to a boulder and Nathan laid out an extra large blanket. His theory was the bigger the blanket, the less the likelihood of sand getting…everywhere. Once they settled, Sydney reached for the basket they had borrowed from the hotel, but Nathan stopped her hand.

"Thank you for coming here with me, Syd," he said, his voice soft and almost unsure of itself.

Sydney smiled again, wider than before. "Nathan, there's no where else in the world I would want to be more. And thank _you_ for putting all of this together. We've gotten through so much in the last couple of days and now…it's perfect."

"We needed this," he said surely. "It feels like it's just been issue after issue…I wanted to make sure we liked being alone together when we weren't running from something else." He winked at her and she moved her body closer to his. Her hair was in a ponytail, but several strands had come loose throughout the day and he tucked a few behind her ear.

"Gee, I don't know," Sydney said, doing her very best not to smile. "I mean, I just might prefer you in the florescent lighting at school…the moonlight here is doing _nothing_ for you."

He leaned closer to her and kissed the side of her neck, tasting the ocean on her. "Hm mm, you either. Damn moon."

"Yeah…" She looked into his eyes and her heart welled. Sometimes relationships were built out of convenience or settling; Sydney knew without a doubt that this wasn't the case for her. What she had with Nathan was real whether they were there on a beach or doing dishes in his kitchen while Susan and Charlie did homework in the next room. "Nathan…" Her thoughts clouded as he caught her lips, his tongue gently caressing her own. The picnic didn't matter anymore.

"Mmm…" His voice was low and the sound sexy. He pulled back for a moment, his hands roaming her back. "Let's just stay here, hm? No school, no drama…just you…" He carefully leaned Sydney down, putting her back to the blanket. "…me…" He crawled up her body, lifting her shirt and kissing her stomach. "…and the sound of the waves." He reached her face again, kissing her more deeply than before. He felt Sydney arch beneath him.

"Okay," Sydney agreed, breathy. She didn't protest as he removed the thin t-shirt she was wearing…or as he untied her bikini top.

"I want to see you wear the moonlight." He kissed the swell of her breast, but stopped when Sydney giggled.

"I'm living my own romance novel."

"Too cheesy a line, hm?"

She shook her head. "No, baby…I love 'romantic Nathan.'"

"And he loves you," he said, kissing his way back down her body. He hooked his fingers beneath the waistband of her shorts and slid them down her legs. "Think we'll get caught?"

"Think I care if we do?" She was blushing.

He used the lightest pressure when he began to stroke her, her bikini bottoms still in place. "I hope we never lose this," he breathed. Sydney whimpered in response. "I always want to be able to take your breath away…or make you use it to scream." He stroked with more fervor and Sydney reached down between them, finding his erection easily. She caressed him through his trunks and he moaned at the contact.

"And I hope I can always do this to you," she said, finally finding her voice. She pulled his shirt over his head and licked along his collarbones. "I'm not sure I've ever wanted you more than I do right now." She kissed him. "Damn moon," she smiled.

They slid off one another's bottoms and Nathan assessed things quickly. "Come here, baby." He took her hand and they moved to the center of the blanket. Nathan sat and Sydney, after taking in his glowing physique, understood. She straddled him, her knees on either side of his lap, and took him inside her body as slowly as she could. "Ahhh…" Nathan's voice shook, he loved when she took her time.

Sydney didn't move for a moment, she was taking in where she was; feeling the breeze from the ocean on her back and the heat from her lover within. She realized there might never be a moment more perfect than this one. "There's an excellent chance that I might cry…again," she whispered.

"Long as they're happy tears, baby."

She began to move her hips in long, slow thrusts. Nathan's mouth was traveling her flesh, planting hot, wet kisses anywhere he could reach. His hands moved down her back, to her hips, then to her backside, which he squeezed gently. His hips began to move with hers, just as slow, trying to connect with her as deeply as he could. She loved the way they fit together and the tears did begin to fall. "Perfect," she whispered.

Nathan wrapped his arms around her and let her continue to ride him slowly. He had never felt more in tune with her and he wanted it to last as long as it could. After a few minutes, Sydney's body took over her heart and her pace increased. Her breath came in pants and her nails ran down Nathan's back.

"Fall…let yourself go." Her back arched, which let him sink deeper, and they both cried out. He felt her clench around him and he held her tighter, unable to help himself as his thrusts grew more rapid. "I love you, Syd."

Her eyes still watering, she joined in his rhythm, wanting him to feel as good as she did. "I love you, too…oh, God, Nathan…" She tightened around him again and felt him release into her as he clung to her body. When their pulses began to settle, Sydney opened her eyes and saw that she wasn't the only one who had been teary-eyed. She caressed his face, wiping away his tears. "Sand in your eyes?"

"No," he said, and he took her lips once more.


	59. Pancakes, Susie Q

_**Author's Note: Looks like interest in this story has ceased again…but here's a small chapter for anyone who might still be interested…**_

Susan slowly made her way to the curbside pickup at the airport. She looked at the various gates, trying to find the one where her father and Sydney should have been. It wasn't long before she ignored the signs altogether. Why? Because she saw the couple she was looking for barely hanging onto their luggage as they all but made out with one another in front of anyone who cared to glance in their direction. It was a late flight and there was hardly anyone else there, but it was still a little risky. Susan beeped and they parted, embarrassed grins on their faces.

"Hey, Susie Q!" Nathan said, walking around to the drivers' side window. "Miss me?"

Susan rolled her eyes in a true teenager fashion. "Sure, Dad."

Nathan loaded the luggage into the trunk of the car, then opened the front passenger side door for Sydney. "I bet you did…just a little hm?"

Susan smiled. "Yeah, well…I wasn't relieved or anything like I would have been a few months ago."

"Good enough for me. Want me to drive, honey?"

Susan thought for a moment. If she drove, Nathan would be in the back seat…he wouldn't yell too much if she was in charge of their lives and… "Nope, I will gladly be your chauffeur this evening."

"Okay." Nathan slid into the backseat, buckling himself in.

Susan pulled away from the curb and decided to ease into things. "So, by the looks of it, you two…went at it like rabbits while you were away, didn't you?"

Nathan's eyes went wide and Sydney tried not to laugh. "Susan Gardner!"

"What, am I wrong?" she asked.

Sydney cleared her throat and answered before Nathan had the chance. "Your father and I actually got a lot closer over the last few days." Knowing what Susan thought was important, she quickly added, "We talked about a lot of things that we just couldn't get to here…with all sorts of distractions." It was heartfelt, her tone sincere, and Nathan was happy with that answer…until she added, "Of course we were at it like rabbits too." She and Susan both burst into a fit of the giggles.

"Syd, you too?"

"Oh, Nathan, you can always tell when a couple has been a bit…over-intimate with one another. Why deny it?"

Nathan put his hand to his head and tried to cover up the fact that he had begun to snicker. "Honey, can you find a drive thru? The micro bag of pretzels isn't cutting it and I'm in desperate need of a cheeseburger."

"Sure. Syd, are you staying tonight?"

Sydney turned in her seat to look at Nathan. "Tired of me yet?"

"That wouldn't bode well for you moving in, would it?"

She looked back at Susan. "That would be two cheeseburgers."

While Susan took them to the closest burger joint, they talked about her time with Rodine, the non sexual exploits of their trip, and a few other little odds and ends. Once cheeseburgers were safely in hand, Susan decided to tell her father what she had been dreading for days.

"So, Gram-ma called while you were gone." She almost cringed.

"Oh? Oh! I told her I cancelled the trip…"

"Yeah, but forgot to tell her you were still going out of town. She wanted to make sure you weren't in any kind of, uh, trouble or anything."

"Right," the word left Nathan's lips slowly and rather drawn out. "And you told her that I was…?"

The next words flew from Susan's mouth so fast that she almost tripped over them. "To be fair, Dad, I totally thought you would have told her! I mean, she doesn't have anything to do with school and she only ever wants to see you happy and where was I supposed to say you were and I did throw in how good you guys are together and…"

Nathan groaned in the backseat, stuffing his cheeseburger into his mouth. "Su..pmh…tol…an…"

"Oh, honey, swallow first," Sydney said, fussing with her wrapper.

Nathan did swallow, then clearly said. "How many days ago?"

"Two," Susan said, cringing.

"So, you've been dreading telling me for two days straight?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

He sighed. "Well, I don't need to punish you anymore than that…"

"There's kinda more."

"Or I spoke too soon…"

"She wants us all to have dinner together…soon…and…"

"You didn't give her an answer about that, did you?"

"No." She turned onto their street. "Dad, I'm sorry, I really thought…"

A small laugh floated up from the back seat. "She would have found out. She would have known if you were lying to her." They pulled into the garage and Susan felt relived. "You get to cook breakfast in the morning."

Susan exhaled. "Fair enough. And I'll wear headphones all night."

"No need, Susan," Sydney said, yawning. "This rabbit just wants to cuddle."

"At some point you guys will stop being grossly in love right?"

"I really hope not," Nathan said, his voice turning back into the mush it was at the airport. "C'mon, little bunny," he said sweetly. "We'll unpack in the morning." With everyone out of the car, he took Sydney's hand and they went upstairs. Nathan called down from the hallway, "Pancakes, Susie Q!"


	60. Maureen and Henry

Two days later Nathan found himself driving Sydney, Susan, and Charlie to a rather interesting Japanese restaurant, a favorite of his mother's. It was a forty-five minute drive, but a pleasant one. Charlie had met Nathan's parents just after Christmas and had seen them a few times since; they loved him, Nathan's father especially. Charlie certainly _did_ have a way about him.

Once they reached the restaurant, nerves began to kick in. Nathan held Sydney's hand as he opened the door for her and gave her a look that was both loving and apologetic. This wasn't exactly how or where he wanted introductions to be made, but his mother loved this place, as did Susan, and he figured it could possibly wind up being a little less painless than a stuffy restaurant somewhere else. Susan and Charlie had gone in ahead of them and her grandfather was now all but swinging her around in his arms.

"You'll be fine, baby," Nathan whispered, squeezing her hand. It was clear that he was just as nervous as she, if not more.

"Oh, honey, look at the way he's holding her hand," Maureen said, tapping her husband's arm. Nathan forced a smile, knowing what his mother was looking at. Once within reach she went to Nathan, her arms outstretched. Sydney felt him reluctantly let go of her. "Nathan," she said sweetly, the way that mothers tend to do. She kissed his cheek and released him. She took a step back and her eyes glanced over him. "Look at you, sweetheart," she said, slight awe in her voice. "You're so…"

Nathan rolled his eyes. "Put together?"

She smiled. "I was going to say tan, but that works as well. Your coloring hasn't been this healthy in years."

"Well, you know…beach and all." While he played it off, Nathan had taken extra care in getting ready tonight. He didn't wear a suit, this was a more casual place, but he was wearing a jacket with the dark jeans and light blue shirt. He was clean-shaven and let the tips of his hair curl as they wished.

"You look well, son," his father said, sounding pleased. He reached out his hand and Nathan took it…he was then immediately pulled into a bear hug. "That's plenty about you for now," he said, letting go of him. "I'm far more interested in this young lady." His eyes went to Sydney.

Nathan tried, and failed, holding back a smile and his eyes lit up. "Uh, Mom, Dad…this is Sydney Turner." He paused for a moment. "My, um…"

"Girlfriend, Dad, geez," Susan said, laughing. "Stop being weird."

"Thanks, honey," Nathan responded flatly. "Sydney, this is my mom, Maureen, and my dad, Henry."

Sydney smiled at the couple. "It's lovely to meet both of you." She extended her hand, but Maureen gently pulled her into a hug.

"So nice to meet you too, sweetheart," Maureen said, letting go of Sydney. She was blushing, a little embarrassed that she had grabbed the younger woman. "We're huggers."

Trying to break all the ice at once, Sydney looked at Nathan's father and opened her arms. "She said 'we're.'"

"That she did," he replied, hugging her as well. He released her and looked at Nathan, then back to her, then back to his son. He smiled and put his hand on her shoulder. "Nope, too good for him," he joked.

Knowing how nervous Nathan was about everything, she made her way back to him and demurely linked her arm with his, kissing his cheek. "Never," she said with a wink.

Henry smiled wider than Nathan could remember. "Let's eat then, hm?" He turned his attentions to Charlie as they were shown to their table. "You trying any new business ventures since the last time I saw you, kiddo?"

"Not at the moment," Charlie said with a laugh. "The summer though, that's another story…"

"I love you," Nathan whispered in Sydney's ear as they trailed behind.

"I know," she said, smiling.

"There's a likelihood of me being very grateful later this evening."

She bit at her lip. "I know that too…and a full body massage better be on the menu." They reached their table and the six of them sat.

"Sushi menu," Henry said, a bit too loudly. "Sorry, been looking forward to this." He looked at Sydney. "We've brought Charlie and Susan here before, have you ever been, Sydney?"

"No, not here, actually…"

"You _do_ like Japanese, I hope, otherwise this…"

"Oh, no, no, I do, very much. Sushi especially."

The waitress took their drink orders, as well as their sushi orders rather quickly, then gave them time to look through the main course menu. By the time everyone made their choices, their sushi arrived. Sydney watched everyone pick up their chopsticks and blushed, hating that she was going to have to ask for a fork…or use her fingers. That was fine when it was just she and Nathan, or even Susan, but now she was around his parents and felt…silly.

"You can get this," Nathan said softly, unwrapping her chopsticks. He gently placed the utensils in her hand, wrapping his own around hers. His parents were talking to Susan and Charlie and not focused on them. It wasn't until Sydney giggled a little too loudly, yet again failing with the wooden torture devices that Maureen looked over at them, but only out of the corner of her eye. Nathan was smiling brightly, one arm low around Sydney's waist, his free hand on hers. The look in his eyes was unmistakable and her heart welled, but she let them have their moment. He kissed her cheek and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out what looked to be an abnormally long clothespin.

Sydney smiled at him. "What's that?"

"Cheater chopsticks," he said with a wink. It was blue plastic, but worked just as chopsticks did and was perfect for the wood challenged.

Sydney took them, picking up a piece of sushi like everyone else. She didn't feel foolish or childish, silly as it was. No, she felt loved. She leaned over, whispering so nobody could see her lips, "I might be grateful later too."

Once the moment had passed, and everyone had made their dinner choices, Maureen couldn't keep her questions at bay any longer. "So, Sydney, you teach English?"

She nodded. "Currently," she answered truthfully.

"Oh, sweetie, Nathan told me you've put your dues in. He also told me how well you've done with the kids and your project for the board."

Sydney looked at Nathan. "You did?"

"Mom and I had a long talk last night. Thought it might help to keep the spotlight off you a little bit."

"Oh, Nathan, I promised to behave, didn't I?" She turned her attentions back to Sydney. "Did he tell you anything about us?"

She smiled. "I know you were a music and drama teacher and," she looked at Henry, "you're a…curator?"

Henry smiled back at her. "That's right. Nathan's a little mix of both of us. Music from his mother and history from me." He tilted his head in thought. "I'm glad you're back to your roots with history teaching, son, but how's your music?" His question sounded much like one Nathan had for Susan months earlier. Both of his parents looked at him expectantly, but he seemed to freeze under their gaze; perhaps afraid to disappoint them.

Noticing this, Sydney jumped in. "He wrote a song for me for Valentine's Day."

"Dad!" Susan said, her entire face lighting up. "You didn't tell me you did that."

"It…it was um…"

"Beautiful," Sydney said, holding his hand beneath the table. "But now he's set the bar pretty high on any future gifts."

Maureen's face now lit up as well. "You composed? Oh, sweetheart, it's been…"

He looked at Susan. "Almost seven years…yeah."

Susan smiled, her eyes bright, but holding the faintest trace of sadness. Nathan used to sing her a lullaby every night when she was little. He told he he'd done so since the night she was born. He started to work on the first one when he and Celia found out they were going to have a girl. After she was born, he would come up with a different tune every few weeks. Each and every night without fail, no matter what sort of day he had and with no regard to his mood, he tucked Susan in and sent her to sleep with his soft voice. He could be angry or upset at any time, but never bedtime. It lasted until she was ten; it was then she informed him that she didn't need him to go to sleep anymore. His heart broke, as any father's would, but he accepted it. Unfortunately by then, happiness outside of his daughter had faded so much, his interest in music faded as well…until very recently.

The chef arrived at their table and Nathan was grateful that the focus was off of him…and that it had fizzled out with a positive note rather than a negative one. He looked at Sydney and she couldn't quite tell if she said something wrong. She panicked for a moment until his smile told her everything was just fine.

As they ate, the conversation revolved greatly around Susan and Charlie and what they were doing to help out with graduation. The junior class always hosted a sort of lock-in after the graduation ceremony at Western Summit. It served to keep the new grads out of trouble that night. Once dinner was finished, it was time for the…interesting part of the evening.

In another part of the building, there was a type of karaoke bar. Nathan's mother adored going there. People sang and danced and there was over the top lighting and decorations no matter the time of year. Susan and Charlie were more than ready to people watch, but Nathan wavered a bit.

"I'm sorry, Syd, I told you this place was a little different and…"

"Tell me your mom's gonna sing something," she giggled. "She was a music teacher, after all."

"Oh, she'll sing…a lot. Then she'll drag Dad up there, then me…maybe you and…" He shook his head. "I wasn't ready for you to be subjected to this…and…" His face reddened. "…I haven't done this fully sober in a long time."

"Come on, honey, we'll get this over with right off the bat!" Maureen took Nathan's arm and dragged him to the front of the room. She had already picked something out and Nathan's eyes were silently screaming for help.

Sydney only heard a few bars of the intro to a song she knew, but couldn't place right away, before she felt a hand on her arm. She looked over and saw Henry beside her. "Can we step outside for a minute, Sydney?"

She didn't want to miss whatever was going to happen in the front of the room, but couldn't say no to the tone in his voice. "Of course." Once outside, the man's eyes changed. They weren't bright as they were when they first saw her, but they were far from cold. "Is…everything all right?"

"Susan told Maureen that you've kept him from…slipping on a few occasions. Is that true?"

Sydney took a shaky breath and nodded. She was thankful Susan didn't know _how_ she had done that. "I, uh…I helped him through some things, yes."

"You aren't just dating, are you? The way you two look at one another…"

She couldn't believe the man in front of her was beginning to choke up. "I love your son very much," she said softly.

Henry smiled, his eyes shining. "I know he's a grown man and I know that parts of his past were from his own choosing, but you can't possibly understand how much hearing you say that means to me. He's a good bo…man," he said, shaking his head at the way he still saw his son. "You wouldn't believe what his ex put him through…"

"Actually," she couldn't help herself, "while we were away, he…" She took a deep breath. "He told me everything."

"Everything?"

"Every last terrible bit." She had a feeling Nathan probably left out the part about wanting to kill himself when he told his father about Celia.

"I never thought he'd ever trust someone enough…" He wiped at his eyes, smiling. "Let's go back inside, hm?"

Sydney only made it back in time to hear Nathan and Maureen hold one final note, but she did figure out the song and she laughed. Nathan all but ran off the stage, his face blushing. He put his forehead against Sydney's and ran his hands along her arms.

"Please tell me that didn't change your opinion of me," he said softly.

"Well, anything you can do," she laughed, playing on the song. She grazed his lips with her own, then added. "Only heard the very last note. Your dad pulled me outside for a little chat."

His forehead still pressed to hers, he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Syd, I…"

"Baby, why are you sorry? It wasn't anything bad." She ran her fingers through his hair, only faintly hearing Susan and Charlie having Maureen join them in an interesting version of "Rapper's Delight." "He loves you and I'm pretty sure he's happy with…"

"With what?" he asked, now smiling, his hand off her arm and on her cheek.

"I dunno," she chuckled, "I think it had something to do with this chick you started sleeping with a few months ago…"

"Oh, right. _Her_."


	61. School's Out

The weeks went on and the end of the school year quickly approached. While Nathan had been happy with his parents' reaction to he and Sydney, he still hadn't let them know she'd be moving in with him so soon. Whether they liked her or not, he knew his mother would probably think he was jumping into something too quickly after being on his own for so long. He'd tell them eventually. In the mean time, he was truly enjoying life. He had gotten news from several seniors informing him that they got into their first picks for college, some of them using reference letters he'd written them, Susan and Charlie were spending more time at the house, and he and Sydney had a serious discussion about the structure itself. He had wanted to do renovations for years, but never had the spark in him to actually start on it. When he ran the ideas he had past Sydney, she encouraged him, but made him swear she wasn't the only reason he wanted to do them. It was his home, not hers…but he wanted to change that so very much.

Joe Hawkins had an inkling that Nathan and Sydney may have started to see one another, but no clue as to their actual relationship…nobody at school even thought to make any rumors up about them. They were simply faculty members assigned to one another that had become friends. Once the thrill of sneaking around had worn off, they were desperate to be able to go out locally, and romantically, close to home. With the school year ending, the weight they felt was slowly lifting and they were starting to get a bit giddy…this was fodder for Susan, but neither minded.

There was only a half-day of school on the last day, one where nothing was accomplished, and seniors hadn't been in class for the last three days as they prepared for their graduation. An hour after the bell sounded, and the rest of the student body exited the school in a round of excited yells and sighs of relief, Sydney was seated in her classroom, tears running down her face. Nathan had circled the halls three times before finding her.

"I swear, I poked my head in here twice in the last twenty minutes and you weren't…" He saw her eyes and stopped. "Syd?"

She smiled at him, a fresh tear falling onto her skirt. "Fran isn't coming back…they aren't interviewing for the position."

Nathan's face lit up. "Really?"

Sydney nodded, wiping at her eyes. "It's…it's _my_ room." She got up from the ledge under the windows and twirled around like a little girl, throwing her arms out as she did so. "I get to stay!"

Nathan picked her up and spun her around himself, his own eyes watering a little. He kissed her lips and put her down, his forehead against hers. "Baby, I am so happy for you."

"I know part of it has to be because of Rick, but, you know what? I don't care. People get hired for being related to someone or kissing ass or…"

"You are a wonderful teacher, Syd. Look at the kids you have leaving this place tonight. Ones you fought so hard for. Ones you studied with…this school is better for having you." He kissed her again. "Who gave you the news?"

She blushed, so happy about everything happening to her. "Joe…and three board members. Sedgwick really _did_ try to have me blacklisted, that wasn't a…" She shook her head. "…but it was…he's sort of going to be coming under review himself." She looked into Nathan's eyes and caressed his cheek. "I can't thank you enough for any of this."

Nathan quickly retorted. "I had nothing to do with getting you…"

Sydney laughed. "No, but you did so much _for_ me. I was ready to run out the door the first day and…the last seven months have been…" Her lips trembled and Nathan's hands gently rubbed her back. "I couldn't ask for anything more. This is the first time things have ever fallen into place for me…I love you."

"I love you too…and I can say the same things, you know that?"

She smiled again, her tears fading. She grabbed his tie, stroking it innocently. "You okay with keeping me across the hall from you every day?"

"And in my bed every night." He kissed her again, happiness and innocence gone. He felt himself harden and he pulled away. "Three months…can we start tonight?"

"I might already have a few things packed, but we _are_ both chaperoning the lock-in."

"Right…well, um…six o'clock tomorrow morning then, officially."

They attended the graduation ceremony that evening, holding hands as they watched, but nobody noticed them. Sydney grew teary eyed when Andrew Simmons crossed the stage with his diploma and shouted, "Miss T!" She had worked with him twice a week for three months and it had paid off.

A couple of hours later they were at their posts at "Operation Graduation" and things were going well, but the weather had turned. A storm rolled in which cancelled a few of the activities that were set up outside. The parent volunteers had chosen a beach theme and the sand volleyball court they had set up appeared to be under high tide. Thunder boomed and the lights flickered a few times, but the former Western Summit seniors didn't seem to have any complaints.

Various stations were set up all around the inside of the school. There was a DJ with karaoke set up in the cafeteria, a half dozen sport activities in the gym, plenty to eat lining the hallways, and lots of soon to be seniors running each one (along with an adult or two). Nathan and Sydney crossed paths several times as they went about their duties and were happy when they were both stationed at the gym at the same time. As they helped students dress in the oversized Sumo wrestler suits, they couldn't help smiling at one another or sharing an obvious glance.

"Keep it a secret for months and _now_ you make everyone talk?" Susan had walked into the gym and noticed her father and Sydney immediately. Then she heard a few of the new graduates pondering if there was something going on between them.

"It's fine, Susan, let them wonder," Nathan said, his voice obviously happy. "I didn't see you long enough to tell you, but, they hired her permanently today."

"Seriously?" she asked, her red lips stretched into a wide smile. Nathan nodded and she ran over to Sydney, hugging her from behind. "Congrats, teach!"

Sydney almost fell over laughing. "And…that was my bladder. Good aim, Susan." She winked at the young woman. "I'll be right back." Sydney headed out of the gym to the nearest restroom. It was a quick walk, luckily. As she headed back to the gym, she noticed the side door, the wind slamming it against the doorframe repeatedly. It had been wedged open. The lights flickered and went out in this corner earlier in the night and never came back on. It was dim, but not dark. She took a quick glance outside to check for students and never had the chance to scream. An arm wrapped around her from behind, a hand covering her mouth. For a split second she thought it was Nathan, but that thought faded as quickly as it came.

"Heard you got the job you wanted." It was Rick. Sydney struggled, but he held her tighter. "Just wanna talk, Syd." He pinned her between himself and the wall. "They told me I could get the rest of my stuff at the end of the year. It's the end now, isn't it? Adam said it'd be fine if I came tonight. I could tell my boys how well they did without me, wish them luck at college…but you know what? I never get to do that again. My certification was taken from me after the drug test." He spun Sydney around, releasing her mouth, but she couldn't catch her breath. "You ruined my life over a little misunderstanding and now you get a salary. Do you know how fucked up that is?" He shouted the last few words. "Little prissy ass bitch, too good to go out with me one time…you could have avoided…"

"Avoided what?" Rick smiled and she could smell his breath now. Wasted might have been an understatement. He didn't answer her as he began to paw at her chest. "Are you kidding me?" Thinking he'd be easy enough to push away now that she knew the state he was in, she threw her weight into him, but he didn't budge.

"Took my career for the rest of my life," he slurred. "You can gimme a little something…"

"Stop, Rick," she said, trying to remain calm, but panic began to rise. She felt his hand below her waist and she screamed. He hit her across the face and she heard Susan's voice.

"Charlie, get my dad!"

Relief flooded Sydney's body. They weren't alone and he'd let her go now. "He can't always save you," Rick said, seething.

"Get off her!" Susan screamed, coming closer, but too scared – and smart – to fully approach him.

"You fuck him, don't you?" Sydney didn't say a word, only struggled. "Oh, you _do_…I fucked his wife, he tell you that?" Sydney looked at Susan, she knew she'd heard him. "Gonna fuck you too." He groped between her legs and she cried out, then heard footsteps…fast, running.

"Let her go!" Nathan yelled, his tie flying behind him as he ran.

"Lover's here," Rick laughed, trying to kiss her. Sydney bit down on his lip and he slammed her against the wall, her head hitting the tiles hard.

She was instantly dizzy and disorientated. Her legs wobbled, but Rick's body kept her pressed to the wall. "Nathan," she said, not sure if she was shouting or whispering.

"I'm here, baby," he said, calmly.

"Baby, huh? You motherfucker. Get her hired? Tell her to get me fired?" He refused to turn away from Sydney, he liked the fear in her eyes.

Nathan put a firm hand on Rick's shoulder and pulled him back, but he pulled Sydney along with him. "Can't hit me if I have…ugh…" Nathan landed a blow to Rick's side and he saw Sydney's face, blood trickling from her mouth from where he hit her, and down her neck from her head hitting the tiles. She struggled once more and broke free from Rick, but due to his state and bad aim, he hit her full in the temple sending her to the ground. He took in what happened and looked at Nathan. "Wanted to hit _you_…" He bolted for the door and Nathan went to Sydney's side, Charlie joined him. She was out cold.

Susan looked torn and startled herself when she pleaded, "You have to get him, Dad."

Charlie was dialing his cell phone already. "We'll be here."

Nathan nodded, adrenaline racing through him and he ran out the door into the storm. Drunk and disorientated, Rick hadn't made it far and Nathan tackled him where the sand court was a thick, wet mess. He didn't think as his fist connected with Rick's jaw, nose, and anything else he could reach. He wasn't following any rules he learned from Wes and didn't think of any of the repercussions this could bring. He hit Rick until the man begged him to stop, apologizing and blubbering into the rain. Nathan grabbed onto his shirt and brought them both to their feet, pushing him along in front of him and back into the building.

By the time they got inside a majority of the people in the building were gathered in the hallway. Joe was at Sydney's side, as was Susan. He looked up at Nathan, filthy, bloody, and soaked, and his eyes apologized more than words ever could. A few of the fathers that volunteered took Rick down the hall to wait for the police. Nathan fell to his knees next to Sydney, exhausted. Sydney was groaning on the floor, her eyes barely open.

"He's gone, baby," he said softly. "I'm so sorry…you're gonna be okay…" He wiped his hands on his shirt, then caressed her unbruised cheek. His voice got louder, but he didn't care. "We've got all summer."

Sydney opened her eyes a little wider, she wanted to smile at him to let him know she was okay, but her face ached. Not caring that there were dozens of people around, she reached up and touched his face. "Six in the morning," she said, letting him know she remembered his words.

He smiled and bent down, letting his lips lightly brush against hers. The murmurs from those around them began. "I love you."


	62. We're Home

"Do I really have to stay?" Sydney asked the nurse who was currently tending to her.

"It's precautionary," she answered. "You didn't need stitches, but you took a couple of decent blows to the head. I promise it won't be so bad."

Sydney sighed. Every good thing she had today felt almost meaningless. "I was supposed to be somewhere…" She closed her eyes and attempted to rest as she was slid into a narrow tube.

"Love…" Joe had said the word at least a half dozen times since entering the waiting room. "I had an inkling of something, but…"

Nathan's head was in his heads. "I just want to take her home." He was with Sydney in the back of the ambulance and while she was in the emergency room. He was caked in sand, mud, and dried blood and refused to leave the building. A male nurse who had heard about what happened took him where he could shower and gave him a clean pair of scrubs to wear while Susan ran home for a clean set of clothes. He ran his fingers through his damp hair, frustrated and somewhat scared.

"Nathan, this is all at the board's insistence, you know that. They just want to be sure she's all right. Her insurance isn't going to get billed, the district is taking care of everything…"

"They should." Nathan shook his head. "Do you know how excited she was this afternoon? How happy? Between the job offer and moving in this weekend…"

"Moving in?"

"Mister Gardner?" A middle-aged woman approached him, a kind smile on her face. "You can go back now, she's all done."

"Give her my best, Nathan," Joe said, patting his shoulder.

"I will." Nathan nearly jogged down the hall and when he crossed through the threshold to her room, Sydney's arms were stretched out to him. He went to her, carefully taking her into his arms. "Baby are you…" He sighed.

"They locked him up, right?" Nathan nodded in response. "Then I'm fine. I want to go home. Why do I have to stay?"

"Truth?"

"Always, please."

"The district has to cover their asses." He brushed her hair away from her eyes. "I'm so sorry…"

Sydney shook her head and stopped him immediately. "Nathan, nobody could have known he'd show up there. You got him away from me before he could try anything…worse. I just wish his crappy aim would've made him hit the wall instead of my head."

"Me too." She yawned, her body exhausted.

"You can drift off, Syd, it's okay."

"You should go get some rest too."

He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'm not leaving your side."

The following evening, Sydney and Nathan were home. The nurse told Nathan that Sydney's hair could be washed to remove any traces of dried blood, but that it had to be done carefully. He drew a bath for her and did just that. Warm water soothed Sydney's aching muscles and she let her eyes close.

"Syd, baby, you okay?"

His fingers softly massaging her scalp felt wonderful and it she had almost fallen asleep. She opened her eyes. "I'm okay, promise."

"Almost done, then we can get you into bed and…" He stopped, Sydney's smile puzzling him. "What?"

"Mother hen," she giggled.

"Am not," he said softly, knowing full well he was.

"I can't wait to get into bed. I can't believe you spent the night on that horrible chair."

"I told you I wasn't leaving." Nathan rinsed her hair and helped her to stand in the tub. He used the showerhead to rinse the soap from her body, then wrapped her in a towel. He only spoke after he lifted her up over the side. "Syd, I _am_ a 'mother hen' and I _am_ going to worry about you. You've been through something traumatic and…"

"I'd be worried if you didn't worry about me…I just…I really don't want it to be 'a thing.' Does that make any sense at all?"

"Of course it does, sweetheart." He took her hand and they walked to the bedroom. Sydney sat on the edge of the bed as Nathan went to the drawer that held some of her things. He helped her to slide a thin, pink tank top over her head and matching panties up her thighs before she crawled beneath the covers.

"Come here and worry some more," she said sweetly. Nathan stripped to his boxers and slid in beside her, taking her into his arms. A thought struck her suddenly. "Baby, how are your hands?"

A small chuckle left Nathan's lips. "Beating a wooden dummy for as long as I have must've toughened them up a little."

Sydney cuddled closer to him. "Another thing for me to thank Sifu Wes…" She drifted to sleep before she could finish her thought and Nathan was right behind her.

A few hours passed before Nathan woke. Sydney was still in his arms, but trembling and softly crying in her sleep. He kissed her shoulder and ran his hand along her arm, just grazing her skin. "Sydney, honey, wake up. You're okay…"

Sydney's breath caught and her heart was racing. "Nathan?"

"I'm here, baby…I'll always be here." He knew how he sounded, but it was true and what she needed. She turned her body and faced him. He wiped away her tears and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Take a breath…"

"I think…I think it might be a thing," she whispered. "For a little while anyway."

"Nobody's ever touching you again, baby, I swear on my life. You're here now and…" Sydney's lips pressed against his, interrupting him. "Syd…" She kissed him again. "Sydney…"

"I'm safest with you. Make the nightmare fade away…" Her lips found his chest as her hands moved along his back.

"You were just in the hospital…"

"Head's just a little sore…" She kissed him a third time, her tongue caressing his. "…we can go slow…gentle…" The room was dark, but he knew she was looking him in the eye. "I need you…I need something good."

Nathan wasn't sure why, but he understood and felt the same way. He let his lips wander her neck, every kiss delicate and slow. He heard her breathing change when he moved to the swell of her breasts, peeking over the tank top he'd dressed her in earlier. It made sense now, the craving for pure intimacy. Sydney and Nathan both knew that something far worse could have happened to her and Nathan made her feel safer than anyone else in the world. It seemed natural for her to want him to be as close to her as possible.

"I love you, Sydney," he breathed, his fingers grazing her stomach. Wanting to be certain she hadn't changed her mind, he asked, "Baby, are you sure?"

"Yes…" Her hand tugged at him as she rolled onto her back. Nathan followed her, carefully placing his body between her legs. "…and I love you too." She closed her eyes and relaxed into his touch. They'd made love dozens of times. They'd been rough, playful, and deeply intimate with one another, but this was something completely new. His mouth returned to hers, soft and warm, his kisses deep. Her fingers tangled in his hair, silently asking him to stay where he was, to kiss her until dawn…but he pulled away. She felt his nose nuzzle against her ear, his eyelashes cross her cheek, and his hands explore her body as though he'd never touched her before.

"Can I undress you?" he whispered.

"Please," she answered, her voice soft and calm. Each movement he made was measured; the intention was to make sure he didn't hurt her, but Sydney found it to be rather arousing…as did Nathan. She felt him remove his boxers and sighed when he pressed his unclothed body to hers, but he was holding himself back. She put her hands on his back and pushed down slowly. "You won't hurt me." His weight on her only made her feel safer.

Nathan relaxed against Sydney and continued his tender affections. He gently took her arm and kissed along the inside of her wrist, a place he knew could be sensitive to his touch. She mewed beneath him and he smiled. No more words were spoken as their lips met again and Nathan delicately slid within her. They stayed as they were, sharing air, unmoving, for quite some time. Only when Sydney stirred beneath him did Nathan's hips begin to move. Her breath guided his movements, it was all he needed, and the feeling of closeness between them was an unexpected pleasure for both. Nathan felt Sydney's legs tighten around him and knew she was close. He whispered his love for her in her ear and she softly cried out into the darkness, Nathan joining her a moment later.

Sydney held him where he was, not wanting to part from him yet. Her nightmare had faded, but something new had crept into her mind; a thought that brought a different set of tears to her eyes. She stroked his back and kissed his lips, smiling as she did so. Nathan felt the change in her, but didn't have to ask what she was thinking.

"We're home."

*****The End*****

_Author's Note: I have enough ideas to keep going with this couple. Should I? I know this was long, but I like to build up the characters and the relationship. I don't like having people meet, say I love you, and get married within a few chapters. I like the development and taking things slow. Questions? Comments? A want for more?_


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